Since our last voyage on the good ship Transparent, Amazon has announced that Transparent will be renewed for a second season! Apparently Transparent is currently the top-ranked Prime Instant Video series, although Amazon hasn’t given out any numbers about precisely how many people have watched it. Aside from questions about Amazon vs. Netflix, though, there seems to be at least one more important takeaway: between Transparent and OINTB, if you make shows about trans and/or queer women, people watch them! Are you writing this down television studios! Okay great, onto the recap.

We’re in Maura’s house as she packs up her entire past in order to move, and Sarah is helping. Maura is drinking some sort of brown liquor out of a brandy snifter — it may even be brandy, in fact — which sounds like a great idea, actually, thanks for suggesting that, Maura.

That was just not a good look for great-aunt Greta

Maura says that she’s going to come out to Josh next, and Sarah offers to be there for it, as well as reminding Maura that there’s no good time to come out; it’s “like having a baby. It just shows up and you figure it out.” Maura asks if Sarah’s ok with Maura’s identity, and Sarah is very sweet if a little fumbly and sort of wince-inducing, telling Maura how “inspiring” it is that she’s “being herself.” It’s sort of the worst whenever you tell someone that the fact of their being is “inspiring” you, like their life is a UNICEF commercial, but at least Sarah’s trying.

No seriously, this womyn’s macrame class has really unlocked my joy

Maura very politely asks how long Sarah and Tammy have been “carrying on,” and backpedals by saying “It’s none of my business.” Actually I feel like the moment Sarah and Tammy broke into her house to try to have sex on her bed it became her business, but Maura is a better person than I am. It doesn’t matter if it’s Maura’s business or not, because Sarah REALLY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT TAMMY. She says she’s obsessed with her and can’t stop texting her and is falling in love, and is confused about why Maura isn’t as thrilled by this news as she is. DANGER WILL ROBINSON. But it’s clear at this point Sarah is already on the bad idea train and nothing will get her off it. Maura asks what this means for her and Len, and if she still loves him, to which Sarah responds “No!” like she’s a fourth grader being asked if she wants to catch cooties.

I told you you need to start using those Pledge furniture wipes, they really make a difference

Maura gently suggests that Sarah, you know, tell Len what it is she wants out of a relationship if she’s not getting it from him, but Sarah doesn’t want to do that because the point is that they’re supposed to know without you saying anything, DUH. Ugh this is the worst — I was just talking with a heartbroken gay dude in somebody’s kitchen about this last night! That’s like the absolute most harmful thing you can do, is set someone up to read your mind about what you what in a relationship and then get mad when they don’t do it right. When I have my own show like Oprah y’all are going to hear a lot about this.

Anyways, Sarah is gonna stay the night at Maura’s, presumably because she doesn’t wanna see Len. I have no idea where her kids are or what they’re doing. It’s a striking contrast that Maura is really worried about how her decisions will affect her kids even though her identity is her own business and won’t hurt anyone else, and Sarah seems totally unfazed by the idea of potentially upending her kids’ whole lives along with her marriage. Sarah ends the evening by leaving Tammy a sappy voicemail (voicemails plural?) that is so saccharine it’s hard to listen to. GET A GRIP YOU TWO. Poking around the room she’s sleeping in, she finds a bunch of empty cereal boxes that are being used to store a bunch of letters and photos, including a sultry one of a lady labeled “xoxo Rita.” THE PLOT THICKENS. Remember Rita from the pilot? You will soon!

Over in the hipster house of horrors, Josh is leaving a bunch of bratty voicemails for his girlfriend, whose name I have finally discovered — Kaya! He interrupts her sister from, you know, actually trying to make music, as is their job, to poutily try to make her collude in getting Kaya to call him back. When he tells her he wants to marry Kaya, Kaya’s sister comes through with the best line of the episode (and this episode has a lot of good lines):

Oh my god, you weird old sad fellow! Married? Are you living in a fucking dream world?

Did you seriously just describe Courtney Love as “Kurt Cobain’s girlfriend?” You don’t even deserve to touch my signed Live Through This vinyl.

After this he’s gonna go home and make his AIM away message a sad Green Day lyric so that everyone knows how ~*tortured*~ he is.

