As has been noted by many others in the media, the rollout of Trump’s cabinet picks has felt like the lineup for a really maudlin, bizarre parade sponsored by Fox News. Conspiracy theorists! White nationalists! Sexual predators! Dog-killers! Sean from The Real World: Boston!

In 2016, when I researched and ranked Trump’s cabinet nominees by terror I felt in my heart, I was evaluating a list of relatively established conservative Republicans. There were some wild cards, for sure, but also plenty of politicians widely respected by right-wing leaders, like Jeff Sessions, Rick Perry, Nikki Haley, John F. Kelly and James Mattis. Those guys were terrifying in their own way, and many didn’t last long in Trump’s administration, often due to clashes with the man himself. Now the party has been thoroughly MAGA-fied and we’re looking at a bunch of Trump loyalists with thin qualifications and absolute devotion to our future President.

Without any further ado, let’s wade into the swamp and stare into the gaping maw of our potentially extremely dark future!

This post will be updated as additional nominees are announced.

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Doug Collins, Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs

Job Description: Overseeing compensation and pensions to 6.7 million veterans and family members and health care to 9 million veterans.

What’s his deal? This former member of Trump’s impeachment defense team plans to “drain the swamp and make America WIN again.” His own military experience includes two years as a navy chaplain in the late ’80s and a post-9/11 enrollment in the United States Air Force Reserve Command. He spent five months deployed to Iraq in 2008.

Staunch anti-abortion advocate, opposes LGBTQ+ rights, opposes the Affordable Care Act, promotes anti-trans propaganda and 2020 election denialism, supported the “Muslim ban,” rejects climate change. Opposed the 2013 Violence Against Women Act.

Is there anything good to say about this man? From 1994-2005, co-ran a scrapbooking store with his wife Lisa.

Government Experience: Member of the U.S House of Representatives from Georgia (2013-2021), Member of the Georgia State House of Representatives (2007-2013)

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Elise Stefanik, UN Ambassador

Job Description: Represents the U.S. on the UN Security council

What’s her deal? Stefanik blamed Nancy Pelosi for the January 6th attacks and is a huge fan of Margaret Thatcher, the Keystone pipeline, and Donald Trump. She’s worked in government as a staffer and elected official since the George W. Bush administration.

She is staunchly pro-Israel and has been critical of the UN for not being supportive enough of Netanyahu’s genocide against Palestinians. She led questioning of university presidents during the U.S. congressional hearings in response to pro-Palestine protests on campuses. She was granted the “Dr. Miriam and Sheldon Adelson Defender of Israel Award” by the Zionist Organization of America and has suggested the U.S. reevaluate its funding of the UN after the Palestinian Authority attempted to hold Israel accountable for its human rights abuses in Gaza. She has positioned herself as a faithful and stalwart ally in the fight against antisemitism, despite historically promoting antisemitic ideas. Stefanik, like so many Conservative Christian politicians is, in essence, only fighting anti-Zionism, not actual antisemitism. Her position on Israel has earned her a lot of money, and along with her loyalty to Trump, it’s now earned her a spot in his administration.

All that said — our current ambassador to the UN, although being infinitely more qualified than Stefanik, is also a staunch and apparently unconditional ally to Israel.

Is There Anything Good To Say About This Woman: Criticized Trump’s decision to withdraw from the Paris climate agreement. Voted in favor of the Respect for Marriage Act.

Government Experience: Member of the U.S House of Representatives from New York (2015—)

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Lee Zeldin, Environmental Protection Agency Director

What’s his deal? An “ass kissing sycophant” who voted against certifying the 2020 election results, Zeldin plans to “restore US energy dominance, revitalize our auto industry to bring back American jobs, and make the US the global leader of AI” while also somehow ensuring we have the cleanest air and water of all time. Environmental groups are horrified and anticipate a “drill baby drill” agenda and a focus on deregulation. He backed Trump’s exit from the Paris climate agreement.

Is there anything good to say about this man? “Has a history of siding with Democrats on toxic chemical issues.”

Government Experience: U.S House of Representatives from New York (2015-2023), New York State Senate (2011-2014)

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John Ratcliffe, CIA Director

Job Description: Manages the agency’s intelligence collection, analysis, covert action, counterintelligence, and liaison relationships with foreign services.

