Letter From Your Editors

Happy New Year ❤️

I have never said “Happy New Year” or its variations (“happy early new year” / “wishing you a peaceful and restful new year”) more times in 2023 than I have in any year before. I never really appreciated the importance of “new year”s to be honest. It probably speaks to my history as an overachieving student but the closest I’ve ever felt to that turning over to a blank page energy is annually in September, not January.

I think it has something to do with the random influx of neutral colored, calming, aesthetically pleasing inspirational quotes that have taken over my timeline lately — but I have been feeling something of a vibe shift. There really is no reason to just have one “new year” (whether you celebrate it in January, or you’re a freak like me who still marks it in September years after setting foot in your last classroom), because honestly aren’t we all starting fresh every morning? I’m sure saying that makes me sound like some type of Disney Channel character, but factually it is true. We wake up, we get out of bed eventually, and it’s a new chance to get a little closer to our goals or live the type of lives we want for ourselves than the day before. If we fuck it up, then tomorrow we get that same chance again. And it keeps going, infinite new chances for as long as we’re lucky enough to have them.

Just a little optimism to end our year on. I sincerely do hope you’re able to find rest and peace in these days to come. And if you are marking the “New Year” with some kind of bang — I hope it’s a fabulous one.

This month came with our annual End of Year pop culture lists (our first time with Drew at the helm of the package, and my first time at the helm of our visuals!), and we somehow managed to squeeze out two more lists than last year, which was our previous record. In addition to our traditional coverage of film and television, much like last year we expanded to two different music lists (one for albums, one for singles) and this year we also expanded two different books lists (our annual one from Casey and soon-to-be published list from Kayla), video games, and animation.

Also, I know I spoke a little about this in our last letter together, but this year’s annual Holigays coverage brought me so much joy! A fun fact to know — because we don’t traditionally publish it on the website — is that every year our Holigays package has a unique internal theme, to help keep our coverage new and different from the year before. This year’s theme was “Redefining Ritual” and it’s been speaking to me greatly. I suppose its a full circle to where I also opened this letter: every day we get to redefine ourselves anew. I find a lot of comfort in that.

Thank you to everyone who came out to be a part of our annual 13 Days of A+ Discord! Whether it was for the Carol watch-a-long with Drew, wrapping gifts with Motti, beta testing the Autostraddle reader in the ForThem app, or just spending time exchanging recipes or jokes (I did both), it felt so good to be community with you. We’re in the middle of the 13 Days of A+ right now, which was for some reasons of work and overwhelm is no longer 13 consecutive days, but I always love that together we get to end our year on a note of gratitude to you, our members.

This year’s 13 Days of A+ also includes our latest personal essay series. I’ve seen in the comments that many of you are connecting to the essays on SHAME that Nico’s published so far for this series, and there are still a couple more to go. Thank you for supporting the kind of queer and trans writing that isn’t published anywhere else. Thank you for keeping Autostraddle here.

Sending you and your loved ones all the best at this time of the year.

Love,
Carmen / Nico / Kayla / Riese / Drew

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What The Team Can’t Get Enough of This Month

Motti: This month, I cannot get enough of apocalyptic film and TV, and cult documentaries.

Em: this month, I cannot get enough of Gluten Free Doughnuts from Modern Bread and Bagel

Valerie: This month, I cannot get enough of the mobile game Monopoly Go.

Kayla: This month, I cannot get enough of spruce tips flavored things!

Carmen: I cannot get enough of driving around neighborhoods looking at stranger’s Christmas lights (is that creepy? They’re there to look at, right?)

Em: This month, I cannot get enough of smelling, making, and buying candles.

Nic: This month, I cannot get enough of YouTube fireplace/ambience videos.

Stef: This month, I cannot get enough of the limited edition maple syrup flavored Goldfish.

Ashni: This month, I cannot get enough of the biscuits and bacon at my local brunch spot.

Drew: This month, I cannot get enough of this mega Ingmar Bergman Criterion boxset my girlfriend got me for my birthday.

Nico: This month, I cannot get enough of horror movies I should have watched years ago.

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Nicolodeon

This is just a doodle from Nico’s notebook :) They hope it brightens your day!

Lesley Gore’s annoyed lesbian hair-do. Did anyone else sing along to “It’s My Party” together with their friend at their birthday in the early 90’s? Anyone?

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Drew: I totally forgot Something You Said Last Night got its US release this year. I need to add it to my list but also don’t want to kick off Bottoms.
Okay I’ve decided to just do a top 21 lol
Or maybe… hmm maybe I repeat a number and am like lol I forgot this because I saw it two years ago at a festival
No this has only been up for a couple hours so it’s better I just do non-referential edits
Carmen: Drew I am loving this journey
Drew: I know I should just let this go but it’s like one of the few movies this year directed by a trans woman
Kayla: Me changing my top novels list from 10 to 12 to 13
Drew: Oh the title is just Best
no number
Carmen: LMAO
omg
Drew: so making it 21 shouldn’t be a problem?
20 is just so clean!
Carmen: Yeah then it doesn’t matter at all
Drew: Lol okay thank you

