Top 10 Cookies You Can Buy at the Drugstore

Hi. I’m supposed to write a daily fix for you, which should include like… the news of the day and that stuff.  What’s up with Lohan, what did Gaga say or Glambert do this time, omg, remember the 90’s, The Real L Word Ha, What’s happening with DADT? Anyone wanna huddle? That’s right, not cuddle (I know it’s so similar), huddle. I wonder what Dan Choi’s first post-hunger-strike meal will be. When I didn’t eat for three days because my friend Evan told me that’s how I could “become a warrior,” we broke it with a pizza.  Dawson’s Creek was on that night too, it was pretty rad.

Anyhow earlier tonight we were discussing gender identity and the importance of media visibility w/r/t furthering our collective political causes JUST KIDDING WE WERE TALKING ABOUT COOKIES. Although everyone could make really awesome cookies, or go to an awesome bakery, that’s not always an option.

You know, what about those shitty cookies we have to eat b/c the only thing open is the Amoco station? Once I lived with a girl who loved what she called “Lady Stella Cookies” which I had always seen at the end of the grocery aisle and been like, “who eats those?” She did. And then I did! I don’t know what happened. I changed overnight like Helena Peabody.

Also just FYI our official political position on this matter is that buying from any of these corporations is evil and you will be perpetuating patriarchal power institutions and systems of domination, but sometimes you just want to eat a fucking Nutter Butter, you know? Also the weird thing is that pre-packaged cookies, probably because they are just made out of the skin of dead plastic factories, have like one-third as many calories as good cookies. Weird right. I know. Anyhow.

Okay firstly wanna know what Americans think of cookies? People research this stuff you guys.

1. Private Label (??!)
2. Nabisco Chips Ahoy!
3. Nabisco Oreo
4. Nabisco Oreo Double Stuff (seriously whomever thought of that deserves a Nobel Cookie Prize)
5. Lofthouse
6. Little Debbie (what is wrong with you people)
7. Pepperidge Farm (firstly, they totally got me with the “farm” thing. I’m like, o this shit is from the fucking farm, I might as well be on the tractor with my grandparents in the 50’s you know)
8. Pepperidge Farm Milano
9. Nabisco Newtons (anorexic people)
10. Nabisco Nilla (this is an excellent choice b/c it is the cheapest kind of cookie. it’s like the poor man’s sugar-cookie-from-Subway. Speaking of cookies from Subway. Man. So good.)

This is my personal opinion. If you disagree, you should totally say something really mean about it, like try to make me sound like I just stole something from you, maybe even your soul. Caps, exclamation points, the full anger of your day: I want it. Give it to me. I can take it, ’cause I just had a really good cookie!

Top 10 Cookies Sold in Boxes That Are Good Sometimes

10. Oreos

Oreos are fantastic cookies, the only drawback is that you always get shit in your teeth, which, espesh if you’ve ever had braces, makes you paranoid that there’s Oreo on your teeth/lips for at least 4 minutes after eating. But they taste real good, and the commercials totally brainwashed me. Happy children dipping cookies in milk! Life is adorable, let’s eat each other!

9. The Pepperidge Farm “Entertaining” Multi-Pack

The problem is everyone eats that one kind first, and then you’re stuck with the one with the chocolate & nuts on the bottom, or the funnel things if no one likes those.

8. Keeber’s Soft Batch

Good right.

7. Lady Stellas

These are actually pretty terrible. I don’t know why but despite this I pursue eating them rapidly. Like a drug or something.

6. Duplex/Sandwich Cookies

Literally the best deal in the world. These big packs of sandwich cookies (sometimes mixed chocolate and vanilla) are always store-brand and like 50 cents each for a gigantic pack that one night will make you very sick.

5. Nutter Butters

One time during Passover, my traveling companion/temporary life partner bought a box of these and ate them in front of me, and I think honestly I never really forgave him for that. It was such a betrayal

4. Lorna Doones

I feel like I don’t even like these, but somehow when we have any in the house me and Natalie eat them all IMMEDIATELY. It’s like unstoppable.

3. M ‘n M cookies

Perfect ’cause they come in tiny packages you can then put in the freezer and then eat them. Is that weird, they’re always dusty so I feel like maybe I am the only one who ever eats those suckers. They should pay me

2. Le Petit Ecolier

These feel fancy

1. Pecan Sandies

I thought it would be funny to put “Pecan Sandies” as #1 on this list.