What’s his deal? During Trump’s first term, Trump’s attempt to have Ratcliffe replace Dan Coats as National Intelligence Director in 2019 was thwarted by Republican senators who were concerned about Ratcliffe’s “embellishments” of his experience with terrorism and immigration cases and his potential to politicize intelligence. But in 2020, Trump got him in, and his brief tenure was predictably messy, as he chaotically declassified information in clear service of political aims and often went “off-script” and promoted falsehoods. He was the guy who declassified the Russian intelligence disinformation right before the 2020 election.

Is there anything good to say about this man: Career intelligence officials seem to feel it “could have been a lot worse” based on other potential nominees for the role.

Government Experience: Member of the U.S House of Representatives from Texas (2015-2020), Mayor of Heath, Texas (2004-2012), U.S Attorney for Eastern District of Texas (2007-2008),

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Susie Wiles, White House Chief of Staff

What’s her deal? Famously Floridian Wiles has an extensive history with Trump specifically and has been serving in advisory roles to various Republicans in office or campaigning since the 1980s, including Ronald Reagan, Ron DeSantis, and John Delaney. After many years as a lobbyist she joined Trump’s team in 2016 and hasn’t looked back, described in an in-depth Politico piece earlier this year as “in essence [Trump’s] chief of staff for the last more than three years,” credited with making him electable in 2024. Politico described friends and colleagues bewildered by someone as smart and sane as Wiles aligning herself so squarely with Trump but also feel comforted that she’d be in the room with Trump if he does win. She listed “creating order from chaos” as one of her greatest assets on LinkedIn and she is known for being shrewd and strategic in how she handles the press and her candidates’ narratives.

Is there anything good to say about this woman? “If this guy wins, and I certainly hope he doesn’t, but if he were to win again, I would hope to hell that she will play a major role.” – Susie’s friend Paul

Government Experience: Assistant/advisory roles for politicians including the mayor of Jacksonville and Rep Jack Kemp,

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Sean Duffy, Secretary of Transportation

Job Description: Overseeing infrastructure such as roads, bridges and airports as well as drone regulations, automobile safety, emissions standards and fuel-economy rules. This includes remaining funds from Biden’s $1 trillion 2021 infrastructure law.

What’s his deal? This is the log roller guy from The Real World: Boston who married Rachel from The Real World: San Francisco! Does anybody remember him, the guy who did log rolling and who accused his Black castmate Kameelah of “reverse racism” and compared her to Hitler? Well, I curse the day I ever saw this man put his feet on a log. Apparently Rachel and Sean are both Fox News hosts now.

Duffy supported Trump’s Muslim ban, says Islamic terrorism is widespread whereas the white terrorists who shot up a mosque in Quebec was a “one-off,” and is fine with wolves going extinct. He blamed Pete Buttigieg for holiday airline travel chaos in 2022. Tried to overturn Obamacare. Has said vile and racist things about Native Americans and Black people and listen I could keep going with this guy.

Unclear what his plans will be for transportation (logs?), but he did build a large bridge in Minnesota one time.

Is there anything good to say about this man? Was in Norman (The Real World: New York)’s short film about a gay wedding. Is very good at climbing up poles (holds two speed-climbing titles).

Government experience: Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Wisconsin (2011-2019), District Attorney of Ashland County, Wisconsin (2002-2010)

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Marco Rubio, Secretary of State

Job Description:  Carrying out the President’s foreign policies through the State Department and the Foreign Service of the United States.

What’s his deal? Rubio is super, super conservative, doesn’t believe in climate change, opposes the Affordable Care Act, loves guns, opposes net neutrality and is an outspoken opponent of abortion even in the case of rape or incest. When it comes to foreign policy, which is the field he’ll be overseeing for Trump, he’s described as “hawkish” and favors collecting metadata for national security. Fair Observer has noted that “he is the most certain to provide continuity with all that is wrong with United States foreign policy, from Cuba to the Middle East to China.” That same piece says that Marco, who is Cuban, seems on board with a plan to “economically strangle and starve” the people of Cuba into submission.

