Also, at school: Brandon’s music teacher tells him his classical music camp gave away his no-questions-asked spot, but he can still audition if he wants. And Lena peeps Mariana’s new literature teacher lulling everyone to sleep.
If this email bullshit really messes with Hillary’s 2016 campaign, I am going to go HAM.
At the courthouse, the judge is pretty annoyed that Callie isn’t just adopted already by someone, but Robert pipes right up and tells him not to be too hard on these hysterical womenfolk and their indecisive ways. Menses, you know. He also offers up Callie to Stef and Lena for the rest of their 180 days and the judge is so taken with his selflessness, whiteness, and manness that he agrees and says Callie also needs to start spending every other weekend with her father so she can have good influences in her life.
Lena has a real hard time believing Robert just came in there of his own volition with Callie’s best interests at heart. Stef is all, “But that surprising, out-of-the-blue-clear-sky thing that I had nothing to do with has bought us some time for the next phase of my plan! Er, I mean the first phase of my plan! We have to get Callie emancipated!” Which means Callie gets to choose where Callie gets to live and anyone can adopt her if she says so and it’s a whole other court system so Robert doesn’t even have to know it’s happening, but it takes 179 days, so they’ve got to get started right now.
I didn’t watch Kimmy Schmidt without you! One of the kids must have watched it and that’s why the Netflix queue is messed up!
Lena doesn’t have time to process the depth or breadth of Stef’s scheming because they bump into Monty on the catwalk. Stef invites her to dinner this very night, and Monty gladly accepts. Lena is not too keen on it but she smiles politely anyway.
Oh my god, are you talking about Kimmy Schmidt? Remember in the finale when–
Well, she seems like a gem.
Dance tryouts! One of the funniest things ever! Emma shows up and crushes it because Emma can do any damn thing she wants and I hope she is Mariana’s vice-president (of the entire United States) one day. Callie shows up too, just to be supportive, but Mariana doesn’t know that. She thinks Callie is for real and she also thinks Callie is the best dancer in the whole world. It’s so sweet and ridiculous! She’s so blinded by love-eyes! Callie dances like left shark and Tia tries to approach it with this leading statement like, “And Callie was…” And Mariana legit goes, “AWESOME!” Tia’s face. She whips her head around like, “Whaaaaaa.” But Mariana doesn’t even see her; she’s rushing over to hug Callie and welcome her to the team.
I love that they’re making Mariana this unapologetic feminist. She’s like the face of Tumblr right now. “We’re every woman!” she proclaims during the tryouts.
#NotAllWomen
#ButDefinitelyCallie!
Brandon is over at his dad’s practicing his classical music when Ana comes in crying. She apologizes for a lot of things, including taking his money when he bribed her to change her story about the night when Stef got shot by her boyfriend. She says she’s trying to make amends, including sending out these letters to the people she’s wronged, but some of them keep coming back. Brandon tells her not to worry about paying him, that Mike paid him for that and for his baseball and would honestly pay Brandon for a bucket of water in a hurricane if Brandon asked him to.
When Connor arrives at the Jonnor Bench of Feelings and Covert Flirting that afternoon, Connor is making out with Daria. He blows her off to go study and play footise with Jude, during which:
Welp. I guess I’ll just go read some Kirk/Spock fan fiction.
Jude: So, um, is Daria a thing that’s going to keep happening?
Connor: I mean, I guess? As long as my dad thinks I want to sproink her, I can keep, you know, hanging out with you.
Jude: Hanging out.
Connor: Yeah, like the four of us can do this very night. The girls want to sneak out and toilet paper someone’s house.
Jesus barges in and tells them to scram so he can do his homework. I’d be mad at him if he was anyone else but I also have ADD and cannot concentrate when other people near me are blinking. Connor and Jude hit up every nook and cranny of the house but they are all occupied with other teenagers, and also with moms preparing to feed the principal dinner at the fancy table. Jude walks Connor outside and Connor is like, “Just sneak out tonight and come do TPing with us and afterwards we can hang out in the dark by ourselves.” Jude’s never done a single wrong thing in his life, never even jaywalked probably, but dang man, he sure does like kissing Connor.
No, I want to be the Spock! This isn’t fair, you didn’t even ask me!
Maybe that’s because you were too busy canoodling with Daria.
Stef and Lena explain Stef’s plan to get her adopted. Step one: She has to get off probation. Step two: She has to get a full-time job. Step three: She has to save up enough money to live on her own with her minimum wage-paying full-time job. Step four: She has to keep going to school full-time also. Step five: She has to keep her grades up. Step six: She has to keep seeing Robert every day for a third of the month. Step seven: She has to not tell him any of this stuff. Step eight: She has to not commit any more felonies, accidental or otherwise, to keep her friends out of trouble. Step nine: She has to get a judge to agree that she can be emancipated. Step ten: Stef and Lena adopt her! Easy peasy!
