What ho! Welcome to this recap of Legends of Tomorrow season 7, episode 7, “Speakeasy Does It” aka one of the best episodes of the show ever which is a really high bar but I loved it so much?????

We open once again in the 20s, where we’ve been for a few episodes, which has actually been kind of nice. The Bullet Blondes Gang ditches Hoover’s car and get ready to hop on a train. Their plan is to buy three tickets and have the rest hide out in the mansion key, until they realize Gary’s misunderstanding of human money and inflation means that he over tipped the last waitress they had by so much they only have enough money for one person to travel.

“I *will* make this a No Boys Allowed team if you keep this up, Gary!”

And in the meantime, they have to find a way to hide the city’s most wanted blondes. Zari spots a wig store and knows it’s her time to shine, so she drags her captains in and tries to find them a suitable disguise. She tries to ask the store owner for help, but he fully ignores her. Zari is a little confused until Sara tries to talk to him and he answers the straight-passing white lady readily and it’s clear what’s happening here. (Spoiler alert: it’s racism.)

I’m sure Caity Lotz would want us to love him anyway. “Your CW wigs are trash anyway, sir.”

The man moves to fulfil Sara’s request and Ava and Sara apologize to Zari and promise to hurry up. They take two not-blonde wigs but since the fuzz caught sight of Hoover’s car, they have to pay the rest of their easy-earned money to sneak out the back door of the shop.

Zari is furious and declares how much she hates the 20s and how only Nate, their token straight white man, actually fits in here. And this is one thing that I’ve always appreciated about this show; I remember back in the first season, when Stein was delighted by the 50s, calling it idyllic, Jax and Sara had to point out that he only feels that way because he’s a straight white man. While of course they water down the truth of the kind of racism and sexism this particular group might have been met with for this romp of a show, they never deny its existence or shy away from putting words to it.

Ava and Sara could be doing more to proactively protect their team from situations like this but I guess there’s a lot going on.

Luckily for the Legends, however, the alley they emptied into happens to be the entrance to a speakeasy, and Zari managed to say the password in her fury…because the password is password.

The first thing the historian in the group notices is that the Speakeasy is inclusive, a rare thing to see in the 20s in mob-run Chicago. It seems, at least for the moment, they’ve found a safe haven.

Slightly less lucky are Spooner, Astra, and Gideon, who are sneaking around on a train they don’t have a ticket for.

Spooner tries to map out a plan and Astra teases her for sounding like Ava, which is cute on at least three levels. The tickettaker comes and they make a break for it, and try to play it off when they’re caught, but ultimately need to be saved by a woman named Maude, who lies and says they’re part of her band with the energy of a drunk stranger in the bathroom telling you not to call your ex like she’s known you for years.

“Did we just become best friends?”

Back in the Speakeasy, Ava is stressed because the Bullet Blondes are all over the papes. They’re being called robbers, bootleggers…and worst of all, sisters!

Tell me you have queer people in your writers’ room without telling me you have queer people in your writers’ room.

But that gives Sara an idea. They need more money to get to New York, the world already thinks they’re criminals…and they happen to have an endless supply of whiskey at their disposal. So she works out a deal with the owner, Eddie, and sells him some booze, offering him a sizable cut in exchange for use of their storage closet and a lack of questions.

What the Bullet Blondes don’t know is that they’re running out of time; Robot Hoover is hot on their heels.

Meanwhile, The Spatula Squad thanks Maude for her quick thinking and for using her boyfriend’s name and her manager’s scary appearance to their advantage. Maude says it’s no problem. After all, “gals help gals and make new pals.”

“That’s not quite what gal pals mean where we come from but also, yes.”

Her friend Suzie chimes in, adding that men won’t look out for you like women will. When Suzie says her full name to her new friends, Gideon uses her big computer brain and starts rattling off facts about her life, and Spooner has to ask her to play the quiet game.

Astra lies to Maude and says Gideon is the Lark of London and Spooner is her vocal coach, Esperanza. And Astra? She’s their manager. Maude is taken aback by this, a woman manager, and complains that their current manager isn’t very good at his job. Astra asks to see the contract, ready to return a favor for their new gal pals.

