Welcome to this year’s very last installment of You Still Have Time for a (Gay) Halloween Costume, where I try to convince you that you still have time to pull together a stellar (gay) costume. Yes, even the day of Halloween.
Sometimes you start working on a Black Swan costume in the middle of September. You take lots of time seeking out the perfect art supplies and you put it together with care. That’s some of the time. Most of the time your friend tells you at 9pm on Halloween that the two of you were just invited to a party and you have fifteen minutes to put together a costume that compliments her mummy costume. For some, this is all of the time. Here are thirteen great super last minute queer costumes. I chose thirteen because it’s a spooky number and Definitely Not because that’s how many costumes I came up with before I gave up and went to bed.
The Girl From Hyperbole and a Half
+Start with a pink dress
+Put your hair in to some sort of pointy bun pony-tail thing. Note: hair must be blonde.
+Optional: Carry around cake eating All Of It
HYPERBOLEANDAHALF.BLOGSPOT.COM
Lumberjack
+Wear a red plaid shirt and jeans
+Add a tool belt (or brown belt with pouches made from duct tape)
+Make an axe by cutting the shape out of cardboard. Then cover the “blade” area with tin foil using clear scotch tape to secure it.
Frida Kahlo
+Wear a white dress or a white blouse and pants
+Add a red scarf
+If you have long hair, braid it and pit it to the top of your head
+Hot glue three red roses/carnations fluffed out to a headband. If you don’t want to buy real flowers, soak sevenish coffee filters in red food dye and water, let dry and twist them in to flower shapes and glue them to a headband. You can also just pin in the flowers
+Fill in your eyebrows as appropriate
+Check out this video:
Baked Potato
+Cover yourself in tin foil
+Yum
Natalie Portman in The Black Swan
Thank you user Denbo is my homegirl
+Full coverage little girl style panties
+Wrap yourself in a sheet
DNA (Group Costume)
+Print out large letters A, T, C and G
+Each of 4+ friends wear one letter by duct taping it to a T-shirt
+Be born this way
YOU WILL LOOK JUST LIKE THIS
Justin Bieber
+Put on a hoodie
+Attend a party
Hipster Zombie
+Dress yourself in appropriate “hipster attire”
+Put on badass zombie make-up
+Go around talking about how you we’re in to eating brains before it was cool.
**Note: a great last minute costume is zombie anything. Any old costume you have plus zombie makeup = awesome new costume**
Wolverine
+Make six claws and attach two sets of three by the base using duct tape or clay
+Put on a pair of jeans, a white T-shirt and a leather jacket
+Wolverineafy your hair
MY ACTUAL FRIEND ACTUALLY DRESSED LIKE WOLVERINE
Mario and Luigi (Couple’s Costume)
+Put on red and/or green shirts
+Put on overalls
+Glue a white M or L to an appropriately colored hat
+Obviously fake mustaches are always encouraged.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Willow (Couple’s costume)
Buffy
+Start with tight jeans and a black tank top
+Make a stake out of a fallen tree branch sharpened on one end
+Wear a blonde wig
Willow
+If you don’t have red hair, wear a red wig
+Wear a black dress with several chains and/or crosses
+Carry a few old looking books
+Attend a party with a friend dressed as Buffy
OPTIONAL: POUTY LIPS
Your Own Dad
+Just find the geeky stuff in your parent’s place (fishing vest, big sun glasses, goofy hat, Merrils, etc.)
+Apply false facial hair as necessary. Or not, this costume is equally funny either way.
Autostraddle Liveblogger
+Wear your Autostraddle T-shirt
+Put an Autostraddle sticker on your netbook/macbook air
+Carry around said netbook/macbook air
+Occasionally plop your comp down on a nearby surface and furiously start typing and mumbling about other people checking their privilege.
+Look tired
DON’T YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS?
Still not convinced you have time? Check out this YouTube video I found during my hard-hitting, in-depth “research” for this article:
Yay to Zombie Anything.
In fact, Zombie Anything is probably the extremely awesome antithesis to Sexy Anything. For example: Sexy Winnie The Pooh, wrong. Zombie Winnie The Pooh, awesome. (Same goes for Zombie pineapple, zombie Finding Nemo, zombie ladybuy etc.)
Or zombie famous people. I’d love to turn my Dolly Parton costume from a couple of years ago into a Zombie Dolly Parton costume. Or, zombie Mata Hari. Zombie Charlie Chaplin. Zombie Lenin. Zombie Cindy Lauper. Zombie Pippi Longstocking.
Except Zombie Lady Gaga. That just wouldn’t work.