Obviously none of these cookies are like nearly as good as ones you make yourself or get at the cookie place itself instead of out of a box, but this is a lesbian website, so we are sticking to the box thing. On topic.

Anyhow it’s like Memorial Day or whatever, so a lot of you will probs be eating food and drinking with a small to large group of friends & family members, because of the soldiers. All the soldiers I know well (my uncle, alex’s dad, dan choi, some friends at college) like eating & drinking with large groups of friends & family members , so that’s how we celebrate them. Actually I could go for some potato salad.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3266 articles for us.

159 Comments

  1. I really hope when I wake up tomorrow, I find that this post is not a dream and still exists. Because it is my favourite thing in the world. Riese, I love you, let’s have some fucking shortbread.

  2. I get 83.4% of my daily calories intake from cookies, and I still have no idea what you’re talking about. I might live in a country where drugstores sell things like Abilify, Accupril, Accutane, Aciphex, Actos, Adderall, Advair Diskus,Aldactone, Allegra, Altace, Ambien, Amoxicillin, Antivert, and Aricept, but I still expected a certain amount of familiarity, due to my year-long stay on the east coast a few years back. I did, however, live in an area where the average level of education was somewhere around 1.2 PhDs (the only McDonald’s closed a few months after our departure), so I’ll be proposing an hypotheses based on the strong negative correlation between the feeling of academic superiority and amount of pharmaceutical cookies consumed.

  4. So when I was a small person we couldn’t get your American biscuits sorry cookies unless some relation came home to the motherland bearing exciting gifts like oreos and reeces pieces and beanie babies. Seriously, that is what people would bring and we would love them for it.

    Oreos were really exciting because we would see American children eating them with milk on TV and it was the coolest thing ever.

    Then when I went to California for a summer when I was 19 my brother only had one request and that was cookie dough. And I had to sneak it in my luggage past customs like it was drugs because I thought it was illegal but I wasn’t sure. Turns out it wasn’t but that’s not the point. I risked arrest for cookie dough.

    I need more sleep.

    • I think cookie dough is def worth the risk. I tried smuggling a box of Mrs Field’s cookies through Australian customs once and got BUSTED. Milk chocolate = animal products. They flagged my passport and so now I can’t move across borders without a full search.

      • Wow, maybe I did get away with a capital C crime after all. I feel like such a rebel. Excellent.

        Actually I think I know more about Australian custom laws than Irish ones from watching “nothing to declare” which for some reason is the most fascinating show on television and everyone I know is addicted to it.

      • Whut? I bring chocolate of all delicious varieties, including milk chocolate, into Australia all the time! I mark it on my customs form and they don’t even care! How weird. They must have thought you looked like a Cookie Terrorist or something.

  5. Firstly, I can never tire of box-based innuendo, therefore this post and the newsletter one are very much appealing to my 13-year-old’s level of double entendre.

    Although Oreos are sold over here, and I’ve had Pepperidge Farm milanos et al, I think cookies/biscuits are an issue of patriotism.

    And you know we get v serious about them over here, like the people that made jaffa cakes went to court about whether they were really cakes or really biscuits. Also, many scientific studies have been done on which biscuit is the best for dunking in tea (choc digestive), and even how to dunk, to minimise “chocolate bleed.”

    Really, we have to stick to biccies, because the main cookie brand over here is Maryland cookies, which are so bad they don’t even sell them in America. Forget skin of dead plastic factory, these things are made from scrapings of actual mummified corpses.

    • Totally agreed. Maryland cookies are, I believe, satanic.

      Jaffa cakes on the other hand are AMAZING. In all their varieties, including raspberry. I might have to go buy some right now.

    • I refuse to let my mum even think about buying Maryland. I dont care if they’re on offer, or it says cookie on the wrapper and I like the word ‘cookie’ or that they look really nice and cute with their face of chocolate chip on the tv. They should be arrested for crimes against biscuits.

    • I’m distraught over the fact that you have cookies that are called “digestives.” I’m even more surprised that people buy them, because if I ever came across cookies labeled as such, I would A. laugh B. buy them for my grandparents or C. make a confused/horrified face and run further down the supermarket aisle.

      …I must try them.

      • Chocolate Digestives are such an institution you don’t stop to consider that the name is kinda silly. When I was at uni there were weeks when that was the only food in the house! I had a Chocolate Hobnobs phase but am over those now.