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Carmen: (Ok I’ve decided I’m keeping plan a 90s movie marathon, but i’m struggling with “era” so I need something else I can tell people about themselves)
What’s something that people want to know about themselves that I could deduce from their movie choices?
Drew: 2024 vibe?
2024 love story?
2024 destiny?
Kayla: i like vibe
Carmen: oooooh ok those are all good choices
lol i was partial to love story but maybe vibe is more general (in case i couldn’t come up with six different love story archtypes)
kayla was/is really good at slightly dragging people in her titles, but which i’m trying to keep in mind for humor.
2024 gay destiny?
Nico: 2024 fate spoken by the oracle, written in blood, decreed by the gods (gay)

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Drew: Oh I would also like to finally get around to No Hard Feelings. That’s been on my list since the summer.
Carmen: I also want to see this but I will now gladly wait for you to see it first so I know if its any good!
Riese: oh yeah i wanna see that too
Kayla: i rly liked it
the premise shouldn’t work as well as it does but it really does. i think bc the performances are so good. good class commentary too. but mostly just good jokes lol
most i’ve laughed at a movie in a while
Drew: I feel like it was a good year for comedy
Like comedies that actually made me laugh
Even when I didnt LOVE the movie
Riese: yes i laughed at Bottoms
Kayla: same
i watched Theater Camp twice last week
and almost cried laughing both times
Drew: Another good one !!
Kayla: when they’re dealing throat coat 💀

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Drew: Why did Riese and I write 50,000 words about this Hanukkah movie
Imagine if we’d watched it on coke instead of weed
Riese: we could’ve knocked out 100,000 words
Kayla: jksadjskadjkskjsad

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Nico: can i get your graphic design opinion again?
Carmen: lmao at first i thought it was a knife
relieved its a wine bottle!
Nico: lol oh no
ok so
😬
Carmen: oh sorry i liked it!
i think it’s great (and it’s obviously not a knife! i was just looking at a thumbnail)

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Carmen: Not to brag, but I can also quote all of Mean Girls
Nico: ALL of it??
Carmen: Yeah pretty close? Especially if I have the movie on as a backup track. But even from memory… I’d likely get close?
Nico: that’s TALENT
Carmen: I can do it for a lot of movies! I am constantly rewatching things I already know well, it’s an anxiety tick😂but it has benefits!

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Kayla: this music video is so 2010 (complimentary)
Drew: It REALLY is
I was like I don’t personally think I have enough to say to get 300 words out of this but also… girls kissing?

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Riese: we are getting flooded with spam comments today so plz delete them if you see any!
Drew: A little 7th night of Hanukkah treat

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Kayla: hello!
Drew: Howdy
Howdy?
Not sure I’ve ever said howdy

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What We’re Reading

Motti: Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult by Maria Bamford

Em Chadwick: Henry Taylor

Valerie: My Dearest Darkest by Kayla Cottingham

Kayla: Brainwyrms by Alison Rumfitt

Carmen: Thicker than Water by Kerry Washington

Em Win: No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz, PhD

Nic: Outdrawn by Deanna Grey

Stef: Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder by Samuel Wilson Fussell

Ashni: Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner

Riese: Yours for the Taking by Gabrielle Korn

Drew: The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton

Nico: Organ Meats by K-Ming Chang

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Silicon Soup

Kayla: does anyone know the answer to this lol

Subject: Menstrual Cups and Partners
Category: Other
Your question: Can my spouse and I boil our menstrual cups to sanitize them at the same time- like I’m the same pot in one go? To me it feels unsanitary, but as they point out- anything in or on the cup has been in or on our hands and mouths, so… is there any sanitary reason NOT to?

Riese: laneia would know
Kayla: that’s the only question in our YNH queue from remotely recently that i’m at all qualified to answer but i also don’t technically know the answer lol
Nico: i saw that, pondered it, and was like hm
i do not know
also do the menstrual cups look different or is there a chance they could be switching them around like identical twins every time?
Kayla: i’m like….yeah it seems fine but also it seems fine to just do it separately? like is that really all that inconvenient
Nico: yeah just boil one
change water
boil the second one
Kayla: lmao
one of those instances where i’m like i wonder if they’re asking the wrong question
Nico: i feel like there are other ways to save water
are we like boiling all the dildos and the menstrual cups together in one big pot
silicon soup?
Kayla: a soup pot
From Laneia: “ithinkthe way that sanitizing works is that if it’s in there and it’s boiled long enough, it’s sanitized. like if you boiled it with a dirty fork the fork would be usable as well ???”
that SOUNDS right
Carmen: for what it’s worth, my understanding aligns with laneia’s! I’ve also [redacted, redacted, redacted] and maybe… maybe we aren’t going to publish that about me with my name attached on the internet.
But my understanding of boiling and sanitizing is yeah, if you put it all together it’s all getting sanitized together.
Nico: it seems fine
after some googling
Kayla: i did attempt to google lol. couldn’t SPECIFICALLY find something about two different people’s menstrual cups together
but did find a lot of people who were like obvs yeah i cook in this pot too
Nico: i would def be sure to wash and boil them right away after the period tho so residue isn’t sitting in the cup
and then again before use
so another question is: are the periods perfectly aligned?
Carmen: wonderful follow up
Nico: because it’s def advised not to turn the cup into a petri dish where we are potentially growing things in the menstrual blood, so i would not “save” the cup to boil them together?
Kayla: yeah i kind of assumed the answer was yes about being perfectly synced even tho i was like damn impressive
Nico: but if they HAPPEN to need boiling at the same time, seems fine
right what Kayla said
Riese: DILDO DIVA CUP STEW