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I was so furious at the end of this episode. Like only in fucking America could some innocent kids playing at being a lil bit grown up end in a fucking shooting. Like seriously. Fucks sake. Sort your gun shit out already America. Please.
Okay, I know that a lot of stuff happened in this episode (Stef and Lena why are you both being so duuuuuuuumb) but after it was over, literally all I could think was:
This is why I will never move to the US. How fucked up do you have to be that you hear a weird noise in the middle of the night, and you’re FIRST THOUGHT, before even asking “who’s there?” is “oh, guess I better just START SHOOTING!” You have to be a compete psychopath to honestly believe it’s better to KILL someone then to have your TV stolen!
Ugh. American Straddlers, I am so sorry about the fucked up gun culture in your country, and I hope you all stay safe. If Connor is dead, I am going to throw a shit fit.
PS: Anyone know if California has a stand your ground law?
I used to hate Mariana but now she is one of my favourites. They really turned her around. Brandon remains the worst.
REALLY interested to see where they go with whatever the fallout is of the shooting and what messages they send about guns. California has a “protect your castle” doctrine, which isn’t the same as stand your ground, but it lets you use deadly force within your own home if there is “reasonable fear of death or injury.” If they try to use that in the storyline, I really hope to see some serious questioning of the logic behind the castle doctrine, stand your ground, and American gun culture in general.
“Callie dances like left shark” <3
I hate Brendon. Almost as much as I hate how crazy American gun culture is… OK not even close to as much, but still a large amount of dislike is happening.
Also I’m hoping they are just being misleadingly dramatic in the promos and none of the kids actually get shot. And that when Lena is talking to Jude about losing a friend it’s just because Connor’s dad decided to move them away because of work.
So in the Taylor picnic table
picture, who is the floating head in the bottom left corner? Is she also someone not making out with anybody?
I hope I’m not ruffling any feathers by going all “meta”, but there is no way in Hades they’re going to kill off Connor. Killing off gay male characters (I realize the Connor character isn’t necessarily entirely homosexual, but for dramatic purposes, he is a gay character for the time being) is a homophobic legacy of the pre-gay liberation entertainment industry. A friend of mine told me he had book that had a long necrology of gay male characters in movies who met a premature end as a fundamental part of the story, and of course the reason for this dramatic convention was to reinforce the idea that homosexuality was an egregious social transgression that necessarily carried dire and entirely deserved consequences. The writers have to know how utterly unforgivably ugly and offensive it would be to kill off Connor within days of his kissing Jude on-camera. And what I’ve seen of this show so far tends to suggest that no way could its writers be that out-to-lunch st00pid.
What I predict will happen is that Connor will survive after a period of a few episodes where it’s up in the air whether or not he’ll pull through, and almost losing him will make Jude highly eager to take their relationship to the next level (not in terms of sex, just in terms of their emotional bond). And then Connor will at first be all, “Whoa, I’m not sure I’m ready to be a dude’s no-nonsense, for-real boyfriend just yet!” and Jude will be all hurt by that, but Connor will eventually realize that’s where he wants things to go, too.
By the way, I don’t really have money to throw around on things such as cable TV, so I appreciate Heather’s great recaps. She could have done recaps for the Television Without Pity website back in its hey-day! :-)
I miss Television Without Pity…
And yeah, Heathers recaps are sensational
I just saw the preview on YouTube for the next ep, and it’s not at all clear that Connor is even seriously hurt. When Lena makes her comment about how hard it is to lose a friend, it’s clearly in the context of Jude being in tears over his relationship with Connor apparently ending on account of the emotional fallout of the recent Jonnor lip-lock.
I agree I don’t think they are going to kill off Connor, we’re not watching GOT here.
I think one of the girls gets shot and Connor’s over protective/controlling father responds by banning any Jonnor activities for the rest of his natural life.
So Jude is heart broken because he can’t see his boo, and Lena comforts him.
Meanwhile, how is Calie going to mess up this imancipation thing? There are so many cogs! She’s bound to sent this train flying odd the rails, am I right?
I don’t have enough familiarity with the character of Callie to comment, but if she has a history of throwing a screw-up wrench into important matters, then yes, she will likely do so in this situation, too.
I have to admit, I’m kind of with Connor that Jude lets his adopted mothers in on way too many things about which Jude should keep quiet. But of course being somewhat taken with Connor, I’ll end up siding with him. ;-)
If you have iTunes, you can download the standard definition episodes for $2 at a time or buy a season pass which discounts it by about $5. The episodes are available the afternoon after they air, that’s how I watch them.