Josh’s phone rings again but it’s not Kaya, it’s Sarah telling him he has to come help Maura pack as a ruse to get him to the house so that Maura can come out to him, and in order to do so she sort of threatens him with her knowledge of The Cereal Boxes, and we learn that Rita, aka Creepy Rita, was once “the babysitter.” This seems like it was probably something super healthy and good!

Yes I’d like ten more shirts just like this please, thank you

Over at Ali’s, Carrie Brownstein has returned! Her sweater is really cute. She’s brought over some MDMA for Ali and has cleared her weekend so they can take it together — oh wait, Ali actually has other plans, she wanted to take it with Derek and his roommate and try to initiate a threesome. Were we ever so young? Carrie takes the news like a champ. Everyone needs a friend like Carrie, who will just sigh and roll with it when she finds out about your probably ill-advised sex plans for the drugs that she so gallantly got for both of you. Let’s all try to be a little more like Carrie today.

What do you think, two or three fingers? What do I do with my thumb? Does Autostraddle have an article on this?

Anyhow Ali demonstrates “spit-roasting” for Carrie with a variety of condiments, which Ali learned about from porn but Carrie doesn’t watch porn, and we learn that Ali has a fetishistic thing for black guys. It’s unclear whether maybe Carrie Brownstein has Romance Feelings for Ali and that’s why she’s not crazy about this plan or whether it’s maybe just not that great a plan.

Fuck, marry, kill: Nicky, Poussey, and Alex Vause

WOW okay you’re just gonna spring that on me, wowowow, this is literally impossible

Maura is only taking like eight boxes with her when she moves, which I am crazy jealous of because I always think that’s what I’m going to do and then I end up in the new place with like four different pairs of black rain boots and someone else’s armoire. She’s nervous about Josh coming over but is trying not to be because Maura is the bravest in the world. Also you can see a repurposed Amazon shipping box behind her. Getting very meta over here.

You let the cat out again? You had one job.

When Josh does show up, though, Maura goes back into the house and only reappears after some time, changed back into cargo shorts and a short-sleeved button-down with no makeup. Which is totally fine! It’s really scary and I would never want to tell Josh anything personal about myself because he’s capable of being super insensitive and awful. Josh does, however, notice Maura’s perfume, and concludes that she’s got a new girlfriend and is moving in with her. Ach! This is hard. There’s just so much to not know and not get about another person, even someone you love.

Wait, so this is a vibrator? How does it turn on? I don’t see a button. Why does it keep making that ticking sound.

Starsweep to 1992, where Maura is at an adult bookstore. She’s at the porn mag rack looking for magazines featuring trans women, because this is before widely accessible internet and this is one of the only ways she can see images of trans women and affirm that they exist. The magazine rack is small so she has to stand next to a dude, which seems less than ideal. They communicate in whispers because porn, with this stranger dude suggesting creative ways to hide porn magazine subscriptions and Maura chuckling nervously. It is difficult to imagine a more uncomfortable human interaction than this.

I can see my reflection in your shiny, shiny forehead

When Maura has purchased her magazine, she walks back out to the car and we find that all of her kids are waiting for her, with Baby Sarah singing along to a Walkman. Her voice is really good, probably Adult Josh should offer her a record deal. Maura has brought back candy for all of her kids, and tells them not to make a peep, and Ali and Josh look at each other and adorably sing out “Peeeeeeep!” in unison. Who knew how irritating you could grow up to be, little ones!

Plotting to trade Squirtle for Charmander because Blue Version just isn’t that great

Back to the future! Ali is explaining her MDMA plan to Derek, who is skeptical but also thinks Ali is cute. Derek has his shit more together than anyone on this show besides Maura and maybe Kaya. Derek indicates that it would not be a good idea to offer to share the drugs with his roommate Mike, so of course Ali immediately does so. Mike is an easy sell.

YOU get a car and YOU get a car and YOU get a car

You don’t even have one car. You don’t even have a license.

