The holidays are a special time. Whether you’re celebrating your first one as openly gay/vegan/Canadian, or bringing your ladyfriend home for the first time amid alcohol-drenched family chaos, it’s sure to be a weekend of laughing, crying, and desperately texting your friends. Did your creepy uncle announce a conversion to Mormonism? Did your girlfriend’s dad curiously ask what “fisting” was while you were forearm deep in the turkey? Did you have an anxiety attack/breakdown in public when your family forced you to go to Black Friday at CABELA’S like Rachel did last year? If so, what anti-anxiety medication do you recommend?
TALK TO US, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
We like to have holiday open threads because 1)your grandmother is really funny, 2)because it softens the blow for those of us who are a)alone, b)drunk anyhow, c)chasing vodka with shots of cranberry sauce.
Last year the Open Thread concept peaked almost immediately after launching [First Open Thread: Terrible/Awesome Homo-Holiday Feelings for Thanksgiving], when the Christmakwanza Open Thread brought on the invention of Showerbeer, the rules of Beerio Kart, and heartwarming tales of our Tech Editor being picked up at the Cincinnati airport and subsequently driven to Central Kentucky in the rain by a tweaked out uncle.
So anyhow, we’re just over here in this wicker turkey. Just waiting. I never wanna eat this much banana bread I mean stuffing again.
today my roommate and i are making a pie and then drinking cider at the bar across the street while it bakes. did you know that johnny appleseed wasn’t a wholesome guy who wanted everyone to eat apples? he was just a hippy who wanted to get everyone drunk on alcoholic cider.
Happy Thanksgiving Riese, Laneia, Taylor, Rachel and every other wonderful, lovely member of the Autostraddle family. I’m more thankful for you ladies than I am for Harry Potter (he’s leaving me, after all, and i know you’d never do that). Seriously though; I love y’all and I’m hugging you with my heart so hard. <3
The joys of Thanksgiving abroad:
1. I have not one–BUT TWO Thanksgivings to go to with various Americans
2. E-mail from my dad:
“Hope you can find some pumpkin pie over there.
I guess the English have very little to be thankful for.”
3. Second e-mail from my dad:
“I don’t know what to be more disturbed by:
the buyout of J. Crew or Pink’s pregnancy.
Probably J. Crew. Now if it had been Lady Gaga . . . .”
I have sooooooooo many feelings.
Happy Thanksgiving fellow ex-pat! I love celebrating abroad- everyone is so happy and excited. And I love how creative people get with their dishes. I love the old American standbys, but it’s so much fun taking local ingredients and making up weird new tasty dishes
my grandma thinks fox news is a reliable source for news on politics and because they’re obviously experts that she is one too because she watches everyday
omgwtf I have the day off today. Excuse me I am going back to bed. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My family is crazy.
I’m not out to them yet.
But my grandmother likes my tattoo and there’s beer. A refrigerator full of beer.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
This. Minus tattoos and beer, plus “Please take your shoes off at the door and sit somewhere awkwardly for ~2 hours, you weird weirdo.”
my holiday so far:
got delicious things at trader joe’s (nashville) including some sort of lovely tasty pie filling that might be vegan (maybe)
one page in on my ten page paper on the correlation between parenting practices and gender identity and so far no one has asked about it (yet)
so far so good. happy thanksgiving!
The Nashville Trader Joe’s is pretty sweet, but every single time I’ve been, it’s like CRAZY packed.
And your paper sounds really, really interesting.
oh my god, you do exist! i feel like i’m seeing a unicorn.
it was packed as usual, but we scored 12 boxes of pumpkin pancake mix.
“how much is a dash of morphine?” asked my elderly neighbor with a cackle.
Hahaha! Pumpkin pancakes sound pretty amazing. I’ve never had that but now I really want to. I love pumpkins and I love pancakes, so it sounds like a win-win situation for me.
A “dash of morphine” is like a dusting of cocaine. It’s all subjective haha
they are the bomb dot com. especially with agave syrup.
(my anti-queer parents are surprisingly hipster.)
Because I run a dorm on a college campus, I have to “work” today. And by “work” I mean hang around campus and a. play xbox until I drop or b. bust out my Veronica Mars DVDs for an all day marathon.
And frankly, I would rather do that then torture myself with the Republican side of the family who will spend the day complaining about Obama and wishing that Bush could run for an infinite number of times for President.
Yeeeeah- I think I got the better end of the deal.
I had to go into a Christian store with my mom the other day, because she had birthday money and freaking loves that place. Not only is Bush’s new book proudly on display, but the cashier also suggested it because it wasn’t obvious enough. Blech.
I just realized that I jumped from Republican to Christian which probably isn’t PC, but I don’t really care at this point. I understand not all of them are crazy – just most of them.
Thanksgiving is my favourite of holidays. Everything is so warm and fuzzy and pumpkin-y. I am still 5 and am up early watching the parade which is the lamest it has ever been. So that is where all my feelings are going. Lame, lame parade.
My cousins are such good cooks and even though I love to cook, we aren’t kosher enough so I can’t even help. More sad times.
YOU GUYS, my day so far:
My mother wakes me up at 7am to start marinating the turkey. No big deal, EXCEPT for the fact that I’m a vegetarian and have been for two years.
Mom: “It’s not like you’re going to eat it”
Me: “Regardless of that, it completely stand against what i stand for”
Mom: “And what is that? Please, Remind me! Remind the world why you’re doing something so unnatural!
*Walking away*
Me: *whispering “It’s not unnatural, just uncommon”
She has no idea that i’m a lesbian, but loaded comments like those make me think otherwise.
We’ve had this conversation more than i care to remember in the past two years; alas, it’s only 10 am and I want to crawl in a hole…this is going to be a long day
Both “7 am” and “start marinating the turkey” sound almost equally offensive. I’m sorry. Is Wild Turkey ok to suggest at this point?
