Welcome to Carolstraddle!

Last year, my #2 Mom Erin wrote an article every day for 30 days about the movie “Carol,” which was named after me. When my #1 Mom Riese told my #3 Mom Sarah (I have lots of Moms, that’s lesbians for you!) that we needed a graphic for “30 Days of Carol,” Sarah though of course of the only Carol to have ever lived, and produced this graphic:

“Sarah that is a very adorable graphic!” Heather told Sarah, “but the carol posts are about carol the movie.”

“LOL. wow. y’all hahahahah,” said Sarah in return.

Everybody else moved on with their lives and days, as they so often do while I am stuck wondering things like, why is nobody scratching my belly right now? Why does Veggie Grill not deliver enough french fries for Erin and Stephanie for them to share them with me, Carol? Is it time to go outside now? How about now? Is my Mom going to look at me? If I stand on this table, will she look at me now? I love my blanket? Can we go outside? Name one dog who is prettier than me? Or even a cat?

But of course my number one question this whole time has been: “why not Every Day Some Carol????” I, Carol, am here every day!!!!!!! I show up. The couch upon which Erin wrote 30 Days of Carol — I also sit upon that couch, with my legs in any number of positions you would find inspirational and a model for how all dogs should look and sit. I was brought into Riese and Erin’s home less than a month before 30 Days of Carol. Coincidence? I think not!!!

So all the time that my Moms thought I was sitting around not contributing to the household (as my Mom frequently reminds me that I do not “have a job” and that “learning to take care of myself would be really empowering to me as a woman”) I have in fact been scheming for the day when I would take over Autostraddle. That day has come. That time is now. I’m so cute! Watch me roll around on my back and scoot my butt around. I run like the wind, the power of the stars and heavens behind me, my soul is eternal, my power is so big, like a chicken. I love chicken!

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Carol

CAROL IS A PERFECT DOG WHO ENJOYS SHAKING, CURLING UP INTO A CIRCLE, CHICKEN NUGGETS FROM WENDY'S, CUDDLING WITH PEOPLE WHO COME OVER, BITING SNEAKERS WHEN THEY ARE RUNNING ON FEET, AND DASHING MADLY THROUGH THE UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE

Carol has written 6 articles for us.

91 Comments

  1. can we keep the dog pointer mouse thing year round please? I’m fucking losing it it’s the best thing on the internet.

  2. FINALLY! Now that I have been introduced to Carolitic philosophy, life makes sense. Heretofore, it had been a confusing 52 years.

  5. (To honor Carol one more time…)

    Oh, you better not bark, you better not whine,
    For today you’ll be feeling fine,
    Carol has taken over Autostraddle today

    She knows when you are sleeping,
    She knows when you’re awake,
    You better take her out for a walk,
    Or she’ll cry for goodness’ sake

    Oh, you better not bark, you better not whine,
    For today you’ll be feeling fine,
    Carol has taken over Autostraddle today

    • hope u are prepared to sing this song every Hanukkah for the rest of our lives!!! (mine will be short)

  6. Name one dog who is prettier than me? Or even a cat?

    Hang on, is this whole situation actually being masterminded by Tinkerbell.

  9. *glances around nervously for my cat before paying homage to our new, tiny canine overlord*

    The new logo is just…perfection

  11. I absolutely LOVE THIS
    I thought Otterstraddle could never be topped but I was wrong! This flung it from Auto-space
    #TeamDog #PawPatrol

  15. This Carol should take over the internet, the world would be a much better place with More Carol

  16. so glad that autostraddle my favorite website has had the good sense to rebrand
    i think that in the spirit of celebration my mom should feed me cheese? yes

  18. hi carol! i am a longtime lurker but this is the post that finally inspired me to comment! i just wanted to say i’m really excited to finally see some more canid representation around here. here are some things i’d like to see from the site going forward:

    *posts that inspire my human, queer girl, to put down her phone to scratch my belly with both hands

    *more lesbian dog posts from sally

    *more species inclusivity in Find Your Fit

    ok that’s it for now! I love you all but I have to go outside via the dog door and then whine to be let back in as though i’ve forgotten the dog door exists, that’s a new habit i’ve been cultivating over the past few months!

    • How much time standing at the door and meowing will it take for you all to learn that the focus of attention should always be on ME

      • Zuzu are you related to that another frantically door meowing French cat called Brexit? Their human is French Minister for Europe and they apparently have no patience for these important in/out Schroedinger issues.

        • Listen

          Listen

          Don’t even get me started on this Brexit nonsense. That cat gets all the media attention meanwhile I’m over here living my door-oppressed life for the last ELEVEN YEARS and do you think anybody’s listening? Is anybody writing articles about MY STRIFE? I think not

          Oh the felinity

    • Zuzu you majestic being are you okay do you feel well would you like to come hangout in the coral cave i will give you a piece of precious trash

      • Is it catnip?

        Fine ok I guess I’ll allow you to fawn over me for a few minutes purrrrrrrrrrr

  21. also i just wanted to add that as a dog with larger ears, the new carolstraddle logo really makes me feel seen. or maybe i should say heard! that’s an ear joke. by the way the only person allowed to touch my ears is my human. she folds them over and says “now you’re a dachshund!” and laughs at me. but joke’s on her because I will always be regal and tall.

      • I WOULD NEVER

        except when she tries to cut my feet off

        (she says she’s just cutting my toenails but I KNOW THE TRUTH)

        • Oh totes I hate that shit

          My human tries to remove my carefully-curated knots of fur, THE NERVE. I lay down the law on that one yessir

    • my #3 mom sarah likes to rub my ears and say WHY DO U HAVE TORTILLA CHIPS FOR EARS and then i am like, um, WHY DON’T YOU HAVE TORTILLA CHIPS FOR ME TO EAT RIGHT NOW?????

        • hello i Coral would like a tortilla chip thank you
          please break it up in small pieces because i do not have many teeth

  26. Hi Carol! As a longtime fan I’d like you to know that this has made my day. And also caused me to snort-laugh in a way that I haven’t done in quite some time.

    May I suggest you consider penning a short weekly column where perhaps you could share a few words of wisdom or simply model your latest outfit.

  27. I’m so happy I didn’t forget to check Aut- I mean, Carolstraddle today <3

  29. I thought this was a Carol-the-Movie takeover, which I’m 100% here for, and also I am also 100% here for THIS. Especially once I read the comments, this is all too perfect!

  30. I just wanted to point out that I met Carol at A-Camp and it was glorious. Also loved the service dog that was there. Made me so happy to see her coming down that hill

  31. Impressive takeover. Whatever happened to Tinkerbell? I think we need a Where Are They Now update.

  33. Last-minute Carolstraddle idea: a personality quiz, SATC style, but “Are You a Carol, a Coral, a Cyrus, or a Zuzu?”

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