“The End of the Beginning”
Morning kitchen drama at the Adams Foster house again! If you guys aren’t going to honor such a gorgeous table, you need to give it to me. You can eat off the floor! (Except you, Jude.) (And you, Mariana.)
It’s a season finale. Let’s all just try our best to stay alive today, okay?
Brandon cannot believe that his moms would ask him to sleep on the couch so a nearly homeless pregnant woman who happens to be the birth mother of two of his siblings can sleep in a bed. Like what if he wants to shine his diamond shoes in the middle of the night? Where’s he supposed to do that, huh? The living room?! (Brandon is an entitled wanker a lot of the time, but I actually kind of love that because it’s exactly what the only straight white guy living in this house would act like, especially if he was a teenager. Like truly, completely oblivious to the fact that there are worse things in the world than having to decide which kind of rockstar to be.) Anna doesn’t want scrambled eggs. Lena doesn’t want Anna talking to Mariana about The Way Things Used to Be. Callie doesn’t want to spend the weekend with the Quinns. Stef doesn’t want Callie to tell Robert about her emancipation.
Brandon wants a pony.
Jude uses the commotion to slide on out of there and stare at himself in the mirror and summon the courage to be a hero today. He takes a deep, steadying breath; plucks his lucky blue nail polish out of the pile; and prepares for battle. Next thing you know, he shows up at the hospital with his nails painted blue, and the music is like, “And this is how the patriarchy is slain! On the wings of a unicorn!” He tells the nurse at the check-in desk that he is Connor’s cousin, but when Connor’s dad appears in the hallway, he grows ten feet tall right there in front of him and says, “I want to see my friend, and I’m not leaving until I do.”
And so Connor’s dad lets him in.
2090 called. You’re dead and you wasted your life being a homophobe.
You got an iPhone 7??
Connor smiles like Christmas when Jude walks in, clasps his hands, says, “What’s this?” Jude looks down at his blue fingernails and says, “War paint.” And then he crawls into bed with Connor, and that is how Tumblr died.
You think that’s that, but that is not that, because Connor’s dad will not let it go. He calls Lena and tells her to come get her son and also he’s pulling Connor out of Homo Beach High School like right this second. Lena does go to the hospital, and she’s like, “I mean, you can lock Jude out, fine, but what are you going to do, put Connor in a tower and stand outside with a baseball bat, swinging at any boy who comes his way? And even if you do that, you’ve heard of the internet, right?” Connor’s dad is fine with Lena being gay. Fine with Jude being gay. Fine with Ellen being gay and Neil Patrick Harris being gay and whoever else who isn’t his kid. Michael Sam and Jason Collins and Robin Roberts and Brittney Griner and Portia and Rosie and Anderson Cooper. He’s just not fine with Connor being gay.
What a sad, poignant, very realistic thing.
They said there wouldn’t be any onions on the pizza, but they were chopped up in the sauce!
On the hospital floor.
Lena: I’m so sorry, Jude. Losing friends is the hardest thing.
Jude: He’s not my friend.
Lena: Oh, honey.
Jude: There were no girls in that tent. It was me and Connor in that tent. We kissed then, and we kissed later. We’re not friends.
And then he cries and I cry and you cry and Lena cries and the angels weep a million tears when they realize even they are not as perfect as Jude Adams Foster.
Have there ever been any second generation gay kids on TV? I don’t think so. This whole season of TV is so good I want to frame it and stare at it adoringly every day forever.
I brought you some Skittles, which is almost as good as a baby, right?
The red pack or the blue pack?
Mariana spends the morning back at the bakery, trying to explain to her grandparents how she has changed her mind and they should not adopt Anna’s baby after all, because Stef and Lena want to adopt it. And it’s all good because Stef and Lena are the best and the grandparents can come visit whenever they want and Mariana will teach the baby to code and dance, and Jesus can teach the baby to wrestle and not get tattoos from random men on the street, and Jude can teach it to see the colors of other people’s souls, and Callie can teach it what it means to be a true Gryffindor, and Brandon can bitch about how much space it is taking up. The grandparents give Mariana a thumbs up, but when she leaves, they’re like, “Man, how many of our grandkids are these women going to get?!?” Mike shows up and asks them to sign a White House petition to make President Obama stop letting lesbians have everything they want.