      • I agree with the Neighbour’s Cat, Mcvitie’s Digestives are an institution. I definitely thought they were supposed to be good for your stomach or something when I first came across them (WRONG!). However, as a student in England, digestives became a staple part of my diet for the first few years I was there, and I can honestly say they have a permanent place in my heart :)

      • I learnt this random fact only the other day:

        “Digestive biscuits have no digestive properties at all. In fact, it is illegal to sell them under that name in America.”

        I guess us Brits are just allowed to be delusional about our biscuits ‘healthy’ properties.

        Arrowroot biscuits, on the other hand, have been proven to be good for your digestive system… go figure…

        • Aussies too.

          I don’t really like them too. Must be my American-ness. Give me the effin Tim Tams.

  7. Autowin lives.

    ps: totally read The Handmaid’s Tale in high school. thought I was the only one.

    • i actually feel like this post is really funny and contains some beautiful moments of pure poetry, in retrospect, but i feel like people are so excited about the cookies, perhaps that aspect has been overlooked.

      we were reading handmaid’s tale for my class in college when 9-11 happened, so weird

        • it was in the excerpt that i had to shorten in order to re-publish this post with the redesign that needs shorter excerpts. I believe it was about how cookies are part of a mass global corporate takeover slowly eating our souls, like in the handmaid’s tale

  8. Another “biscuits not cookies” vote here. Also I think out of all these the only ones sold in my country are Oreos, which aren’t really that nice at all.

          • Alas, no jammy dodgers either. I don’t know what biscuits are indigenous to New Zealand – squiggles, tim tams, toffee pops … shrewsburys.. I’m at a loss.

          • The hokey pokey Squiqqles are the best! But they haven’t made their way to the States yet, and I have only one packet left :S I always try to ration them, but can never stop at one biscuit and the next thing I know I’ve finished the whole packet.

  10. It makes me sad that of all the cookies mentioned in this article, I’ve only ever tried Oreos :(

    • It also makes me sad that you (and a few others here) have only ever tried Oreos from that list. :(

          • Oh so true! Am actually reading this over a nice cup of tea and a couple of milk choc digestives and golden crunch creams. As much as I love America (I really do), our biscuits are much better. Oreos just make me sad and confused.

          • Why thank you, I was going to try a double-entendre-filled paeon to the pink wafer, but it all seemed a bit obvious.

          • okay, you’ve made me feel suitably disappointed with myself haha..
            I kind of assumed that America would have all these biscuits as well.. for some reason… =S

            Chocolate digestives are extra yummy :)

            ..although I have to say I’ve never heard of a garibaldi!

          • I knew I recognised the name from somewhere!!! THANKYOU!
            I remember wondering what they were at the time haha..

          • On the topic of foreign, albeit not English nor US, cookies, how about them Tim Tams!? Mmmm

  11. After many conversations with friends and much frustration, I know FINALLY know what a Lorna Doone is. Thank you, Autostraddle, for generally improving my quality of life.

  12. Love this post.

    Dare I say that one of the reasons I give blood is for the free Nutter Butters? So what if the people at my local blood donor services know me by name. Somehow I don’t feel corporate guilt when they’re “free” and I’m a little dazed and confused. For reals, I can’t keep them in my apartment because it would be bad news bears.

    Also, I’d like to give a shout-out to Famous Amos cookies. They solely comprised my diet as a kid. I’m so obsessed I even named my dog after them.

    • I love you because you said bad news bears. My friends and I say that all the time, but I never hear it from anyone else.

    • FAMOUS AMOS.

      There used to be a Famous Amos bakery in Chatswood, but it’s gone now. T_T

    • I used to LOVE getting the Lorna Doone cookies when I donated at on-campus drives…I’d only ever seen them at my great-grandmother’s house and thought they were exclusively sold at some old person’s store that also sells Bengay and knee-high nylons. Turns out they’re super buttery and tasty!

  13. i had one of those soft oreos the other day and they were actually pretty good. in other oreo news, remember when they had the ones that turned your milk blue but they also turned your lips really really blue?

    • yes!
      anyone remember when ketchup came in colors?
      because i really hated that, haha.

      • OMG I actually started to think that I completely made up colored ketchup because no one I know remembers it. So glad I’m not crazy.

