feature image photo by We Are via Getty Images
I am no stranger to breakup coping mechanisms that might be classified as “unhealthy” at best and “unhinged” at worst. In fact, I once wrote about 30 unhinged post-breakup activities I partook in during the aftermath of my last major breakup. These included a “72-hour bender of playing the Sims” as well as watching “so much goddamn reality television that the seams of reality start to unravel.”
So, it is with ABSOLUTELY ZERO JUDGMENT that I present the following 72 go-to breakup coping mechanisms sent in to Autostraddle’s Instagram. Gays really do love three things: 1. Their friends 2. Sad music and 3. Therapy.
Queer People Share Their Go-To Breakup Coping Mechanisms
1. Re-downloading Tinder and reminding myself I’m hot
2. Briefly installing Tinder to just uninstall 5min later
3. Tinder and bad decisions
4. Re-downloading Grindr
5. Being a bisexual menace in the dating pool
6. Hookups
7. Watching Juno three times in one afternoon and shaving my head
8. Writing an email that I’ll never send
9. Writing down the things I would’ve texted or talked to them about. Delete when ready
10. Listening to Be Steadwell’s breakup album on loop
11. BDSM
12. Haircutting, playlist making, country leaving
13. Bangs!
14. Leaving the country for a while
15. A lil edible, a lot of trash tv, and buying too many things for my cat who won’t reject my love
16. Applying to jobs in Antarctica. Not joking.
17. Getting good head
18. Skipping rocks
19. Therapy
20. Therapy
21. Going to therapy
22. More therapy
23. Enrolling in therapy immediately
24. Meditating and therapy
25. Going no contact immediately
26. Block, block, block
27. Checking her “Recently played artists” on Spotify to see if she’s thinking of me
28. Texting a different ex
29. Rewatching Grey’s Anatomy
30. Rewatching The L Word
31. Rewatching the Willow and Tara seasons of Buffy
32. Watching The Thing
33. Studio Ghibli movie marathon
34. Getting very invested in a time-consuming new hobby
35. Making Sapphic art
36. Alternating between my erratic playlist and my crying playlist and then going to every queer bar event
37. Quitting my social media for a year
38. Pretending I wasn’t even that into her + ice cream
39. Eating Neapolitan ice cream and listening to jazz
40. The X-Files and Crossfit
41. Drinks and casual sex
42. A new relationship
43. Getting a classic DIY haircut and dye job
44. Moving to a different country worked like a charm
45. Moving two towns over
46. Running while listening to the saddest songs ever
47. Sad music
48. So much sad music
49. Singing in the shower
50. Crying and/or headbanging to queer breakup music
51. Writing songs
52. Writing songs to get the mad out and then writing songs to get the sad out
53. Buying a new throw blanket from Ikea
54. Friends
55. Calling my friends
56. Hanging out with friends
57. Kissing my friends
58. Crying to friend who will give me advice they defs don’t follow that I probably gave them
59. Flying home and crying on my best friend’s couch
60. Tacos! Lots of tacos!
61. Finding a new piece of queer media to obsess over so I can feel my feelings
62. Music. Friends. Dance. Sex.
63. One night standssssssssssss
64. Rooooooad triiiiiiiiip
65. Getting with the ex of my ex
66. Going OUT AND ABOUT to all the gay bars and events
67. Mainlining queer fanfic
68. Crying while driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway
69. Journaling in the library and volunteering
70. Joining a queer rec league (thanks soccer!!!)
71. Reading every article in the breakup section of Autostraddle
72. I don’t know please help me
How many did everyone get
Might I add: travel to LA for clown school
incredible 🤡
well this was surprisingly cathartic to read!
I quit my job of 23 years and moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone. Healthy? TBD.
Genuinely shocked tattoos are nowhere on this list. I got broken up with on Thursday, and got two new tattoos on Friday.