Top 10 Best Candy Situations You Can Buy at a Gas Station

Last week at the Golden Globes someone won an award for Best Score in a movie, which made me think of Skor Bars, which inspired me to type some words about Skor Bars onto the internet and I was so pleased to hear so many of you loved Skor Bars as well. Thus I was inspired to unnecessarily pontificate upon this situation on a Friday night.

As a child my mother barred me from consuming gross chemical things that could kill me, like Fun Dip and basically all candy, which was totally depressing. In middle school the boys stole handfulls of Watermelon Slices and Laffy Taffy from Mr.Bulky’s at the mall, and we paid for ours, but I had to eat it before I got home and I always worried my Mom would know. It was like drugs. I went on to survive most of college on a diet of salad and candy, and have been known to purchase and consume Push Pops at a rate which led many to inquire if I was, perhaps, on ecstasy. NO BUT CLOSE!

Nowadays, candy-consuming is not so much a part of everyday life as it used to be. But then sometimes you go to a gas station or a drugstore or a bodega or a supermarket or a magazine store or a vending machine and remember OH MY GOD CANDY! FUCK! CANDY! CANDAAYYYYY! All this time you were attempting complicated routes towards “happiness” or “success” when all that time, candy was there.

As per ushe, I expect you’ll completely disagree with most of my selections and I encourage you to say so in the comments using lots of passionate language.  I will be sharing the Top Ten Best and the Top Six Underdog Best.

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Top Ten Candy  Situations You Can Buy at a Gas Station:

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10. Butterfinger


I’m 95% Bart Simpson sold this log of crap chemical nonsense to me, but goddamn putting butter and chocolate together is almost as genius as inventing peanut butter.

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9. Payday Bar

I’ve actually never met anyone besides me who likes Payday Bars, but this is my list so I can do whatever I want motherfuckers!!

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8. Skor Bar

Skor Bars are the Matthew Saracen of candy bars.

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7. Starburst


I definitely wasted at least five of the best brightest hours of my youth trying to unwrap — and occasionally succeeding at unwrapping — a Starburst with my tongue. Also I hardcore identified with that girl in the commercial.

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6. That Bag of Mini Hershey’s Bars With Mr.Goodbar and Shit

Best candy for adults. Best when frozen.

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5. Snickers

Obviously whomever invented this bullshit is a genius. I dated a boy once, in my former life, who ate Snickers bars for breakfast and when I asked him why, he told me that “Snickers really satisfies.” He was like the kind of guy who treated commercial slogans like hypotheses he’d eagerly test out in his own life and then declare correct or not.  Since that relationship I’ve been off that sauce, but when it all comes down to it, this is the definition of a candy bar, although it gets a bit boring now. Honestly nougat is so 1992. Snickers ICE CREAM BARS however, score. SKOR!

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4. Junior Mints

Something about the mint makes them seem healthy. It’s crisp. Like spring.

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3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups


Lemme level with you here: this is the perfect candy flavor, but the way in which these candies are delivered to us is not ideal. I’d take a handfull of the mini-sized Halloween-style cups over two of the big ones any day. These serious Cup-Events require a certain finesse in unwrapping, they almost feel fancy, as opposed to taking a bite of a bar or popping a Rolo into your mouth. Rolos are also underrated.

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2. Twix

The best part about Twix is that there’s two of them. I’m not even positive if I like Twix on an elemental level, I just really like there being two of them. It’s like how a girlfriend has an entire hand, and a boyfriend just has one fat finger.

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1. Peanut Butter M’nMs

I bet the assholes who made Reese’s Pieces just kick themselves in the head at night wishing they’d Plus-Sized those suckers into the perfect orb of delight that is a Peanut Butter M’nM.

Ground Zero: Reese’s Pieces, Duh

It almost doesn’t even matter that Peanut Butter M’nMs are so much better. It was just that Reeses’ Pieces were first. They were the pioneers. You know? Plus, they have a lighter less chocolately taste I really appreciate.

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Top 6 Underdog Candy Bars You Can Buy at the Gas Station:

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6. Runts

Three words: bananas.

5. Caramel Apple Pops

First of all, these suckers max out at about 50 cents. Secondly, they’re haphazard as fuck and are everything your mouth never dreamed of.

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4. Nerds

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The fact that something so cool could be called a “nerd” made me feel like I was probably really cool.

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3. Nutrageous

This must be really popular because it’s a fucking brilliant idea, but I never hear anybody talk about it. Is it a secret, like the Tooth Fairy?

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2. Push Pops

Loves of my life. I enjoy sucking on these while writing, because it’s slightly healthier than smoking cigarettes or eating pencils.