Next we move to the record company that Josh works for, where we get a Mad Men re-enactment. Josh’s Chill Bro boss is trying to move him to work with a new band and let someone else handle Kaya and her sister, and obvs Josh is Real Pouty about it. He does a bunch of whiny yelling in the middle of the boardroom and in front of this new band, and finally drags it out of his boss that Kaya went over his head and told his boss she wasn’t comfortable with him. Obviously his tantrum about how Kaya is trying to get him fired ends with him getting actually fired. I feel like there are a lot of Josh/Pete Campbell parallels. There’s a thinkpiece in here somewhere.

I’m sorry, but we’ve talked about it and you’re out of the band. We already have two other tambourine players and they both have better haircuts than you.

Across town, Sarah is coming home to the house she shares with Len to the tune of some Emotional Piano Music. At first I thought the house seemed really cold and empty because Len and the kids had left her, but then I realized that’s just how their house is. Len is sitting at their kitchen counter instead of at their enormous kitchen table, which makes him seem sort of like a little kid. They awkwardly greet each other, and it’s not clear whether they’re so stiff because they both know their marriage is at a crisis point, or if this is just their status quo, and either way it’s sad.

The call is coming from inside the kitchen

Len says he has set aside a whole hour to talk to her. Don’t get TOO supportive over there, Len! Sarah sort of spins her wheels and says some stuff about feeling really overwhelmed, and while normally I’m really gung ho about how even people who don’t have 9-5 jobs are often under a lot of pressure, especially women who do a lot of invisible labor, it’s really hard to see how overwhelmed Sarah could be as a full-time homemaker who also has paid full-time support staff to cook, clean and care for her kids.

Have you seen this cunnilingus guide on Autostraddle? I’ve been taking a lot of notes

Are you serious, I told you about that cunnilingus guide like six months ago

Eventually, of course, the truth comes out and Sarah tells Len that she was in love with Tammy in college, and is still in love with her now. Len wants to call their marriage counselor, whom it’s clear they’ve seen before, but Sarah won’t let him. “This isn’t us,” she says, “it’s me.”

“You’re not allowed to do this, you know,” Len says, and while I have never for one second really liked Len this line still kills me because yes, that is exactly the feeling. Even though it comes across as sort of gross when it’s a man saying it to a female partner, that’s exactly how it feels: This isn’t fair. You’re supposed to love me, not someone else.

Take me for what I am! /Who I was meant to be! /And if you give a damn/Take me baby, or leave me

Meanwhile, Josh has left the record company and driven to Kaya’s house, where he is having just as pleasant a conversation as Sarah just had. Also, man, Josh, you have really missed some memos about how to endear yourself to the lady you allegedly love. When you find out she’s uncomfortable around you and has asked other people to help keep you apart, driving directly to her house uninvited while you’re still mad isn’t your best move! I’m running out of red flags to put up over here. While Josh is on a roll, he also tells Kaya he doesn’t know if she can really appreciate what a big deal her pregnancy is. Really, Josh. You’re worried she, the pregnant girl, might not really get how big a deal it is.

He tells her more about how he wants to do The Right Thing, and Kaya correctly points out that in this context The Right Thing is conveniently aligned with what he wants and not what would actually be good for anyone else.

It was MY turn to wear the tube socks with the high-waisted shorts, that’s why we drew up that schedule and everything

He tries to reroute the conversation back to the collection of cells he’s obsessed with and reminds her “Look, Kaya, we have a baby in there.” Truly, nothing says “we’re in this together” like referring to someone’s reproductive organs as “in there.” Since Kaya’s the one with the “in there” in question, dude, maybe “we” isn’t the pronoun that you’re looking for here. But mais non, Kaya reveals that she’s already had the abortion! Bravo, Kaya. Maybe you can never talk to him again now!

I will kill you with my eyes

Maura is telling Davina about how it was too hard to come out to Josh as they unpack her glassware, and Davina commiserates. Davina wants to go get a drink — a festive cocktail, even — but Maura feels like she couldn’t really celebrate before coming out to Ali.

You have to get one of those scrubby things at the end of the long wand to really get down in there.

Speaking of Ali, she’s portioning out E for herself, Mike and Derek. Derek predicts that’s “shit’s about to get weird.” He’s mostly right and this is a silly idea but I’m realizing that I feel more affinity for Ali than the other two siblings because her questionable choices don’t really hurt anyone besides herself. Partially that’s due to the fact that she’s still a baby and doesn’t really have much obligation to other people, but still, if getting high and having silly consensual sex is your worst mistake, you’re doing okay. This is also great because it means that we’re going to get to see a Zany Drug Montage, which I LOVE. Stay tuned.