When it comes to the genocide in Gaza, Rubio is a staunch supporter of Israel, believing they can do no wrong. When asked if it was possible to stop Hamas without causing major casualties amongst innocents in Gaza, Rubio said no, adding “I don’t think there’s any way Israel can be expected to coexist or find some diplomatic off-ramp with these savages.” He’s also likely to add fuel to Israel’s fire against Iran, who Rubio is “obsessed” with. He’s accepted millions of dollars from pro-Israel groups throughout his career, and supports Trump’s plan to deport students who protest against Israel.

Is there anything good to say about this man? Seems to have sound positions on Ukraine?

Government Experience: U.S Senator from Florida (2011 – present), Member of the Florida House of Representatives (2000-2008), Speaker of the Florida House of Representatives (2006-2008)

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Howard Lutnick, Secretary of Commerce

Job Description: Promoting American businesses and industries; fostering, promoting, and developing the foreign and domestic commerce.

What’s His Deal? Lutnick is the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald. He donated $1 million to Trump’s Super PAC and has a dynamic range of potential conflicts in his current role (overseeing Trump’s transition) due to his involvement with firms regulated by the agencies for which he is currently selecting leadership.

Lutnick is considered one of the most “iconic figures” of 9/11, having missed the fate that claimed 658 of his firm’s 960 employees because he was taking his son to kindergarten, and was searching for his brother and other employees at the site when the second tower collapsed. His philanthropic activities include a fund for families of 9/11 victims that is now a fund for all disaster victims. He agrees with RFK that vaccines cause autism and plans to make America great again by cutting taxes and raising tariffs.

Is there anything good to say about this man? His various philanthropic endeavors have delivered millions of dollars of relief to victims of Hurricane Sandy and the Moore Tornado in Oklahoma as well as families of 9/11 victims. His Global Charity Day events have raised $113 million dollars and have included participants like Lady Gaga, Susan Sarandon, Prince Harry, and Venus Williams.

Government Experience: None

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Doug Burgum, Secretary of the Interior

Job Description: Responsible for the management and conservation of most federal land and natural resources.

What’s his deal? One of the richest politicians in the U.S. with a $1+ billion dollar net worth (from his software companies and investment firms), Burgum says he will establish U.S. energy dominance by cutting “unnecessary regulation” and “favoring innovation.” The Sierra Club is alarmed, as are numerous environmental groups who fear him turning America’s public lands into “an even bigger cash cow for the oil and gas industry” or shrink our parks and national monuments.

He’s signed anti-LGBTQ+ bills in North Dakota including bills banning gender-affirming care for minors, restricting drag shows, and banning trans people from using bathrooms or showers aligned with their gender identity in prisons, domestic violence shelters, and state universities.

Is There Anything Good To Say About This Man: He got positive marks from some Native American tribal leaders in his state for “improving North Dakota’s once-tenuous relationship with local tribes.” Progressive Democrat Jared Huffman, senior member of the House natural resources committee, says Trump’s choice “could be worse for sure.” In 2021, said he believed climate change was real and wanted to make North Dakota carbon neutral.

Government experience:  North Dakota governor

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Tulsi Gabbard, Director of National Intelligence

Job Description: Head of the U.S Intelligence Community, oversees and directs the implementation of the National Intelligence Program, principal advisor to the President, NSC and HSC for intelligence matters.

What’s her deal? Gabbard is a tricky one and difficult to summarize because she is really such a kook who has been on so many journeys in her relatively short life! She’s a military veteran, the first American Samoan and practicing Hindu elected to congress, and a former Democrat who endorsed Biden in 2020 before gradually shifting conservative, leaving the party in 2022 and speaking at CPAC that year. Even as a Democrat, she held a mix of sound positions (legalizing marijuana, ending the failed ‘war on drugs’ and cash bail) and not-so-sound positions (working for an anti-gay-marriage PAC from 1998-2004 and supporting anti-LGBTQ legislation). As far as her new role goes, Dems have expressed concern that she’s “basically said good things” about Assad and Putin and the intelligence community is plainly “alarmed.” She has deep ties to Hindu nationalism. She has no intelligence background and has “taken public policy positions that echo Russian propaganda.”

Is there anything good to say about this woman? Well, The New York Post hates her for “falsely accusing the US of being the driver of war” and not being aggressive enough w/r/t war.