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1. FUN DIP

JK, I just thought it would be funny to put this as #1. I was first exposed to this situation on an 8th grade camping trip to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. Anyhow, it’s good practice for being a lesbian.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3279 articles for us.

211 Comments

  1. AGHHH so when I was small, I was lucky enough to go to Germany with my family, and I remember eating a candy bar that I thought was so good. Just. The best. “I WILL NEVER HAVE THIS AGAIN WHEN I’M BACK IN AMERICA. NOM NOM NOM.” WELL GUESS WHAT. That was Skor in America. SO MANY FEELINGS. I might have cried when I found out it tasted exactly the same and was accessible.
    You know what else was good/not great: The shredded bubble gum that was supposed to be like chewing tobacco that they sold in my middle school concessions stand. I never played baseball but it made me feel sporty. Cause you know. Chewing tobacco is healthy, I think.

    • Big League Chew! Nothing like bubble gum that is supposed to look like chewing tobacco in a pouch. Anybody remember those candy cigarettes as well?

      • Yep, and the gum cigarettes too. Both were too chalky, but the gum cigarettes gave off a puff of fake smoke that was quite enjoyable.

        The place where I used to work everybody was obsessed with Mike & Ike’s. You could literally go through certain tables or desks & be sure to find them. I’d have never eaten them before that, but I respect them now.

        And, unhealthy as it is, to save time, I still eat Paydays for lunch sometimes. It’s full of peanuts so is not quite candy I rationalize.

  2. Awww yeah, PayDays are awesome. Hey, I’m sucking on Jolly Ranchers as I read this, candy is universal.

  4. I LOVE PAYDAYS. THEY’RE MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD. You are no longer alone.

    Also peach rings are the best underrated gas station candy ever.

  8. Hey have you tried COCONUT m n m’s???? I only see them in random truck stops, and once at smart n final. Soooo good. Oh and in Hawaii they’re everywhere!

    • These are soooo amazing! I especially love the little suns and palm trees printed on them. Tastes lime summer!

    • YES! I tried these once when a coworker brought them into the office. I love how some of them have little sunglasses on too! I’m going to Hawaii in less than a month and knowing I can get coconut m&m’s there has made it THAT much more exciting.

      • Haha. My girl asked me to pickup candy last night and I was seriously tempted to eat an entire box of Mike and Ikes! I opted for Almond Joys (yumz) and Nerds on a Rope…which my nerdy gf was beyond excited about! Bonus points :)

    • Where’s your boyfriend? Is he tall, he getting you Mike and Ikes? you like Mike and Ikes?

      Sooo, listen! Can I have your number?

  11. As a general rule, I think candy must have chocolate to be good. There are some exceptions, like Jolly Ranchers. Love those fuckers.
    If I had to choose, Snickers would be my all time favorite.

    I loved rock candy when I was a kid, it was crystallized sugar clumped together on a stick. I might as well have just eaten spoonfuls of table sugar. I also loved candy dots, candy cigarettes and wax lips/bottles. The wax bottles had the advantage of containing some sweet mystery liquid.

    My hometown has an awesome candy store called Yummies. Stupid name, great store. They have over 10 THOUSAND POUNDS of candy in store and can order almost anything else.

    Now I want a Skor bar. Or a Heath bar. I’m not sure of the difference.

    • I never see Skor bars but when I read this article I was like, “Oh, they’re Heath bars!” Heath bars are great. In freshman year of college, I had way too many dining hall meals on my plan and I would use them to buy Heath bars and 100 Grand bars, which I’d eat while watching all the L Word episodes for the first time.

  13. “It’s like how a girlfriend has an entire hand, and a boyfriend just has one fat finger.”

    dying

    thank you for that

  14. One time, I made the wrong selection at a vending machine and did not get the payday that I needed. I was really upset and made my way to the library. My then gf said she forgot her book and left the library and came back with a payday for me and I could not stop sexing her in gratitude. Moral of the story: paydays get you laid.

  15. 3 words: swedish muthafuckin fish

    those things are made out of magic like seriously i can’t explain why but they taste better than any other candy ever

  17. um. rainbow nerds. they come in the gigantic box. and are nerds. but rainbow. also I only see them about once a year in a random super shitty gas station (always a different one) and then I feel obligated because it’s like… a thing.

  18. Sour gummy worms. I developed a love for them because they were the only thing remotely like candy in our school vending machine. Everything else was all healthy and shit.

