Back to the future! Ali is explaining her MDMA plan to Derek, who is skeptical but also thinks Ali is cute. Derek has his shit more together than anyone on this show besides Maura and maybe Kaya. Derek indicates that it would not be a good idea to offer to share the drugs with his roommate Mike, so of course Ali immediately does so. Mike is an easy sell.

YOU get a car and YOU get a car and YOU get a car

You don’t even have one car. You don’t even have a license.

Next we move to the record company that Josh works for, where we get a Mad Men re-enactment. Josh’s Chill Bro boss is trying to move him to work with a new band and let someone else handle Kaya and her sister, and obvs Josh is Real Pouty about it. He does a bunch of whiny yelling in the middle of the boardroom and in front of this new band, and finally drags it out of his boss that Kaya went over his head and told his boss she wasn’t comfortable with him. Obviously his tantrum about how Kaya is trying to get him fired ends with him getting actually fired. I feel like there are a lot of Josh/Pete Campbell parallels. There’s a thinkpiece in here somewhere.

I’m sorry, but we’ve talked about it and you’re out of the band. We already have two other tambourine players and they both have better haircuts than you.

Across town, Sarah is coming home to the house she shares with Len to the tune of some Emotional Piano Music. At first I thought the house seemed really cold and empty because Len and the kids had left her, but then I realized that’s just how their house is. Len is sitting at their kitchen counter instead of at their enormous kitchen table, which makes him seem sort of like a little kid. They awkwardly greet each other, and it’s not clear whether they’re so stiff because they both know their marriage is at a crisis point, or if this is just their status quo, and either way it’s sad.

The call is coming from inside the kitchen

Len says he has set aside a whole hour to talk to her. Don’t get TOO supportive over there, Len! Sarah sort of spins her wheels and says some stuff about feeling really overwhelmed, and while normally I’m really gung ho about how even people who don’t have 9-5 jobs are often under a lot of pressure, especially women who do a lot of invisible labor, it’s really hard to see how overwhelmed Sarah could be as a full-time homemaker who also has paid full-time support staff to cook, clean and care for her kids.

Have you seen this cunnilingus guide on Autostraddle? I’ve been taking a lot of notes

Are you serious, I told you about that cunnilingus guide like six months ago

Eventually, of course, the truth comes out and Sarah tells Len that she was in love with Tammy in college, and is still in love with her now. Len wants to call their marriage counselor, whom it’s clear they’ve seen before, but Sarah won’t let him. “This isn’t us,” she says, “it’s me.”

“You’re not allowed to do this, you know,” Len says, and while I have never for one second really liked Len this line still kills me because yes, that is exactly the feeling. Even though it comes across as sort of gross when it’s a man saying it to a female partner, that’s exactly how it feels: This isn’t fair. You’re supposed to love me, not someone else.

Take me for what I am! /Who I was meant to be! /And if you give a damn/Take me baby, or leave me

Meanwhile, Josh has left the record company and driven to Kaya’s house, where he is having just as pleasant a conversation as Sarah just had. Also, man, Josh, you have really missed some memos about how to endear yourself to the lady you allegedly love. When you find out she’s uncomfortable around you and has asked other people to help keep you apart, driving directly to her house uninvited while you’re still mad isn’t your best move! I’m running out of red flags to put up over here. While Josh is on a roll, he also tells Kaya he doesn’t know if she can really appreciate what a big deal her pregnancy is. Really, Josh. You’re worried she, the pregnant girl, might not really get how big a deal it is.

He tells her more about how he wants to do The Right Thing, and Kaya correctly points out that in this context The Right Thing is conveniently aligned with what he wants and not what would actually be good for anyone else.

It was MY turn to wear the tube socks with the high-waisted shorts, that’s why we drew up that schedule and everything

He tries to reroute the conversation back to the collection of cells he’s obsessed with and reminds her “Look, Kaya, we have a baby in there.” Truly, nothing says “we’re in this together” like referring to someone’s reproductive organs as “in there.” Since Kaya’s the one with the “in there” in question, dude, maybe “we” isn’t the pronoun that you’re looking for here. But mais non, Kaya reveals that she’s already had the abortion! Bravo, Kaya. Maybe you can never talk to him again now!

I will kill you with my eyes

Maura is telling Davina about how it was too hard to come out to Josh as they unpack her glassware, and Davina commiserates. Davina wants to go get a drink — a festive cocktail, even — but Maura feels like she couldn’t really celebrate before coming out to Ali.

You have to get one of those scrubby things at the end of the long wand to really get down in there.

