In Which We Put a Moratorium on Lindsay Lohan Posts

THIS IS OUR LAST LINDSAY LOHAN POST (FOR NOW):

Lindsay Lohan arrived at Lynwood Correctional Facility to begin serving her 90-day jail sentence today, but according to the sheriff’s department, she’ll be out in 13 or 14 days. Department spokesman Steve Whitmore says, “Her projected release date is Aug. 1 or Aug. 2.”

Due to overcrowding, non-violent inmates only serve 25% of their sentence. With good behavior, her sentence will be reduced to 51 days, and a quarter of that is about 13 days. Whitmore says the jail was “on lockdown” as Lindsay was processed this morning, and she’s been “extremely cooperative.” She’ll be staying in a 2-by-8 cell in a facility which has also housed Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Khloe Kardashian and Michelle Rodriguez and currently also apparently houses some girl from a Reality TV show.

Following her jail term, she’ll have 24 hours of freedom before beginning a 90-day stay in inpatient rehabilitation.

So, although we’ve explained in depth why we do talk about Lindsay Lohan despite a general aversion to celebrity gossip (she’s queer, it’s important to provide an antidote to the rapey, misogynistic, speculative, homophobic and inhumane discourse we see shilled elsewhere on the ‘net), we’re going to put a moratorium on Lohan-related discourse ’til she’s out & able to speak for herself, unless it’s related to her actual work as an actress (like the upcoming film Machete). In the meantime you can think back on her body of work with our 90 days of Lindsay Lohan gallery.

Apparently Larry King had Dr. Drew (who’s never treated Lindsay) and Michael Lohan (her father, who’s a publicity-hungry lying bastard asshole probs responsible for many of the issues that drive Lindsay to The Drink to begin with) on his show yesterday to talk about Lindsay’s future, and if that’s the direction this conversation is going in, count us out.

(Unless, of course, Samantha visits.)

(Also, continue to quote Mean Girls at your leisure)

KATE MOENNIG:

Shane is back on Showtime with a guest spot Dexter. As of now, she’s slated for just one episode where she will play a tattoo artist. We’re not sure how she’s gonna get into the serial killer’s world, but maybe Dexter killed Jenny? (@tvguide)

GAYS PLAYING STRAIGHT/STRAIGHTS PLAYING GAY:

Openly gay director Don Roos admitted he gets “distracted” by openly gay actors playing straight at a panel discussion at the Outfest Film Festival last week. Roos has worked with Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Affleck, Christina Ricci, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Lisa Kudrow and has directed films including The Opposite of Sex and Happy Endings.

Don Roos on actors’ roles different from their own orientation:

“I think the relationship between an audience and an actor is a very complicated thing, especially in a romantic lead,” Roos said during the panel discussion. “When you’re in a movie theater, what’s on the screen isn’t necessarily appealing to your best instincts. Most of the audience is going to be homophobic, they’re mostly violent in their hearts and that’s what they’re responding to on the screen and you can’t wait to have a career until the audience is not homophobic. That’s never going to happen. … In a romantic role, it can be very distracting for the audience to not be able to give themselves to a particular character. Like when I was watching Philadelphia — I knew [Tom Hanks] was straight.”

“I kept feeling distracted knowing that he wasn’t really gay,” Roos told me. “I was admiring him and thinking, ‘Oh my God, how well he’s playing that.’ The more I know about any actor about anything, the more distracting it is.”

“It would be hard for me to cast Natalie Portman as a woman rancher because she’s this crazy vegan. I want to not have conversations about is he gay or is he not gay; I want to know as little as possible.” (@greginhollywood)

We have already said a lot of things about this topic in our rebuttal to Ramin Setoodeh’s article in Newsweek, and Kristin Chenoweth has had some thoughts, too. Also, honestly, the more you know about any actor, the more flimsy the illusion becomes. That part isn’t limited to sexuality.

COURTNEY LOVE:

OMG, Courtney Love has started contributing to a blog that posts what she wears each day. Cue half naked bra and panty shots from her iPhone (@whatcourtneyworetoday)

KATHY GRIFFIN / THE VIEW:

Elizabeth Hasselbeck calls Kathy Griffin “scum” and compares her to a mass murderer. Ya see, Hasselbeck went after Griffin because she joked on last week’s episode of My Life on the D-List that Massachusetts Republican Sen. Scott Brown‘s two daughters are prostitutes.

.Kathy, of course, loves this kinda shit, so she hits back in this statement:he bottom line is, lighten up! Suck it! As the great Bette Midler said, ‘Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.'” (@eonline)

LA ROUX:

British pop goddess La Roux performs “Bulletproof” on The View. She’s got alternative lifestyle hair, and if you aren’t familiar with her stuff, go buy her self titled album immediately. It’s Gaga meets Prince meets David Bowie.

WEEDS:

All good things must come to an end, and when the light dims on The Real L Word‘s glowing vaj, Weeds will be there on Aug. 16 to pick up the pieces. Linda Hamilton plays a lez, so keep an eye out for Mary Louise Parker offering to go down on her in the promo. Still upset about Elizabeth Perkins (Celia) going MIA for season 6. Cry!

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3279 articles for us.

71 Comments

  1. re: La Roux, I really want to like her, because I definitely enjoy her music, but quotes like:
    “Girls look a bit stupid playing electric guitar and drums. It suits blokes better. But girls look wicked playing synths. When they play drums or whatever, it looks a bit butch. I hope that doesn’t sound anti-feminist.”
    and
    “I know that there’s far more ways to be sexy than to dress in a miniskirt and a tank top. […] I think you attract a certain kind of man by dressing like that. Women wonder why they get beaten up, or having relationships with arsehole men. Because you attracted one, you twat.”
    I just wish she could take a gender studies class or have a conversation with someone that could set her straight on some things. I don’t want to think she really thinks these things… I’d rather think she’s undereducated on the topics.