Mariana spends the afternoon getting ready for the dance competition. Rigging up the costumes with glow sticks and working on the program she coded to make the lights in the auditorium go berserk. Anna feels very proud of her and very glad she ended up with Stef and Lena. And then Mariana trips on Jesus’ skateboard and the whole day goes to shit. Luckily, Emma arrives just as Mariana is falling, so Jesus gets a double hate-glare from the two of them. Emma and Mariana worry about how they’re only going to have five dancers because Mariana’s foot is broken or sprained or something. Whatever is happening, she can’t walk on it.
Will you go to Homecoming with me?
I kind of told Tia I’d go with her.
And then! Her grandparents show up at the door looking for Anna.
Good grief, talk about a Callie-kind-of-day!
Speaking of which, Callie is at Robert’s house, and so is everyone else in Robert’s family. Sophia is home, and she has been diagnosed with a personality disorder. She is so shy and so sweet around Callie. She’s wearing the hair thing Callie bought for her, and explaining about her chemical imbalance and how therapy and meds are going to help her, and she’s right. Callie is actually really glad to see her, because Callie is good at forgiving people, which is one of the best traits you can have as a human being in this world.
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YAY! I was waiting for this. It was definitely worth it!
Fav line might be “Mike wouldn’t stop whining about how he never gets to have anyone’s extra babies.”
Also, “Robert doesn’t find this ominous in any way because people who own actual yachts hear things differently than the rest of humanity.”
And honorable mention to all of the photo captions and the listing of various gifts that each would teach to the baby.
The finale had of the feels with the Jude & Connor stuff. I cant wait to see their lil romance blossom.
:)
❤
Yasssss
The Buster Bluth reference was perfect
Man, can YOU write season three!? Because that just all sounds lovely.
I love these recaps so much because it is so clear how much this show means to you. You write about it with such immense love (and silliness) and I can’t wait for season 3!
“Don’t be a Brandon.” I’m going to cross stitch that on to a pillow.
Thank you for the double recap! I laughed hysterically and also cried, and it was just what I needed.
I do believe this summary might possibly be better than the actual episodes. Fantastic job!
i would love it if lena and stef had other lesbian couples to talk to, awesome recap!!
It cracks me up to no end how merciless you are with poor, put-upon Brandon! :-D
The #Jonnor scene in the hospital room actually comes after the part where Lena is comforting a crying Jude and then Lena tells Connor’s dad what’s what. This is significant because it holds out the hope that Connor’s dad might at some point not be a total douchecanoe about the fact that Connor has an incurable case of Jude Fever.
Okay, I hope I’m not stepping on any toes by doing this, and I’m pretty sure I’m not breaking any rules, so here it goes. Quite a few fans of the show have didn’t like it that what transpired between Jude and Connor in the hospital room happened off-scene. It occurred to me that perhaps the producers of the show were faced with time-constraints and just decided to leave the filling in of those details to enterprising gay male fan-fic authors such as yours truly. So feel free to let me know what you think either here or in a guest-review on the linked site, even if you think it’s garbage and I shouldn’t have posted a link to it here:
The Conversation In The Hospital Room by Venuspluto67
It was predictable that Robert would give in when the battle went too far (or he would get run under by a car.) I hope they’ve a storyline for them next season – I liked his guilt and their relationship. And, Sophia being Callie’s mini-me amazes me probably too much.
Mariana is the best, I wish she would start dating Emma – but, I guess the show has maxed out their gay quota (or – “same story” quota.)
I re-watched the Lena & Monty kissing scene, and the kiss is actually 3 seconds (hmr, counting the duration of kisses is usually a sign of shipping.) So, my guess is that storyline is far from over – but will probably end up with Monty imploding. I think Monty is great (aside from the kissing of married people) and Stef not so much, I really didn’t like her railroading Callie.
