It was a cool spring evening in March when Christina Grace, 35, finally understood the reason her parents were always begging her to come visit. It was not, as she hoped, to see family and friends and spend some time relaxing in her favorite childhood spots. No, the reason was darker than that — and more insidious.
Christina sighs as she wraps her hands around her mug of coffee. Her face is lined and weary but resolute. She is ready to share her story. “I think there is a part of me that needs to believe that my parents see me as more than their gay daughter who knows about astrology.” She pauses for a moment, gathering her strength. “But I was wrong.”
Like many 30-somethings who have a decent relationship with their family and hometown, Christina makes the trek upstate a few times a year, trying to maintain the balance between having her own life and strengthening the bonds of her family of origin. “Always for Christmas, and usually a few times during the year. I like it here, it’s beautiful, you know?”
It is. The Hudson Valley remains as scenic as ever, with great sweeping vistas of mountains and farmland. Alas, all of these glorious and comforting sights pale in face of the way her family has used her for her astrology knowledge. “I worked really hard to be seen as a well rounded person by my parents,” Christina admits. “It’s just kind of depressing that no matter what I do, I am nothing more than their gay daughter who knows about astrology.”
“I suppose I should have been suspicious when they kept pushing for me to come up Thursday, instead of Friday.” She shakes her head. “It was all so clear in retrospect.” It wasn’t until her parents casually mentioned that Thursday was their trivia night that she started to understand the magnitude of her situation. “You know what’s crazy? My brother warned me this might happen. I just didn’t believe him.” Her brother, Sean, 34, confirmed. “I know it’s harder for her,” he tells me candidly. “I’m good at sports questions, but so is my dad. They always fall apart in the astrology round.” He pauses, thinking for a moment. “I can’t imagine the pressure she’s under.”
When I tell Christina this, she loses a long breath, staring up for a moment. “It means a lot to know this isn’t all in my head.”
For their part, her parents remain confused. “I think we had one question about astrology?” her father, David, 64, tells me, confusion is evident in his voice. “We were just thinking it was a nice thing to do on Thursday.” Tellingly, her mother did not want to speak on the record.
At the end of the day, maybe both parties are right. And maybe one day, our parents can value their gay kids for who they are—and not just their knowledge of the stars.