I’ve been a vegetarian for some years, too, and got roped into making ham for my family two Christmases ago. I promised to make everything BUT the meat, so of course, all the omnivores were either too injured (my mother) or not willing to cook (everyone else). That was so much fun. So. much.
same here, except my mother’s not injured. I have no idea what she’s trying to accomplish. She probably thinks that my marinating the turkey would make me want to eat it, but that just does the opposite.
On the bright side, my father opened the liquor cabinet. Is it too soon to start drinking yet?
It’s never too soon to start drinking. You could also pour one out for the poor turkey.
I will! I should pace myself though, i’m not out to them yet
Totally understandable. That’s pretty much the only reason I’m still sober.
i would be too, but THANK GAGA for smirnoffs :)
It took my mother thirty minutes after waking up to start laying into my eight year old sister for jump roping in the house. Also my girlfriend of two years who lives with me did not offer to cook anything for her Thanksgiving, so I planned, bought, and cooked dishes for both my own family, and hers. Next year seriously let’s all go to Thailand and discuss the second season of Lip Service on the beach.
OMG—Thailand…beach….girls….talking about girls….I am so there–damn near the best idea ever, thank you so much for suggesting it. AUTOSTRADDLE GROUP DISCOUNT !
I woke up because someone send a mass “Happy Thanksgiving” text way too early. The world outside my window was covered in ice. I was super disoriented and went back to bed. Then another too early turkey text woke me. I went back to sleep and had a nightmare about falling off a barge and drowning. I nervously went back to sleep after waking up in a panic. I just woke up again because someone decided to tickle me with his tail. I guess I should just get out of bed.
Happy Thanksgiving! I love you!
I woke up to my mother shouting HAPPY THANKSGIVING at the top of her lungs and the parade is on and she is yelling in Spanish about there being 50,000 Guatemalans with connections dancing in the street and I. Have a headache, and a fever. And would like to go back to sleep. We don’t have any extended family (that doesn’t live down the street already) coming in but there will inevitably be a showdown between either my mother and I, or my mother and my grandmother.
Feelings. SO MANY FEELINGS. Heeeeeeeeelp.
Things I am grateful for:
1. Having almost no extended family.
2. Other people cooking awesome things.
3. Not having awkward holidays unlike just about all of my friends.
4. No work today.
5. My relatives caring about my sexuality only inasmuch as they want to know when I will be bringing a cute girl home that they can overfeed. Love.
Ok, i need some advice. Most of my family is other places today, but my aunt and her unlabeled permanent-ish significant other (a man, btw) are at my house along with my mother and siblings. How bad an idea would it be for me to come out to my aunt and her man-person today…? I think they’d be really accepting, but I don’t want to make Thanksgiving all about me. But being partially closeted still is driving me batty.
If it feels right, then go for it. You’re the best judge of how they will take it and whether or not you want to tell them before dinner.
Good luck!
Sounds like there are some grim things going on in some people’s Thanksgiving-land thusfar.
Happy Thanksgiving Ameri-friends!
My girlfriend was supposed to come to my family’s place tomorrow.
But then we broke up two days ago.
Alcohol, here I come.
Awww, major hugs! Listen to some good tunes and work out some aggression mashing them potaotes :)
And from one broken-hearted soul to another: Be kind to yourself and don’t drink Tequila!
okay…remedy for broken heart:
mashed potatoes—check
treat myself well—check
no Tequila—…..uh …oh…
I second that – NO TEQUILA! I drank a whole bottle at the New Year just after I’d met my wife to be (and realised I was gay). I ended up lying on the floor of a family friend’s apartment, spinning round (legs only, like a really bad break dance), and subsequently decided it’d be a really good idea to first:sing karaoke, and second:pronounce to everyone at the party that “IMINLOVEWITHAWOMANDONTTELLMYMUM”. Thankfully, the reply was just “I wondered. It makes no difference to me, as long as you’re happy. And I really think your Mum would be fine with it”.
And the whole time I was wearing a tiny plastic sombrero.
(from the top of the bottle, it’s not something I usually carry around :P )
Did anyone else notice that “Quinn’s” problem was responded to by “Daria”?
Smile at that and I hope you made it through the day okay.
Hahaha. Oh wow. I completely missed that.
Thank you. It made me smile :-D
Thank you for noticing this. Another smile!
Currently beginning an hour and a half car ride to my brother’s house. With my parents. I’m too old for this shit. I need my own place stat. Anyone need a roomate?
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’ll be drinking lots of wine and thinking of you all.
I need a roommate. Girlfriend moved out.
Where do you live? Let’s make this work. Autostraddle is totes better than craigslist.
Autostraddle is definitely the best way to meet lesbians I’ve found so far. Minnesota? Are you here freezing your ass off or lucky to be somewhere in above freezing temperatures?
Sorry to hear about the girlfriend. :\
New Jersey :-/
I fail at emoticons today. It took me 3 tries to get that face. First time it came out looking like :_?
Temperatures aren’t that high above freezing here, either. And I refuse to turn my heat on.
i’m still in bed and it’s not thanksgiving here.
Yes, I think we should have had a Canadian thanksgiving open thread. It’s not thanksgiving here, it’s just cold.
Yesterday, Calgary was only 5 degrees warmer than Antarctica.
