Letter From Your Editors

Hi super chunky merino wool blankets that someone arm-kitted with care and gusto!

We have these faces, see, and today, while the veil between this plane and the next is at its thinnest, we made our faces TERRIFYING just for you! Are you scared? GOOD. We’re filling in on this Letter From Your Editors that Riese usually writes today, and it’s turning out to be very difficult! How does this work!

Well well well, where to begin. World is still ablaze, check. 2017 still feels like the most on-the-nose cosmic joke ever, check. Can’t please all of the people all of the time, check. Bananas still the easiest fruit to eat, check. Autostraddle readers and especially A+ members still the reason we carry on even when we feel like giving up, check and check! Whew!

October was LGBTQ History Month, which provided us with a wonderful opportunity to confront the fact that lesbians, bisexuals and otherwise queer women have indeed always been on their bullshit, thanks to the Vintage Vapid Fluff column. It’s also the month when we finalized the dates and location for A-Camp 2018!

A+ content was unfortunately light (as a feather and stiff as a board) this month, but what we did publish was ENCHANTING. We got in bed with Kristin several times, where we chatted about problems at school and work, as well as all the coming out things you could ever imagine, plus everyone’s favorite early autumn topic: break-ups! You also got to talk with us about our underwear, which I think we can all agree is the true bellwether of a beautiful, healthy relationship.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From September 2017

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. BREAKING: Demi Lovato Almost Maybe Possibly Has a Girlfriend Now, by Riese Bernard
2. Australia’s Anti-Same-Sex Marriage Ads Ranked By Queerness, by Crystal Silvester
3. I Made All My Friends Reenact The Planet From “The L Word” For a Week and Now Everyone Hates Me, by Stephanie Ritter
4. BREAKING: Cameron Esposito Cuts Off Half of Her Iconic Alternative Lifestyle Haircut, by Riese
5. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for September 2017, by Corinna Dross
6. The Carmilla Movie Trailer Is Here to Break Your Brain and Set Your Heart on Fire, by Heather Hogan
7. 10 Bisexual Women TV Characters Who Thwarted Tropes and Won Your Hearts, by Riese & Heather
8. No Filter: Even Sarah Paulson Can’t Believe Sarah Paulson, by Stef Schwartz
9. Also.Also.Also: Your Vibe About Gaby Hoffman was Correct and Other Stories from the Week, by Laneia
10. Straight People Watch: Summer 2K17, by Erin Sullivan

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Laneia: excuse me
from a gallery email
“Julie and I had wanted to get married since the day we met at nun school in 2000.”
Rachel: i’ve ascended
Heather: i’d buy that book

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Heather: i also have some tv news from my own household. i caught stacy peterson — summa cum laude, northwestern film school, prestige tv snoot, doesn’t think people should be allowed to watch movies on ipads — watching riverdale last night.
Yvonne: RIVERDALE
Rachel: stacy
y’all
Riese: riverdale is really visually interesting!
Heather: yeah it really is. it’s the closest to twin peaks than any show i’ve ever seen.
it feels so sinister and also insane
Yvonne: riverdale, riverdale, riverdale
Rachel: i love twin peaks and i couldn’t get farther than 5 minutes into riverdale
Yvonne: lesbian jughead, lesbian jughead
Rachel: yvonne i love you unconditionally but i am never gonna understand this

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Laneia: i maybe also need more coffee bc my kneejerk response to this advice question is “why are you asking a lesbian to make you feel better about something” and that is possibly mean of me
Rachel: that’s a fair question for everyone to ask themselves every morning though
“am i asking a lesbian to make me feel better about something today?”
“if so why”
Laneia: “eli, why are you asking a lesbian to make you feel better about this? think about it.”
Rachel: a flowchart
do you know people who are not lesbians? –> talk to them about it instead

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Riese: does anybody know how to say “love is a lie” in french
is “l’amour est un mensonge” correct or is that a translator being crazy
Stef: are we going to france boss??
to spread the message
Riese: we are not
not yet
especially since apparently none of you fools know french
Stef: i took spanish
it seemed more practical at the time
Jenna: i took french in high school, but somehow this phrase didn’t come up
Stef: my friend speaks french
she says that translation is fine
she wants to know if you’re getting a fancy tattoo

