What If The Only Allies We Know Are Some Internet Cats?

Every fundraiser, we try to have a Straight People Day to encourage, well, straight people to give because they should! This year, we wanted to focus on some of our allies, people who’ve supported with a little roundtable. And, well, sometimes getting work done in the Autostraddle Slack is A Mood.


Tuesday, Septmeber 14th, 11:11 AM EST

Nicole: Hello @channel I put this in #roundtables-n-calls channel but also want to put it here!! We have a very strange 👽 occurrence 🛸 on our hands today — a call to put the voices of straight people on this very site! We are planning this for Straight People Day during the upcoming fundraiser!! I am here if you have any questions!! More information in the call which is also in this doc.

Why are we doing this? In the hope that this post will appeal to and encourage straight people to donate to us on and after Straight People Day. Thank you so much for your help!! 💓

Carmen: This is so cute!! I’m still not over how cute it is. I love it.

Sally: If we can’t find an actual straight person, could we get a gay person to dress up like a straight person. Like, straight for pay?

Nicole: That is…not a question I was expecting?

Drew: “Hello, I am Drew’s brother… Andrew… And I’m here to say as a cis straight man that we should give all our money to Autostraddle otherwise we are homophobic. It is the only way to be an ally. Trust me.”

Drew, Autostraddle writer, takes a selfie while wearing the Autostraddle Gal Pal tee that she's cut the sleeves off. Drew has pasted a fake costume mustache onto her face.

Heather: lolololllll

Nicole: I AM DECEASED
wow we’ve really pivoted to a less earnest direction but i don’t hate it

Shelli Nicole: I just saw this and 💀💀

Vanessa: DREW

Heather: okay this is a real question, nicole. what if i interview a straight CAT? cat twitter is a real thing and it’s all these cats talking to each other all day and it’s very adorable and they all have so many followers, many of whom are queer and trans, and i was thinking i could interview the cat named sarge who is v. beloved and who has queer and trans family!  https://twitter.com/sarge_the_kitty

Drew: Can I ask… is Sarge’s queer and trans family humans or other cats

Nicole: these questions!

Heather: oh sorry, i believe sarge has at least one trans human aunt and gay cat friends.

Nicole: sure
why not
😂

Heather: YES!

Nicole: the message i’m getting is we know very few straight people allies and some of them are cats

Heather: sargent peppers is my favorite ally
some of my family are straight i think

Nicole: Okay so far for the roundtable, my count is:
+ Valerie’s human friend who ran a twitter giveaway for us during the last member drive
+ a famous, but heterosexual, cat who is a noted ally on twitter
+ and maybe some gay people dressed up as straights advocating for supporting queer media

Heather: lololol
i’m also going to reach out to some straight tv writers who owe me BIG TIME and maybe they’ll help too! will keep you updated!

Drew: Are any of the tv writers cats?

Heather: I WISH

Sally: How do you know the cats are straight

Shelli Nicole: SAME QUESTION SALLY
HOW DO WE KNOW THE CATS ARE STRAIGHT?!

Heather: well they said so!
i of course assume all cats are gay until proven otherwise
i have one trans cat, one straight cat, and two gay cats

Abeni: i don’t know any straight people, sorry y’all. I had a straight white man friend once! He was cool, mostly. But I moved away.

Drew: All my straight friends came out after me

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6 Comments

  1. OMG a) I love this and b) I will probably spend the next half hour drawing diagrams and trying to figure out which of Heather’ cats have which sexualities/gender identities.

  2. I love this and also, on this day of publication, this very morning, my friend who, if I was asked to assigned rankings, I would have assigned the Very Straightest, came out?? So even if you know straight people…no you don’t

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