Twitter Critter: 25 Ellen Page Tweets For A More Adorable Day

So you’ve got two options: you can spend the whole day being a miserable sad (albeit incredibly attractive and intelligent and with your finger on the pulse of everything) human, OR you can take some time to enjoy these 100% Critter Tweets from Ellen Page and have the best damn day since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.

ellen-page

hello

Ellen Page is your imaginary best friend. You love her because she’s hilarious, small enough to crawl through tiny tunnels (should you happen upon a tiny tunnel), whip-smart, Canadian, queer, and a board certified critter. Quickly, for the uninitiated, a definition of critter:

A critter is someone who does things that normal people do in a way cuter than the average person. It can be used as a noun, adjective, or a greeting. If I was to see you on the street randomly I might say, “Hey Crit.”

Examples of critter behavior are as follows: being super cute and fun all the time, not causing drama, wearing hoodies that make you want to cuddle no matter what your relationship is, a stranger being super nice for no reason for no personal benefit for themselves, making the best out of awful situations, always being up for anything.

Critter is totally not a sexual term at all, although obvs we’ve probs all had sex with critters, it is by no means a qualification for the term.

Roughly 90% of Ellen Page’s tweets are of the critterish variety, thank god. And sometimes in this wasteland of broken hearts and dirty windows, you just want to be really thoroughly reminded that not everyone is the worst. Now is that time for you.

Definitive critter.

runagay-ellen-page

So Ellen Page had (at least) two Friday Night Lights marathons, or one 19-day Friday Night Lights spree during the month of April. We enthusiastically support either of those routes, as well as talking about your period on the internet. Obviously.

Look what Intern Grace made for you:

ellen-page-kale-leaf2

#solidarity

It is when you’re a critter!

Critters can talk about farting for hours and you’d still be down to hear more, because they’re critters. Critter farts also probs smell like butterscotch, sidenote.

Does Ellen Page need caution tape because she poses a threat to casual passersby? Or because she’s fragile and could be shattered very easily? In any case, caution tape around my cracked heart because this is so much dearness.

This is only 26 words, but it’s so chock-full of critter on so many levels, you could just stop here and not read the rest of the list. You’ve probably reached critter critical mass. Maybe take a small break to gather yourself.

Bless it.

I hope you took that break earlier, because now you have to process the idea of Ellen Page in a hoodie (default critterwear) or maybe a flannel, with wet hair and a hat, possibly crying about waterfowl, with “The Son” episode of Friday Night Lights playing in the background and a TEDDY BEAR IN HER ARMS.

Shit.

ellen-page-crying-640

intern geneva thought you’d like this

If I asked Ellen Page to co-write a Sissy Spacek fanzine with me, do you think she would? Well I already did and she hasn’t replied yet so I’ll keep you updated.

Ellen Page just said, “oh my word.” You haven’t heard that since you visited your third grade teacher that one fall and she couldn’t believe how much you’d grown.

Meanwhile you’re wondering WWEPD, and the answer is: be the most critter.

All the Canada.

Jesus christ remember when Ellen Page came out on VALENTINE’S DAY?? Only a critter could make Valentine’s Day legitimately beautiful. I cried, you cried. I’m crying right now.

!!!!!!!!

Kate Mara and Ellen Page femslash would consist entirely of them play-wrestling on the sofa, singing “Call It Off” by candlelight, then making out in a pillow fort.

blanket-fort

another gift from intern grace

Ellen Page knows how to get you to visit her hometown, because Ellen Page knows how to get you, period.

Are you ok? Do you need a minute? Take a minute if you need one.

Blesssss it.

So Canada.

ME TOO.

Like if small cartoon birds could take flight from your heartspace right now, they would.

BLESS. IT.

A-Bad-Case-of-Stripes

by intern grace

Ellen Page you are such a critter.

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28 Comments

  1. Bless you, Autostraddle, for bringing this to my life! And bless you a million times over, Ellen Page, for being your awesome, Canadian, queer, critter self!

  4. God I’m so obsessed with her. Ellen Page evokes that very lesbian emotional conflict in me–you know, the one where you can’t decide if you want to make out with her…or just, like, be her.

    So yeah, I need a new hobby.

  5. I’m on my third round of laxatives, I havn’t eaten in two days, and I’ve got a colonoscopy in 4 hours. This article is about as awesome as my day will get. Thanks for all the critterness.

  6. In clicking a link to this I was recommended a video of Ellen juggling. One thing better than a hot chick, is a hot chick that juggles…

    • i once dated a girl who juggled like that (that is Very Good Juggling btw!) and now i am just going to conflate the two and tell everyone i dated ellen page. that is totally how that works, right?

    • I just watched that 4 times.
      Once to watch the balls, once to watch her hands, once to try and figure out what she was even doing, and once to see if her little bow at the end would make me squee like it did the first three times.
      It did.
      I feel like maybe this is just my life now, squeeing at Ellen Page and feeling slightly motion-sicky.

    • there’s no way ellen page doesn’t read autostraddle, right? hi, ellen page. i’d like to pick ya up and put ya in my back pocket.

      also, the juggling? she has tricks fuh days, folks.

  10. I am actually tempted to start up a Twitter account just so I can read this cuteness every day.

  11. As a person who unironically says “oh my word” on a regular basis I would like to say OH MY WORD this is beautiful and perfect. Thank you. Bless you.

  14. omfg a bad case of the stripes was my favorite ever

    but now that intern geneva graphic is, so.

  15. Oh my word Evan Rachel Wood, bisexual, and Ellen Page are buddies? The world is so full of wonder and delight

  19. This made me tear up. Holy shit. (That could also be a period tweet.) I’m saving that picture of Ellen Page and her bursting luggage forever…

    Speaking of which, holler at Grace for the A Bad Case of Stripes cover with Ellen Page. A) Blast from the past, B) Adorable.

Comments are closed.