Montreal is currently being coated in about a centimeter (~half inch) of freezing rain. I didn’t even bother going outside, the buses are late or not running, but that’s only a relevant problem if you manage not to splinter a hip getting to the stop…
To compound this problem, I keep getting successive emails from online retailers about holiday specials. It’s like they know about my cabin fever and unused credit card…
i almost died leaving my house also, after spending 15 min scraping ice off my car i decided it wasn’t worthed and came back in to read autostraddle
good woman. I’m making oatmeal at the moment, so I’ll fed-ex it to you in a thermos, it should be there by next spring.
sweet
INAUGURAL BEETS
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all !! My girlfriend is 8 hours away in DC of all places.. and I came out to my parents (yesterday marks 1 year since) but my mom insist on talking about me getting a boyfriend and such… yeah so I hope everyone is having a better Thanksgiving than me.
Happy Turkey Genocide/ Actual Genocide of Native Americans day!
I usually celebrate the holiday by clearing out the cookies/ recent searches on my laptop. Invariably I’ll look over and see someone googling things. Maybe I should change my laptop background to a woman with clothes on to?
JK! She has on a bra. (seriously though it’s a clothed Hesta Prynn. Is that still weird? Oh well.)
Also, Rachael, my first stint of vegetarianism was brought on by a Cabella’s Panic attack! Sadly I couldn’t stick with it when I was 13, but now I am for real! Also, my mom made me touch a turkey today and I almost cried.
Happy holidays!
I’ve had a panic attack at Cabela’s too, or some place nearly identical (I’ve tried to block out the memory), it was the pics of people happily posing with dead animals that did me in.
Oh, gosh. We have Bass Pro Shops here, which are essentially the same thing give or take the ridiculous selection of fishing hooks.
There just shouldn’t be animal killing superstores. I mean, what?!
Dude, me too! I couldn’t fathom all the happiness over the dead animals. Also there was this terrifying taxidermy diorama. Not cool!
I just like to tell you that i´m a fisherman and i have killed hundreds of thousands of wild animals by cutting their throat.
I’m not out to my family yet, but I think I might be soon, just to make them shut up and stop asking me when I am going to find a nice boyfriend at college, which has happened about 7 times in the past day.
Other than that, happy Thanksgiving!
Samesies! My usual deflection is a flat, “No, I don’t have a boyfriend,” followed by rambling on about other school-related things for 20 minutes… Ugh. We’ll see how much longer we can hold that act up?
Good luck getting through the holidays!
I sooo understand. It’s getting more difficult to hide. When I was younger it was acceptable for me to be tomboyish but I guess I’m supposed to be a lady now. Haha. So much for that.
i like that your user name is xtina.
hehe
Fun family update!
The setting: post-dinner Bananagrams with my parents, grandma, and family friends.
Dad: “Haha, I spelled ‘queer’.”
Mom’s friend: “Haha, me too!”
Mom: “Maybe I shouldn’t go to lunch with you anymore…?”
Me: “I spelled ‘buy’.”
Mom: “Haha, you’re bi!”
Me: “Um. … Um.”
Wooooohoo.
This almost exact same thing happened to me last year, except it was Scrabble, and my mom had the letters to spell “lesbo.” So of course she did, which made me really uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything.
(And then my mom and dad started giggling about it, and later in the game my dad discovered that he had the letters to spell “f*g” (“Oh Erin, lighten up, it can mean a cigarette too!”), and I drew the line there and told them off.)
YAY THANKSGIVING! So much awkwardness and annoyance packed into such a tiny little holiday break…
I’ll have to borrow my mom’s Official Scrabble Players Dictionary and see if those words are in there. My guess: no.
Happy National Smallpox Day Queers and Queerlies!
I’m looking forward to the first Thanksgiving that I didn’t have to cook a damn thing for. This pleases ceiling cat.
Family Thanksgiving was never terrible, but Christmas is so close, do I really have to see them twice in 30 days? Yeah, didn’t think so.
In years past it’s been an assorted group of friends, passing the peace pipe instead of talking about thankfulness, and just being glad our rag tag group of freaks found each other somehow.
Family is what you make it. If you don’t like the one you’re born into, go make a new one. I made mine out of pie.
i’m fairly bitter this thxgiving
usually it’s just something to grin & bear
but this year’s different
and with that: I’m thankful for the power of denial!
Without it I wouldn’t be physically here right now or celebrating thanksgiving with my family
Thanksgiving thus far has been fairly low-key – hanging with my parents listening to Alice’s Resturant and watching the dog show…however very soon I shall be entering the vortex in which sweet and sour squirrel and deer tongue are on the menu…
Sweet&sour squirrel and deer tongue sounds so weird and awesome. Interested in trading meals/families?
I listened to Alice’s Restaurant today too!!
Home is too far away, so I’m going to my aunt’s house. Full of Catholic relatives. Only two of whom know I’m gay (my other aunt and uncle, who don’t give a shit).
The rest probably would give a shit.
I hope they don’t ask if I have a boyfriend.
On the plus side, I just made a slightly burned gluten free pumpkin pie so I’ll have dessert when I’m there. Also, there will be at least two adorable tiny children. (One three year old, one infant).
It’s awkward being closeted in a giant Catholic extended family. I’ll just drink lots of wine, I guess.
I flew down to Panama City, FL from Long Island at like, 6:00 this morning, so not only am I tired as hell, but I forgot there’s an hour time difference (NY is ahead). My mom is passed out on my brother’s bed, my brother is passed out on the loveseat, and I’m sitting on a recliner on the balcony barefoot because it’s 82 freaking degrees out and I forgot to pack for warm weather so I’m sweating.
We might be going to Hooter’s for Thanksgiving dinner tonight, so I win after all.
I’m at SEA-TAC airport waiting to go home to LA. The first thing I’m eating when I get back? In-N-Out Burger.
Immense jealousy! Eat some animal fries for this homesick West Coaster por favor
Isn’t In-N-Out closed on Thanksgiving? Hope it worked out.
My aunt Mel: “Jesus, Arafel, you’ve grown!”