Speaking of Ali, she’s portioning out E for herself, Mike and Derek. Derek predicts that’s “shit’s about to get weird.” He’s mostly right and this is a silly idea but I’m realizing that I feel more affinity for Ali than the other two siblings because her questionable choices don’t really hurt anyone besides herself. Partially that’s due to the fact that she’s still a baby and doesn’t really have much obligation to other people, but still, if getting high and having silly consensual sex is your worst mistake, you’re doing okay. This is also great because it means that we’re going to get to see a Zany Drug Montage, which I LOVE. Stay tuned.

You can’t keep all the red Skittles for yourself. That’s super rude. All I have are green over here.

Before we can get to the zany montages, we watch Sarah driving across town and leaving another message for Tammy. She lets her know that she just left Len, and she hasn’t figured out what to tell the kids yet. Does she think that she and Tammy are gonna be together forever and ever amen? I hope not, because that idea seems sort of undercut by the fact that Tammy kind of seems to be screening her calls.

So remember when we were driving driving in your car/Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk/City lights lay out before us/And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder

Finally, the drug montage! Derek is doing some strength training, because he’s nothing if not consistent. Ali is spooning a giant furry comforter and maybe kind of humping it, who knows. This sectional couch they have really seems to be a good choice for giant MDMA-fueled cuddle puddles because you can fit a lot of people on it in different configurations.

too drunk to take your bra off before falling asleep dot com

Ali and Mike cuddle and call Derek over; it seems as though Ali’s threesome dreams could become a reality! Mike and Derek both start taking her clothes off, and sexy times seem IMMINENT. Until Ali starts making it weird by suggesting that she’s going to function as a vessel for Derek and Mike because what they really want is to have sex with each other. I dunno about this, Ali. My experience with straight dudes is limited, but I feel confident saying that they really don’t respond well to being told they’re gay for each other.

If you say “Jackie Brown” in the mirror three times, the ghost of Kit Porter appears

Aaaaand yup, sexytimes are aborted and Derek calls Ali a cab to get home so he can continue lifting free weights and Mike can stare at a fish tank or something probably. This was actually really suspenseful because being super fucked up and put into a cab alone is incredibly terrifying, I mean that cab driver could take you anywhere or do anything!

Waiiiiiiiit you still owe me $15 for pizza

But thankfully all this guy does is let Ali have some bulk candy from Costco and let her speculate about his family back in Armenia and draw on his windows. It’s all very lovely. Denizens of LA, is this what your cab drivers are like? If so, congrats, seems nice.

In other, less uplifting driving contexts, Sarah has driven across town to Tammy’s house in a classic Thing You’re Not Supposed To Do While Having An Affair, I mean honestly it’s a weeknight. She can see through the bay window that Tammy is actually spending time with her wife and daughter instead of laying in a darkened room alone listening to Sarah’s voicemails on repeat and drawing her face from memory like that Joni Mitchell song. Does that actually happen in “Case of You” or is it just something that seems like it could be in “Case of You?” Either way, you know what I mean. Womp womp, Sarah.

*Cape Fear theme*

Josh is home alone, sad and pantsless, flipping through the contents of his cereal boxes. We can see lots of letters in different handwriting that he and Rita (again, his former babysitter) exchanged, and can see that at least at some point they both mentioned the idea of marrying and having a family — so, the exact things that Kaya doesn’t want to do.

We can also see a few more Polaroids, and in some of them it’s very clear that Josh is still a child. None of this seems remotely okay. What happened to Josh in the past, and what relationship does he still have with Rita now? We don’t know yet, but he’s crying alone in his own stairwell and while no past abuse is an excuse for anything he’s said or done to Kaya, it does help us see that he is a real person who experiences real pain for valid reasons.

Speaking of pain, Sarah is back at Maura’s house, which is now empty. She doesn’t want to stay at home with Len and if she had any dreams of staying with Tammy for some reason, those are dashed, so instead she sets up a little nest in Maura’s empty bedroom. It’s kind of the adult version of crawling into your parent’s bed after you had a nightmare, and even though Sarah’s feelings are largely the result of her own questionable decisions, it’s still sad.

When you think about it, aren’t we all just candles in the wind

Ali has gotten home safely, and is hanging out in the courtyard of her apartment building thinking about why the people of the world can’t all just love each other when Maura calls. The last thing we see is a super blissed-out Ali telling Maura “You want to come visit me? Yes, now is the perfect time; I would love that!” This sounds like it will be an excellent interaction for everyone involved.

YES I will take one extra-large for delivery with sausage, peppers, and EXTRA CHEESE

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