  19. you guys, toffee apple bars! they were so amazing and only 20 cents. when i told someone how much i loved/missed them they went and found them for me and they don’t make them like they used to anymore. it was green on the outside? so disappointing!

    also? redskins & sour peach hearts <3

  20. I am probably the only person in the world who likes Almond Joy and Mounds.

    Well, probably not actually, since they still make them and they wouldn’t if I was the only person who bought them, but you get what I mean.

    • i had my first almond joy recently and they are a little too.. wet

      especially compared to bounty which i think is the best coconut bar but apparently not marketed in the US even though it’s made by mars, all because of mounds according to wikipedia. apparently coconut bars are serious business

  21. Ok guys, I’ll do it, I’ll be the snobby European who says: American candy? WTF? Everything tastes like generic chocolate, all gummy things taste like chemicals. It’s gross.

    • YES. And Hershey’s chocolate smells like vomit. Really don’t know how anyone can eat sweets in America.

      • The entire town of Hershey smells like chocolate. The smells gets in your hair like cigarette smoke.

        • I still frickin’ love Hershey’s Chocolate World.

          It’s funny, I was never a fan of plain Hershey’s bars until I went to Hershey, PA and took that tour with the singing mechanical cows and go on and on about how much milk goes into the chocolate (as though that makes it healthy, lol) along with going to the park itself. Somehow I like their plain bars a lot better now. I’d count their propaganda as successful.

          • we went to hershey, PA and we went on the factory how-to-make-chocolate tour and then my mom let my brother and i each pick ONE thing from the store that she’d buy us and they wouldn’t let us go to the amusement park part because it wasn’t educational. despite all of that oppression, it was still one of the best days of my life.

          • I grew up about an hour away from Hershey, so we’d go there at least once a summer. I can still sing the whole theme song from the end of the factory tour ride thingy. “Hershey’s chocolate, real milk chocolate. Hershey’s, the great American chocolate bar!”

          • So much Hershey love!

            Things I love about the Chocolate World tour:
            1) Posing for the picture they take near the end.
            2) Free chocolate at the end! Sometimes it’s something that isn’t in stores yet and I feel like a spy.
            3) Back in the day the oven part was REALLY HOT you guys.

    • Generally I agree, except that Reese’s Cups are probably the most delicious thing I have put in my mouth ever. Having said that, when I moved back to the UK from North America I ate 6 Lion Bars in a row and had a religious experience.

      • While I agree that on a candy level, Reeses cups are by far my first choice…Having said that the most delicious thing I’ve ever put in my mouth was a girl named Kendra.

      • yes! kinder bueno! i live in the us, but they have them at the little convenience store in my neighborhood, for which i am eternally grateful.

    • I’d have to say that based on my limited experiences with non-American candy – Kinder Surprise eggs, the Swedish candy you can buy at IKEA, and the Japanese candy I used to buy at this one anime store in Ann Arbor – that you are probably right.

  22. I would just like to say that I’m really glad there’s a place on the Internet where people speak earnestly and at length about candy on a Friday night. Makes me feel less alone in the world. Xo

  23. Nerds were my thing when I was a kid, I’d drive with my papa to the tiny gas station by the ranch and buy nerds every single time. Now I really want some of those..

  24. I love Pay Days. You don’t even know man. Also, Baby Ruths and Kit Kats.
    One day we were running late to school so I didn’t eat breakfast before I left the house. My dad stopped at a gas station and got me a Snickers. It was a glorious day for young Brittani.

  26. I don’t know if you have it there but here in Australia we’ve got this sherbert stuff called Whizz Fizz. The little spoon which came with it was shaped like a shovel.

    I ate so much of that stuff. My face should be one gigantic cavity.

  27. Now I know what to try when I’m in the US. I have actually just tried 3 of all of these since I’m a weird european.

  28. Skittles.

    That is the only candy I ever ate as a child and now as a grown-ass woman. I also like Reese’s peanut butter cups and Musketeers yum.

  31. My fave candy is Haribo. Fave chocolate in Cadbury. Fave chips/crisps are Bamba. My cousins brought loads of packets over from Israel. You can find them in most supermarket Kosher sections I’ve found. Except the one here in Hawaii coz all it has is Gefilte fish and Kosher dill… I miss English crisps so bad. Twiglets, Hula Hoops, Skips, Quavers, Walkers Worcestershire *salivates* So yummy. Also Klik Kosher chocolate. They have one product which is chocolate coated cornflakes and it’s so yummy. This is it: http://www.rocklandkosher.com/images/Product/medium/38047.jpg

    I go to the candy store at the local mall. I’m such a kid. They make the best popcorn there, too. I paid $1.50 and they gave me the equivalent amount of a large at the cinema and it tasted way better than cinema popcorn.