      • I remember going to Burger King and being super excited about getting green and purple ketchup. Then I got there and realized how fucking gross colored ketchup was and I ate regular, red ketchup instead.

  14. I usually don;t like nuts in things..so Sandies Simply Shortbread cookies are my number 1!! Also Golden Oreos and White Chocolate M academia Cookies are bits of heaven!

  15. What about those bricks of vanilla wafer cookies? Anyone? Or those cylindrical boxes of Pirouettes?

    Fun story about Pepperidge Farm: My girlfriend was staying with me for the weekend, and bought herself a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I had spent the weekend refusing her offers of cookies because I thought I recalled hating them. When she left, she forgot to take the bag with her. Out of curiosity I tried one. When she came back next weekend, only the empty bag was left. They did not last the week. How could they, when dipped in milk?

    I decided to buy her a replacement bag of ones I legitimately hated – the ones that almost made me swear of PF forever – Pepperidge Farm Soft Chunk. That’s love, friends. Buying someone the horror that is Pepperidge Farm Soft Chunk.

    • I LOVED those vanilla wafer things as a child, even though in retrospect they mostly taste like sawdust. I enjoy anything I can dissect by layers as I eat.

  16. i’ve only ever had oreos from this list, and now i want to eat a giant pack of them.

  17. Ohh, cookies! I could go for some oreos. Actually, this talk of cookie-type-things makes me miss TimTams. Have you had those before? o_O What I wouldn’t give for a box of those right about now…

    • TIM TAMS!!!

      Yes.
      I daresay they’re even better than oreos.
      I need to go back to Australia…

      • You can buy them in America now! I went to Target when I was over there and saw them on the shelf and made this face: o_O

  18. Oh my god I love those little school boy cookies so damn much I was so worried they wouldn’t be on the list but BAM number two bitches oh god oh god I must have some now quick to walgreens they make my life complete our walgreens better be open on memorial day or I’m gonna cut some bitches

  20. When I first saw this post, my initial thought was, “Is this another one of those things to make sure Brooke’s still paying attention?”

    In any case, it’s pure magic. :)

  21. OREO CAKESTERS.
    Do those even count? They’re kinda like a cake-cookie.

    Man Riese, you totally underestimated the power of the cookie.

    • i finally had one and they are SO GOOD. i was concerned that nothing would live up to my mum’s homemade oreos, but those guys are pretty bangin’.

  22. Last month my roommate bought ‘Dubbla Chokladflarn’ oatmeal cookies at IKEA. yummy!
    I also love Pepperidge Farm cookies. especially the soft ones, heh.

  23. After Greek koulourakia, it’s Keebler’s Soft Batch and Oreos for me.

    I don’t know what to make of a recent study that says depressed people eat more chocolate though: http://bit.ly/d6DqNT

  24. Love Tim Tams, hate my Aussie mates for bringing them over here while on holiday. Then Target had them… for like 3 months… and they’re gone again. Bummer.

    Lorna Doones are great cookies but the most expensive box on the shelf in the cookie isle so I almost never buy them.

    No love for Snackwells?

  25. Have you got Fudgee-Os in the states? I friggin’ love those! Mr. Christie’s Pirate peanut butter cookies are delish, too.
    Also, don’t knock digestive cookies!

  26. !

    I’d like to point out that Girl Scout cookies have been COMPLETELY neglected by this post. That’s just f’d up.

    • You can’t buy Girl Scout Cookies in the drugstore, though.
      Which is probably a good thing, to be honest!

      • While Girl Scout cookies are not sold in drugstores, the Girl Scouts often set up their tables just outside of drug stores.

        And now I want some delightful Caramel DeLites.

  28. Top 10 Cookies You Can Buy at the Drugstore: 50 comments. Senate Committee, House Approve DADT Compromise: 4 comments. WAY TO GO, WORLD.

    • For real guys. Also, “Obama to DADT Activists: I’m On Task, Don’t Yell!”: 7 comments.

      Are Autostraddle readers over DADT? Did I not get the memo?

      • Hmm, that is disappointing you are right. But, speaking only for myself obvs, I read all of the DADT articles with interest but don’t comment because as someone not from the States I don’t feel knowledgeable enough about how your legislature works to say more than “yay that is good” or “ugh that is horrible” and I hate leaving comments like that because really what is the point.

