“To L and Back” L Word Podcast Episode 304: Light My Fire With Cerise Castle

This week on “To L and Back,” we are so pleased to announce that Cerise Castle, an actual employee of KCRW, joined us to discuss topics including Alice’s dubious KCRW show about Dana / interconnectivity / weapons of mass destruction / giving a pig a pancake. Also: Bette yells about art and has finger intercourse with Senator Barbara Grisham (played by Dana Delaney), Jenny burns her book, Bif Naked talks about top surgery, Tina is a major league c*nt, Dana meets her hero Billie Jean King, Carmen has to decide between a major career opportunity and a party at a skate shop, Helena wants to over-finance Dylan’s movie and so much more!

Jenny, wearing a black tank top and glasses with her hair in a ponytail, sits outside holding her manuscript as she adds page after page to a burning fire. Off screen, Max says, "I hope you backed that up on your hard drive."

Bette is holding Angie while she sits with her feet dangling over the edge into her backyard pool. Tina stands behind her, wearing a black skirt and white button-up. Bette says to Tina, "we are cooling our tooties."

Carmen, Kit, and Shane are at The Planet. Kit has walked over to tell Carmen about a new gig with a band called "Black Buddafly."

Bette (with Angie sitting on her lap), Billy, and Kit are at The Planet. Billy says, in reference to a new cutie busboy's potential veganism, "You know what they say about vegans, their cum tastes really sweet. Not that I'd ever swallow."

Billie Jean King is wearing a navy blazer and a powder blue shirt and sitting at a desk with a fake-looking plant. She is interviewing Dana for The Sports Channel. Dana has just told her that she is her biggest fan. Billie says, "that's so embarrassing." Dana replies, "no, it's true."

Alice, wearing a green track jacket and holding a white mug, sits at her cluttered desk in the studio. She is pitching ideas to her editor, and just suggested that she read the children's book "If You Give a Pig a Pancake" on air. She goes on to explain that it is her "Earth daughter Angelica's favorite picture book."

Jenny and Max are at a party at Kit's house, talking with another guest. Jenny sits on the far left holding a glass of white wine, Max sits in the middle holding a bottle of beer, and the unnamed party goer is on the far right wearing a black sequins dress and holding a glass of red wine. The guest is telling them that she is a sword swallower, saying, "I have a very, very deep throat."

Dana's mom (wearing a cream blazer and a black floppy hat) sits in the stands of Dana's tennis match. She says, "she's strong as an ox" in reference to her daughter's tennis skills.

Alice has gone rogue and is discussing George W. Bush's and Bill Clinton's penises on air. Alice says "Bill Clinton's penis had a bend in it" while her angry boss presses a sign that says, "You are dead to me" up to the window.

Dana has just turned on the radio in her new car. She is wearing a grey hoodie and looks confused. Alice's show is playing through the radio, and she is still going on her rant about George W. Bush's penis. Alice says through the radio, "Maybe if we knew more about George W.'s weapon of mass destruction, you know, we could figure out how to blow him out of office."

Bette sits facing Senator Grisham (who Bette met at the congressional hearing she testified at earlier that day). The room is absolutely filled with sexual tension. Senator Grisham has just asked Bette, "Is Tina as intense as you are?" Bette responds, "Is your husband as fluid as you are?"

A person wearing dark eye makeup and smiling is getting their head shaved by Shane at a party. The crowd chants around them, "Go! Go! Go! Go!" repeatedly.

Bette is talking to Tina on her cell phone in Senator Grisham's bathroom to tell her about the sexual tension that is ensuing. Bette asks rhetorically, "So it would be fine with you if I went back in there and fucked her on her 50,000 dollar carpet?" Bette looks confused and annoyed.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3267 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. Because of this episode, my girlfriend and I have an agreement that if either of us ever gets the chance to hook up with a hot senator, we can go for it.

    And then we went through all of the currently sitting senators and the only one she thought was attractive was Sheldon Whitehouse 🤷🏻‍♀️

  2. 1. My current Senator crush is Kyrsten Sinema

    2. I honestly didn’t think if you give a pig a pancake was a real book, I just thought it was their in universe version of if you give a mouse a cookie.

  3. Actually re: tennis clothes – upper-middle class tennis people are that weird that there is a dress code for the audience. Maybe not at every tournament, but for the big ones. My ex-girlfriend was really into tennis and got tickets to Wimbledon through a lottery with her tennis club and they legit sent us a massive pamphlet about what we could and couldn’t wear and what we could bring into the grounds (I think because it’s televised). Mostly it said you can’t wear anything with words or logos on it, nothing political, etc etc… it didn’t say you had to wear only pastel sundresses and polo shirts but everyone ends up looking that way. Granted, Wimbledon is definitely for middle class British people so I sort of believe that’s exactly how they usually dress (I had to go out and buy a shirt and some solid coloured shorts).

  4. I appreciate you both keeping me company while I clean my house for Thanksgiving
    And I absolutely cannot stand Billie Blaikie ugh so awful

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