Me: “Uh, Aunt Mel? I haven’t grown at all since I was 12.” (I’m 17 now, btw.)
Aunt Mel: “Oh, well something’s making you look older. Maybe it’s how you look like a boy. When will you start wearing dresses? Most girls have grown out of their tomboy phase by your age.”
Me: “I will never wear a dress if I can help it.”
Aunt Mel: “Well… do you want people to think you’re a… a… *whisperwhisper lesbian?! whisperwhisper*”
I love how the first word out of her mouth was taking the Lord’s name in vain but she can barely bring herself to talk about gay people. *sigh*
Lol, i’ve had the same conversation with my aunt but more recently with my uncle.
Naturally, he tried to set me up with one of his best bud’s gay son(best date ever btw) and i refused to wear a dress, he said i looked like a lesbian(in front of my parents btw), they agreed, and you can imagine the rest of the conversation…..
my plan is to not get out of bed until I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet…. i mean the bellowing and shouting of excessively loud family members. luckily mom got in a fight with my aunt about three weeks ago so we’re only doing a small version here with me, my parents, my sister, her husband and two kids, and hopefully my best friend. unfortunately, my mom is driving herself crazy preparing a feast that will undoubtedly be wasted on picky eaters, vegans, and anorexics.
also, I got kicked out of the house last night for “re-ruining thanksgiving” but then graciously reinstated in the family after my sister played the middle man and double-dutied a mommy and me tumbling class with her two year old and a ridiculous conversation with my mother via cell phone.
thank god for family, right?
I’m having a great Thanksgiving this year so far! I’ve been in the kitchen baking and making my Tofurkey and my pies for the awesome Friendsgiving vegan extravaganza! It’s going to be awesome. I’m going to spend this year with my favorite people in the world eating delicious vegan food and drinking lots of wine!
Cheers guys!
Vegan Friendsgivings are so the best. I had one of those a few years ago on the opposite side of the country from my family, and it was all the awesome in the land. Enjoy the Tofurky!
Autostraddle needs a like button, just to use on your post, Laura. I feel happier just having read it.
I FEEL YOU LAURA
I feel incredibly lucky this year! :]
Last night, I showed my grandmother a picture of my new “friend” (as I’m not out to her). Her response? “Oh, I hadn’t imagined that she’d be black.” Except she used a term that hasn’t been used since the 60’s to refer to her race which begins with a ‘c’ and ends in an ‘olored. Happy Thanksgiving?
This is my first solo Thanksgiving in about a decade, and I’m having a lot less feelings about that than I thought I would. Maybe cuz I started drinking yesterday.
I’m watching About a Boy while double butterflying a loin of pork which will be filled with stuffing and wrapped in bacon. The way the Good Lord intended.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Bacon makes all of the holidays better, be it solo or crowded as hell.
We could put my lonely pumpkin wheels together with your pork loin and have a hell of a feast.
How ’bout it?
Yeah it’s really hard to feel bad when there’s pork wrapped in bacon involved. DOUBLE PIG!!! I’ve also got yams (sweet potatoes?), green beans and home-made cranberry sauce. And cheesecake. I don’t know what pumpkin wheels are but I’ve got no pumpkin and it sounds like something I should have. Bring it!
Can there be bacon and sex in heaven? Please?
yes.
okay now. that’s something to be thankful for-
It comforts me to know people hate this day/being stuck with family as mush as I do. We don’t start ’till 2:30pmcst so I’ve got a couple hours left of freedom. Then I’m hoping my cousin sets out enough alcohol.
WATCH. THE. DOG. SHOW.
its on NBC. actually its almost over. watch. the. dog. show. next. year. its the best thxgiving tradition to develop. WHO CAN BE ANGRY WHEN AN ANOUNCER IS CALMLY EXPLAINING THE GROOMING TECHNIQUES FOR AFGAN HOUNDS?
the second best part was spiking my coffee this morning. FAMILY!
I have two Thanksgivings today, each side of the family. First the loud, Indian, awesome mom’s side where everyone just eats and is loud, and then to the quiet, very conservative dinner at my dad’s side. To give you an idea of the different atmospheres, I last saw a cousin on my mom’s side when I saw her at the Pride parade and came out to her and got to ride on a float. My grandpa on my dad’s side doesn’t want to go to the apple store because they have so many piercings. Woooo.
Happy Thanksgiving, you guys!
I woke up this morning and found a premade angel food cake, a can of frosting, and apple pie filling on the counter.
My mom is making Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa cake for Thanksgiving. I don’t know how to process this.
(For those that don’t know what that is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2iWTJqo98)
!!!
…Does she have the “acorns” for the top as well?
Seriously? You should live-blog the consumption of that thing.
no words…
No acorns, sadly…but she did promise some means of making it into a “Thanksgiving” cake.
She also bought a regular apple pie, because despite her dedication to a joke, she is not dumb enough to have that be the only dessert.
And I will make sure to thoroughly document its consumption.
I’m pretty sure my parents’ free premium cable this weekend is trying to out me. I watched Whip It last night, and But I’m A Cheerleader was just on. Naturally, my mother decided to sit down and watch the latter with me. I had a lot of feelings about that, with most being shades of awkward.
ha! my mother AND grandmother watched Chloe with me. Luckily i knew when the finger banging part was coming, so naturally i excused myself, grabbed a bottle of wine and returned with three wine glasses.
We never talked about it again
Oh, I think I just died a few times imagining watching anything remotely related to sexy moments with my very traditional Slovak grandmother.
During anything related to self-loving and/or lady-loving in But I’m a Cheerleader, I found things that were really suddenly very interesting to look at on my phone.
and that’s for every awkward situations. my phone always saves the day
Omg, that’s like when my mom walked in and watched the last half of “Imagine Me & You” with me and kept asking, “But why would you watch this??? These girls are in love with EACH OTHER!” every five minutes. It’s not like we even watched them have sex.