Seeing how predictably absurd the contract is, Astra gives the manager a piece of her mind. He’s racist and sexist too, but Astra doesn’t flinch, and tells Maude that her contract is long since expired if she wants out. So Maude takes her advice and fires her, and as a reward, Astra magics some first class tickets for the masquerading mavens.

I’m glad Astra is a Legend now but I also do love when her Queen of Hell momentarily shines through.

At the Speakeasy, Zari and Eddie are bonding over their safe haven, and how happy her brother seems on stage. (I don’t know how Ava is letting Zari just use her phone as a mirror all willy nilly but it was cute that Eddie thought it was just a fancy compact.)

Sorry not sorry for how many gratuitous photos of Zari are in this recap, I just love Tala Ashe, okay?!

He tells her to live in the moment, and feel the here and now, and they have a sweet little bond. Sara interrupts, looking for Ava, wanting to show off all their new money, and since she’s back in the mansion, Sara leads the rest of the team into the “storage closet” for the night.

As soon as the Legends go into the mansion, Maude’s boyfriend Battoni shows up, and roughs him up for going against their agreement and buying liquor from someone else. When Zari comes out to get something from the bar and sees Eddie all bloodied up, she calls for her team and when Sara and Ava emerge, pre-bed and, thus, post-wig, he realizes he’s been unwittingly harboring the Bullet Blondes.

“The reports of our crimes have been greatly exaggerated.”

When the Legends ask who did this to him, Eddie looks up at Sara and says, “You did.”

Eddie blames the Legends for losing his bar, and getting him even more tangled in the mob mess than he already was. Zari is especially furious; this was the first place she felt safe outside Gloria’s farmhouse since they got to the 1920s. And she wants to fix it. She asks her captains to give her 24 hours of being in charge to fix it; she says they can’t keep leaving the timeline worse than they found it.

I agree with Zari; closing down a safe haven for people of color and queer people is a surefire way to alter history for the worse.

And specifically, they can’t leave this city’s outcasts without their one safe space. Sara agrees quickly, and Ava is more cautious but also knows Zari is right. So Zari convinces Eddie to come with her, and uses the storage room in the back of the wig shop to show Eddie the magic mansion. She says she wants to hold a fundraiser so Eddie can open up a new bar of his own, and he’s confused but she’s insistent.

When the Spatula Squad’s train gets to Union Station, Maude gets a telegram from her boyfriend, and Spooner can feel her physical discomfort, despite Maude hiding it well. Maude tells them she has a new club to perform in, and that the next train to New York doesn’t leave until tomorrow anyway, so they might as well join her.

I like that Spooner’s powers are growing from mind reading to full empath status. Especially considering how long she actively put up physical and metaphorical walls.

While plotting and planning her fundraiser, Zari is trying to think of a good hook for a last-minute party when suddenly she remembers she’s traveling with literal headliners: the Bullet Blondes. So she has everyone spread the word that the Bullet Blondes will be performing at the newest Speakeasy in town.

This is neither here nor there but I’ve been to some speakeasies in New York and I am delighted by the fronts EVERY TIME. Phone booth, coffee shop, abandoned toy store. So fun! (When it’s for fun and not for safety.)

When Maude gets to the club that was formerly Eddie’s, her boyfriend is furious that she fired her manager, because he’s the boss of her. He’s rude and abusive and when he ogles Gideon, Astra moves to stand in front of her newest friend. This man has a terrible attitude and terrible hair and he calls legs “getaway sticks” which Astra recognizes from a scumbag she met in hell who she tortured with spiders.

Maude listens to her boyfriend and gets up to sing, and gosh is she good at it. Astra wants to help her, but Spooner doesn’t think they have time. She thinks Maude knows what she’s gotten into and can leave whenever she wants, but Astra knows better. She knows that what Maude is doing is surviving, not living, and that she deserves better. To prove her point, she asks Gideon what happens to Maude if they don’t intervene.

“Spooner your Texas is showing.”

And it turns out Astra was even more right than she wanted to be, because Maude eventually gets murdered, though no charges are ever brought against her boyfriend because of his mob ties. And Astra isn’t about to just let this woman die.

Zari rushes around planning her party, really in her element, and reassuring Eddie that everything will be absolutely perfect because no Legends plan is ever foiled by a misplaced historical figure or inhuman creature with a vengeance.

Everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.