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Sarah: this might be a heather question but who are the best gay girl ghosts in television and film? like the only one i can think of is that ghost from HEX
Riese: Casper
Laneia: yes
Riese: is a lesbian
a baby butch
Sarah: omg yes casper, she is so butch it’s true!
Riese: Dana Fairbanks in the waterfall
Sally McKenna in American Horror Story Hotel
that’s all i can think of
oh! what about in that Sarah Waters book
Affinity
i think this is a dead end
SO TO SPEAK
there’s no real canonical queer girl ghosts, there just aren’t
Sarah: idk dana fairbanks in a waterfall is pretty canonical
Yvonne: is whoopi in Ghost gay?
Riese: no
Sarah: you know who is gay yvonne?
you are
Yvonne: :rainbow:

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Laneia: sometimes (this is re: cara giaimo talk in link roundups) i wish we could have a fan club corner of the insider where we just gush about a writer / old writer but in a teen beat way
like a stats sheet with all kinds of pictures and “did you know?”
quotes from staff
i wish my life was such that this was a thing i could make happen with regularity
Riese: one day we’ll all be vintage vapid fluff
Laneia: Riese that is the ghostliest thing you’ve ever said

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Heather: good call Riese on tweeting the 41 butches for #nationalboifriendday, the butches will be viral in 20 minutes
Riese: !!!!
Heather: “the butches will be viral” is another excellent memoir chapter title
Riese: ugh i love it
Rachel: music to my ears

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Molly:

https://twitter.com/__keating/status/920393490793672704

Rachel: is that david s pumpkins
Stef: there’s a lot going on here
she’s the ghost of halloween future
Riese: i like her bra
Molly: her hands always make her look so uncomfortable
Stef: she is.
Riese: i call this “sofa, deconstructed: halloween”
Stef: the white toenail polish makes her feet look like a corpse’s, which is nice and seasonal
Riese: i feel like she wants to tug on her sleeves really bad
Molly: i mean at least her shoulders are chill
Riese: maybe this coat is like a preventative measure to keep her from clutching her sleeves
it’s too specifically constructed for her to tug on it
Stef: if she pulls on her sleeve the entire outfit collapses
Riese: yes
Molly: ripcord sleeves
Riese: also where is she, dundler mifflin
Molly: she’s at Cafe Disco, yes, Riese
Stef: OR if she pulls on her sleeve, a floatation device expands around her
and a mask drops from the ceiling

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Rachel: Laneia your twitter display name rn is so good i’m so mad i didn’t think of it
Laneia: THANK U
i’ve never changed my name and when i did it i thought “this is probably the smartest best cleverest thing i’ll ever do”
Rachel: it’s perfect and you’re a genius
Laneia: thank you, truly. it was the wine.
Rachel: “thanks! it was the wine” is the new “thanks! it has pockets”
Laneia: pockets in dresses is the only way i can relate to straight women at this point in my life
it’s our bridge

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Laneia: omg Valerie has replied “i contain multitudes” to a supergirl fan on twitter who is mad at her i’m dying
“The fact that you would support a cheap fling Alex has immediately after she breaks up with Maggie is so gross honestly.”
first of all have you ever been in a lesbian relationship in your life
Rachel: have you ever even met a lesbian
Heather: it’s the first and honestly only rule of lesbianism
Laneia: truly!
Rachel: this is the most authentic thing the show has ever done as far as queer relationships
Laneia: would they rather her be celibate for several weeks? like i am genuinely confused
are these bots
Rachel: tara didn’t die for this
Laneia: !!!!!! :coffin:
Heather: right like what an embarrassment of riches that these kids are like “i don’t want to see women having sex on tv!”

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Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Natalie, Staff Writer

Twitter: @natthedem

What would be your superpower and why?

If you’d asked me this question a year ago, my answer would’ve been very different — Jean Grey’s telepathy or Miss Martain’s shapeshifting ability — but today? Time traveling…without a doubt, time traveling.

“There is literally no place in American history that will be awesome for me!” Rufus Cain (Malcolm Barrett) says in the pilot episode of NBC’s time-traveling series, Timeless…which, as a queer woman of color, is invariably true, but the current administration is making the last eight years look pretty damn awesome, by comparison.

Ultimately, though, I just want to go back and try to prevent the wreckage our country became on November 8, 2016.

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?