        Just thought since 2 of the 50 cookiegate comments were mine I’d sort of explain? I mean I know that wasn’t aimed at anyone in particular just saying.

        Suffice to say I really like the political articles here and read them all and you are all doing a great job and I love the balance of important and gaga.

        Not that gaga is not important.

        • mte. I mean not that people from other countries can’t have feelings about American politics, because it generally does have a ripple effect on the rest of the world (esp Australia, which is like a funhouse mirror pointed north). But personally, I mean, Autostraddle is basically my only source of input on DADT so if I tried to comment it WOULD either be “yay that is good”/”ugh that is horrible”, or I’d accidentally quote your opinion back at you which, embarrassing.

          Also embarrassing: that I got so excited about this cookie post that I replied before reaching the end of the comments.

          • Haha, you international peeps get a free pass, obvs. The Americans are clearly slackers. Actually, Laneia and I are just cranky at the world today.

            As long as people are reading, then yay, go team! Lalalala…

          • I was going to point out that a lot of these cookie comments come from non-US readers, love for cookies / biscuits is clearly universal.

            I’ve never once commented on an Autostraddle article about US politics. Even though I (think I) understand them, I have zero comment confidence.

          • i think zero comment confidence might be an actual thing i’d like to tackle.

            this post wasn’t put up as a trap or anything, for the record, and how can you hate on cookies? you can’t. only an asshole would and i’m seldom an asshole.

            and i know that you guys probably agree w/ what we’re saying and if you don’t, you’ll let us know, especially w/r/t politics, so i get it. i’d just love to read your thoughts, on everything. even cookies! even politics. even skirts. even rape. even music. even you.

            that’s all.

            <3 xxxo

          • I hadn’t yet seen this exchange and just commented on one of the other posts to say that I haven’t commented b/c I don’t know what the fuck to say because I don’t know what the fuck to think, actually.

          • I think many others summed up perfectly my feelings on this.

            Comment confidence is totally an issue, and we need to huddle and express feelings about it, so that we can be as liberated as those women in sanitary product commercials, which is my general high watermark for confidence.

            I tend to approach commenting as I approach sex: drunk, stalled by excessive and needless self-deprecating verbosity, and ending in a blind panic that I hit the right button.

          • the world follows american geopolitics obsessivly and i´m guilty of that as well. And since American foreign policy effect´s the life of millions it´s not that odd.

            A part of it is in my opinion that the world and the US have VERY different views of the american military.

            And out of curiosity anyone thing it´s odd that a nation that spends 400.000.000.000$ a year on interests also spends more on “defence” than the next 15 nations combined? And their navy is larger than the next 12 nations combined. And i can’t see the airforce does a lot of dogfighting with the taliban.

            But i guess an empire needs it´s white elephants and ivory towers.

          • this.
            i was totally going to comment on the dadt articles but i am anti-military/american empire. so i didn’t want to be that asshole. and my qualifiers for making my comment to not seem like an asshole would have ended up longer than the comment itself probs.

    • i think we all know how we feel about cookies, so it’s easy to chime in. and even if were wrong, it’s not a big deal. it doesn’t make us “look bad” to be wrong about cookies. well to be honest i have some mixed feelings about cookies. idk, i guess i wrote this post or whatever. mmm

      granted that i’ve read a lot about social behavior w/r/t the internet and how we deal with emotions in technological spheres, but i feel that the more comfortable we become with the community speaking on things where we DO feel confident we have something to say (cookies, lady gaga), the more likely we are to then feel ok asking something about DADT.

      that being said, i love that so many of you have said that you do read the posts we write on political topics and get your news here. and i think that actually… actually i think that we’d like to hear your “yays!” even if that’s all there is to say. or “this was informative, thank you.”

      since part of our aim here is to trick you into reading important stuff by also talking about “fluff” topics, i feel personally totally encouraged that perhaps you are getting important news/politics/social justice information from AS that you might not get if we didn’t exist. even if you don’t feel you have the confidence to comment on it. hopefully one day you will, and if you don’t, that’s okay too. i hope you keep on talking about cookies and how hot nat garcia is cute, and if you wanna say “this was interesting, thanks,” or “yay!” on a post you have nothing else to say about, you can, and if you want to put on underwear and run outside and scream I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE you can do that too.

      so. in conclusion: THEY DO NOT SELL GIRL SCOUT COOKIES AT THE FUCKING AMOCO STATION.