One of the people, who were in the car, tweeted on twitter that they won’t be returning next season, whether she or he is the fatality or not, I don’t know – but, next season will be sad (too sad if it is Mariana who dies, really.)
Thanks for the recaps, Heather :)
Next season I really want to see some drama related to the very complex chore chart depicted in the opening credits.
Going on a tangent here, but is it just me or is Tia a total babe? I lowkey ship her and Marianna
I 100% thought Tia & Mariana were gonna hook up when she first showed up.
also “and Brandon can bitch about how much space it is taking up” after all the heartwarming stuff everyone else will do with the baby was easily the best line of the article. I laughed.
I have become obsessed with the Fosters, marathoned it on youtube in 2min clips. I just wish I’d been able to watch it when I was 14! It makes me so happy that this kind of show is what is out there now for the next lot coming up.
Anyone know if it’ll be on DVD in the UK?
How I imagine each of Jude’s siblings reacting to learning of the official genesis of #Jonnor:
Callie: “Jude, are you sure you aren’t filling in the blanks with your imagination here? This sounds kind of hard to believe.”
Mariana: “Oh Jude, that’s *great*! You two are *such* an adorable couple! I’m so freaking *happy* for you both!”
Jesus: “Okay, if I come back on vacation from boarding school and walk into my room to find you two making out, I have to tell you that I’m going to royally freak.”
Brandon: “That’s great, I’m happy for you. Now back to talking about me.”
I actually find myself dreading the fatality in the car crash being Jesus or Mariana because I really don’t want Jude to be sad anymore right now.
“What’s not real is magical parrots who solve mysteries.” – Former Best Friend, I hope!
I’m like 99% sure it’s the other driver who’s dead. It won’t be Ana because she just decided to keep the baby and we already lost a baby this season. It won’t be Mariana cuz she just broke her ankle (let’s be real, that’s how TV logic works). If it’s any one of our characters it would be Jesus seeing as the truck slammed right into him, but he just got into bording school and I don’t think the writers would risk losing all the teenage girls who show up to see his abs (my little cousin being one of them.)
I think you may be right. They’re just not going to kill off Mariana, period-end-of-sentence. And having a baby get killed right before it was going to be born (which would be very likely if Ana were killed) is just, well, “Law and Order”-worthy. And I would hate to see Jesus die, even if the actor who portrays him is a habitual drunk-driving jerk-face. (I’ve also heard scuttlebutt that Jake Austin doesn’t really get along very well with his co-stars.)
If the other driver is killed, that driver’s family seeking legal retribution would be plenty of the sort of drama-fodder on which “The Fosters” apparently thrives!
And here’s another thought: If that scuttlebutt about JA not getting along with everybody else is true and Jesus is toast as of the end of the finale, it would be difficult not to conclude that the producers decided to kill off his character so that they could totally wash their hands of his sorry, drunk-driving, diva ass.
But I still don’t want them to end poor, silly Jesus. :-)
I know I really shouldn’t ship this, but I’m kind of hoping for more to happen between Lena and Monty. Not in a “I hope they get married” way, just in a “this is really hot to watch like Bette and the carpenter” way. I’ll see myself out.
omggggg …. i ship monty and lena too. i love stef, i truly do, i feel like I am so much like Stef and Lena is so much like my girlfriend. but there’s been so little lesbian action this season (thanks to the one million foster kids) that i find the Monty-Lena romance/friendship cute. I think Monty really does care for Lena and if the Fosters were’t married, I would totally be up for Monty-Lena as end game. now i’ll see myself out too :)
SOMEONE ELSE WHO LOVED BETTE AND THE CARPENTER. I cringe too much to notice the hot with Monty/Lena but maybe I just need to, er, watch their scenes again? I just love Stef/Lena so much that everytime I see Monty I hiss like a cat.
Heather you are a national treasure
Finally watched the season, and these recaps are the best ever. Can’t wait to watch Season 3!