Whenever I get this question, I think about this scene from The West Wing (one of my favorite shows) where President Bartlet is left to entertain his wife’s doctor friends during a dinner party. He’s tuned them out for the most part, as they engage in shop talk, until they say something that he understands: “we’re ten years, 25 billion dollars and a good luck charm away from curing human cancer.” And, for a little while anyway, in Bartlet’s America, we get to imagine a federal government relentless in its pursuit of a cure for cancer…all because of a dinner party.

I say all that just to say, I always take this question as an opportunity to solve a problem. Who are the most brilliant minds from history that I can tap to find solutions to the world’s problems? It’s nerdy, I know, and not at all the fun answer to this question most people expect (or so I’ve been told), but it’s how I think.

What problem would my imaginary dinner party try to solve this time? Strengthening community organizing and coalition building. The guest list: Saul Alinsky, Ella Baker, Paul Wellstone and President Obama.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.

All of my bad dates are my fault…either I’m not fully listening or I’m not paying attention to the signs, and I get suckered into dates that I never even agreed to. Once, I went to what I thought was a celebratory dinner for a mentee’s college acceptance, but it turned out to be a “I’m finally old enough to date you legally” dinner. I was mortified.

My lone regret, aside from agreeing to go in the first place, is that “who do you think I am, Ezra Fitz?” was not part of my lexicon at the time.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?

Phylicia Rashad as Clair Huxtable on The Cosby Show.

What’s your favorite sandwich?
A veggie reuben.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
As Carmen said last month, the most honest answer to this question is that I’m proud to be writing for Autostraddle.

Otherwise, I’m incredibly proud of Jemele Hill, who returned to her perch at ESPN this week after serving a two week suspension for who knows what daring to tell the truth on twitter.

Jemele’s first job out of college was writing for my local newspaper so I’ve had a front-row seat to her evolution as a journalist. That, combined with being a regular listener to her podcast, His & Hers with Michael Smith (which pre-dated their on-screen pairing), has always made Jemele feel like more than just a voice from my TV screen. Given that, watching the withering criticism focused of her, from Toupee Fiasco and his merciless minions and from the network that Jemele currently calls home, has been especially difficult to stomach.

I’m proud to see her back in the Sportscenter anchor chair this week and I’ll be proud to support her voice whenever and wherever she chooses to make it heard

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Top Eight Reasons Heather Hogan Showed Up In Slack Despite Her Pledge to Take Two Weeks Off To Recover From Her Surgery

Heather Hogan had very serious surgery in early October and therefore was told to spend two weeks resting and taking painkillers. She abided by this situation… more or less.

1. Because She Got a Press Release From Hulu

Heather: riese i just got a press release from hulu that all five season of ellen are landing there tomorrow for national coming out day. do you want to headline the pop culture fix with that or do you want me to write up a thing about it and maybe do like the top 10/10 most essential episodes to watch? i’ve figured out my pain meds. i have 90 minutes of being wide awake every five hours!
Riese: HEATHER HOGAN
Heather: :dobby:
Riese: IS STACY OK WITH THIS
Heather: no she’s not but i’m hiding it’s fine

2. Because She Found Her Sweet Spot

“one other thing about percocet is i don’t give a single fuck between 20-30 minutes after taking it so let me know if there’s anything you’ve been avoiding that you want me to do between between 9:20 and 9:30 pm”

3. To chime in on the reporting skills of television characters

Heather: in my opinion kara is about 50 times worse than jane from the bold type in terms of reporting
Riese: yeah also it doesn’t make sense that she’d be mooning over mon-el like this?
who even was he
Heather: she’s not really the best “reporter” on earth
Riese: she never goes to work
Heather: she refuses to listen to valid feedback
she “follows her heart” like that’s what journalism is
clark kent is a good reporter
and obviously my beloved lois lane

4. “y’all is this melania thing for real or have i still not worked up any tolerance to these pain medications!?”

5. To Do The New Roundtables

“just fyi i did the new roundtables — because how long can a person truly be expected to not work at all. i love you! i have six pints of ice cream. i wish i could give you one each.”

6. To Give Us Artisinal Painkiller Recordings

Heather: i did record a few percocet diaries per Rachel:’s request and if i can figure out how to make them into one file they can be for a+ if you want them
i think i mostly just talked about actual percocet and my small cervix
Riese: of course we want them
Laneia: think of your percocet diaries as artisanal pizzas, Heather
in that of course we want them
Heather: mmm pizza!

