Recently, I read that there are people who don’t hear anything in their heads. I am truly shocked by this, mainly because my head is anything but quiet.
Aside from the million thoughts constantly swirling around in there, there is a steady stream of music playing. Most of the time it feels like I have a jukebox in my brain, and someone just keeps hitting the buttons. At any given moment, my mental jukebox will pop a new song to the forefront of my consciousness.
Is it chaotic? Sure. But I’ve learned not to blurt them out randomly, so there’s that.
15. “If we listen to each other’s hearts, and find we’re never too far apart, then maybe love is the reason why for the first time ever we’re seeing it eye to eye.”
I was recently at an event that was playing nothing but Disney songs, and “I2I” from A Goofy Movie is one of my favorite Disney songs ever.
14. “I can’t feel my faaaaaace when I’m with you.”
I’m pretty sure this was on at the grocery store or the Walgreens or the coffee shop or something.
13. “Swagger Jagger, swagger Jagger.”
There’s this California dairy cow commercial from like, 11/12 years ago that has a cow singing in the shower. I will randomly start thinking about the song the cow sings, and here we are.
12. “Whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me!”
Tootsie Rolls make me think of my Gram. She must be stopping by to say hello.
11. “No one in the corner has swagger like us.”
Jay-Z, Kanye West, T.I. and Lil’ Wayne have a song that samples this hook, and I was telling my wife about it this morning, so here we are.
10. “Bananas in pajamas are coming down the stairs, bananas in pajamas are coming down in pairs, bananas in pajamas are chasing teddy bears…”
I can never remember the last line of the Bananas in Pajamas theme song. Doesn’t stop me from singing it though.
9. “Mentos fresh and full of life!”
Have I been searching my local grocery store for mint Mentos lately? Obviously.
8. “One thing, I don’t know why. It doesn’t even matter how hard you try.”
My kid recently discovered Linkin Park, much to my delight. He just walks around singing “In the End” in a deeper voice than I knew he was capable of having. I’m trying not to let it make me emotional.
7. “Johnny, what’s the deal boy? Is your love for real boy?”
“Johnny, Are You Queer?” is a random song from the 80s that I think I heard on a one hit wonder countdown. I haven’t listened to the song in years, but it popped into my head recently, and now I can’t get it out.
6. “What a fool believes, he sees the wise man has the power to reason away.”
File under: songs from the 70s that are considered yacht rock but fucking SLAP.
5. “6 Foot, 7 foot, 8 foot, BUNCH!”
Again, constantly running on a loop for no reason. The question is: is this the Harry Belafonte song or the Lil’ Wayne song? Beats the heck outta me!
4. “Work, work, work, work, work, work.”
I’m pretty sure this is because my son explained the word “gyat” to me and then started twerking in my living room. Welcome to life with a Gen Alpha tween. These kids are fucking wild.
3. “Trogdoooooor! Trogdoooooor! Burninating the countryside, burninating the peasants.”
If you were online in the early aughts, you know what this is without me having to explain further.
2. “You’re so fucking annoying, you could poison poison, you’re the worst.”
Renee Rapp is everything. Her songs are always on a constant loop in my head.
1. “Why don’t you be my girlfriend? I’ll treat you good.”
There’s always at least one *NSYNC song that will make an appearance at any given time. This one popped up during my walk this morning.
Feature image photos: Renee Rapp by Gilbert Flores/Billboard via Getty Images, NSYNC by Tim Roney/Getty Images, M.I.A. by Steve Granitz/WireImage, woman dancing by Prostock-Studio // Art: Autostraddle
Related to #3, I teach undergrads, and occasionally I have a student who’s closer to my age (37). Recently one said something that reminded me of Homestarr Runner, so I asked if he was familiar with it. Apparently the Wikipedia page listed it as from 1996 (when I guess the creators made a book that was the inspiration for the online version)? It seems clearer on the Wikipedia page now, but was very confusing for both of us, because I mentioned I was in high school when I saw it, and he was like “I’m not *that* old!” and I was like “Neither am I!”
Though the quote from that that lives in my brain is definitely “The Cheat is not dead! So glad the Cheat is not dead! The Cheat is not dead!”