    • Israeli snack foods are sooo good! I like the barbeque-flavored ones. They were called ‘Bugsy’ when I was in Israel, but at home they’re called something else that I can’t remember because it’s not as hilarious a name. Their chocolate is also REALLY delicious too. I got a bar in NYC with little peppermint bits in it and savored the entire thing.

      I could never have Bamba or most of the candies mentioned in Riese’s article because I have nut allergies, so I consoled myself with 100 Grand bars, Sweetarts, Milky Ways, and Twix. So much Twix. I definitely want to try Skor after reading this, though!

  32. Man I feel deprived, i’ve never had a skor or a payday bar. Most of the others we get by another name here in the UK. Apart from Reeses, which turn up in weird places and I love them.

  33. Everything listed is fantastic. I’d just add frozen Charleston Chews and (if we can get a little fancier) Toblerone and Dark Ghirardelli Chocolate. Though in general I’d just be happy with a freakin’ giant bag of mixed Hershey’s chocolate. Had a girlfriend nearly break up with me once when she wanted to buy me fancy chocolate and I asked her to just use the money to buy me the biggest bag of Hershey’s she could find instead. Candy is a curse. A delicious, delicious curse.

    • I got Charleston Chews in my Christmas stocking every year! “Freeze ’em..Smack ’em..Eat ’em”..My mouth is watering at the memory of it all…Sigh

    • Is freezing them how you’re supposed to do it?! I remember getting one when I was a kid and trying to deal with it for like a week but it was not an easy thing to eat.

      • You freeze it and then while still in the package, smack it on a table, counter or hard surface to break it into tiny, bite size morsels of devine goodness!

  34. I don’t know if they’re an American thing, but..
    JELLY. FUCKIN’. BABIES.
    I wanted to turn vegetarian up until the point when I realised I’d have to give them up too due to the gelatine thing.. Sacked that idea right off.

  35. I love the seasonal reindeer/easter bunnies/bears that Lindt do, for some reason chocolate just tastes better when its shaped like cute animals. Also Green & Blacks and Twirls and I did love Galaxy til they changed their recipe :c

  36. I think my diet during my college years consisted primarily of Payday bars and Planters Nut bars..After all..Peanuts are an excellent source of protein, right? The fact that I washed them down with copious amounts of Starbucks coffee or Jolt Cola is irrelevant.

    • Sounds like my argument that pizza has to be good for you because it has nearly every food group. And the drink is always irrelevant. You were eating so much good protein, of course you could splurge! :D

  37. I will totally eat candy until I am sick because I have no self control and love sugar way more than I should.

    The corner store near my house for a really short time sold dark chocolate peanut M&Ms and it was the best ever.

    Junior mints make me think of going to plays as a kid and sneaking them into the theater after intermission.

    Skor bars, SCORE. Delicious.

  38. NutRageous is soooo good! Wish we had them in Canada. The only Twix I was really into was peanut butter Twix. Are those still around?

  40. You’ve made a HUUUUGe mistake with #1 as Peanut Butter MnM’s and Ground Zero as Reese’s Pieces (no offense).

    A.) Peanut Butter does not belong in the top 5;
    and 2.) You never even MENTIONED the Little Debbie grease brownie situation with sprinkles.

    I thought for sure the ‘situation’ clause was making room for the fudgy gas station ecstasy that is the grease brownie. I’ve been let down. (You had me up til then, so the letdown at the top makes me especially sad.)

  41. My ex-gf used to babysit the young twins of a lesbian couple, Cate and Reese. The kids used to say their moms got together because Mama Cate liked Mama “Reese’s Pieces”… Still cracks me up.

  42. First of all, can we talk about those mini Reeses peanut butter cups? Like the really mini ones that don’t even have their own wrappers and can just be shoved by the handful into mah mouf?

    Second of all, ” It’s like how a girlfriend has an entire hand, and a boyfriend just has one fat finger.”

    Y’know, for fairness sake, I would hope that most boyfriends do, in fact, have hands. Just sayin’.

    • WAIT, Reeses makes those tiny peanut butter cups things too? Because I’ve only ever seen the Trader Joe’s brand and it is always ENDLESSLY tragic when I have to go home to my Trader Joe’s-less locale for summer and the stock I take home with me runs out embarrassingly fast. (#firstworldproblems) So I think you just vastly improved my life.

  43. i agree with most of this list. especially fun dip.

    though i’m going to sound super old now, but I would also add Almond Joys to the list.
    Also sour patch kids are a must at the movie theater and whoppers.

    I’m currently living in spain and they have a lot of “sweets” stores on the way to work where I have never once seen a child only adults. anyway euro chocolate doesn’t always do it for me, no matter how much “better” it is. I buy bags of red sour belts. so many sour belts.

    oh and i was never huge on push pops but i loved ring pops, which is basically the same candy.