Feelings. Lots of feelings.
Between the folks’ divorce, discovering missing kitchenware, and new girlfriends possibly stopping by, I thought it might be too much to throw in “By the way, I’m gay” to the mix.
So far, I’ve cried thrice… and my internet was down most of the day.
Oh god, I had the drive from hell yesterday trying to get to Portland. First, a massive truck almost ran me off the highway on the side of a mountain, then it was stop and go from Eugene to Salem and I was ready to either have a break down or kill someone. When I finally made it, I was really thankful for the whiskey at dinner.
Now I’m killing time before going to my brother’s for family and food. His mother-in-law is there and she’s a blithering idiot who annoys me to no end.
Jeez. I already nearly caused a “stop being such a f*cking feminist” argument by rolling my eyes when my mom said to the only adult male in the house, “Ok, you’re the man, so you get to carve the turkey.” I rolled my eyes! That’s it! Also, it occurred to me that I may actually get more crap today for coming out as a vegetarian than as a lesbian. I’ve already been judged for the “no mammals” thing, so we’ll see. *sigh*
being a feminist is bad? does your mom not agree with gender equality? not that i haven’t heard of this before, i just don’t understand at all
I’m subverting the Turkey-Industrial complex with a most delicious vegan Thanksgiving.
I’m also giving thanks for the opportunity to unravel the moral fiber of America by being a bisexual woman, strand by ever-loving strand.
thanksgiving isnt so bad thus far but i get out of school last night and drive to one of my friends house … ohh yeah i live 1 1/2 hours from school and theres crazy holiday trafic … she opend the door and i dont get hi i get ok are you ready for war and a crazy look in her eye fallowed but a hour of her screaming on the phone to her BF .. all i wanted to do was pick up her 6 year old daughter so we can make a pie at my house for thanksgiving …come to find out she fighting her boyfriend and my sons mother about a f*ing ladder and who it belongs to the way there all acting id have thought some one killed some one ok finly get out of there on my way to pick up my son get there hes gone and so is the hole family so i went in and used the phone no one will pick up any where im mad i cant find my son annoyed cuz my friends daughter wont stop crying cuz shes not going to see him if we cant find him and annoyed that al this is over a ladder f8ck really its the holidays NO ONE IS GOING TO USE IT at leat not for anything good i just want a happy holiday but know there all talking about cops and crazy lalalala get home my son is there thank god but no bag or any thing thats fine his mom will bring it when she comes to dinner but im still getting crazy calls about them fighting …blobk it out make a pie with the kids like planed play blocks and dolls and vidio games clean and cook inbetween with the kids ahh nice …..kids sleeping ..i cant sleep making cinumon rolles almost naked at 130 in the morning shower agian try to sleep no sleep stuff turkey clean some more sleep yeah!!! 5 hours till company :) :( not sure
Been awake almost an hour, and already there is screaming and crying.
I hate Thanksgiving.
I have Canadian Thanksgiving, so here’s what went down about a month ago at mine:
1. My uncle made a racist comment about how a certain group doesn’t work as hard as others. When I retorted, he said “When you grow up and get smarter, you’ll learn that I was right”. I’m halfway through my degree at a world-renowned university, and an adult. But apparently I won’t be intelligent until my 40s.
2. My relatives all asked if I wanted turkey about 1937523985 times, even though I’ve been a vegetarian for six years. Oh, how they laughed.
3. Everyone discussed how much they liked the new conservative candidate for mayor, who is sexist, racist, and doesn’t believe in environmental friendliness. My mom told me to shush when she saw that I was on the verge of hysteria.
Oh Rob Ford.
Although I’m Canadian my family missed thanksgiving this year. So my parents have invited me and my girlfriend and my brother and his girlfriend to a ‘fall feast’ next weekend. We’ll see how that goes.
i don’t have much of an attachment to thanksgiving. partially because:
i don’t remember most of my childhood
my grandmother’s cooking was bland
at some point i decided i was against thanksgiving in solidarity with native peoples
i became a vegetarian when i was 10
after my grandmother stopped hosting thanksgiving we didn’t find a consistent replacement.
anyway, we’re having it at my stepmom’s sister’s this year and i love my stepmom, but her family can be draining. and apparently her sisters are fighting right now. but there’s a non-family member coming, so maybe they’ll be on good behavior?
anyway i’m not looking forward to explaining that i’m doing jack shit right now but i’m planning to move to a commune as they get to me on the waiting list.
hopefully the food will be good and my stepmom will bring enough wine.
beets have bled all over the other vegetables, which i’d anticipated but hadn’t quite envisioned. looks murderous.
also this is happening: http://bit.ly/4XbFoX and i am very excited.
I set up a special Autostraddle Thanksgiving chat room to help us deal. I hope that’s okay.
Site: http://www.chatzy.com/923928986967
Password : fingerblasting
BEST. IDEA. EVER.
but you’re supposed to be dealing here :(
Sorry. Rogue chat room will be disbanded.
that was some serious s/m shit you guys just did
I haven’t been home from uni in a while, and during breakfast, I was chatting with my Nana. She said to me, “study hard, save your money, and don’t come home with a China man.”
Thanks, Nana.
happy tofurkey day autostraddlers! :) I made you all a hand turkey!
http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs980.snc4/75380_10150124623280130_682145129_7769542_5919482_n.jpg
Love it! Happy Thanksgiving everyone- I’m just glad I don’t have this awkward holiday in England.