7. To volunteer to review Professor Marston & The Wonder Women

Riese: we need a plan for Professor Marston and the Wonder Women
it comes out on Thursday and we need someone to review it
it’s gay
is anybody aware of a plan for this
Rachel: i am not
but we can make one
Riese: let’s ask the staff writers?
Rachel: ok!
Heather: i’m not working don’t worry nothing to see here but i believe i can pull some strings and get me prof marston and i can write about it this weekend. i know the whole story. i’ve read every wonder woman/marston bio.
Laneia: Heather Hogan!
Riese: HEATHER HOGAN
Heather: sorry i love you i am writing a team pick about ants love you bye
Riese: HEATHER!!!
Heather: shhhh. stacy will hear you.

8. Because She Made This Video

Heather: while you’ve all been here basking in ERWB’s glow and decoding the great mysteries of melania trump i have apparently been recording important instructional videos while high on pailkillers which i am now sharing with you because i love you and you deserve to know the truth about how i’ve been spending my medical leave.

Laneia: omg
this is
amazing
Stef: Heather i love you
Laneia: i have entered a new realm
Heather I DO NOT NEED TO BE CODDLED Hogan
Robin: this is very entertaining
and also very relatable. I also don’t want men to tell me what to do. A+ content
Dufrau: Heather i love you so much
i would take my roomba apart just to have you tell me how to put her back together
Laura: Heather you are a gift
Raquel: Heather this is so so cute
Carmen: Heatherrrrrrrrrrrrr, I am in love with this! Thank you for sharing
Mey: Heather I love you so much
Riese: HEATHER!
This is the best how not to video I’ve ever seen

Sarah:

Jenna: Heather this is incredible and your shirt is just A+, all around 15/10 would take roomba advice or non-advice from you
Sarah: you are forever cute and definitely a source of comfort and like, your hair is so adorable? AHHHH
Heather: it’s so on brand that i talked myself into being a hero by the end of it. somberly.
Alaina: i feel comforted.
Sarah: same my whole heart is swaddled in another heart of pure sparkly love
Valerie: That was so delightful and so very Heather
Alexis: thank you for this gift
the soft “what was i talking about?” jeez :heart: :heart: :heart:
Cee: where do i subscribe to these videos
Vanessa: Heather.
:heart_eyes:
Reneice: This was the only thing I wanted to see while waiting for my ride in the airport at 6:30am :heart:
Molly: Heather i’m screaming but it’s a good scream for once
Ali: i’m in the library CRYING over this video
“what am i talking about—OH ROOMBA!”

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What We’ve Been Reading

Heather Hogan: Jane, Unlimited by Kristin Cashore

Sarah Sarwar: Cinder (Lunar Chronicles: Book 1) by Marissa Meyer (SO GOODDDDD READ IT)

Alaina Monts: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkein

Valerie Anne: Kindred by Octavia E. Butler

Carrie: Run For Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself by Amanda Litman

Nora Whelan: Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair by Sarah Schulman

Yvonne Marquez: You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: The Complete Guide to Writing Creative Nonfiction by Lee Gutkind

Carmen: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling

Riese: The Girls: Sappho Goes to Hollywood, by Diana McLellan

Audrey: Stone Butch Blues, by Leslie Feinberg

Raquel: Made for Love, by Alissa Nutting

Natalie: We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Molly Priddy: Jane, Unlimited by Louise Penny

Rachel: Whipping Girl by Julia Serano, and Certain Magical Acts by Alice Notley

Carolyn: Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

Alexis: It Devours! by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor

Reneice: Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

Erin: Alkaline Herbal Medicine by Aqiyl Aniys

Neesha: Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines edited by Alexis Pauline Gumbs, China Martens & Mai’a Williams

Casey: Meanwhile, Elsewhere: Science Fiction and Fantasy from Transgender Writers edited by Cat Fitzpatrick and Casey Plett, and Crooked House by Agatha Christie

Casey: What We Lose: A Novel by Zinzi Clemmons

Priya: The Golden House by Salman Rushdie, and The Perfect Stranger by Megan Miranda

Vanessa: Behold The Dreamers by Imbolo Mbue, and Problems by Jade Sharma

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SLACKERS

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October Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Octobers Riese thinks you might enjoy.