      • “part of our aim here is to trick you into reading important stuff by also talking about “fluff” topics”

        this works SO WELL you have no idea. I literally read every thing that shows up in my rss feed, even things that are completely outside of my area like the supreme court and fashion, b/c I’m afraid if I dont I will miss something clever or funny or a lady gaga reference.

        so, I mean, good job. you’ve totally manipulated my little mouse brain to run through your blog maze.

      • Re: “social behavior w/r/t the internet and how we deal with emotions in technological spheres”. What books/articles/whatnots would you recommend?

      • autostraddle: part of a balanced breakfast. no, not even part. its the whole kit n kaboodle. you are raisin bran with two scoops of fuckin awesome. you are that show hysteria that tricked me into learning american history as a kid. youre those delicious banana chip things.

        you are secretly really good for me autostraddle. and i totally love it. <3

      • This is a really interesting discussion, and I totally see and agree with what you are saying.

        Let me tell you my commenting story such as it is, since there is nothing I like talking about more than myself. I am a relatively new commenter. Actually not even relatively…I signed up properly about two days ago. However, I have been reading AS for months and loving it and the only thing that has stopped me commenting up until now is the fact that I am generally a passive internets consumer. A lot of the stuff I read online is from traditional news outlets, and by that I mean it is 95% The Guardian and The Irish Times because I am very old fashioned and still living in the 20th century in my head. Then I comment to my friends on IM because most internet “communities” – i.e. the ones traditional news outlets have tacked on to their sites without any thought, make me angry and sad because they are mostly full of craziness and bile. Always a good combination.

        So anyway, what eventually drew me in here to tell you all my Very Important Feelings was the community dynamic. I think this aspect of the site has been really artfully managed. Like you have created this with a will to engage us, but not in a condescending “we shall speak and ye shall listen” type way that other sites can be guilty of. It’s difficult to get the balance of earnest and informative yet also accessible and I honestly think you guys do a much better job of it than the majority of the big conglomerates. I have now moved to getting practically all my queer news from here to the extent that I wish there could be a local autostraddle that also keeps me informed about stuff closer to home. What I’m getting to in a very convoluted manner is that you are totally reeling me in with yummy cookies/stories and I am slowly moving towards leaving crumbs/comments…..ok that analogy totally does not work but you understand, right? I am finally feeling welcome on the internet. No small thing. I think like in 2015 I might be ready to finally comment on DADT. Only joking, I will totally say “Yay, but explain to me what is a senate committee?” the next time.

        How off topic from cookies can one get. In Ireland we have amazing biscuits called mikados you have to try them.

      • I think that this is the reason why the facebook “like” option is so good. you don’t have to comment to give feedback. :)

  29. 1. I thought that said “Keeber’s Soft Butch” and I was all, “Ooh, where?!”

    2. If you put a bag of PF’s Milano cookies before with a steaming hot cup of Earl Grey with milk and honey, I will eat the whole fucking bag. Try it, and then want to hit me in the face it’s so good.

    3. Trader Joe’s all-butter shortbread cookies with the chocolate middles? I die I die I die.

  32. I used to work at subway and ever since i made those cookies and realised what was in them the ideaof them makes me sick.
    Also when they carefully word “baked fresh” to imply that we make the stuff but we didn’t almost everything came in frozen :(
    OREOS #1!

  33. i’m now really upset that we don’t sell cookies in my pharmacy. i mean, we sell pretty much everything else. maybe this is an area i should work on/i wonder who i should talk to about this.

  34. I genuinely hate oreos. Not kidding.

    In the same way that Riese wanted to keep using “box” in her post, I made sure that I was the one to let everyone know of a snack break at work yesterday because I got to say “hot box” about 15 times in 5 minutes.

    • When I worked in a café I used to say “Do you want to eat in or would you like to EAT OUT?” and realise what I’d said and then so would they and awwwwk.

  35. So, the Duplex/Sandwich cookies are fucking win. I buy like those surplus packs at WalMart for $1.50 and put them out for girls in the dorms (I’m an RA). It’s probably the most efficient way to connect and make friends. Example:

    Me: Hey! Wanna cookie?
    Her: *avoiding eye contact* Sure.
    Me: What’s your name?
    Her: Uhh…*Insert common girls name here*
    Me: So…tell me something about yourself.