Government Experience: Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Hawaii (2013-2021), Vice Chair of the Democratic National Committee (2013-2016), Member of the Honolulu City Council (2011-2012), Member of the Hawaii House of Representatives (2002-2004)

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Chris Wright, Secretary of Energy

Job Description: Duties related to the generation and use of energy, one of the primary responsibility-holders for the nation’s nuclear weapon stash.

What’s his deal? Wright is a fossil fuel executive and fracking magnate who earns $5.6 million a year from fracking company Liberty Energy and donated generously to Trump’s campaign. He completely discounts the existence of a climate crisis, the rise of extreme weather, and the need for an energy transition, and he opposes clean energy government subsidies, which he claims help rich people while making other people poor. He discounts the scientific consensus that greenhouse gas emissions have led to a warming planet and believes fossil fuel and fracking will lift people out of poverty worldwide. He plans to weaken or reverse Biden’s commitment to regulating carbon pollution and increase electric war production. He drank fracking fluid on camera in 2019 to prove that it’s not dangerous and will definitely will be doing everything he can to destroy this wretched planet.

Is there anything good to say about this man? No

Government Experience: None

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Linda McMahon, Secretary of Education

Job Description: Deals with federal influence over education policy, including school choice, civil rights in schools and administering school loans.

What’s her deal? She led the Small Business Administration during Trump’s first term and is co-chairing his transition while also working for the Trump-forward America First Policy Institute. Prior to all this, she transformed the World Wrestling Entertainment into a multibillion dollar enterprise, which makes her, at least, sort of interesting. Her only relevant education experience is a Connecticut State Board of Education stint in 2009-2010, an appointment challenged even then for her lack of experience. She now claims her time on the board of trustees at Sacred Heart University in Connecticut is Experience.

Like Trump’s appointment of Betsy DeVos in 2016, we’ve got an enemy of public education assigned to oversee public education. When it comes to K-12, she’s a big “parent choice” gal, as all Republicans are, a position popular amongst humans who want to drain public schools of resources and parents who want their kids to attend private Christian schools. She’s likely to echo Trump’s commitments to school prayer, “rooting out the woke DEI initiatives,” killing “critical race theory,” and withholding funding from schools that acknowledge the existence of trans people and attempt to make their lives livable. She wants to “align the nation’s education system more closely with the real vision of the American founders” which is not great!

Is there anything good to say about this woman? She favors expanding the Pell Grant and was pro-choice at some point.

Government experience: Led SBA during Trump’s first term. Failed senate campaign.

Oh and: In October, she was named as a defendant in a lawsuit for her alleged knowledge of “open rampant abuse” of young boys by a WWE ringside announcer. She and her husband are accused of knowing this man’s “peculiar and unnatural interest” in young boys and allowing it to transpire.

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Kristi Noem, Secretary of Homeland Security

Job Description: Will oversee the third-largest department of the U.S. government with components including ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), the TSA, Customs and Border Protection, FEMA, the Coast Guard, and the Secret Service.

What’s her Deal? She famously shot and killed her family dog dead in a gravel pit because he “ruined the [pheasant] hunt.” Like so many of Trump’s nominees, she has no relevant qualifications for the role. She signed a law prohibiting trans girls from competing in sports matching their gender identity (despite, btw, there not being any trans girls playing sports in her entire state), opposes “critical race theory,” and proudly maintained minimal restrictions for South Dakotans during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic despite the state’s high per capita death toll. She has bad relationships with local Native American tribes, and pushed the narrative “that Mexican cartels were running rampant in the state’s tribal nations.” With the help of private donations, she sent South Dakota National Guard members to Texas to “help out” at the border. In her book, she claimed to have met Kim Jong Un (she did not) and also to have a meeting with French president Emmanuel Macron (she did not) that she cancelled because he made a “very pro-Hamas” comment to the press.

She’s called for the punishment of Democratic “sanctuary cities” and in general seems to be aligned with Trump’s assorted illogical, impractical, and bigoted plans for immigration and the border.

Is there anything good to say about this woman? No

Government Experience: Governor of South Dakota, Member of the U.S House of Representatives from South Dakota (2011 – 2019), South Dakota House of Representatives (2007-2011).

