The Hospital

I keep thinking about how Anna and Marlene were the OG Ellie and Riley and it hurts.

Nic: Joel groggily wakes up in a hospital with Firefly logos painted everywhere and Marlene looking over him. His immediate concern is for Ellie, where she is, and whether she’s okay. Marlene makes what passes for small talk in this situation, asking how they made it across the country when she had a group of men with her and almost died. Joel chalks it up to Ellie wanting so badly to get here, and because he won’t be distracted, asks again where she is.

Marlene tells him that Ellie’s being prepped for surgery, which is confusing to Joel because what kind of surgery would she need to undergo if they just needed her blood? Their doctor thinks that the cordyceps in Ellie has grown with her since she was born; that she was essentially accidentally vaccinated against the virus in the split seconds between when Anna was bit and the umbilical cord was cut. Again, Joel demands to know what they’re doing to Ellie, but Marlene just continues her explanation. The cordyceps in Ellie releases a kind of messenger that makes normal cordyceps think that she’s cordyceps, so the plan is to remove it from Ellie to replicate that messaging and create a cure. Realization dawns on Joel’s face because cordyceps grows in the brain, which means removing large parts of Ellie’s brain, which means killing her.

Valerie: I’ll admit the show did a slightly better job than the game of explaining why they needed her brain but I still think it’s absolutely fucking batshit for the FIRST MOVE to be something that would KILL your ONLY source of the potential cure. There was once a show that had me yelling BONE MARROW IS A RENEWABLE RESOURCE and this decision makes me feel the same way. Maybe over time you realize dissection is the only option but wouldn’t you at least want to start with a spinal tap?! Sheesh.

Nic: Joel demands they find someone else, there must be someone else besides this 14 year old girl who can save the world. Someone else who he hasn’t grown to love and care for. But the fact is, there’s no one else. Marlene tries to reassure Joel that Ellie has no idea what’s going on, she’s not afraid and she won’t feel any pain. That’s not enough for Joel; he demands to see her and pleads with Marlene because surely she doesn’t understand his pain. But the thing is, she’s the only other person who can. She promised Ellie’s mother, her best friend in the world, that she would save her, but she can’t; she has no other choice.

But he does. Marlene is prepared for this response though and instructs her men to take Joel to the garage and not give him his things until then. (I’ll also be sending therapy bills to Marlene’s single tear, thank you very much.) The men lead Joel away, but as they get down the stairs, he attacks them, steals their weapons, and goes on a murder spree throughout the hospital. It’s one of the most game-like sequences, complete with the sounds of the theme playing over Joel’s muted shots and reloading. It’s beautiful and mesmerizing in a weird way. He finally gets to the pediatric OR where Ellie is prepped and vulnerable on the table, demands they unhook her, and shoots the doctor right in the head when he refuses. So he turns to the nurses (one of whom is voice actor extraordinaire LAURA FUCKING BAILEY) and makes his demands one more time; they comply, and Joel carries his girl out of the operating room.

One Last Choice

Endure. Survive. Protect.

Valerie: Joel carries Ellie out of the hospital, and runs into Marlene in the parking garage. Marlene says he can’t keep her safe forever; that she might be immune but she could still get torn apart by infected, killed by raiders; she could grow up and leave him. She lives in a broken world, and he could have fixed it. He says this isn’t Marlene’s choice to make, and Marlene points out it isn’t his either. Marlene thinks Ellie would want to be the cure, no matter the cost. Marlene thinks Joel knows it. And maybe he could have been convinced; maybe if the Fireflies had sat him and Ellie down in a waiting room and explained the situation, maybe if Ellie had chosen it and asked him to let her do it herself. Maybe if they had known at the start this would be the only way… Maybe if he wasn’t holding Ellie the way he was holding his daughter on the night Sarah died. But Joel isn’t willing to make that sacrifice; not for Marlene, not for the world. Not again.

Nic: That Sarah/Ellie parallel was PAIN.

Valerie: So he shoots Marlene. And when she survives the first shot and begs him to let her go, he tells her he can’t risk her coming after Ellie and he shoots her again.