  45. My favorites are Reese’s Pieces (and to a lesser extent Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups), Twix (especially the peanut butter kind) and Junior Mints. While we’re on the subject of mint we should discuss YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIES. When I was in middle school we got carmel apple pops all the time.

    Toblerone is good, but so is Kinder Bueno. I haven’t been able to find it in the US that much but they sell it at World Market (which is kinda close to where I live) and finding that out was awesome.

    • Because peanuts don’t grow well in most of Europe? They require a relatively long summer growing season, which is why they’re cultivated heavily in the southeastern US and in West Africa. Also, many Europeans eat hazelnut butter instead of peanut butter, because hazelnuts are native to northern Europe and because Nutella is damn tasty! Still, when I lived in France I did miss peanut butter something fierce…

      • So when the republicans take over I’ll have to move to Canada and not Europe? Damn. (They do have peanut butter in Canada?)

        • Oh, we do have peanut butter, we just don’t have candy with peanut butter except for star bar, which is called wunderbar meaning wonderful.

  47. Well… I haven’t seen them in gas stations, or in the US at all but… RAINBOW STICKS!!! Those are the best! You would agree and had them at the top of that list if you had had them! (and found them at the gas station, I guess) =D

    http://www.oldtimecandy.com/assets/images/singles/rainbow_sticks.jpg

    I had to go to Colombia for some months and I would obsess about anything that reminded me of home. So when I found this little store at the mall that sold US Candy (at really high prices) I was in heaven! And they did not only have US candies, they had RAINBOW STICKS!! it did not only remind of home, but of childhood happier times where food was delicious and starving was never possible! hahaha! (ok, you can tell I might have had a hard time eating in Colombia). I would stock up on these Rainbow Sticks on every trip to the mall, even at $1.50 a stick!. When it was time to come home, I bought the last 3, and the day before I gave a piece to taste to a Colombian coworker that had never even seen them and had no choice but give her the last one I had since she loved them.
    I was then left with no Rainbow Sticks for 2 months! Until I went back to Puerto Rico and bought a box of them to bring with me! yay! I still have some left!

    Aaaanyways! PUSH POPS are awesome too! =D

  48. Pearson’s Salted Nut Rolls. I can’t ever find them unless I’m in the midwest though, which is probably a good thing because I’d never stop eating them :(

  49. Peanut Butter M&Ms=greatest invention ever!!! I hail from Pennsylvania and we are famous for three things: Heinz Ketchup, Beer, and Chocolate Candy!!!

  50. Does anyone remember RAVEN’S REVENGE? They banned that at school. It was like a pixie stick on steroids. I have no clue why they banned it.

    • I was just gonna say. 100 Grand is one of those things I never remember to buy as a standalone, but man, if that is in someone’s Halloween stash, I will hoard those suckers like there is no tomorrow. Plus it makes me feel rich.

  52. nerd ropes!!! nerd ropes forever!!! although they are better if you are in someone else’s car because they make a nerd mess that lasts literally forever.

    • definitely the best candy bar to be invented in the last 10 years. Salty sweet is the best combination.

  54. LAFFY TAFFY. I eat so much of it. I think aside from the fact that they’re super delicious, no one else ever seems to like them so no one ever mooches.

  55. I can’t believe no one has mentioned GOOD & PLENTIES yet! So good! Except I can never stop myself from eating the whole box in one go, and then I feel sick.

  58. Riese, I feel like you really just get me when it comes to candy, y’know?

    I remember when Nutrageous came out and it was amazing! I’m sure it still is. I also never understood why everyone wasn’t eating them all the time. (I think probably a lot of what we like about candy is the nostalgia, though? Anything that hasn’t reached some kind of semi-iconic status yet doesn’t hold as much appeal. Maybe also too much going on in Nutrageous for people to totally wrap their heads around.)

    Payday bars are great, but the best thing is that you can replicate that flavor combination so easily by throwing candy corn and peanuts into a bowl together. Then you have like an entire bowl of Payday bars that you can eat by the handful without even getting your hands sticky!

    Also! One more thing! is that I’m vegan so haven’t eaten most of these for a looong time, but the best candy news of the decade for me is that Junior Mints recently changed their formula so that there’s no gelatin anymore! (Yep, I’m the kind of person who will occasionally check the box of non-vegan foods I used to love to see if their ingredients have changed, and, sometimes they do!)

  59. What about malteasers? Also, bounty?
    There is this shop round the corner from me that sells things like peanut butter cups, snickers, mars bars etc only in VEGAN form. It’s awesome.

