Tweeting For Freedom: The Second Presidential Debate

In an attempt to recreate the fun-filled, adrenaline-packed atmosphere of having a debate-viewing party in your very own home, we–the a-team of the twitterverse–have decided to do our debate coverage in the form of tweets featuring Editor-in-chief Riese, Senior Editor Rachel, Contributing Editors Carmen, Vanessa and Fonseca, Community Managerette Lemon (whose “real” name ftr is Kate Bennert #TheMoreYouKnow) and Contributors Carly and Taylor. They are qualified for this job via their strong feelings about the candidates, marginally competent knowledge of the issues at hand, and propensity for being funny on twitter. This will be more fun to read if you’ve watched the debate, but if you haven’t, we’ve embedded it for you!

And so it begins. Our fearless leader sets the tone (Riese, not Barry, duh).

Carmen, per usual, is conducting her work life from a bar on her iPhone, and let’s be real we’re all super impressed by it. Also, for those just tuning in: Barack Obama and Mittens Romney are debating. Let’s move forward.

Wait but honestly how do they choose who gets to attend? Can we all attend next time? I want to attend.

Fair and reasonable questions. Not met with any fair and reasonable answers from the tiny humans on my teevee screen, of course, but hey, we’re trying here.

Hmmmm, what’s that? Mittens trying to confuse people so they don’t know what they’re actually voting for? SHOCKING! Mittens is honestly like that dude in college who tells you it’s fine that you’re gay, you can totally still be friends, he gets it, you’re cool, and then a week later you find out he’s told the entire football team that he’s gonna help you find god and exorcise your inner demons, because we are all His Children.

Real talk: I cackled loudly thanks to Carly’s tweets throughout the entire debate. Lemon can confirm these facts. (Remember, Lemon is Kate! You may see some tweets from @katebennert, but HEYO! That’s Lemon! Aren’t pseudonyms fun?) Okay but back to Carly’s accountant.

Ugh, back to being That Guy. Did this confuse you? I tuned out so I wasn’t confused, but it would be fine if you were confused. Romney relies on confusion because that’s legit the only way anyone with half a brain and 1/4 of a conscience could ever really vote for him, amirite?!

Look, Carly had a point. I don’t like numbers either. But I’m NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT WITH AN ALLEGED TAX BREAK PLAN OF WHICH I REFUSE TO DIVULGE THE DETAILS.

Okay, now we’re getting to the Olympics trope. I’m surprised this hasn’t been more of A Thing. I guess #binders kinda took the cake…but this was weird and funny!

Should I bother? That kinda sums up my feelings with this debate in general. Did you watch? Did you miss it? I think it’s actually okay if you missed it. The whole thing is a farce. The people who care are the people who already know who they’re voting for. #LOSINGALLHOPE

As always, Riese is here to clear up any/all confusion.

OMG BFF!

NOPE, NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING RELEVANT EVER! HAHAHAHAHA JOKES ON YOU, CITIZENS OF AMERICA!

And now we begin Carly’s flurry of enthusiasm toward Our Moderator Candy.

YES HE DID.

Getting a little overzealous but I ain’t even mad about it…

#HOPEFUL #SOHOPEFUL #HOPEANDCHANGE

#neverstopyelling (Side note, Lemon & I watched the debate on our couch in our pajamas. It’s fine, Carmen has enough zest for life for all of us!)

God I never thought I’d love a man’s smirk so much. Hey Barry, heyyyyy.

Carly’s enthusiasm is the best. #GETITGETIT

You guys, have we established that Carmen was in a bar? She watched the debate in a bar.

Trying really, really hard not to roll my eyes over her “I’m absolutely not a feminist” comments from today. Okay I’ll be honest with you, I’m failing. #EYEROLL

Shit, who let her out of the binder?!

You hush your mouth about Ann Romney, Carly!

Does he know how horrible he sounds? Does he know how out of touch he seems? It’s so confusing. Are you there, Romney? It’s me, truth and logic. WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME FOR SO LONG?!

Spoiler alert: CHECK THE BINDERS!

BINDER! BINDER! BINDER! Did you watch the debate? Doesn’t matter if you didn’t! I bet you heard about BINDERS today. I bet you woke up and thought, “OMG THE QUEERS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER THE WORLD, HALLELUJAH!” Not yet, young child. Soon. The Gay Baby Army is preparing. But not quite yet. Okay onward!

#binders

#bindersbindersbinders

#bindersbindersbindersbindersbinders

Hello are we all clear that Romney is a FOOL and he made a dumb comment about #BINDERS?!