    And then the darling buds of friendship blossom. Therefore, sandwich cookies = BFFS4LYFE. Not really…but at least I learn their names, right?

    As for the news thing, I read news here, plus Feministing and I watch Rachel Maddow (whether it’s for news or for her remains to be seen)… but most of the time I’m getting breaking news here. It’s kind of awesome.

    I haven’t commented a lot, but I figured I could definitely speak up about a cookie discussion. So hopefully this will boost my courage for future comment endeavors.

  37. you guys, i’m really upset my pharmacy doesn’t sell cookies. like what the fuck are we even doing?!

  38. Why people were more willing to comment on cookies than DADT this time around: A cookie does not require months of sitting on the Senate floor to gain enough approval to be made available to millions of people who have been waiting for it, a cookie can not sit in stagnation for months before its release (that would surely ruin its flavor), and a cookie can be enjoyed equally by anyone who decides they want it! With that being said, I am on record for eating an entire package of Milanos in under 3 minutes. My girlfriend says she can’t take me anywhere.

  40. I love the cookie debate! I wish we had those chocolate digestives here because they are delicious. I actually brought a pack home with me after leaving the UK and they are now appox. 5 years old. I think it’s took late to open them.
    And I love the article; it reminds me of your L Word recaps/countdowns, etc. Thanks, Riese! They used to be the best part of my Tuesday (Tuesday?) before work. And for the record, Oreos do tend to get stuck in your teeth. I try to keep my mouth shut after eating them in public.

  41. I’d choose Fudgeos over Oreos any day! Girl guide cookies are even better. (Then you’ve got a choice between Vanilla and chocolate! something for everyone! (I mostly go for the chocolate though) The christmas mint ones are good too.

    I also love Celebrations (dark chocolate on waffers, like petit ecoliers), and PC “The Decadent” Chocolate chip, and chocolate chunk cookies. Basically, anything with chocolate.

    • Oooh, I’d wondered how it’d managed to rack up 100+ comments in the ~20 mins since I’d last checked Autostraddle for new posts.

  43. What are those cookies with holes in the middle and wavy chocolate lines all over them? They are good. Oreos are also bomb. Nilla Wafers are just like pleasant little nibbles of heaven. Nutter Butters are totes good, but have you ever had the NUTTER BUTTER WAFERS OMG. I never manage to break off a perfect square, but it doesn’t matter because I’m eating the whole sheet, motherfuckers! From any bakery, I say white chocolate macadamia nuts.

  44. WHOA OLD POST.

    Was anyone else in love with the windmill shaped (almond?) cookies that are all deliciously spicy and crunchy? I totally was. Also I feel like there was some sort of non traditional sandwich cookie that I was really into. It also probably had something to do with nuts.

    Anywho, I’m gluten intolerant so I go for Pamela’s cookies (expensive but they have LEMON SHORTBREAD). True story: yesterday I ate nothing but cookies until like 6 p.m. I started with the lemon shortbread ones and when I ate the last of those I switched to the mini chocolate chocolate chip ones. EXTREME CHOCOLATEYNESS.

    Then I went to chipotle. It was a good day for eating.

  46. The gas station nearest to me sells actual bakery cookies (okay, so they’re total Generic Gas Station Food cookies, but they’re from a bakery in the next town over, which inexplicably makes me feel better about eating buying them, like being locally made makes them healthy or even fresh) and they are AMAZING. Like, I’m sure that if I went to a real bakery and they gave me those cookies I would be totally disappointed because, hey, stale cookies. But when they come from the gas station they are MAGICAL.

    What are Girl Scout cookies like? We only have Girl Guide cookies in Canada (or my part of Canada, anyway) and having read the comments, I’m so curious now! Do they have the packages that have one row of gross-tasting chocolate ones and one row of marginally better-tasting vanilla ones? And the delicious mint chocolate ones? Are there other ones? Are they awesome?

    • Yeah I really want to know about these legendary Girl Scout cookies because around here everyone is really into the whole STRANGER DANGER thing so nobody even goes trick or treating unless it’s at the mall.

  48. Riese, is this a REPEAT article? I swear AS had the very same article last year-ish. I remember commenting about Fudgee-Os, asking if you Americans have them. I also like a good box of Peek Freans, especially the Lifestyle (the “healthy” ones with bran and flax and omega 3s and all that stuff that keeps ya regular) varieties.