    • Uggghhhhh ok La Roux, you’re out, forever. (Not like in a “you’re gay!” way but in a “you lose!” way.) Because of your admittedly excellent hair and because folks at places like this think you are great I tried to get into your music but I couldn’t get into it, and now this. It is truly unforgivable. As a culture we have made some strides re: women in bands recently but there definitely are still these idiotic ideas afoot about the “right” way for women to play music — vocals or synths is very often the first role someone will assume a woman in a band has, and it gets BORING. As a lady guitarist who has played with a bunch of talented female musicians of ALL sorts (including a statistically improbable but awesome concentration of lady drummers) I am SO GROSSED OUT by this attitude. Okay there are pages & pages & pages I could write on this topic after a decade in bands as a woman, but I will let it rest at this and return to my normal allcaps-free attitude:

      MORE WOMEN WITH GUITARS. MORE WOMEN WITH DRUMS. ALWAYS.

  2. George Bush’s daughters were alcoholic, drug addled fuckups to whom “prostitute” would be a compliment.

    Hopefully Scott Brown and his ideology of hatred keeps his kids from becoming the Bush daughters…but it didn’t work for Bush!

    • ‘to whom “prostitute” would be a compliment. ‘

      I have no idea what you mean by this, but I really didn’t need that slice of misogyny this morning.

      • Well, prostitute is at an actual job while “alcoholic, drug addled fuckups” is not, so I can see how it could be a compliment.

      • Some of it got lost in my translating, but I was not trying to offend. :) I will not try to re say it, because it is sort of lost in my head now, but I am sorry for making your morning less pleasant.

        • hey-yo, looks like this was resolved but i’d like to take this opportunity to say that “prostitute” is not an insult at autostraddle and therefore using it as one falls under the umbrella of “deliberately abusive or hateful” language.

          any woman can choose what she wants to do with her body, including sex work.

          “prostitute” either refers to a woman who has chosen for whatever reason to formally accept money for sexual activity or to a woman who has been forced into/sex trafficked into accepting money for sexual activity. So neither one of those definitions is really something deserving of anybody’s scorn.

          a lot can get lost in translation of course, and i’m not deliberately taking aim here, but I figured I’d throw that out there because that’s my job or something. sorry i just now caught this.

          • hi, sorry to make you have to work. my original intent was to try to say that i did not see why they were saying prostitute as an insult, because of what you have said above and other reasons. but working between languages (even though i speak english natively) got my comment all confused. i was sort of trying to say “there are people out there who have much worse behavior and are in the public eye than prostitutes (who have steadys jobs) do.” it got all jumbled up and im sorry for disturbing anyone’s morning. i had not intented to be hateful or abusive and will now comment only when speaking english. :)

          • ugh! and that still is not right. please just know i have no bad intentions and did not mean to seem like i am placing judgements valus on prostitutes, i am not but can not express.

    • Then, you know NOTHING about Jenna and Barbara Bush. Don’t let you politics get in the way of looking at people as people.

  3. I should probably give Dexter a second chance, shouldn’t I? It’s just weird to see Michael C. Hall as a serial killer after 5 seasons of (my favorite show) Six Feet Under. Looks like I’ll be giving it a second change this season!

    • see, I’ve always given Michael C. Hall props because while I watch Dexter he IS Dexter and I’m all, “David who?”

  5. i think with movies what you have to do is suspend your disbelief. and the actors have to be good enough to convince you that what you’re seeing is “real” in the context, like everyone knows avatar isn’t real, but you pretend it is for 2 hours so you can enjoy the movie. and if you can’t pretend then maybe it’s a shitty movie.

      • as far as i’m concerned, joy is the anchor that keeps this ship from sailing to crazy town

        (that sentence made me feel like a metophor-enthused mariner, but whatever, i’m having cheese fries)

    • – Wait a second, I’m pretty sure I recognize that last line…umm…is it a witty reference to a quotable movie?… probably not, sorry. I’m really rusty, erm…

      {Limits. Why couldn’t I remember anything about limits?}

    • Agreed! Why isn’t this a community decision? It’s like this isn’t a democracy — it’s a cheerocracy.

      Oh wait. Wrong movie.

      Eliza Dushku.

    • Speaking of devastating moratoriums, you know that I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah!

  8. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. WHERE IS CELIA GOING?!

    Ahem. Apparently I’m behind on my Weeds news. Having just finished watching S5, I’m very behind. But you meant to tell me Elizabeth Perkins isn’t returning at all for S6? What… THE hell. I was so looking forward to her attempts at trying to “out-Nancy Nancy.” :(

  9. it’s important to provide an antidote to the rapey, misogynistic, speculative, homophobic and inhumane discourse we see shilled elsewhere on the ‘net

    Yes it is, and thank you for doing what you do!

  10. She’s so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, “Janis, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she’s on crack.

  11. I don’t want to offend anyone, but sometimes I think this site is too gay to function.

  12. …but I AM supposed to believe that Natalie Portman (ok, her character) was Princess Leia’s mother???

  19. you guys i just realized something. making fun of lindsay’s drunkenness doesn’t make me more sober. and making fun of her drug habits doesn’t make me less stoned. and questioning her gayness definitely doesn’t make me any gayer. all you can do in life is try to comment on the website in front of you without being a dick.

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