  62. has AS been stalking me or something? i’ve been all over the peanut butter m&ms these past few weeks! soooooo good

  63. That Reese’s commercial is really sexual.

    Here’s the thing with PB M&Ms versus Riese’s Pieces. (That was totally an accident, and I’m not fixing it. See, Riese, you got a candy named after you!) Yes, M&Ms are bigger, but there is a lot more chocolate than peanut butter. RP, on the other hand, have more peanut butter than chocolate. Someone should make a graph about the peanut butter to chocolate ratio.

    Also, LOL to all the Wonka candies being underrepresented. The Wonka candy company should have made chocolate, like scrumdidliumtious bars, instead of artificial fruity candy.

    • you know this morning looking back on this list i realize that it’s true, reeses pieces are better, they taste better and are more peanut butter focused. i think the thing is that after the invention of peanut butter m’n’ms, reeses pieces just seem so — small.

    • Reeses Piece are totally better than Peanut Butter M&M’s, the peanut butter to chocolate ratio is an underrated feature of Reeses Pieces

      • I am eating some Reeses’s Pieces right now, and I can’t taste any chocolate at all in them. Only peanut butter. Maybe my palate isn’t trained enough or something.

  64. haphazard as fuck!

    also, twix are my greatest weakness

    and i wonder about the sanity of anyone who eats Good n’ Plentys

  65. Salt water taffy. some of us are privileged to live in New Jersey, where high quality saltwater taffy, fudge, and coconut macaroons can be bought down the shore all year round. And I know they aren’t technically candy but all Tastykakes are perfect. ALL. ALL OF THEM.

    Though it must be said that European candy is pretty good. I did have the unfortunate surprise of popping what looked like a Coke bottle haribo into my mouth but it turned out to be beer flavored. I was unprepared. Crunchie bars, however, are perfect creations that have pretty much guaranteed I will need dentures later in life.

  66. Being in the same room with Caramel Apple Pops can be a dangerous experience. The only one of these I’ve not tried is Skor.

    Watching some of the older candy commercials is hilarious. I am certain that everybody I know has, at one point, attempted to open Starbursts with their tongues.

  67. i have feelings about starburst, reese’s eggs, and WHATCHAMACALLITS. does anyone know the amazingness of whatchamacallits? they are really perfect.

  68. (1) Nerds are the best thing ever, unless you have double dipped Nerds, which are better.

    (2) I have a very strange relationship with both Pixi Stix and Sweet Tarts, mostly based on a very stupid period in 9th grade when I used to carry them, and a pen shaped like a needle, in the cell phone pocket of my backpack and make idiotic jokes about drugs. Among the reasons I thought this was funny as opposed to stupid one can probably count that all I ate for breakfast most days were Pixi Stix and Sweet Tarts…

    (3) Twix was my favourite candy bar when I was in middle school. Then I got bored of it. But THEN I moved to the UK, and I met UK Twix, and that was magic + falling in love + chocolate.

  69. I just ate an entire packet of rainbow Mentos to celebrate this post.
    Also runts are delicious, but chewy runts: heaven in my mouth. Yes, especially banana.

  70. I am completely with you on nerds (!!!!), junior mints (had some today in the dollar store), skor bars and paydays.

    I haven’t seen any love for sprees or blow pops here but they are on my list.

  71. I wasn’t allowed to have candy as a kid and so I would scrounge 65cents in change from my mom’s car whenever I could to buy a candy bar at the ice rink I skated at every morning. I’m convinced the utter ban of sweet substances made me a crazy person about consuming as much sugar as possible.

    My favorite candy as a child: Airheads! Who doesn’t love mysteriously flat and chewy non-food sugar substances? They were cheap, too, so they could be purchased in multiples with scrounged-up change.

    Also: Crunch bars, Mike & Ikes, Pez, sour watermelon slices, Nerds, candy buttons, Gushers (are those candy? they should count as candy), Now & Laters (black stains on your tongue ftw!), Warheads (burning holes in your tongue ftw!), watermelon jolly ranchers and milky way bars.

    Who am I kidding: I still eat all these things besides Warheads.

  72. things i thought nobody actually liked but you guys apparently do like:

    1. good n plenties
    2. mike n ikes
    3. almond joys
    4. mounds

    although logically everybody must like those things as they are some of the best selling candies ever.

    sill i’m waiting for someone to come forward in favor of circus peanuts or necco wafers, because i have a lot of questions about those

    • I used to eat a lot of Necco Wafers. What sorts of questions do you have about them?
      Also, is there a candy called circus peanuts? Really?

    • There’s something about the name “Almond Joys” that makes me snicker. Almond. Joys.