How to Make Gay Friends and Meet Girls: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Queer Socializing, by the team (2010) – This post changed everything! This is when meet-up groups started and the whole world transformed before our very eyes.

Look at That F*cking Stuff Lesbian Kittens Like, by Laneia (2010) – This is just a fucking treat from top to bottom, friends.

You Need Help: You’re Not A Loser, Baby, by Riese (2014) – Sometimes you write a thing and you’re happy with it and then you publish it and it strikes a chord with people you didn’t expect and that’s the greatest feeling. That happened here, when somebody felt like they were 30 and not successful enough yet!

Being Queer And Spiritual (Or Not): The Autostraddle Religion Roundtable, by the team – So many voices on this post talking about all kinds of religious traditions they grew up in or practice now! Ali (getting back into religion via Unitarian Universalist) Brianne (Mormon), Miriam (Muslim, Trans & Queer), Jamie (Southern Baptist), Sindu (Hindu), Kate (Catholic), Mey (Catholic & American Baptist), Stef (Jewish), Laura (Roman Catholic), Hansen (Methodist & Christian Rock), Vanessa (Jewish) and Rose (Agnostic Preacher’s Kid).

Fumigation: A Love Story, by Mónica Teresa Ortiz (2014) – “You loved her like you love Texas summers. The real fucking hot kind like being wrapped in plastic and left out underneath the shadow of a cactus in the Chihuahuan Desert. The real fucking hot kind that you look forward to each June because you’d rather be a pond of sweat for 69 consecutive days in 100 plus degree heat than shivering as the cold slowly licks your bones clean.”

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Is There Something Odd About Writing a Bad Take About Not Being Queer

Raquel: The straights are trying to take queer again:

Is There Something Queer About Being Single?
“In a society that rewards marriage, a woman asks why the single life should have to be condemned, even by the Supreme Court, as one of loneliness.