I’m out to everyone now… all I had to make was cranberry sauce… and I get to leave to work @ 2:30. So pretty much the best Thanksgiving ever. It feels pretty damn good to know for sure that it DOES get better. What I’m really looking forward to is my lesbian bromance friendsgiving tomorrow (i’m bringing the stuffing muffins… hehehe…) and another friendsgiving on Sunday. Good times. :D
my family is going to have an awkward, nuclear family thanksgiving where sit around a too-big table and try to pretend we don’t all loathe each other.
however, this year, my brother might actually get the “most despised offspring” award, as he is becoming increasingly intolerable as he approaches teenagerdom. Yay!
I’m going to my dad’s in an hourish for dinner. I love my dad and my stepsiblings, and my stepmom and I have been getting along lately, but I am still the total black sheep of the family so that’s always fun. And my stepmom’s sisters will be there- one of them recently found Jesus (or refound him, I don’t know. Maybe he wasn’t actually missing. Who knows.) and the other is going to be asking me why I haven’t added her on FB (erm, because I don’t want everybody to know I’m a homogay yet?). And somebody will be asking me if I’m SURE I don’t want turkey (I’ve been a vegetarian my entire life, yeah, pretty sure). Oh, and the inevitable “what are you planning on doing with an art degree” conversation (medical illustration, actually). And talking about how school’s going (not great at the moment, change subject please?). Sigh. Did I mention that I have social anxiety? Yeah. Oh hi, extra medication and backup pills in my purse. Holidays are too fucking stressful. Like, I love my family, but I love them more from a distance, you know?
Holy fucking shit, for once none of this happened. Except the What Do You Do With a BFA In Art, but that was from someone I hadn’t met before, and when I talked about what medical illustration was, someone else went, “Oh, sort of like Angela on Bones, but without all the high tech stuff?” and that made me happy. And my stepmom’s cousin told a funny story about getting a Harley when he turned 50 that involved the line “We’re yuppiues- we don’t get tattoos”. So hooray for successful family dinners that totally don’t suck!
That’s the kitty I posted in my Livejournal. Good taste, guys.
I’m full of turkey and happy feelings. My parents came up this year and my mom actually called my partner and I “my girls” instead of “my daughter and her ~bestest best friend~” and it filled my heart with glee. My dad just wants to watch football and take a nap like usual. Now we’re getting ready to take them on a tour of the town and just have a good ol’ time. Best Thxgiving I’ve had in a while!
I GOT HEALTH INSURANCE FOR THANKSGIVING FROM ALAMEDA COUNTY CALIFORNIA EVERYONE SHOULD MOVE TO OAKLAND
or Canada!
yes i actually exited the ER into the arms of my people saying, “Let’s move to Canada,” only to then be taken into a mysterious back room where i was given a year of government-funded health insurance. i don’t know. i’m saying it was a thanksgiving miracle
Wait, Riese, you’re in Oakland? Thought you were in S.F.
Come see me sometime! My wife and I will feed you… bring whoever, bring Tinkerbelle.
We live in Hercules. Our Thanksgiving is kinda the opposite straight daughter home from med school with her lesbian moms.
Its alll good
whoa whoa whoa, riese! please explain to this fellow oaklander how to get health insurance through alameda county! You’d change my life!
I’m home for the week for doctors’ appointments but I let my mom think that I’m home just for her. I really don’t think she’d fare well if she knew I came home for Thanksgiving in order to see my gyno.
I’m at my mom’s conservative parents’ house this year, and since I’m only a casual vegetarian I figured I’d create less controversy and just get ready for some turkey. I started eating meat last week again to get ready for it, came here feeling ready (if not willing) to eat at least a little turkey. Then I found out that my grandma has made friends with and invited a woman who is a vegetarian to dinner, and she’s bringing her own vegetarian options for sides and the main course. Facepalm!
i’m a little sad today because being home for the holidays reminds me of coming out to my parents last year. i told them about my girlfriend a few days before christmas so it’s almost been a year and we hardly talk about it at all. it makes me really sad to think that i’ve been happy with my girlfriend for a year and as far as i can tell my mum hasn’t acknowledged that. i wish being at home wasn’t so bittersweet.
positives: the house smells like stuffing AND i’m going to bake nutella cupcakes once/if i finally get out of my pajamas.
also, this is very irrelevant but i thought some autostraddlers might like it/find it helpful for early present shopping/requesting.
http://www.outofprintclothing.com/ShopWomens_a/179.html
cute AND literary!
I LOVE YOU!
No, really.
<—THIS!
me too.
However, after the family stuff, my best friend is coming over to make puppy chow, drink all the left over booze, and maybe convince someone underage to drive us to hooters.
ALSO….
someone locked the cat in my room.
so the cat peed on my floor.
I screamed when I stepped in, but am now hated for waking up a toddler.
WTFIWANTMOREWINEANDLESSFOOTBALL!
The best word to describe today is: boring. Words I associate with the word “boring” include: the Patriots, mince pie, cribbage.
Mine was really boring too. At least I brought a book?
I thought about that and then regretted it when I didn’t bring one. I napped with the cat instead.
I AM READY TO KILL MY FAMILY OHMIGOD HAPPY THANKSGIVING, SOMEONE PASS ME THE FUCKING RUM
my 86 year old Grandmother (who is hammered out of her mind) just said:
“you want to know the difference between a high class hooker and a low class hooker? high class wears high heels.”
so… theres that. just in case you were wondering.
(quietly intrigued that your Grandmother both 1.) apparently parties like a freakin rock star and 2.) has working knowledge of both high AND low-class hookers )
Please invite me next year. I wanna party with Grandma.
well if you’re ever near/close to Cincinnati, OH next Thanksgiving come on over! we’d love to have you.
and just to bring it home she got up from the table to fill up her wine glass and came back with the whole bottle (started drinking straight from it) and with a beer for me even though im 20. shes a woman after my own heart.