So, how old is Callie supposed to be? Last season, when she was thinking about getting her own apartment, I seem to remember her saying that she would be 18 in a few months. Perhaps I’m remembering wrong, but if she is indeed almost 18, then what is the point of a custody battle? Like, what’s the big deal? She could just go stay with Robert for a few months, if there’s no way out of it, and then move back to Stef and Lena’s after she turns 18. Would people really waste time and resources on a custody battle over a 17-and-a-half year old? This just seems weird to me–but then again I’m not a parent.
For some reason I thought she was 16 but I could be totally off. But you’re right I don’t think they’re being consistent on staying on track with their ages.
I think (and I may be wrong, because I don’t have time to go back and check) that when she was looking for an apartment she was waiting on her 16th birthday, maybe (??) even her 17th, but definitely not 18.
It was something about how if you were in the Foster system, after a certain age you could live on your own in state approved housing if you proved yourself to be mature/ sufficient. Essentially, they would give you the money that they would traditionally be giving your foster parent and you would use that money to take care of yourself. Or something that generally works along those lines. Like I said, I don’t have time to go back and look up the nitty gritty specifics.
It’s the same system that Daphne was living under until she landed back at Girls United a few episodes ago.
Thanks, K! Do you think ABC Family keeps track of how many people buy single-episode and “season passes” on iTunes? If they do, I’m thinking more folks (such as yours truly) buying eps on iTunes might make up for the lackluster ratings from which Season 2B has been suffering (according to the scuttlebutt, anyway).
Can we please talk about how Monty was “feeling” Lena up at the end with their long lasting hug? At first I was like awww, she just needs a friend…but then it turned into …Oh she reallllly needs a “friend”.
*POSSIBLE* *SPOILER* *ALERT*
I saw a “between takes” photograph online of the actors who play Jude, Connor, and Connor’s father that appears to be from the set of the show, in which Gavin MacIntosh, who plays Connor, is wearing a hospital gown, so clearly Connor is seriously wounded, and I’m guessing Connor’s father misguidedly reacts by blaming Jude and trying to quash “Jonnor”.
Now, assuming Connor’s father comes around and lightens up, and we can assume he will based on that “Jonnor” is going to be a more prominent part of the show’s third season (assuming it doesn’t get canceled, as its ratings have been diving recently), there’s probably going to be a scene in which Connor has a serious conversation with Lena and Stef about the events that led up to the shooting.
In my vision of how that scene would go, I’m thinking that the reason Connor got shot is that when he looked behind him and saw where Taylor’s father was pointing the barrel of the gun, he saw that Jude was in the line of fire. So of course, Connor, without even thinking about it, pushes Jude out of the line of fire with no regard for his own safety. In his conversation with Lena and Stef about that night, Stef starts out by saying that Jude told her what Connor did to save Jude that night, and Stef sincerely if somewhat sternly and tersely thanks him for protecting Jude, but then also tells Connor that she is still terribly disappointed in him because it would have been very unlikely Jude would have been stealing booze and drinking underage had Connor not assented to the idea.
Connor responds by looking down and getting the most adorable sad/ ashamed/ regretful expression on his face and confesses to Stef and Lena that he realizes they *should* be disappointed in him regardless of his taking a bullet for Jude, because Jude wouldn’t have been there to be in the line of fire in the first place had Connor vetoed the whole booze-stealing idea as soon as Taylor brought it up. And Connor adds that he realized this while he was lying on the ground losing consciousness from the bullet wound and it also occurred to him that if he were to die, Jude would likely be badly emotionally scarred for the rest of his life.
And so Connor knows that he failed miserably as Jude’s friend that night regardless of taking a bullet for Jude. Lena replies that she’s glad Connor at least has the maturity to understand why she and Stef have very serious misgivings about Jude’s friendship with him in light of Connor’s display of very poor judgement that fateful night. Connor, of course, keeps to himself that the reason he didn’t listen to Jude’s protestations about the whole thing being a bad idea is that he wanted to see how sexually pliant a little bit of liquor might make Jude. But he also realizes Stef and Lena may very well already suspect this, effectively explaining why Stef has been giving him a low-key stink-eye since the conversation began.
Connor concludes by solemnly promising Lena and Stef that if he allows his friendship with Jude to continue, he will repay their giving him another chance by making sure he keeps himself and Jude out of any and all trouble, and also that he will never use his influence over Jude to “take advantage of him in any way”. Lena smiles and accepts Connor’s promise. Stef kind of wants to keep giving him the stink-eye but can’t quite put aside the fact that this promise is coming from the boy who took a bullet to save her son. So her expression becomes more neutral and accepting and she tells Connor that if he’s sincere and won’t let peer-pressure affect his promise, then that’s a good place to start and will give their continued friendship her tentative approval. Lena makes a note to herself to later chide Stef for being Ms. Police Officer in such a “24/7” way.
“Connor concludes by solemnly promising Lena and Stef that if he allows his friendship with Jude to continue,”
should be
“Connor concludes by solemnly promising Lena and Stef that if they allow his friendship with Jude to continue,”