“To L and Back” L Word Podcast Episode 403: Lassoed

Rancho Notorious is West Hollywood’s hottest new Girls Night at The Planet. You’ll find Heads Will Roll Kroll on the prowl, Papi with a girl on each arm, many bales of hay, two party promoters unddresssing each other and Shane, a skinny little white girl. But first, stop in on “Tina and Henry’s Mixer for Our Gay and Straight Friends,” a bona-fide disaster party full of honest homophobes and Bette’s intense top energy. Also, Jenny’s still upset about her review, Helena’s bad at jobs, and Nadia has never wanted to kiss anyone as much as she wants to kiss Bette Porter right now!

Black and white shot. Jenny in a white t-shirt with her hands behind her head. She yells, "Stacey!"

Nadia sitting on Bette's desk. Bette is sitting in her desk chair. Nadia says, "Sustained multiple hickeys from both his teaching assistants." Close up shot of Bette, talking to Nadia who is off screen. Bette says, "I-I-I prefer a woman." Shane looks over at Shay (the back of his head is to the camera). Shane asks him, "Have you been vaccinated?"

Shane, wearing a white v-neck t-shirt, looks at the Principal of the school she is trying to enroll Shay at. Shay is off in the background, out of earshot. Shane says, "Okay, I don't... I don't know that kid."

Alice is holding a broom and her back is to the camera. Jenny is talking to her about Stacey Merkin. She says, "Yo Stacey, come here and say it to my fucking face, you fucking vagina!"

Alice leans on a broom and says, "She's a walking, living, breathing Lothario."

Helena is pouring a drink from a glass bottle into a mug. She's talking about how she can't find a job, saying she would do anything "that doesn't involve sex or touching insects."

Bette's talking on the phone in her office. She asks, "A mixer for our gay and our straight friends?"

Bette leans on her desk in her office. She says, "They're doing this party called Rancho Notorious."

Two waitresses at the Planet, one wearing a cowboy hat, the other holding a broom. One of them says, "Mindy and I are going to have a bloody shootout."

Kit and Angus at the Planet. Subtitles read, "[Both scatting]"

Max and Shay are looking into the hood of a car. Shane is standing behind them. Max says, "I don't even really know Tina that well."

Alice, Helena, Kit, and Bette are at Tina and Henry's house party. Alice says that they're being outnumbered by straight people.

A straight cis guest at Tina and Henry's party says to Tina and Bette, "Look, I-I'm not a homophobe, you know what I'm saying?"
Bette stands with a wine glass in her hand as a straight cis partygoer, off camera, says, "Look, I-I'm not a homophobe, you know what I'm saying?" She has a "what in the actual fuck?" look on her face.

Another straight cis white guy leans over the back of the couch to give his unsolicited opinion on the conversation of whether it's ok to be gay. He says, "I'm all for it... between women."

Straight cis guy at Tina and Henry's party weighing in on being gay. He says, "The idea of two guys..."

Alice sits on the floor next to two of the straight guests at Tina and Henry's party. She's giving hints about the celebrity her team needs to guess. She says, "Major dyke, major dyke," referring to Lily Tomlin.

Shane, Bette, and Jenny sit on a couch at Tina and Henry's party, looking bored and annoyed by straight people.

Black and white shot. Shane walks into The Planet. Subtitles read "[horse whinnying]"

Shane's in the middle of a tequila shot at The Planet. Papi says to her, "You're just a skinny little white girl."

Jenny's in line waiting for the bathroom at The Planet. The person behind her in line, unaware of who Jenny is, says that she read a review of "Some of Her Parts" in Curve Magazine, saying, "Anyway, the book is really awful."

Alice, Shane, Helena, and Bette sit at a table at The Planet. Bette is giving them a heads up about Phyllis' coming out, saying, "She is my boss. I repeat, very much my boss."

Max is doing bench presses and Jenny is watching. Max says, "But I could do a computer search for you."

Two people dancing at the party at The Planet. Alice, off camera, says, "Wow. Go get 'em, Phyllis!"

A classmate says to Nadia as they stand up at the end of class, "I love you, Bette" making fun of her crush on Bette. Phyllis, wearing a black blazer and pearls, is talking to Bette (off camera) about the party she went to at The Planet. Phyllis says, "I especially loved Alice."

Helena is on her first day as receptionist at Wax. She's talking on the phone. Shane puts her hand out to Helena in a "stop" gesture and says, "No, no. Say 'Wax'"

Alice stands next to Bette, who is sitting at her desk in her office. Bette says, "Alice, it's not funny," referring to Phyllis' crush on Alice.

Max carries a platter of burgers to the grill at his boss's house. His boss says, "I'll go get the buns" as he walks away.

Close-up shot of a guy's bulge in his black Speedo swimsuit.

Phyllis and Bette at a dark restaurant. Phyllis asks, "Lesbians have their own special kind of sushi?"

A flyer for California University Art + Design that Nadia is showing Bette. Bette says, "God, you are really talented."

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3266 articles for us.

9 Comments

  2. I kept wondering if this party scene was the reason everyone thought Angus was bisexual. I never thought that, I thought he was just purposefully trolling the homophobic people for fun. Mostly because this show doesn’t let people be bisexual.

    • I always thought that it just meant Kit was pegging him! That said, I’m willing to opt for the queer/bi interpretation whenever I can (sometimes despite the original author’s intention, I guess). I think, unfortunately, that they let him be bi on the condition that he was also obnoxious.

    • i think honestly i thought that since he mentioned a specific brand of lube that he actually was being serious, and also i think back when i first saw it, the fact that the brand was “boy butter” made me think it was like an inside thing for gay/bi men? lord knows. anyhow i’m sticking to it!!

      also lol: “they let him be bi on the condition that he was also obnoxious.”

  3. Ah season 4, no less offensive but definitely more fun. Also, even though I hate how the rest of the crew are cutting her off from queer stuff, I kind of think Tina should have known better than to arrange this gathering. Have they ever, in the whole history of the L Word, thrown a dinner party that goes well?!

    • i can think of at least two more in our future that go terribly wrong, these girls should STOP HAVING DINNER

  4. Fun “The L-Word” tie-in re: Bette and Natalie’s relationship- Kate Manning had season-long arc on “Grownish” where she played a professor of Gender Studies (of course) who has a relationship with one of her undergrad students. This is the third student-teacher lesbian relationship with weird issues around boundary and secrecy on TV that I can think of (Natalie and Dean Bette “Benzo” Porter on “The L-Word”, Nomi and Professor Paige Hewson on “Grownish, Ali and Professor Leslie Mackinaw on “Transparent”) and *spoiler alert* they all end up getting in serious trouble/getting fired for it.

    P.S.- I’m so glad that Riese finally came upon the original source material for her assertion that (M)Angus is bisexual. Every time Riese mentioned Mangus’ sexual orientation up until now (almost always in the context of correcting herself or someone else who groups him with other straight cis White dude$), I always thought to myself: “she can only be thinking of that time at Tina’s gay-straight mixer party when MAngus said how great anal sex can feel with the right lube or whatever, but that was just said to shock and confuse that homophobic straight guy” (though enjoying “receiving” anal sex wouldn’t make him bi either way). I’m glad she stuck to her guns though.

    • hahaha i am SO glad we finally got down to the bones and marrows of angus’s alleged bisexuality.

      and also YES that storyline on grown-ish was ….. wild

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