This makes me so mad!!!! Ugh!!!
Molly: NO
Mey: Although, there is something rather Queer abt being a single lady in between dating other ladies so maybe they have a point???
Vanessa: Wait. I’m gonna click on it but… are you telling me a straight single woman wrote about how being single is queer? Or a queer single woman wrote about how being single is queer?
So a straight single woman is telling us she’s queer
Cool cool cool
Mey: It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever read: “I saw a couple and I imagined how they saw me and I felt queer”
No you didn’t
Vanessa: Oh for fucks sake
Valerie: “Meanwhile, queer or not, single people are treated with a mild exclusion and a bafflement that feels centuries past.”
wtf
Vanessa: It’s a nice touch, how she adds that she’s more queer than the married lesbian
Valerie: she’s literally saying being single = being queer
apparently straight and single is queer now. LGBTQSnS
Vanessa: The thing is, this could’ve been a chill navel gazing white lady essay if she’d just not tried to equate being single with being queer
I’d be interested in reading how we’re obsessed with coupling up as a society and how it can be lonely to be single and how it’s living outside a norm and how that feels and what it means
Like I know that essay isn’t for everyone but I’d be down to read it
BUT THAT IS NOT THIS ESSAY
Mey: SnS is the str8 vanilla version of S&M
Vanessa: because she wanted to be HIP AND COOL
Raquel: yeah, the feeling you have to be partnered to be complete is very sad
Valerie: “Another friend reminds me that to reclaim singlehood the way queer people once reclaimed “queer” is a means of seizing power.” OKAY BUT you don’t get to TAKE OUR WORD
Raquel: she’s describing the literal opposite of queerness
Valerie: queer was ours to begin with! if you want to make “single” a positive word GO FOR IT
Raquel: queerness helped me learn I DIDN’T need that
Vanessa: YEAH!
Valerie: i have rage
Vanessa: Valerie exactly
Raquel: also it doesn’t mean oppressed or outcasts or abnormal!!!!!! fuck you!!!
Vanessa: That paragraph stood out to me too
It’s like
Honey, your friend was making a COMPARISON
NOT TELLING YOU TO CALL YOURSELF QUEER YOU DUMB DUMB
imagine being that poor friend seeing this essay today
“I…that’s not what I meant.”
Raquel: hahaha
I just think about the generations of people who have been called queer as a hate crime
or the precursor to one
and then look me in the eye and tell me you’re more queer than me
I will punch your face
Mey: I feel like this was written by an alien
Vanessa: HAHAHAHA Mey I just cackled
Mey: Who has never experienced life on earth
Raquel: lolol yes
can we make a team roundtable of “honey, no”‘s
Molly: I DIDN’T GROW UP SURVIVING “SMEAR THE QUEER” FOR STRAIGHT LADIES TO TAKE IT NOW THAT IT’S SAFE
Mey: Or jeez what if this is a Turing test? The NYT had a computer write a think piece to see if we would catch it
Carmen: What is the opposite of “Team Pick” because this feels like that.
(Also I can’t even give NYT the click on this, I am so offended)
Raquel: Team Sick
Team Pick Up And Leave
gdi, paper of record my queer asshole
anyway sorry I am INCENSED
Mey: Thinking abt this has exhausted me and I’m going back to bed
Vanessa: I’m going to drive to Seattle to see T&S tonight which is QUEER
unlike, you know, being a straight woman
Raquel: nice nice
Vanessa: Omg LOL can we make one of those graphics
That is a comparison chart
Raquel: omg yes
Vanessa: Like “things that are queer” “things that are not queer”
And we can just make the “things that are not queer” side like
Direct quotes from this lady’s article
“Going on a solo road trip. When you are straight and single.”
“Contemplating chopping off all your hair. When you are straight and single.”
“Seeing a couple fighting in public. When you are straight and single.
“CALLING YOURSELF QUEER IN THE NYT. WHEN YOU ARE STRAIGHT AND SINGLE YOU LOSER.”
The queer side would be rly cute and fun obv. LIKE ACTUAL QUEERS.
wow what a way to start the day
Valerie: it could even be the same things “Going on a solo road trip. When you are queer.” :insert cute queer here:
someone stop straight people
Raquel: Vanessa I love your idea
Valerie: “why didn’t you get any work done today, Valerie?” “well you see, boss…straight people.”
Heather: this article could be a whole Are Straight Women Okay piece from erin, just like copy + paste
Stef: this lady is really going to extreme measures to be allowed to take her eventual bachelorette party into a gay bar
“no it’s okay, i was (winks) single for a little while in my 20s”
Valerie: i think if she was queer she would have made more parallels to being queer in a heteronormative world and being single in a coupled up world. she still would have been stretching because i don’t think the vice president has said anything about wanting to kill all the single people but at least it would have made more sense why the word “queer” was even in this article at all.
Molly: yeah, and she talked about queer people suffering “their” trials and getting “their” recognition
Valerie: in conclusion, fuck this girl
not literally though
Molly: no don’t then she’ll say she’s queer
Stef: rrlyh permission to write a three word rebuttal
Heather: lol what are the three words?
Stef: Here

Heather: hahahaha!
Molly: nailed it
Stef: (hits publish, walks into the river)
Heather: rivers are for straight queer people now Stef, sorry
Molly: if you float, you are single
if you sink, you’re a witch
Valerie: my brother just responded to my tweet about it: “Is there something queer about me not liking vegetables?”
IT HAS BEGUN
Stef: back to waterfalls it is
Molly: don’t go chasin’
Stef: well i’m single molly
Molly: well i am too now Stef oh my god i’m extra queer now that i’m divorcing
Stef: pretty sure that’s carte blanche to do whatever the fuck i want
Heather: remember on the l word when they went to spread dana’s ashes in the waterfall and the camera showed the waterfall and just to make sure the audience understood what they were seeing jenny said, “look you guys, a waterfall”
Molly: masterful storytelling
Stef: remember when they were good enough friends to invite Carmen to come along but then not good enough friends to ask if she was ok after the wedding fell apart
like, ever
sorry that was unrelated
i’m just still very angry
Molly: perfect narrative
Heather: remember at that wedding when bette was on the ski lift and she like screamed so loud about tina being an asshole it caused an avalanche like a cough drop commercial
Stef: i like to imagine that after a-camp was over at alpine and we would see people coming up to hike
that they were all coming to spread their dead friends’ ashes
their dead friends who had formative tennis camp experiences there
also when i die please don’t spread my ashes where i had my formative gay experiences, that sounds terrible
Molly: remember when the story took all of the characters to different places and then they killed dana so she died alone
Heather: remember how when dana was IN the waterfall she was bigger than hagrid
just like the most giant fucking dana on earth
Stef: nobody ever bought anybody one of those sunflowers ever again
the owner of the company that makes those singing sunflowers broke up with ilene chaiken once
and that was her revenge
Heather: look at what this straight woman has made us do! look at where she has taken us! to dana’s deathbed!
Molly: so queer
Vanessa: That straight woman wouldn’t have been able to participate in this conversation
Just saying
Stef: i haven’t even had coffee yet
Molly: oh really i’m about to shift over to diet coke, aka afternoon coffee
Vanessa: Me either Stef! Caffeine free and dana’s still dead and straight people are queer!
This is the America I had to come back to? On top of Trump?