  49. ballerina cookies from ikea are super delicious, and I like dark chocolate digestive cookies too!

  50. Keebler fudge grahams. They make s’mores super easy. Toast the marshmallow over your gas stove flame for year ’round nutrition.

  51. Walker’s shortbread will forever be the cookie company for me. Since I first took a bite of that buttery, decadent, delicious, delightful, rich, crumbly, tongue-fireworking, nirvana-inducing, solve-world-hunger-and-create-world-peace, godly goodness…my life has never been the same. If you haven’t tried Walker’s shortbread, particularly the shortbread fingers, you haven’t lived.

    Omigod. I need a Walker’s fix right now. *twitch*

    • Ikr, that’s what I said a few comments ago, minus the spot-on, detailed description.

      They are the BEST EVER! Last year Costco had a holiday tin of them and I couldn’t buy it because right now I’m too poor to buy things for pleasure. I sure did hold that thing for +/- 5 minutes every time I went though. Standing there like a zombie taking up the aisle with my big ass cart and contemplating whether or not $20 would really put me out that much. What a tease… I should’ve just done it.

      • You didn’t put down the 20 for it? oh…the shame…somewhere, someplace in the world, a cookie tin is crying for the lack of love.

  53. I for one find it irresponsible and hypocritical that Autostraddle would post an article about the risks of apathy towards non-organic foods and then the next day post this!

    JUUUUSSSST KIDDING!!

    I love you cuddle-sluts forever. Genetically modified or not.

  54. I agree about #8 Soft Batch. Gas station cookies are too dry for some reason, although I do love a Mrs. Fields or Soft Batch cookie.

    Re: squirrel
    I wish I was so small that when I held an Oreo, my hands were basically sholder-width apart.

  55. Wow, it’s really fun to read the comments. In Hong Kong, branded cookies or biscuits are not common and my people usually prefer freshly-baked pastries from Cha Chaan Teng (Chinese tea diner/house). However, we do have some small shops that make Western style cookies. My favourite ones are Jenny’s Bakery and Cookies Quartet. You should go there if you want some comfort food.

    • Oop, I somehow forgot to include the lovely cookies from the two shops. Butter and coffee cookies from Jenny’s Bakery are soft and the amount of butter would make you want to miss the 3 meals for the whole day. For Cookies Quartet, its palmiers are quite yummy. If you are taking a break and just want to stare at the screen for hours, go to the photo galleries of cookies. It’s truly a HEAVEN of COOKIES.

      Jenny’s Bakery: http://www.jennybakery.com
      Cookies Quartet: http://www.cookiesquartet.com

  56. Nilla Wafers.

    So YUMMY, although I seem to be the only one. They sell them at our convenience store and I am love.

  58. Does anyone know what happened to those dinosaur shaped children’s cookies? Do they still exist? What are they called? Weren’t they fucking delicious? Is this going to be another Planters-P.B.-Crisps-like crisis for me?

  59. I totally crave a lot of these cookies when im PMSing…especially the double chocolate pepperidge farm cookies and the Un Petit Ecolair (sp?) What the heck does that mean anyways?! Little Boy Cookie?! Cuz there’s a little boy on them? Oh well, even tho it has a creepy pedofile name I still like them.

  61. Cookie cookie cookie starts with C!

    My favorites are, in no particular order since that depends on my whim while at the store:
    -Keebler Elf sandwich cookies
    -double-stuffed Oreos
    -Marinela Principe galletas (these yummy cookies I get at my Mexican grocery store with a cartoon prince dude on them) -Mint Milanos
    -rainbow M & M cookies (cuz they’re gay!)

    And now I want cookies but will have to brave the snow/wind to get them. Grump.

  63. I realize this is the worst entry to read when you are PMSing/your female time of month kicks in.

    I baked a huge batch of cookies (Hummingbird Bakery’s recipe for peanut butter chocolate chip cookies) on top of munching on the last of my Thin Mints.

    I am now combating the urge to go out in this icky weather and find Girl Scouts.

    Seriously, I love Girl Scout cookies, but they never come to my house. 5 years I keep waiting and nothing…they make me stalk them.

    Something’s just wrong about that.

  64. “Also just FYI our official political position on this matter is that buying from any of these corporations is evil and you will be perpetuating patriarchal power institutions and systems of domination, but sometimes you just want to eat a fucking Nutter Butter, you know?”

    LMAO IRL

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