Letter From Your Editors
HellooooOOOooo! And welcome to spooky szn!
Kayla (as doll, with HER BOOK) / Meg (shadow) / Nico (watching Barbarian with their girlfriend under blanket)
Ro’s plant / Viv (by brackets) / Drew (“What unhinged female character are you?”)
I’m going to be abruptly upfront on this All Hallow’s Eve, which is that we are currently SPRINTING to our finish line on this here fundraiser, and we’re doing so at a breakneck pace that none of us expected. A little behind-the-scenes baseball (and thank you to the 336new A+ members joining us this month! We are so happy to have you! This monthly letter is where I usually give some behind-the-scenes Autostraddle content) is that we plan our fundraisers to last weeks. Under Nico’s smart guidance (they spend months planning these fundraisers) we plot about how long we estimate it will take to raise the money we need, based on what’s happened in the past, and then we plan content, social media shifts, workloads accordingly. So when I say that we are <thisclose> to raising our $145k full amount in roughly five days, when we planned for it to take literal weeks, I want you to understand how special this is. How humbled we are. As I’m typing this letter, there’s only a little less than $5k left to go in our fundraiser. That means we have fewer dollars to raise now than there are A+ members. We could not be more grateful for the outpouring of love from this queer community. Honestly? We may never have the words (but we will keep trying to say them! To express our gratitude to you!!)
We are also, as you can imagine, very tired and a little rough around the edges right now, as we try to keep up the pace! Nico has had very little sleep these last few days! We all worked through the weekend — there was a point on Saturday morning when Kayla, Anya, Nico, Viv, Laneia, and myself were all in office and debating the meaning of the word date (two of us are single and we have a different interpretation of the word than those of us in Long Term Relationships) while Laneia and Viv launched OUR NEW PUZZLES VERTICAL in response to your AMAZING support, Nico ran our social media, Kayla got up our super-sized amount of Saturday content, and I pitched in as needed. Usually a Saturday has maybe… two people in office… this weekend had six people, just in the morning! By Saturday evening Valerie and Heather had also joined in, to help with social media. Riese was also around in the afternoon to help launch puzzles. I took over our social media Saturday night so that Nico could have at least one night off this month. WHEW!
That’s what makes Autostraddle special.
I also hope you’ll understand, that is what makes Autostraddle exhausted haha. So the Insider might be a little short this month. If you see a typo — no you don’t. Putting together the Insider newsletter takes about a week, but this month Nico worked on it for almost 48 hours straight since Saturday, on top of their fundraiser work, to be able to deliver it you. I have to push this out the door, so I hope you’ll forgive it being a little quicker than usual. I promise we’ll catch up together soon!!!!
This month the Autostraddle team: created the epic 19-part Horror Is So Gay series (edited by Kayla), a different series on Queer Sex Horror Stories (edited by Ro), we also held our first work retreat for full time staff in over two years so we can plan for Autostraddle’s future, we launched our puzzles vertical and we can’t stop talking about it, oh and also this whole entire fundraiser so that we can still be here in 2023 to see all of these big dreams we have come to light.
PLUS KAYLA WROTE A WHOLE ENTIRE BOOK AND IT CAME OUT!!
HEATHER IS ALSO A PART OF TEAM THAT WROTE A WHOLE BOOK AND IT COMES OUT NEXT WEEK!!
That’s us! Keeping your queer dollars, hard at work! We also had some great A+ content, including an advice box dedicated to Long Term Relationships that I think you’re gonna love. And I hope you’re able to join us for our A+ Pop Up Discord this weekend! We’ll all be there Friday to hang out and chat in person (well, live, but virtually)!
Autostraddle is here because we are reader funded, and that vital support system starts with our A+ members. We never forget it.
Don’t forget that candy corn is terrible. Eat a Reese’s instead. Love,
Carmen / Riese / Nico / Laneia / Kayla / Heather / Anya / Viv
Top 10 Most Popular Posts From September 2022
These posts were hella popular last month.