OMG !! I HEART GRANDMA !
My parents opted out of the whole extended family Thanksgiving Tradition. Probably because within the past year my brother dropped out of college and I officially came out, instead of just having a “closer than close” “best friend”. I guess my mom didn’t want do deal with the BS judgements of our family. So it’s just the four of us at home and we’re all having cocktails and wine. My mom just invited my girlfriend over for pie. I’ve never been happier :)
My mom always tries to make us do that thing where you go around the table and say what you’re thankful for. We’re going over to friends’ this year, so she might not do it, and if she does I’m not going to say this because I am graciously not going to subject our hosts to my family getting awkward about my sexuality, but the thing I’m thankful for is Autostraddle. I started reading you guys this summer, and it’s really given me a push to get out of my shell/rut, and try to make my life better (so far it’s worked, too!).
Now I have to go make the recipe our friends gave us, for spinach dip made of (defrosted) frozen spinach, green onions, nutmeg, pepper, and a whole ton of MAYONAISE. There might be advantages to falsely coming out as vegan! YUCK!
one hour in…
me: wait is it true you used to make [uncle] walk behind you on base?
grandma: yes
cousin: why, was it because he’s gay?
grandma: oh god no…because he was a hippie
On a positive note, I told my parents that I have a new girlfriend and my dad actually starting asking questions about her instead of changing the subject. It was like he wanted to know who she was. Woah. He has never asked a single question about anyone that I have EVER dated. Still kinda in shock.
I’m obviously the gay one in the family, everyone is cooing over the baby except for me, I’m cooing over the cat
I did this, but with a cute dog!
I did this too but with my friend’s dog. Until I learned he had a yeast infection. did not realize that could happen.
well, since I’m canadian we had thanksgiving a while ago, wayy back in october but reading all of this thread is really entertaining and a good window into what american thanksgiving is like (a lot of alcohol? huge family gatherings? and that green bean casserole i keep seeing commercials for?)
anyway, it’s not thanksgiving here but i doooo have something to be thankful for:
my girl <3
On the plus side, eighteen pounds of mashed potatoes. On the downside, not allowed to drink in front of my family. Call it a wash?
A Pyrrhic victory?
SOMETHING CLEVER INDEED
ugh. this thanksgiving is such a suck-fest. broke up with gf about 2 weeks ago.. she called at 9:30 this morning. when i called back at 2:30pm she said she called to see if i had any anxiety meds. then told me that she’d wish me a happy thanksgiving if she believed in it so “i guess have a nice day.” :( i had planned to go to a free thanksgiving feast hosted by a beloved neighborhood hippie sandwich shop up the street but slept in too late (who has thanksgiving feast before 2?!). so i stayed in and had spaghetti and a boca burger instead. now i’m watching movies on netflix and just cracked my first beer.
this thanksgiving i’m thankful for autostraddle and netflix. and various substances.
One of my sisters has anger issues, so she went from howling “f***ing d***” and slamming doors on Tuesday night when I got here to being a quite sociable teen towing her boyfriend, best guy friend, and best guy friend’s boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner. I’m not out to my family, so I stayed up crying until 2 AM Tues—er, Wednesday morning and promptly woke up with the plague. (It was just like a Gothic novel.) HOWEVER, my voice and sense of balance came back in time to meet my mom’s fiancé’s family and I got a turkey leg and Beauty and the Beast was on last night. Belle makes EVERYTHING better. EVERYTHING. ^_^
YES. I watched it also. I heart ABC Family. It’s usually Mean Girls or Uptown Girls, but I fully support adding Beauty and the Beast to the mix. Disney movies keep me sane.
My aunt has made at least 3 awkward comments about being worried people will mistake her and my mother for a gay couple. Because this is clearly the worst thing that could happen to anyone ever. And because apparently grown heterosexual women can’t travel together and be friends (or, you know, sisters, in this case). Needless to say, I remain in the closet for another year.
My cousin got wasted before lunch and told me that she’ll always love me, but that I better never hit on her. That was fun.
Normally I spend the day with lots of prayer, layers of snow, drinks everywhere, a mashed potato recipe that probably hasn’t changed in 60 years, and forbidden topics. Kinda like fiddler on the roof, without singing or the hats.
This year I woke up and was informed that my contribution to the meal was going to be made from scratch pumpkin rolls. Still, trying to time rising bread around a turkey that refuses to cook is less stressful than dealing with the extended family.
My thanksgiving got all screwed up because I think my dad may be senile. It’s a long story. Anyways, I’m kind of glad. I stayed in and watched movies. I know what the conversation would have been anyway. It’s always the same. My family talking about how the old neighborhood has “changed”, what stores used to be where and who has died. What other neighborhood has “changed” how this or that neighborhood is a “bad neighborhood”. And then my mom chimes in (who lacks all tact and political correctness) and breaks through the bs euphemisms with, “yeah, there’s tons of blacks there now.” Then my brother in laws mother preaches to me about the benefits of Jesus and cod liver oil. Then my mom bitches about my sister in law. Then my sister and I drink too much and tell my parents about the shit we used to pull when they were sleeping, which is the only fun part. Wow…it was just like being there…
Have excused myself from family Thanksgivings since coming out to my parents eight years ago for “writing-related reasons” (read: they didn’t take it exceptionally well and didn’t want the precious extend family members to know and I’m a terrible liar, so…also, I usually am writing). Earlier this week, got a call from my mom and she tried to talk about gay stuff in a normal way which has *never* happened. Got a text message from my awesome little brother saying that he told her if she didn’t start accepting me after eight years, I’d probably never come home for the holidays again. Looks like next year I might give it a shot. Happy Thanksgiving to all!