    • Mounds is one of my all time favorite candybars. Weirdly, I don’t like Almond Joy, though. It’s the milk chocolate. I find it objectionable.

    • I eat necco wafers–although necco wafers are becoming hard to find. I like that bit of powder on the neccos, but I don’t like all the flavors so only eat parts of the roll of them. Oh, and they crack easily too which is a drag. The colors are pretty awful. I also like the paper they are wrapped in. If that didn’t address any of your questions, ask away. Circus peanuts I like but have mixed feelings, initially the texture and melty sort of thing going on is good but then it gets a bit grainy. I don’t know how to describe their flavor or if there is a word for it.

      I also forgot to include in a previous post that I love fireballs and can win most contests re: keeping them in my mouth ’til the end without spitting or taking them out.

      /yeah yeah that’s what she said…

  73. So… I rented the last 2 movies in the Millenium trilogy (Girl who played with fire, girl who kicked the hornets nest), and I went to good ole Walgreens to purchase some key candy items. A snickers bar (which I later DEEP-FRIED, not joking, check out the Brit’s obsession with doing this with Mars Bars), a Babe-Ruth (which I ate this morning for breakfast), and some snow-caps. Which if you don’t know this by now… snow-caps with a handful of salty popcorn is the SHIT. I thoroughly applaud your post on candy. Fun Dip is the BEST, it’s obvi why lesbians love it (licking).

    • AHHH I was just going to log in to say MAMBA! LOVE MAMBA. Was going to control-f for mamba. Mamba and Toblerone are things I buy when I am feeling particularly wealthy.

  75. GUMMY BEARS. Frozen gummy bears, chocolate covered gummy bears, vodka-infused gummy bears… the possibilities are ENDLESS.

  77. Oh how I love AS for the looks into the popular culture of another country!
    As a citizen of the Netherlands I only recognize Snickers and Twix. I used to consume large quantities of peppermint but cut back on all candy to live healthier.

    greetings from licoriceland…

  79. Swedish mother fuckin’ Berries, y’all. I am almost considering braving the cold to go get some. I need a candy delivery service.

  80. Here in Australia we used to have a chocolate bar called the Viking bar. It was an energy bar filled with caffeine and guarana, and eventually got discontinued because some people were getting heart palpitations. I used to eat the bar, not for the ‘energy’ but because it had the perfect texture and chewiness, and tasted good. I’ve not found a bar with that texture and chewiness since, an I don’t understand why some company can’t make one, just without the stuff giving people heart palpitations.

  81. Twix used to be my favorite, and I’d never eat any other chocolate. Then I started liking 100 Grand, then BabyRuth, 3 Musketeers because they came in those boxed packs sold at Costco. BUT I’d NEVER eat the Butterfingers, those were too fricking sweet. After quite some time I revisited and questioned my dislike of Butterfingers, and then it tasted different, and soon became acceptable.

    Thus was my spiritual journey with chocolate.

    Reese’s Pieces, espesh the small ones are fucking class, they made me start liking peanut butter.

  83. I would love to join in your chocolate revelry, but I have discovered, after a lifetime of facing Reese’s and Snickers with open arms, that I have developed a peanut allergy. T_T Oh Reese’s, how I miss you!

  85. riese. based on our taste in candy, we would be best friends i think. and we could share our stashes of candy.

  86. I have not really eaten candy outside of holiday times in I don’t know how long but this post made me NEED some goddamn candy. So I went to the drugstore and got Reese’s Cups (king size heart shaped Valentines ones) and Peanut Chews. And have already eaten the entire (king size) packet of Peanut Chews.) YOU ARE A BAD INFLUENCE, RIESE.

    Fin Dip always pissed me off as a kid because they give you 3 flavors of powdered stuff and only 2 candy sticks. I think I usually ended up throwing away the 3rd packet of powder because it just wasn’t the same without a candy stick to eat it with.

  87. literally crying laughing at this joint.

    new to Autostraddle, but i must say i have a bit of a crush on you all.

    please excuse me while i share this with everyone i know with a decent sense of humor and/or taste

  88. I realized I didn’t have any chocolate left in the house and I was trying to not worry about it and just get some more when I next went to the store.

    Then I read this post. I wasn’t even half way through the comments when I had to go out and dig my car out of the snow and drive to the store. I couldn’t take it anymore!

    I got a Milky Way Dark, some Andes Candies, some Dove milk chocolate bars, and some cake. If I end up in a diabetic coma, rest assured that I will die happy!