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Florida Wildlife Report

Here is a bird I saw when walking around my neighborhood the other day! The picture doesn’t really do his coloring justice!!! He was like a blue-ish gray that looked especially lovely against the color of the water on this sunny day.

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Drew’s Nonsense Notes

I use my Notes app for… everything. I’m sure there’s a less chaotic way to organize everything from to-do lists to movie ideas to random observations but this is the one that works best for me! So each month I’ll share something random from my Notes app and try to decipher it for you.

I recently moved to a new apartment and this note is a guide to my newly organized Blu-Ray and DVD collection that is split between two bookshelves and a credenza.

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The Oscar Grouches

Riese: oh bottoms got a nod
Drew: Oh this Oscar season is going to annoy me I can already tell
It’s always harder when there are actual great films in the running
(Me accepting Oppenheimer will win Best Picture and May December might not even be nominated)
Carmen: (Me accepting Oppenheimer will win Best Picture and Barbie will be a joke)
^^ I’m kidding, just wanted to join in
Drew: I can absolutely see Barbie winning like production design and best song and that’s it
BUT if the show itself has performances from Dua Lipa, Ryan Gosling, and Billie Eilish how fun!
Carmen: Oh yeah no, that part I was serious about. It’ll be one of those things where it gets like 7 to 9 nods, and one win.
Riese: i think Barbie will win best picture
Drew: Bold
Riese: i’m a bold type
hopefully riverdale guy will win for may/december
or i will riot
Drew: That would be amazing
Carmen: That’s what I most want
Drew: It’ll be a close race
My hope is Downey Jr. and Gosling split the movie star lover votes and Melton comes out the winner
Carmen: I want Charles Melton to win, I want Greta Lee to at least be nominated for Past Lives
Drew: YES
I want anyone to acknowledge the director of The Holdovers was accused of rape with zero repercussions
Sorry not as fun of an ask
Carmen: yep
Drew: I decided to like… let it go after tweeting about it once
But it keeps becoming more of a frontrunner !!!
Riese: gretchen was so excited to see past lives that she watched it without me last night
sad 4 me
Drew: Oh no!
You should still watch it
It’s so good
Riese: i should ask her how it was
but i am still being petty
Carmen: Wait no Riese you must see Past Lives
It is not as sad as it appears at first blush, and it really is the best thing I saw last year that wasn’t A Thousand and One which no one saw but me
Ok but this is funny because just last night I was saying that I’m going to approach my Oscar movies this year the same way I did it last year, which is wait until the nominations are out and then like a week before the ceremony text Drew what are my essential top 3
That worked out beautifully for me! That’s how I saw The Banshees of Inisherin and Women Talking and Tár and Elvis, perfect expierence.
Sorry Drew, it’s now going to become a tradition.
Drew: I love this tradition!
Also I MUST see A Thousand and One
I have so many not gay movies to catch up on from the year over the next few weeks
(even though I’ve seen 87 new releases)
(most of them are gay!!)
Carmen: It’s very Spike Lee-coded, if that makes sense. But as someone who loves Spike Lee the way you love Scorsese, by which I mean it is my toxic film bro trope, I just… it was so good.
hahaaa it was also a big year for gay films! you were busy
Drew: That’s an exciting pitch
I’ll watch it next week
Carmen: I’m so excited for your vacation watch list!
Drew: A dozen artsy serious movies + the first season of Riverdale
Carmen: honestly? the balance!
Drew: Oh I would also like to finally get around to No Hard Feelings. That’s been on my list since the summer.
Riese: oh yeah i wanna see that too
Kayla: i rly liked it
the premise shouldn’t work as well as it does but it really does. i think bc the performances are so good. good class commentary too. but mostly just good jokes lol
most i’ve laughed at a movie in a while
Drew: I feel like it was a good year for comedy
Like comedies that actually made me laugh
Even when I didnt LOVE the movie
Riese: yes i laughed at Bottoms
Kayla: same
Drew: Yeah I probs like Bottoms the least here but it still made me laugh a ton throughout
Kayla: i watched Theater Camp twice last week
and almost cried laughing both times
Drew: Another good one !!
Kayla: when they’re dealing throat coat
also made me a super Molly Gordon fan overnight
i need her in more things
riese if you haven’t seen you must it’ll do whatever is the opposite of heal your inner interlochen child
trigger your inner interlochen child lmao
in a GOOD WAY

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What? It’s a Conveniently Located Priority Contact Box!

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Heeelp We’re Trapped in These Ornaments

XOXO

The For Them Team