feature image photo of Chuck Schumer by MediaPunch/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images via Getty Images

The Democratic Party has been in shambles since their decisive loss in the 2024 general election. Party leadership has been disorganized, inconsistent, and unpopular as they attempt to deal with Donald Trump’s second presidency and a Republican Party of increasing power.

Many loyal Democrat voters have been eager for the party to take action. “Have they considered focusing less on losing elections and more on governing?” asked Laurence Smith, a Democrat voter from Peoria, Illinois.

“It’d be nice to vote because I’m excited about someone, instead of always voting for the lesser of two evils,” said Alex Zucker, a local of Portland, Oregon who asked to be identified as a reluctant registered Democrat.

“I think they’re doing a great job,” countered Braddock, Pennsylvania resident John Fetterman.

Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer, aimed to calm distrust in his party at a press conference yesterday. He began by promising that he’d personally make Donald Trump the fastest lame duck president in history before explaining the Democratic Party’s bold new strategy:

We will fight Donald Trump and his unelected cronies with every fight we have in us. We’ll fight them in the courts, we’ll fight them at the ballot box, we’ll fight them by asking if they’d please not do the things we don’t like. And we’ll fight them by throwing trans people into volcanos! 

The bipartisan Must Abolish Gender Misfits Act, or MAGMA, proposes that all known transgender individuals in the United States be tossed into volcanos as volcanos are made available. When asked why target this small portion of the population, one that frequently votes Democrat, Schumer explained that his party was losing on the transgender issue.

“Transgenders started in 2014 and we’ll leave them in 2024,” he continued. We tried it for a decade and it’s just not working with regular hardworking Americans whether they’re banking lobbyists or oil lobbyists or even real estate lobbyists.”

When pressed on why the method of volcanos, Schumer explained that it was time to reclaim the color orange from the current president and “everyone likes explosions.” He insisted the decision had nothing to do with the large donation the Democratic Party received last year from controversial super PAC Melt the Flesh Off People Inc.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!