At the Speakeasy, Astra begs Maude to leave with her, but Maude puts on a brave face and pretends she’s fine. Spooner can feel it though, how Maude’s stomach turns when she thinks of him, how terrified she is of him. They promise here there’s more to life than this. She’s almost convinced but she’s worried about the other girls in the band; Astra promises she’ll take care of them, so Maude just has one job: run.

Astra thanks Spooner for listening to her in the end, and smiles down at her lil gal pal.

The answer to your question is no, I will absolutely never stop talking about how much I love their height difference.

They’re not sure what to do next, but before they can even consider their options, Gideon is on stage in Maude’s mask and singing a beautiful song called Future Favorite which is absolutely an Avalance love song and I adore it..

Actual lyrics: “She’s my future favorite. My love, no denying it. So very dizzy for this dame.”

In the mansion, Zari is feeling like she forgot something when she realized she forgot to do her hair and change her outfit. Eddie tells her to relax and just enjoy the moment; live in the now. So she puts her phone down and does just that.

Also Zari, you look literally perfect always so you’re always ready to party.

Eddie pulls her toward the dance floor, and then it’s time for the big show: The Bullet Blondes. I truly do not know how Zari convinced her captains to do this without any pushback, but Sara and Ava come downstairs in flashy white flapper costumes and start doing an adorable synchronized dance, all while we still get to hear Gideon singing about how in love they are.

This dance was 50% limbs, 30% fringe, 20% hair, and 100% delightful.

Robot Hoover shows up but the Legends manage to work taking him down into the dance routine, using flying silks to tie him up and strategic knife throwing to hold him down.

As the grand finale, Sara and Ava dance into each other’s arms and kiss as the music swells!

“My dear, I’m so in love with you. Hotsy-totsy dancer on the floor.”

Which the Legends applaud…but the crowd falls silent.

“Sisters?” “We’re close.”

That is, until Ava tells them that they’re not sisters. Then the audience cheers again and they go in for more kissing.

“What if we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine. Nothing could keep us apart. You’d be the one I was meant to find.”

At the other Speakeasy, the Spatula Squad face the bad boyfriend, using their combined intimidation skills and just a touch of spider magic, they convince him to get the hell out of dodge. And one really cute thing that happened is Astra, who just last week was treating Gideon like a computer, has come to respect her so much that she, for the second time this episode, puts her body between her small humans and the threat at hand. Which was probably for the best because Gideon has tiny dog energy re: knowing what is and is not a threat to her at her size.

This courage, this fearlessness…the Legends taught her that.

Suzie tells them that to celebrate they should go to the Bullet Blondes performance down the street, and the trio loves that idea so much they start SPRINTING. Unfortunately, by the time they get to the wig shop, all they find is a real storage closet with Fancy Zari’s phone inside. Missed them by a hair.

After Fancy Zari gives Eddie the money to start a new club, the Legends head back into the mansion, for some reason leaving only Gary out in the real world, in charge of the key like Horton and his clover with Whoville on it. I imagine the reason has to be that Nate has been seen around impersonating Hoover but all in all this feels like a supremely bad idea. Kid couldn’t even keep track of his own nipple.

In the mansion, Sara and Ava tell Fancy Zari that she has a few more hours of being in charge, but as much as she’d love to boss everyone around just for the fun of it, she knows that they need someone with a particular set of skills, so she swaps places in the Air Totem with Flannel Zari.

Flannel Zari is surprised to be popped out, and even more surprised to see a man tied up at the table, but is ready to help.

I’m excited for Flannel Zari (AND HER ADORABLE OVERALLS?) to have more to do than be Nate’s girlfriend this time around.

:Stefon voice: This! Episode! Had! Everything! Social commentary, teamwork, period costumes, singing, both Zaris, sweet lady kisses. The only part I really didn’t care about were Nate and Gary’s conversations about the Zaris and Nate’s relationship feelings, but I also didn’t hate those scenes. The overall vibe just feels so vastly improved without Constantine and Rory around, and as much as I can’t wait for the Bullet Blonde Gang and the Spatula Squad to reunite, I think this has been such a great way to get to know Astra, Spooner, and Human Gideon better without needing to give each of them a Very Special Episode. This show continues to be a light in the dark, and they seem really smart about what they pivot toward and away from to make every batch of episodes better than the last, and I love them for it.

Next week, an old face in a new character, plus, SCIENCE!

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