And here’s the thing: parents make choices for their kids they can’t undo all the time. Choices they truly believe are made out of love, choices they think are right. Choices the kid has to live with, even though they weren’t consulted, even if it wasn’t a choice they would have made. Hell, even if it WAS the choice they would have made, just the fact they weren’t given the option can leave a mark. So Ellie lost a lot today. She lost the only person she knew who loved her mother. She lost some of her own bodily autonomy, after having JUST clawed it back from David’s hideous hands. She lost the chance to be a hero like someone from one of her favorite comic books. She lost the chance to have all that she lost, all that she’s done, be more than just an ache in her chest that will never fully go away. But she gained something, too. She gained someone who would do anything to protect her. She gained a father. Or, at least, the closest thing to it that she’s ever known. Joel knows now that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do or risk for her. And Ellie knows it, too. For better or worse.

Nic: “If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself.”

The End

It’s you and me.

Nic: Ellie wakes up disoriented in the backseat of a car that Joel is driving, and the first thing he does is reassure her that she’s safe. He tells her to take it easy because the drugs in her system are still wearing off since they had to run a bunch of tests on her and dozens of others. You can tell he’s been rehearsing some version of this explanation the entire time she’s been knocked out. He continues on that the doctors weren’t able to make it work and they’ve given up on cure. He says that raiders attacked the hospital, and when she asks with her groggy voice if people got hurt, he doesn’t lie to her. But when she asks if Marlene is okay, Ellie is met with silence, and she knows that her one connection to her mom is gone. Joel says he’s taking them home, and as Ellie drifts back to sleep, he says the same two words Ellie left for Sam, “I’m sorry.”

They drive as far as they can before the car craps out on them, and as Joel does a final inspection on the car, Ellie examines her bite mark, presumably wondering what all of this was for. In an adorable callback to episode 2, Joel tells Ellie that they have about a 5 mile hike to Jackson, but they can manage it. Maybe it’s the relief that his Ellie is back safely with him, maybe it’s guilt from lying to her, but as they hike, Joel reveals more about Sarah than even we know. She loved to hike and definitely would have liked Ellie because she’s funny. He does that thing where he tells Ellie the things he loves about Sarah and what makes the two of them different, but immediately makes sure she knows that he’s not implying anything negative about her! It’s very cute and also very sad at the same time.

As they reach a lookout point (all of the most emotionally devastating conversations sure do happen with a view, huh?) Ellie stops Joel. It’s clear that she’s been thinking about what she’s about to say. She’s ready to tell him about the first time she killed someone, and it’s as awful as we imagined. She tells him about her best friend Riley and how they were going to lose their minds together, but only one of them did and Ellie had to end it. Riley was the first one to die, and then Tess, and then Sam, and Joel interrupts her to say that none of it was her fault, but Ellie knows that. He tells her that you keep finding something new to fight for. It’s Ellie’s turn to interrupt Joel, and she makes him swear to her that everything he told her about the Fireflies is true. She just told him her most painful truth and is begging him to do the same for her. Because even if he admits now that he lied, maybe they can get past it together. But Joel doubles down and he swears, because that’s what he needs to do to protect her in this moment.

And I don’t think Ellie believes him; it’s all over her face. But what else can she do when this man who went from being her transport to being a father, is standing in front of her, begging her to trust what he’s saying.

Valerie: The thing is, he could have given her a better lie. Said they had lots of people, that they took her blood or a bone marrow sample but didn’t have beds for them to stay so they had to go; something that wasn’t “well, you’re not special and it was all for nothing” which is exactly what she told him she didn’t want. And I agree: what hurts the most is that she knows it. Cue the clip from Now & Then of Christina Ricci wailing, “he’s all I have left and he lied.”

Nic: Dozens of expressions cross Ellie’s face as she considers Joel’s words, as she considers all that they’ve been through, as she considers how much softer he’s become and how much harder she’s had to be. She looks Joel in his eyes, nods, and says an “Okay” that is filled with the pain of what has been and the hope of what’s to come.

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