1. Forget Astrology — Here’s What a Person’s Go-To McDonalds Sandwich Order Says About Them, by Niko
2. L Word Generation Q Season 3: Everything We Know, by Riese
3. Quiz: Which Iconic Star Trek Officer Are You?, by Darcy
4. Peppa Pig’s Lesbian Polar Bear Moms are a Pretty Big Deal Actually, by Heather
5. September 2022: What’s New and Gay on Netflix, Peacock, Hulu, HBO Max, Showtime, Paramount+ and Disney+, by Riese
6. JoJo Siwa Is Dating Avery Cyrus and Lesbian Gossip Tiktok is ABUZZ, by Riese
7. Investigating the Bionicle-to-Trans Pipeline, by Nic Anstett
8. Aubrey Plaza Makes Me Wanna Break Bottles & Eat Lesbian Pasta in “Spin Me Round”, by Shelli
9. “The Devil in Ohio” Annoyed the Hell Out Of Me But There’s a Cute Little Queer Storyline, by Riese
10. Quiz: Which Queer-Coded Disney Villain Are You?, by Em Win
Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations
Carmen: For reasons that I do not know, it appears that my slack is not updating “thread notifications” — which is just to say that if you are talking about something I need attention to in a thread, please assume (at least for today? who know?) that I cannot see it and like, @me in the main channel of that conversation or something
Kayla: that’s happening to ME TOOOOO
Carmen: oh wowww! I’m not alone in this world!
Nico: me TOOOO
I am like
I thought I was in a personal hell
cool y’all are here too
NOBODY THREAD ANYTHING
Natalie: Riese did you see TAR last night?
Riese: i haven’t yet because i left my home on a weeknight for the first time in 75 years
Drew: God I need to see TAR
Anya: TAR looks so insane
Riese: oh lol
we’re talking about the amazing race
Drew: oh lol
Anya: omg LOVE that you’re into the amazing race riese, it’s in the same world as survivor
Drew: Extremely weird that there are two queer media subjects named TAR right now
Laneia: you sit in a chair yeah? not on it
you sit on a stool
Carmen: lol
i have never thought about it
Laneia: i grew up saying ‘in the floor’ and never considered that specific preposition usage until amanda kindly asked me how i’d managed to ever be in a floor, had i dug a trench, why was i not satisfied with sitting on the floor
and now i can’t trust myself
Carmen: hmmm… I really don’t know enough to know lol, now i feel so unsure
Nico: i think you sit in a chair
if you are seated on the seat
you sit on a seat and on a stool and on an armrest and on a backrest
you sit on a bed
but you lie in the bed
Laneia: see i sit in the bed as well as the floor
Nico: well is it a dialect thing? because then that’s right then
Laneia: i do think we’re right about sitting in a chair though
Nico: yeah because the chair is like a case
it encases you when you get in it
Laneia: right, like if there’s a back, you’re in it
otherwise you’re on it
Nico: right
all about the perch
Laneia: good
i feel very good about this one single sentence in this essay now
Carmen: I got some presents for nico
Nico: lol what do you have
Carmen:
Kayla: ok this is real but i have not experienced it yet: here in florida, it can get to freeze temps in like Jan/Feb. and the palms can’t take it so you have to cover your palm trees (actually I’m pretty sure even if it just gets below 50) with blankets or bedsheets to keep them warm
but then they just look like ghosts
Nico: omggggg
Kayla: i’m almost positive this is in one of kristen’s novels lol but it is REAL
this is like a central/northern florida thing obviously which is why i haven’t experienced it yet
Nico: well be sure to document with photos
Kayla: absolutely
our main concern here will be kristen’s precious lemon tree
but it’s in a planter not the ground so we’ll probably just bring it inside
Nico: that’s good! i was worried for the lemons
Laneia: i think bringing plants in from the cold is one of the most precious things we do as humans
Kayla: Omg the local lgbtq paper has a tent at Pride and the issue they’re handing out to people is the one I’m in for my book!!
Riese: A RISING STAR
Nico: AAAAAAH
Literally just a star
a spooky star
Carmen: I literally love everything about this, everything.
Nico: just. so. cool.