Or try combining as many costumes as possible. Try dessing up as a zombie-nazi who’s on holidays in Hawaii. Or a sexy zombie pirate.
Zombie MOSTLY anything is awesome. A friend’s boyfriend wanted to go as Zombie Gaddafi. Thankfully she talked him out of it.
Autshj.
You’re right.
My friend’s 8 year old daughter has been a zombie princess two years in a row. She came over to get candy tonight and I was so proud of her awesomeness.
I was a WAY BETTER WOLVERINE.
no need. they can copy and paste the url. :D nice costume.
I guess I coulda resized that…WHATEVER. I’M NOT ASHAMED.
That shirt looks awfully similar to the one in your avatar… Coincidence?
Mightttt be exactly the same one from Target, next year, different color.
whatevs the ladies love my flannel.
LOVING IT.
That sock monkey is pretty good too.
I am overwhelmed with happy with all of these ladies dressing up as Wolverine (maybe we should come up with a name for that — Lesberine? Wolverlesbian? Someone here who’s wittier than me should take a stab at it).
Vulva-ine?
Oh no, the v’s in that word and the fact that it ends in -ine just reminds me of Ovaltine. *Shudders*
Wolvagine? Not much better?
@Marissa — The fact that you fit so much of the word “vagina” in the word Wolverine is just amazing.
I vote this one.
@Sally — I think you win ALL THE COOKIES.
I went as “Your Mom” one year, and it was the easiest costume ever. Go to Goodwill, find the ugliest sweater you can, then the ugliest, most elastic waist-bandy pair of jeans, then put on some costume jewelry and maybe hairspray your hair up, proceed to get sloppy drunk, and when someone asks you, “Hey, what are you?” you get to respond, “YOUR MOM.”
Totally doing that next year. And by that I mean I’m totally doing YOUR MOM.
[luke skywalker voice] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [/luke skywalker voice]
Bahahahahahahahahaha, this:
“Occasionally plop your comp down on a nearby surface and furiously start typing and mumbling about other people checking their privilege.”
I feel like that’s just my normal behavior.
I spend too much time on the internets.
I was the girl from the education connection commercials last year. I just showed up in my pajamas. Also I have the biggest crush on Lizz.
I was a crazy cat lady this year. I found a sweatshirt with a cat applique and gratuitous silver glitter puffy paint accents, paired it with stretch pants and slippers, teased my hair into a rat’s nest and safety pinned a few stuffed cats to myself. Some cat jewelry completed the look. It was hot.
Thanks for the shout-out, Lizz! I’m going as April from Parks and Rec, featuring my own clothing/sarcasm. Woot! I mean, whatever.
this one requires a friend and has two levels of difficulty (but only one level of gay: super gay): Double Rainbow.
easy style: grab all the rainbow shit you have lying around from all the pride fests/parades you’ve been to and wear that. have your buddy do the same.
slightly harder but still way do-able: grab a white hanes v-neck or tank top, some fabric markers and go to town rainbow-ifying. one of you gets the caption “so bright”, the other “so vivid”.
optional, but really not that optional: sing the double rainbow song, and/or announce you are collectively “the baddest f-ing rainbow you’ve ever seen”
gayest halloween of your life.
this is fantastic
I’m gonna be an “Hipster zombie cat” Fck Yeah…
But still I don’t have a tail
i used a scarf as a tail! but then again no one knew what i was…
Thanks…And something like that happens to me. No one knew what I was, even when I write in my shirt ZOMBIE HIPSTER CAT
Holy crap, if I ever saw anyone actually dressed as Allie from Hyperbole and a Half, I would propose gay marriage on the spot.
I don’t think I ever realized before that the yellow triangle is supposed to be a ponytail, I thought she (the character, not the real person) was bald with a yellow hat of some sort
That would be so much easier. Buy yellow party hats!
Baked potato bonus accessory: a Grateful Dead button (or whatever band stoners in your area have claimed as their own. Phish? Bob Marley and the Wailers?). Food-related pun costumes are my favorite. This year I wore a hat shaped like a turkey and drew ice cubes on my cheeks…I was a “Cold Turkey.”
holla frida kahlo.
I went as “slutty” organic chemistry student. It was hilarious, provided me with an excuse to buy a corset, and got us out of an alcohol violation because security couldn’t look at me.
My girlfriend liked it too. (Girl’s reading over my shoulder…)
Ummm, yeah!
ZOMBIE AUTOSTRADDLE LIVEBLOGGER
um that actual wolverine can actually call me
why are 80% of my autostraddle comments about hitting on someone in the article