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Pam Bondi, Attorney General

Job Description: Head of the Department of Justice, chief law enforcement officer of the federal government.

What’s Her Deal? Bondi is a longtime Trump alley who served on his defense team during his first impeachment trial and in 2013 called off joining a lawsuit against Trump University after Trump dropped a donation into her re-election PAC. The “fundraising controversies” section is the longest section on her Wikipedia. She’s a friend of Sean Hannity and a frequent Fox News guest who currently leads the legal arm of right-wing dark money think tank America First Policy Institute and participated heavily in discourse and lawsuits around Trump’s voter fraud claims in 2020. She fought against marriage equality in Florida and has sketchy ties to Russia.

Is there anything good to say about this woman? She is not Matt Gaetz.

Government experience: Attorney General of Florida (2011-2019)

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Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense

Job Description: Oversees the armed forces and reports directly to the president in his capacity as the military’s commander-in-chief.

What’s his deal? Pete is a highly decorated former Army National Guard officer, Fox News political commentator, Fox & Friends weekend co-host, and noted Christian Nationalist Zionist who doesn’t wash his hands and believes college students are learning too much about the environment and not enough about Islamic extremism. He opposes Putin and Russia but opposes “wokeness” more. He wants to carpet-bomb Iran and give the West Bank to Israel. He defends January 6th attackers as “patriots.” He believes Islamic extremism is the biggest threat to our national security and wants the U.S. to curb its Muslim population.

He has defended war crimes including the murder of civilians in Iraq and torturing inmates at Guantanamo Bay. He was amongst the twelve National Guard volunteers “excused” from working Biden’s inauguration due to “extremist” political views, although Hegseth has claimed his dismissal was due to his Jerusalem Cross tattoo. His proposed adjustments to the U.S military include axing DEI programs and the phrase “our diversity is our strength,” getting women out of combat roles and trans people out of the military altogether. He thinks Omicron was invented by Democrats to help them win the 2022 midterms, George Floyd died of a drug overdose, and the Holocaust was enacted by “German socialists.” Even Jonathan Chait finds Hegseth’s beliefs bone-chilling.

He once accidentally permanently injured a West Point drummer with an axe during an axe-throwing Flag Day segment on Fox News.

Is there anything good to say about this man? No

Government Experience: None

Oh and: He paid off a conservative group staffer who accused him of sexually assaulting her in a hotel room. He also cheated on his second wife with a Fox news producer, an affair which resulted in the birth of a child.

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr, Secretary of Health and Human Services

Job Description: Oversees 11 agencies including the FDA, CDC and NIH, serves as principal advisor to the President on health, welfare and income security programs.

What’s his deal? RFK, a noted leader in the field of COVID-19 misinformation, drinks unpasteurized milk exclusively, takes a self-prescribed regimen of “organic testosterone,” never eats before noon, and has a dead worm in his brain. His relevant policy positions include skepticism towards vaccines, medical journals, Big Pharma, and food manufacturers. He opposes fluoridating water, a practice which the CDC has honored for its dramatic reduction of tooth decay. Kennedy has asserted that fluoride makes kids gay or trans as well as causing arthritis and bone cancer.

He has been described as “an anti-vaccine paranoid crank who has a trail of dead children in Samoa.” His friends and family describe him as a man “who has championed important environmental causes” but also has “an unnerving ease with blending fact and fiction,” a “powerful ability to deny the collateral damage of his own destructive actions,” and a “pathological need for attention.” He’s published books on topics like “why his cousin didn’t actually murder the teenage girl he was imprisoned for murdering” and “the dangers of vaccines.” The farming industry considers him “a threat to American agriculture.” He backs bans on gender-affirming treatments like puberty blockers and hormone therapy for minors and claims HIV is not the cause of AIDS — poppers are.

Is There Anything Good To Say About This Man: He has mostly sound views about climate change and environmental conservation. But that is not the role he will be taking in this administration.

Government Experience: Unsuccessful 2024 presidential campaign

Oh and: He was accused of sexual assault by his babysitter. Kennedy denied the allegations while also claiming he is “not a church boy… I have so many skeletons in my closet.” He is described by family and peers as a sex addict who would “sleep with an Ottoman.” He compulsively cheated on his wife, Mary Richardson, who died by suicide in 2012.