*during a traffic slump brainstorm*
Nico: can chrishelle do something weird or like kstew how is she doing today
Anya: i’m checking on chrishell. she is showing a renovation in her bedroom which included putting a tiny wooden door in her bedroom so her dog can go into and out of her room. now she is seeing if she can fit through the tiny dog door herself
SHE FIT
Nico: remember the time i thought her renovated closet was her whole apartment
Anya: an understandable mistake
this is a nod to a time on selling sunset when chrishell wanted to list a house for a certain price and one of the bald men who are her bosses disagreed and she was like if i fit through that dog door, i can list it as my price, deal? and they said ok and then she fit through that door
Nico: just slamming my frozen fingers into these keys
bang bang bang bang
Carmen: BANG BANG BANG
Laneia: nico sometimes i imagine that you’re a baudelaire child living in count olaf’s mansion
Kayla: just a reminder to anyone writing a last minute post to add it to the calendar when you can otherwise i will spiral “lol”
What We’re Reading
A Gathering of Shadows
by V.E. Schwab
Meg
Amateur City
by Katherine V. Forrest
Casey
Bloodchild and Other Stories
by Octavia Butler
Drew
Chain Gang All-Stars
by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah
Kayla
Dagger: On Butch Women
by Lily Burana, Roxxie, and Linnea Due
Ro
Faltas
by Cecilia Gentili
Casey
Helen House
by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
Drew, Carmen, Nico
The Book Eaters
by Sunyi Dean
Casey
Mistakes Were Made
by Meryl Wilsner
Casey
No One Is Talking About This
by Patricia Lockwood
Anya
The Oleander Sword
by Tasha Suri
Heather
Testo Junkie: Sex, Drugs, and Biopolitics in the Pharmacopornographic Era
by Paul B. Preciado, Bruce Benderson (Translation)
Viv
Jeremy’s Mom Has Got It Goin’ On
Darcy: idk what exactly is going on with Jeremy but I kind of love this?
“she can tell all her sisters about her”
Dani Janae: Omg
shea: Jeremy’s mom is the next protagonist for a queer hallmark holiday movie.
Darcy: Jeremy’s Mom and All Her Sisters, a Hallmark Original Movie
shea: I’m imagining Jeremy typing this from his workshop in a small rural town. he’s wearing flannel and dickies with his golden retriever next to him. Switch to his mom – she’s wearing a dress barn top sitting in her kitchen looking longingly out of the window at her sisters and their husbands chatting on the porch.
Darcy: omg
would watch
he decides to create an online dating profile for her, but he’s not sure where to start
shea: omg. so he searches “Lesbian online dating mom” and the first hit is Autostraddle.
Darcy: his search term makes the newsletter that week
incidentally
finally he writes into YNH
shea: obviously
Darcy: the writer who answers him just happens to be a big city writer who longs for small town life
Laneia: WRITE THIS SCREENPLAY
Himani: Seriously you guys. I read this conversation earlier and I’m not gonna get into the details but I’ve had a hell of a two weeks and this really cheered me up
Please make this Hallmark holiday movie a reality. I suggest Kate Winslet for the part of Jeremy’s mom
I did not watch happiest season but I will watch this probably on repeat for months
Or, if y’all wanna go Bollywood and have a lot ofmoneyto burn, I will also accept Madhuri Dixit for the lead role 😜
What We’ve Been Watching
Perfect Blue
Drew
All Cheerleaders Die
Kayla
Gatlopp: Hell of a Game
Kayla
Jennifer’s Body
Viv
The Midnight Club
Ro
Monster High
Heather
The Stepfather
Drew
The Mole
Anya
PR Emails That Lost Their Way:
More often than we’d like, people email us about things that demonstrate they might be missing the point.
Nicolodeon
This is just a doodle from Nico’s notebook :) They hope it brightens your day!
KKU LookBook
Well, it’s official. This was my first full month of life without a mirror wall. RIP to a legend, an icon, a friend. I must now resort to taking photos of my outfits in small, unworthy mirrors. I could, of course, purchase a full-length mirror, but I have not had the time nor funds to do so yet, so here we are.
Look 1: Did you know Pride in Orlando is in October? Well, it is! Primarily for weather reasons. This was my Pride look this year. I cut my black denim shorts from jeans that had gotten kind of rundown and baggy in the wrong places, but they look a lot like these from the Gap (on sale for $12), and I recommend rolling them. Slap a tie-front shirt ($7) over a spangly gold bikini top ($78), and you’re ready for a very Florida Pride!
Look 2: Have you heard? I launched a whole ass BOOK THIS MONTH. And for my haunted launch party, I wore a Selkie dress and styled myself to look like a spooky child’s doll. I suppose this isn’t really actionable everyday fashion inspiration, but if you want to feel like a princess or a doll, a very puffy dress does do the trick.