Which is why they HAVE to leave work at five, no exceptions.

Women are basically just extensions of kids, obvi.

#Grrrr

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Vanessa

Vanessa is a writer, a teacher, and the community editor at Autostraddle. Very hot, very fun, very weird. Find her on twitter and instagram.

Vanessa has written 404 articles for us.

31 Comments

  1. I’m still surprised Romney let the debate go that late. Shouldn’t he have sent Candy Crowley home to cook dinner for her family?

  2. His comment about women needing to be home to cook dinner. I was like, err, actually, my dad is the cook in the household. My brother is cook #2. My mother cooks pasta. Once a year.

    • Same. My stepfather always cooks and is home before my mom who has a more demanding job that keeps her working late. Take that mittens.

      Sidenote: Despite my mom putting in extra hours and having a more demanding job, my stepfather still makes significantly more money than her and is at a higher manager level than her – and they’re at the same company. And he’s only been at the company 24 years vs her 20 years.

  3. This is fantastic, Vanessa. My favorite tweet of last night came from @r_ortega11, one of my Choice USA field associates:
    “BINDR is the best app for finding women in your area who are DTW (down to work). #debate2012”

  4. Loving the Trapper Keeper comment. Also did anyone else think “Binders? BINDERS? FOOL IT’S 2012! This is the future!”

    Seriously, though, everything that comes out of Mittens’ mouth is bullshit or condescension or both. I don’t understand how anyone (but women especially) feel okay voting for him.

    Also how on earth is anyone undecided in this election?

  6. Can I just say the nickname “Mittens” just warms my oatmeal?

    “Binders full of women.” I still can’t.

  7. Omg, “#Mittsachusetts” is fucking golden. My newly-converted-liberal-mother was screaming about how she’s tired of hearing about Mitt and Massachusetts.

    This almost makes me wish I had a twitter account.

    • #Mittsachusetts was all lemon, you guys. i can take zero credit — she is the funny roommate, always & forever. i’m just organized and good at reminding everyone to buy toilet paper.

  9. SERIOUSLY with the Massachusetts thing. As a former and always proud Massachusettsian, I’m going to need for you to stop referencing my home state as why you should be president. WE ALL HATE YOU, ACTUALLY.

  10. I’d really like to hear from a republican voting queer on Autostraddle (rumour has it they exist). That would be a really interesting article.

  11. The best thing about this debate has, of course, been all of the facebook statuses from my ultra conservative “friends”. First, my brother admitted that Obama did do much better, but that he was still “full of it.” And just now I saw one calling Obama a big liar, and Romney a “straightforward”, “honest” man, while Politfact ran a story about Romney telling 31 lies/myths in 41 minutes, a new personal record.
    Of course Obama/Biden aren’t without their faults, but at least they get their facts straight.
    As frustrating as this election cycle is at least it’s amusing?

  12. Every time Romney said something stupid, annoying or demeaning, I threw pretzels at the tv. My digs ate ALOT of pretzels Tuesday night. Also, also @taylor-s, when he said “binders” I totally screamed at the tv “Put ’em in a Trapper Keeper so they can’t accidentally slip out!”

  13. Lol @ this > http://www.theonion.com/articles/tearful-mitt-romney-announces-he-has-rare-disease,29959/
    “Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can’t Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To”

    “Without meaning to, I reflexively stand up, stride forward, and continue trying to speak—doing so even, and especially, when one or more people are instructing me to stop talking immediately and go back to my stool. It is a truly debilitating condition that I have battled all my life.” Romney said additional symptoms of the syndrome include an inability to maintain a convincing human smile, inexplicable reversals of previously stated policy positions, and an impaired ability to chuckle without sounding like a deranged maniac.

    • All I thought when I saw this was, “yeah, but he’d never say that because a preexisting condition means a hard time getting healthcare.”

      When that is the reason an Onion article is unbelievable, there is something wrong with politics.

  15. Can I nominate Carly or Lemon to moderate the next Presidential debates? Ladies were on FIYAH. All of you.

  17. Okay during the immigration part I swear I heard Romney saying something to the effect of children born in the US with immigrant parents should get a clear path to citizenship, like joining the army. My dad also heard it that way too. He may have meant immigrant children, but I’m 95% sure he SAID children of immigrants born here. Anyway my point is anyone born here is a citizen and they don’t need any path, it’s the 14th amendment. And if he meant immigrant children, there is already the joining the army thing in place, he wouldn’t be making that policy, it exists.

  18. This is significantly better than the debate itself. And, Lemon/Kate– congratulations on dropping your anonymity!

Comments are closed.