  89. Riese I am sad to say that you wouldn’t like the “candy” (lollies) situation much here in Australia. The only peanut butter chocolate you can get is sold from specialty American lolly shops. I personally think that it is a terrible combination and don’t mind. Also I hear American chocolate is disgusting.
    Also also, do they have ‘Warheads’ in America? Those were my favourite as a child.

    • Well most mainstream, cheap American chocolate IS disgusting. But I personally eat a lot of yummy dark, high-quality chocolate here from slightly less well-known companies.

  90. I totally agree about Twix. It makes you feel like you’re indulging yourself when you’re really not. If you can get your hands on the coffee kind though OH MY GOD

  91. I haven’t seen these in years, but those baseball sized Jawbreakers/Gobstoppers were amazing, it felt like an accomplishment if you actually finished one and it was almost impossible to finish one without hurting yourself in some way.

    • I remember being little and trying to fit the whole thing in my mouth and then having a heart attack when I thought I got it stuck there & was subsequently going to die from candy. Sadly I think I would still attempt this even though the adult in me wouldn’t be overjoyed with the sticky saliva-ness of the situation.

  92. Amazing post. Whenever I meet people that say they’re “not that into candy” I immediately stop knowing how to communicate with them. I think they must be aliens or something.

    Anyways, Nerds were probably my most favorite candy from childhood. However, since becoming a “grown up” I’ve discovered that SOUR WINE GUMS ARE THE GREATEST THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

  93. I was gonna comment about how much I love Japanese candy but OMFG CARAMEL SOUR APPLE SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!! I forgot those existed and how hard I LOVE THEM!!! Now I’m off to see if I can buy them anywhere in town at this hour! ADVENTURE!

  96. Hey-did anyone mention hot lips? Cinammon chewy red lips that could be presented as your own fake lips in play situations. Those were my fav 5 cent candy.

  97. and Terry’s Chocolate orange. Whack and unwrap. Those were good always around Christmas time. I like the dark chocolate ones better now as my tastes have matured. Dark chocolate is the bomb!

  99. god dammit, this really made me crave choccolate. I’ve been yelling chocolate like the guy from spongebob for the past 20 minutes…..CHOCOLATE!!!

  100. You and I have identical childhoods in terms of candy.

    On another note…

    Does Gum Count as candy?

  101. Kiwis do magical things with chocolate and marshmallow – Chocolate Fush, Buzz Bars, Planks and Pineapple Chunks…..and who can forget PERKYNANAS?

    So the last two aren’t really marshmallow but still deliciousness.

  103. CRUNCHIE BARS anyone?! Those things are like crack. Maybe they are crack. Guess I won’t know til I try actual crack and compare. Also cookies and cream Hershey bars, omgz drool.

    I’ve always been way more of a chocolate person but when I was a kid, I used to sneak those little wax bottles filled with liquid candy goodness into my candy variety bag at the movies. Then my mom would see me sucking on them in the theater and yell at me, as if those in particular were so much worse than all the other crap.

  104. Cadbury Easter eggs are great.

    Abba Zabba, you’re my only friend!

    One time my sister ate a bunch of cinnamon gummy bears, and then went out and got drunk. I picked her up from her friends house in my car, and as we were driving home she said she was going to be sick. I pulled the car over and quickly rolled down her window, and she proceeded to lean out the window and puke down the outside of my car. So that was great fun cleaning cinnamon bear vomit off the outside of my car. I have never ate cinnamon bears since.

  105. Ghirardelli dark chocolate

    One of the clues that I had moved from New Jersey to Podunk, Pa was when going to the candy aisle and there was no Ghirardelli. How can a supermarket not stock one of the best five essential food selections?

  107. Goodness, after studying abroad in Spain for a year, I couldn’t go back to American chocolate. Hershey’s tastes like chalk now. =/ So many goodies from England and esp Switzerland (omgzzz)but even stuff in Spanish supermarkets is amazing. Milka bars killed me(German I think?). Over here, I get my fix from Lindt (their truffles & dark chocolate w/ sea salt or chile), Ferrero Rocher & Milka bars, which I find in a Greek deli in Astoria.

    Howeverrrr, some American classics that I would still go for in the vending machine are def. Reese’s Pieces cuz it’s basically peanut butter in a sugar shell, Kit Kats and…does anyone remember Reese’s Sticks?! Do they even make them still? They come in twos also, Riese. I think I have a texture thing & affinity for wafers. It was like a Kit Kat but w/ peanut butter in between the wafers!!

    & Warheads and Pop Rocks are definitely still a source of amusement. The latter w/ an alcoholic beverage? Yes’m!

  108. I can not stop laughing at this page and the comments! I especially cracked up when I got to #5 of the under-rated candy as I currently had one in my mouth!! :)

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