Look 3: I found this dress while shopping at Goodwill for parts of my Halloween costume. I’ve been told my entire life I don’t look good in mustard and yellow tones, but I feel like that’s a LIE? So I’m trying to undo the psychic damage that false message apparently has done on me. I highly recommend upending everything you believed about yourself whilst in the aisles of Goodwill. In the meantime, here’s another mustard mini dress ($36).
Meet A New Contributor!
Get to know some of our newest faces.
Julie, Writer
Social Media:
Instagram: @sojubeefcake
What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
You know what, the first time I tried answering this question I said meatball sub because they’re hella good. Don’t get me wrong. One of my favorite hungover lunches. But the true answer came to me in the middle of the night, after I had written this answer the first time. I am a deep, deep lover of the after Thanksgiving sandwich. Something about cranberry sauce, stuffing, and turkey on a cheeky little soft roll. Yeah, that’s my shit.
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
It was our second date and she had the flu and didn’t tell me and then tried to invite me back to her commune for dinner.
If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
👁️👄👁️ it’s a set— I cannot be without these two.
What would be your superpower and why?
Overuse of the em dash.
Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
I’m speaking for the masses, but Lucy Liu in Charlie’s Angels. And I don’t know if this counts because she’s a cartoon, but Shego from Kim Possible. Also, all of the Hex Girls from Scooby Doo.
What’s your #1 turn-on?
Quick wit and being slapped around a bit. I’m a simple woman.
Failure Is An Art Form
We are here to normalize trying, failing, trying, and failing again!
“Well, it’s one of those months where I just keep forgetting to do tiny things at my job that are normally rote but suddenly keep slipping my mind? It makes sense, I suppose. We’re in the midst of a fundraiser — my first since I went full-time here. And I ushered out the Horror Is So Gay package, which was a BEAST of series that I’m so proud of but also took so much work. I think my brain is just a little more frazzled than usual as a result.” – Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
Sorry, folks
How the Negronis are Made
Kayla: oh no this happened when i was out otherwise i probably would have written this (a pitch from Laneia, for one of us to write: “10 Drinks If You Don’t Like a Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco But Still Want to Be Gay)
i do have a negroni spagliato joke in the quiz for this weekend
Carmen: Yeah that happening while you and Shelli were both out of office was just an L that I had to take and weep silently
Riese: it’s still goin i think
somehow it has not shown up on [my girlfriend] gretchen’s FYP and i don’t know why or if she is maybe not actually gay
Carmen: Yeah I agree, I think a pitch like Laneia’s would still work mid-week
Riese: so i showed her the video directly and she was unaffected which again was alarming
Carmen: If she wanted to write it up like, today.
I was also unaffected, im sorry
Riese: i asked her if she would like it more if they were listing the ingredients of a shirley temple instead of an alcoholic beverage and she was like “maybe!!!” and then was like … “no”
Carmen: But I am happy for those who were excited, like I saw it and thought of the Kayla/Shelli/Christina lesbians immediately
That brand of lesbian
Riese: i thought “jill gutowitz is gonna have some jokes about this one!”
Carmen: Mommi lesbians are now Negroni lesbians
That’s my pitch
Haunting Your Pocket, Haunting Your House
XOXO
Team Autostraddle
1. everyone looks amazing but baby jimena’s outfit is goddamn ICONIC.
2. i’ve been amazed at the pace of the fundraiser! besides nico’s general kickassery, is there anything in particular accounting for it?
1. BABY JIMENA IS SO CUTE
2. US TOO!!! I have plenty of thoughts as to why but no time to put them together. Between my usual A+ duties (like getting this insider together) and the fundraiser I’ve slept like two hours in the past 48 and that was on the floor and my shoulder hurts (Pro Tip: if you sleep on the floor, it’s easier to get up even if you’re exhausted). If you all are interested in the insider analysis of things, I can think of a way to get that to you, probably in the next impact report!
i would love that, but also a fundraiser breakdown is WAY LESS a priority than you sleeping >2 hours, and i have no desire to add to your already herculean workload
(and from a fellow nonsleeper, that’s a great tip except i get nervous about the bugs and occasional lizards that scutter into my louisiana house, though i guess that would be another way to get me up faster!)