[For the rest of this saga, please see: Is There Something Queer About Being Single? (Narrator: There Is Not.)]

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Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Calls for Renewable Energy Meet Disaster Capitalism in Post-Maria Puerto Rico, by Laura M

This is one of the best and most thorough discussions I’ve read anywhere about some of what’s happening in Puerto Rico on a systemic level after Maria, and I could not be more pleased that it is on our very own website by our very own Laura.

We Have Babies, Run! How A Lesbian Couple Survived the Las Vegas Shooting, by Molly

It’s relatively rare, unfortunately, that we have either the opportunity or the resources to do “real” investigative journalism, especially on a current or developing story; I’m so grateful that these survivors of the Las Vegas shooting took the time and trust to talk to us, and to Molly for taking such care with this story.

How Queer and Trans Women are Healing Each Other After Hurricane Katrina, by Yvonne

I’ve been [shouting emoji] about the idea of this story ever since Yvonne first proposed going to Houston and working on it; I’m the biggest fan of Yvonne’s writing and it’s such a dream come true when she’s able to take some time to do the journalism she’s so good at in between her editorial duties. The people she talked to for this seem so fascinating and strong and I’m so grateful to have gotten to hear a little of their stories; you will be too!

All the Vintage Vapid Fluff by Riese

I feel like maybe you guys haven’t been freaking out over this as much as you should because you don’t understand what it is? Which is fair, it’s pretty specific to us (or not even really to Autostraddle but to Riese as a person) and I wouldn’t really know what else to compare it to, but that’s fine because I don’t have to! I can just tell you to read it and let it carry you away like an information-packed and hilarious gaywashed episode of Another Period.

How to Write a Spell Against White Supremacy, by Neesha

I don’t necessarily know you personally, dear reader, but I feel confident that this is the essay you’ve been wanting to read. Neesha is such a gifted writer and I’m really grateful to them for sharing such personal parts of their practice and the thinking behind it with us! You will be also!

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Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Nail Polish Again, Bitches

HEY CUTES guess what, I’m back to tell you about another nail polish situation that has me feeling smug and put together: Essie (AGAIN OMG it’s like do I ever leave my house or change my ways? No.) Gel Couture in whatever the hell color you want as long as you use this topcoat. October was Wedding Month for me, so I needed a polish situation that wouldn’t fuck itself before I got out of the car, but was also cheap because I’d rather spend money on dresses and shoes, hi. Enter this crazy Essie Gel Couture topcoat. You can use it with any other Essie polish (maybe any other polish full stop? I don’t know because I prefer the Essie brush and therefore haven’t tried another brand so whatever). It worked, it was worth the money, I’ll use it from now on. The end. Do you want your nails to look shiny as all get out? Use this topcoat. Do you want Riese Bernard to ask you from across a candlelit table, “Did you do those yourself??!”? Use this hecking topcoat. Do you want to think of me while you paint your nails? Use. This. Topcoat. Bye loveyou.

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Social Media Spotlight

Friends, I won’t lie to you. We have been yelled at a lot on social media this last month. Mostly by people who — you know what, it’s not just one thing. The world is so scary right now and people are just lashing out at what’s familiar. So some of it is TERFs and some of it is shippers and some of it is accusations of biphobia and also lesbophobia and some of it is men just being men and some of it is people who are angry we haven’t solved all the problems in the world yet. But the one pure thing was that Sara Ramirez photo, and the reactions y’all had to it.

Cause of heart attack: This photo
Dear god if she turned her head & smiled at me right after this moment? Instant death. Overdose of Gay.

