At this point, I’ve experienced every emotion there is while watching Hacks. Who knew a series about the Hollywood comedy industry could pull at my heartstrings this damn much? But last night’s episode — “I Love LA” — was the first to make me cry. It wasn’t at the end when Deborah Vance cries while watching herself for the first time on Late Night either, but before, in a strikingly executed sequence at the taping.
But before we get to that, let’s talk about some of the other fun stuff happening in this episode. Deborah and Ava are still feuding and still dealing with their studio-assigned babysitter, Michaela Watkins as hilariously disruptive and bumbling HR rep Stacey. Following their shenanigans in Vegas last episode, they’re not allowed to interact at work without her present. So the dynamic is definitely still very tense between our gals, and when Deborah has what appears to be a panic attack at the dress rehearsal for the first show, that tension ramps up. Deborah refuses to believe Ava that it’s a panic attack or stage fright. Ava is genuinely concerned and trying to help, but Deb just pushes her away, as Deborah Vance is wont to do.
In gay news: Ava has a meet-cute at a sex shop with a couple who ask for her number. Looks like Ava might become a third soon. Deborah, meanwhile, goes to a gay bar with Damien, who has had trouble acclimating to gay social life in LA due to wild body standards. At the club, Deborah does poppers and ends up in the hospital. I rebuke this anti-poppers propaganda!
So, yes, this episode of Hacks has some signature silliness to it. But the standout moment isn’t played for laughs at all. Before the first show taping, Deborah has a run-in with Carol Burnett, who tries to offer some advice about nerves. They say to picture the audience naked, but the legendary Carol Burnett isn’t so sure that’s actually a good strategy. When the time for the taping comes, Deborah starts to falter again on the same line she spiraled out on during the rehearsal. But this time, there isn’t the option to walk off stage. She has to do it. This is her dream, finally come to fruition. And it can so easily be taken away again, especially if she bombs the first show. The stakes couldn’t be higher. She’s silent, takes a deep ragged breath as the camera closes in on her and a high-pitched sound kicks in. And then what does she do? She pictures that the only person in the studio audience is Ava.
Paul W. Downs’ direction of this episode is exquisite. When we cut to Ava alone in the audience from Deborah’s perspective, we start in a wide shot, tender music replacing the nail-biting high-pitched effect. We cut back to Deborah, who softens, and then back to a closer shot of Ava, nodding subtly. Deborah delivers the joke just to Ava, who laughs, which makes Deborah laugh, too. Then the fantasy moment is over, and the rest of the audience returns to her point of view. It’s so short and so incredibly effective, and yes, I cried!!!!!
The moment doesn’t automatically reverse or Deborah and Ava’s relationship back into a good place. Ava doesn’t even know Deborah has mentally and emotionally relied on her in this moment, and Deborah certainly would never give her the pleasure. But the moment highlights just how much Ava means to Deborah, even when she tries to deny it, even when she’s mad at Ava. She quite literally could not do it without her. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so sad. Because Deborah is incapable of embracing real intimacy with others, even when it’s so clear she needs someone. At first, I think my emotional reaction was to the tenderness, the soft spot in Deborah’s armor. But then it turned into something so heartbreaking, a reminder that things don’t have to be so tense between them and a reminder that they are each other’s biggest supporters — when they aren’t busy trying to destroy one another. Her fear of intimacy holds her so far back in her personal but also her professional life.
For a brief few seconds, we get to see that Deborah’s life could be like if she just let Ava in instead of pushing her away. And it meant she landed the joke. Ava’s presence didn’t just calm her nerves; it made her shine. But then shortly after, she’s alone again, eating dinner without anyone there to celebrate her greatest dream.
