A brief scene where Spencer tricks her parents into talking about their problems occurs. It’s like The Parent Trap but without the hijinks or LiLo.

You’re going to Dinah what?

Hanna is helping Ali plot her great escape! She’s being generally an amazing friend, offering her clothes and money and a ride to the train station, which is not as good as a ride to the airport but better than a ride to the bus station, in my opinion.

Her whole fist? No way.

Guys, what if Hanna is A. I mean it. I want to believe.

Back in Ezra’s den of sin, Aria is continuing to panic and convinces Ezra to move all this weird shit to a place where no one would think to look. He agrees but is immediately distracted by the contents of an envelope that was left on his doorstep. It’s this:

spoopy

Signed by none other than BETHANY YOUNG! THE PLOT CONTINUES TO THICKEN.

Emily bursts into Hanna’s room to plot-exposition that Paige told her Lucas and Melissa are working with Mona, but she quickly susses out that Hanna was planning on helping Ali skip town!

How dare you send me a Bustle link. How dare you.

Emily is rightfully mad, and Hanna derails and accuses Emily of banging Ali, and it’s all a good example of unproductive communication. Everyone needs to just calm down and have some tea, I think. Go outside. Pet a dog.

We cut over to the unusually dark swimming locker room just long enough to see a dead rat fall out of Paige’s locker! Womp womp, busted.

THESE ARE PROBABLY THE WORST PIES IN LONDON

Ali is alone in her house for no reason other than for some action to happen in this episode. She collects a bunch of money and fake IDs from her room and puts on a scarf so we all know what’s coming, because before she can leave, a hooded figure attacks her and chokes her with it.

Someone should tell them that breath play is unsafe.

Emily, coming in full of vigor from her fight with Hanna, attacks the attacker, but A escapes those meddling kids once again. This conversation happens:

YES

NO

No explanations are given, AND SCENE.

Hanna heads over to Caleb’s house because why not. She confesses that she was helping Ali leave and says she would be happier if Ali weren’t around. Caleb tells her that her discontent would still be there if Ali left. Hanna asks about Ravenswood and is like “do you constantly have your own little side adventures,” and Caleb is like “yep,” and Hanna is like “…me too.” And then they both take a drink to illustrate that Hanna is meant to be with Caleb and not Travis.

tru luv

Smash cut to Ezra and Aria, who are both taking a drink of water to illustrate that they’re meant to be together and that they’re wholesome, which is gross.

Same.

Aria tells Ezra to go to the police about getting shot by Shana, and he says “nooooooooooo hey look at this video tape I have of the mystery person dropping off the Bethany package from earlier!” It’s Lamb, the guy from Radley with morals!

The liars sans Hanna reconvene to go over the happenings from the day/night/timeless void. Aria shows the others the picture Bethany drew, everyone says something funny and in-character, and then Ali receives a new message from A that says “See how easy it is for me to kill you? If you leave Rosewood, I will.” So that’s a “no” on leaving, it would seem.

My boobs don’t look like that at all, this fanart is terrible

Some period of time later, Ali and Emily are alone on a bed and talking about their feelings. Ali says she owes Emily a lot for saving her from certain scarf-ridden doom.

Emily: It’s getting late. You want me to take you home?
Ali: I don’t want to be alone tonight. Can I stay here?
(Emily makes a face.)
Ali: We’ll just sleep. I promise.

Mhmm.

Emily is down for this plan. Alison immediately passes out, but Emily stays awake either out of general discomfort or in an effort to be protective or because this is a lot for a high schooler to deal with and I can’t imagine any of them ever being able to sleep again.

“I like watching you sleep. It sorta fascinates me.” – Edward Cullen

Spencer meets her mom at the Brew, where she plot-expositions that Toby isn’t going to be in this episode. Mrs. Hastings says that they’re moving home but Mr. Hastings is moving out, and Spencer cries because this not the kind of problem she’s used to. There’s no Nancy Drew-ing her way out of this. It is what it is.

Oh no, Spencer, don’t cry

It’s the next morning, and Hanna’s starting the day by eating the live frog of talking to Travis.

Hey there, second-string

She invites him out to lunch, and he tells her he can’t because she’s not in it to win it with him. She looks sad but like, we all know she’s going to end up with Caleb, so it’s hard to be tooooooo sad.

We Wonder Woman-spin back over to Radley, probably after school? I don’t know, time has no meaning here. Anyway, Aria is applying to volunteer at Radley. Ruh-roh, hijinks are coming!

Nope, definitely no ulterior motives here, just pure altruism

Emily swings by to pick up Ali for presumably a trip to the sex toy store, when suddenly, a wild detective appears! She uses Being A Capable Detective! It’s super effective!

Hello I am the only adult on this show

She tells Ali to come down to the police station with her dad later to answer a few questions about Shana. The detective is onto them, big time. Right after she leaves, A texts Ali “time for the caged bird to sing,” which mostly makes me sad about Maya Angelou.

And that’s the end of the episode! Oh, also A sends flowers to Bethany’s parents. Also also, I looked up the detective’s name since they almost never say it on the show, and she’s actually a lieutenant! Lieutenant Linda Tanner. Anyway. Let’s move on to the next episode invigorated with this new knowledge!

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