— BrinConvenient (@BrinConvenient) October 24, 2017

I don't want to undersell this. I'm actually crying real tears from just how pure, powerful, queer and beautiful @SaraRamirez is in this pic

— BrinConvenient (@BrinConvenient) October 24, 2017

I am beside myself. With joy. Was waiting for her to come back to tv. Super happy with this since I already love Madam Secretary.

— Hatter (@_ihatter) October 25, 2017

I'm never gonna forget!

— nicole 🏳️‍🌈 (@nikylewan) October 25, 2017

RT this daily

— Teresa Wang 🏳️‍🌈 (@tewang32) October 25, 2017

pic.twitter.com/0AA3GJzmnW

— Hermit TV Junkie (@HermitTVJunkie) October 25, 2017

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CARMEN WENT TO A WEDDDING IN HELL, MICHIGAN

Carmen: You guys, I spent the evening being very mid-western and going to Apple Cider Mills/ Pumpkin Patches/ enjoying fall trees. Anyway, I ended up in a tourist trap legit known as Hell, Michigan (it’s a thing, ok? It’s on the map and everything)
and what’s important about that is that the woman who runs the central store is A LESBIAN!!! AND SHE MARRIED HER WIFE THERE IN A HELL THEMED WEDDING!!

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Sara Ramirez Blesses Us All

Riese: OH MY F*CKING G-D

Can’t wait for you to meet Kat on Nov. 19! #KatSandoval @MadamSecretary #CBS pic.twitter.com/I0Yl0T6tne

— Sara Ramirez (@SaraRamirez) October 24, 2017

i’m dead bye
Yvonne: :heart_eyes:
Heather: sweet merciful goddesses of light
Riese: i don’t want to you know be too presumptuous but
it seems that she will be playing a lesbian character
Heather: oh it sure does
Riese: something about this picture just you know suggests that to me
Heather: just hints at it slightly
Riese: now i have to watch 500 episodes of madam secretary i guess
Heather: it’s not terrible. it’s a decent background show.
it doesn’t require your full attention like htgawm or anything
Molly: i came here to post this very tweet, bless this place
Alaina: help me
Molly: the pocket chain. what do you think it connects to.
a watch? my heart? WHO KNOWS.

[…Meanwhile…]

Laneia: i can’t handle this sara ramirez picture
it’s like realizing i’m gay all over again
Yvonne: i know! it’s so good!
so many hot talented people out in this world
who are gay
and latina
what a great day
Laneia: yes!
lord have mercy
Rachel: helloooooo
Laneia: hi have you seen the picture
Heather: hi Rachel! sara ramirez got you a present!
Rachel: this sara ramirez thing feels like when you get up at a restaurant to wash your hands and when you come back the food has arrived and also a $100 bill
Heather: ha!
Laneia: correct
Rachel: like i went to therapy and then when i came back sara ramirez was here to heal me
Yvonne: ha the best present
Laneia: from now on i’ll refer to last 3 yrs as “the time between ellen page coming out and sara ramirez’s picture”
Rachel: we should start planning content for the anniversary of this day next year
Laneia: YES
Heather: i’m going to take a picture of myself right now and that’s what i’m submitting to the queer celebration gallery
Laneia: How Are You Celebrating the Anniversary of the Sara Ramirez Picture?
25 Recipes for Sara Ramirez’s Picture
Rachel: i want to buy an edible arrangement for everyone who has either sent me that photo or brought it up to me
i’ve never felt so seen
Yvonne: should we have a quick thing go up today for it?
or just like omg this picture
Rachel: maybe a feelings atrium honsetly
Yvonne: and this info
Rachel: i have some feelings to share
Laneia: yes FA
Yvonne: i also feel like Carmen has written this post in slack already
Rachel: let’s see if Carmen wants to put something together quick and throw some slack screenshots into it
Heather: Carmen is perfect y’all

[the next day…]

Heather: a moment of silence please. it’s been 24 hours since we got the sara ramirez picture.
Molly: if i tweet at her to chat about it will you all make fun of me
Stef: no more than usual
Molly: TOO LATE
i told her it made autostraddle quiver like the jello in jurassic park but hot
that’s cool, right?
Stef:

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Speaking of cool dudes…

XOXO

Team Autostraddle