Welcome to Butt Week, friends! An entire week dedicated to butts and butt-adjacent stuff: how-tos, thoughtful essays, original art, pop culture critiques, music and more! You are absolutely not ready for this and yet it is happening to you, right now. Today Valerie’s got some teevee butts for you!

Read all of Butt Week

When I was thinking about what I could possibly contribute to Butt Week, I decided to stick to my wheelhouse: Television. And while I could have taken this literally and gone a little more PG-13 and talked about all the times we got to peep a bum in queer TV shows, my wily little brain went an entirely different direction. So without further ado, some of my favorite butt moments in lesbian/bisexual/queer television history.

Emily Fields says she doesn’t want to get splinters in her perfect derrière at pity prom, Pretty Little Liars

I’m pretty sure you could think of any noun and one of the Liars has said something ridiculous about it at one point or another.

Anissa and Grace kick each other’s butts in a sexy way, Black Lightning

I think Carmen said it best: “Listen, what I’m saying is that as far as I’m concerned this is another Thunder Grace sex scene, and you will never be able to convince me otherwise.”

“You have a lobster on your butt,” Garnet to Pearl, Steven Universe

I know I’m just immature enough to be watching cartoons when a phrase like this makes me giggle like a kid.

Theo Crain falls on her butt because she’s been drinking her feelings, The Haunting of Hill House

If I had a nickel.

Sameen Shaw uses the butt of her axe to kick some butt, Person of Interest

Is this cheating? Who cares, I made up the rules, I can break them!

Brittany gives Santana’s butt an encouraging slap before performing Valerie, Glee

I’ll be honest this is the first thing I thought of. My name is Valerie, this moment was designed just for me and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

Maze grabs Linda’s butt during a “friendly” hug, Lucifer

This was hard to narrow down. Butts were slapped or squeezed innumerable times on this show, mostly by Maze.

Nicole Haught compliments Wynonna’s butt. Wynonna Earp

If you’re not complimenting your friends’ butts what even are you doing?

“How’s your butt?” – Sara Lance to Alex Danvers after she fell out of bed, Crisis on Earth X

Hopefully now that Alex has Kelly this is a less controversial statement, but Alex and Sara having a one night stand is one of the most epic things they’ve ever done in a Legends of SuperFlarrow crossover event.

When Shane lost the “Too Hot” game because she (understandably) couldn’t keep her hands off Carmen’s butt. The L Word

I didn’t MEAN for Sarah Shahi to show up in this list twice, but I’m not MAD at it.

And a bonus shoutout to this moment because the first time I heard it I didn’t realize that “fanny” didn’t mean “bum” in this (British) context:

“I love tits and fanny,” Emily Fitch, Skins

And in my defense of including this (yes I have to defend myself when breaking my own rules) she DOES say “bum” in that lil coming out speech.

What are your favorite butt-related (and butt-adjacent) moments from queer TV history?

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