You can’t keep all the red Skittles for yourself. That’s super rude. All I have are green over here.

Before we can get to the zany montages, we watch Sarah driving across town and leaving another message for Tammy. She lets her know that she just left Len, and she hasn’t figured out what to tell the kids yet. Does she think that she and Tammy are gonna be together forever and ever amen? I hope not, because that idea seems sort of undercut by the fact that Tammy kind of seems to be screening her calls.

So remember when we were driving driving in your car/Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk/City lights lay out before us/And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder

Finally, the drug montage! Derek is doing some strength training, because he’s nothing if not consistent. Ali is spooning a giant furry comforter and maybe kind of humping it, who knows. This sectional couch they have really seems to be a good choice for giant MDMA-fueled cuddle puddles because you can fit a lot of people on it in different configurations.

too drunk to take your bra off before falling asleep dot com

Ali and Mike cuddle and call Derek over; it seems as though Ali’s threesome dreams could become a reality! Mike and Derek both start taking her clothes off, and sexy times seem IMMINENT. Until Ali starts making it weird by suggesting that she’s going to function as a vessel for Derek and Mike because what they really want is to have sex with each other. I dunno about this, Ali. My experience with straight dudes is limited, but I feel confident saying that they really don’t respond well to being told they’re gay for each other.

If you say “Jackie Brown” in the mirror three times, the ghost of Kit Porter appears

Aaaaand yup, sexytimes are aborted and Derek calls Ali a cab to get home so he can continue lifting free weights and Mike can stare at a fish tank or something probably. This was actually really suspenseful because being super fucked up and put into a cab alone is incredibly terrifying, I mean that cab driver could take you anywhere or do anything!

Waiiiiiiiit you still owe me $15 for pizza

But thankfully all this guy does is let Ali have some bulk candy from Costco and let her speculate about his family back in Armenia and draw on his windows. It’s all very lovely. Denizens of LA, is this what your cab drivers are like? If so, congrats, seems nice.

In other, less uplifting driving contexts, Sarah has driven across town to Tammy’s house in a classic Thing You’re Not Supposed To Do While Having An Affair, I mean honestly it’s a weeknight. She can see through the bay window that Tammy is actually spending time with her wife and daughter instead of laying in a darkened room alone listening to Sarah’s voicemails on repeat and drawing her face from memory like that Joni Mitchell song. Does that actually happen in “Case of You” or is it just something that seems like it could be in “Case of You?” Either way, you know what I mean. Womp womp, Sarah.

*Cape Fear theme*

Josh is home alone, sad and pantsless, flipping through the contents of his cereal boxes. We can see lots of letters in different handwriting that he and Rita (again, his former babysitter) exchanged, and can see that at least at some point they both mentioned the idea of marrying and having a family — so, the exact things that Kaya doesn’t want to do.

We can also see a few more Polaroids, and in some of them it’s very clear that Josh is still a child. None of this seems remotely okay. What happened to Josh in the past, and what relationship does he still have with Rita now? We don’t know yet, but he’s crying alone in his own stairwell and while no past abuse is an excuse for anything he’s said or done to Kaya, it does help us see that he is a real person who experiences real pain for valid reasons.

Speaking of pain, Sarah is back at Maura’s house, which is now empty. She doesn’t want to stay at home with Len and if she had any dreams of staying with Tammy for some reason, those are dashed, so instead she sets up a little nest in Maura’s empty bedroom. It’s kind of the adult version of crawling into your parent’s bed after you had a nightmare, and even though Sarah’s feelings are largely the result of her own questionable decisions, it’s still sad.

When you think about it, aren’t we all just candles in the wind

Ali has gotten home safely, and is hanging out in the courtyard of her apartment building thinking about why the people of the world can’t all just love each other when Maura calls. The last thing we see is a super blissed-out Ali telling Maura “You want to come visit me? Yes, now is the perfect time; I would love that!” This sounds like it will be an excellent interaction for everyone involved.

YES I will take one extra-large for delivery with sausage, peppers, and EXTRA CHEESE

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