hahaha that WOULD make it very different re: floor
i thinkkkk two of the main things we’re thinking might have had an impact are the urgency we eminated and the fact that it’s been a full year since our last fundraiser! whereas in 2020 and 2021, every fundraiser came six months or so after the most recent one.
i think our 2012 fundraiser had a similar urgency buttttt in 2012 we were all much younger and our readers were also much younger (many still in undergrad too) and therefore had *very* limited funds, so even though there was a huge rush of support it took longer to add up! we did hit our goal faster than we did this time, but our goal was just $40k. I think it topped out at $120k and was on gofundme so it lasted for five weeks or howeverlong.
but this is the fastest we’ve ever raised this amount of money, by far. it’s really really heartwarming!!!
that makes a lot of sense; thank you for the context!
and congratulations on meeting the fundraiser goal, that’s amazing!
For me personally, I gave more than I think I’ve given before and I did it earlier in the drive. Part of that was responding to the urgency and part was that I’m more financially stable this year, thanks to getting a so-called permanent position after several years of freelancing and contract work. And also I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget so I did it right away.
Also, it is heartwarming and exciting to be a part of this community. Congratulations to all the AS staff!
Thank you so much for your support and for being here Cleo!!! And thank you also for the insight. It’s really helpful <3
At least for me, it was the urgency. You said you really needed it, so I donated right away and more than I normally would.
We love you Autostraddle & will always come through for you <3
Thank you so much Ann!!! It was definitely urgent but my mind is STILL blown by the way people came through!
casey i am so glad baby jimena got pumpkined it is a vital rite of passage for babies!! also i just checked out mistakes were made and reread something to talk about so looking forward to your thoughts on the iconic milf book
ok but laneia you are all good w mixing up in and on. in/on/at turkish they are the same preposition. as someone who speaks eng as a first language, the most interesting and impossible questions turkish-asfirst-lamguage speakers asked me about english was how the hell am i supposed to know when to say in vs on vs at. in the street, on the street, at the street. . . dear reader there is no rule for this. none. just like, endless examples and exercises. the good news is, a caring listener will still know what u mean. i miss turkish, it is sooo much better at verbs and greetings, and gender neutrality. and rhyming. and poetry. and i could go on . . .
well i love this so much
Congratulations on the fundraiser! Thrilled it was completed so quickly.
💖💖💖 Thank you Ellie!
New(ish) reader here. I’m really glad the fund raiser went well and I’m really glad you’re here. Your bi identity section probably saved my life when I was dealing with some pretty vicious bi-phobia from a new fellow queer “friend” a few months ago.
Hey there! (from a fellow bi+ person, assuming you mean you’re bi? anyway!) I’m so glad you’re here!!! Thank you for signing up for A+ 💖💖💖 and also we’re really glad that section was helpful. Our bi/pan readers are near and dear to my heart.
Thank you to the whole staff team for all the work to keep this ship afloat! Autostraddle has been one of my key queer homes for a LONG time now and it’s so important and safe and thought-provoking and wonderful and special. I’ve been amazed at how I circle back to certain articles and series through the years (maybe it was a sign from the universe of what was to come I was so enthralled by queer mama’s IVF journey…) Also a special thanks to Nico I hope you sleep for a thousand hours very soon!
💖💖💖 Thank you for being here!!
Tar!! is honestly all I want to talk about, I have an unholy amount of thoughts about it, so glad to see it in the convos here!
also yes congrats on the speedy as hell fundraiser!
My musician girlfriend has SO MANY opinions about Tar. 💖💖💖 Also thank you for your congrats and for being a member!!
Congrats on a fantastic fundraiser! I look forward to Kayla’s book (once I have finished “Our Wives under the Sea” as you recommended). Need to see Tar and AS’s takes on it.
❤️❤️❤️ Thank you!!! Also, Our Wives Under the Sea was such an interesting read.
This is the first place i’ve learned Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah has a book coming and I am BEYOND excited, Friday Black was my fave collection of the year!! I am also so excited about the fundraiser, just a cornucopia of joy here
Congrats to all for the fundraiser, we see you and we can only rise to meet you.
And Kayla mustard is very much your colour, and I love the oyster graphic behind you it’s beyond perfect. I must get one !