If anyone is interested in seeing the beautiful Kwanzaa cake I made and mentioned earlier, you can view the glory here (including a picture of me eating it): http://fyeahqueermusic.tumblr.com/post/1685257453/happy-thanksgiving-everyone-i-will-get-a-real
For all those wondering, it was disgusting. Sugar coated death is what I would say described the taste most accurately. My brother said it kinda tasted like hairspray.
Happy mother f’in Thanksgiving. The alcohol made it much easier to handle.
Well, my thanksgiving was unusually quiet this year. There is normally 9348573495 people at my house but my mother decided to only invite my sister and her husband and kids which was a very good decision. I can’t remember a thanksgiving that was so quiet and stress free. The best part was watching my one and a half year old niece eat an entire tub of whipped cream by herself. Over all it was a very good day and the possibility of me being a lesbian (I’m not out yet) only came up once.
Okay, this is only semi-related, but my birthday happened to fall on Thanksgiving this year. We’re celebrating after/during dinner. My grandma just walked in the door with a big, pink balloon shaped like a crown that says “Princess” In the 20 years that I’ve been alive, she still hasn’t managed to understand the little things like the last time I was into pink – or princess stuff for that matter – was when I was 5. *face palm*
An excerpt of Grandma’s bottomless pit of wisdom:
Looking at a map of the world, she says, “Is China red because it’s communist?”
My family and I were watching Millionaire Matchmaker (which, first of all, wtf, have you ever seen this show before?), and Patti told one of the girls she had set up with the millionaire, “You don’t even know this person, and you just gave them your vagina!” My mom told me that she hoped I hadn’t given my vagina to any guys that I didn’t know.
WTF is exactly the reaction everyone should have to Millionaire Matchmaker.
My 82 year old great-grandma who has barely ever left Mississippi: “Have you ever had N***er toes? When daddy went to town we always asked him to bring us back some N***er toes!”
Me: “Mamaw!”
Mamaw: “What?! It’s what you call em’!”
My grandma (her daughter): “I do remember you always bringing me N***er toes from the store.”
*facepalm*
On the other hand, my extremely politically incorrect grandparents are great cooks.
Oops, I forgot to add that my grandma is talking about a candy. Not actual toes.
this conversation happened:
dad: so did obama pardon a turkey this year?
me: yeah, he pardoned 2 actually.
sis-in-law: did you know george w. bush is the first president to pardon a turkey?
me: no way, pretty sure like abe lincoln did way back.
sis-in-law: no, i read on the internet that it was george w. bush!
me: was your source fox news?
(brother gives me a fist bump, even my conservative dad admits it was a good one)
all in all good times so far, really nice to have the whole family together for the first time in a few years!
i was completely distracted all day because i fell for a girl (who is absolutely unavailable) right before coming home for the holidays. womps. the kin-folk noticed.
my dad just stuck his hand into a fire (in our fireplace) and is now walking around showing everyone his burns…
my grandpa used to get drunk, make a bonfire, put a board over the fire, then walk on the board singing johnny cash…until one night he fell in the fire. he still hasn’t lived it down.
Well, my aunt came over this morning to help my mom with dinner, and the first thing she did was fiddle with my new cartilage piercing (which, ow), and make vaguely dismissive comments about it/my hair. Got a ton of “oh so what are you doing after graduation?” which obviously at the moment I’m pretty sure I’ll be unemployed like all of the other 20 something recent English Lit undergrads. But my cousin only made one gay joke, which was a major improvement from his “gaaaaaaay, he’s so GAAAAAAAAY. Gay,” over my defense of Adam Lambert last year.
But really, I have a ton to be thankful for; my family was pretty calm and happy and nobody argued over politics and my dad played with his new camera and it was kind of adorable and not even awful when I had to pose for a bunch of family pictures!
um, there was a fist fight amid a discussion about how obama was “hiding red [that kind of red] clothing in his closet.” also, my closeted/married-to-a-woman uncle discussed going to a “faggot bar” with his son. next year, i am not coming home.
Organic vs. Manufactured Absurdity :
6yo SON: Mommy–do animals start out as babies like people do?
ME: Yes, like kittens grow up to be cats, and puppies grow up to be dogs…
SON: And they go to the hospital, and the vegetarian helps the Mom-animal get the baby out?
ME: Yep babe, that’s it exactly.
(sparkling cider out-the-nose x2)
AND IN OTHER NEWS:
vodka shots out of the toothpaste glass in the bathroom, cranberry sauce chaser (ty AS)-with my ex’s new gf
Note to Self: Next year, Thailand.
It’s 11 pm, and I just got back from Thanksgiving at my grandparents’ house… Here are some reasons mine was better than yours…
1) My g-pa told me to read the prayer, which I couldn’t get through w/o laughing due to (what I thought were) obvious sexual innuendos…
2) My g-ma made 3.7 homophobic comments… during the eating of the food… THIS ISN’T COUNTING THE 8 HOURS WE WERE THERE AFTER THE FOOD THING!
3) My brother carried a bag of water softener salt to the basement. My g-pa handed him $50. I spent 2.5 hours setting up his new laptop, cable modem, wireless, anti-virus, and every other piece of technology in their house and got a lecture on the importance of having a man around to do the things girls can’t do…
On the plus side, my aunt and I each brought wine… And we went through 3 bottles… Now I’m not only a “disgrace to the family,” but I’m also an alcoholic disgrace!!! Yay me!
pre-thanksgiving, i got my first semblance of an alternative lifestyle haircut – not too short, but kind of reminiscent of frankie with the strandy-hair-in-the-eyes thing going on. i’m not out to my extended family, but i wasn’t worried about it as my hair doesn’t SCREAM lesbian. the moment i arrive to my uncle’s however..
grandpa: you look like ellen degeneres!
[me=look of shock. how does he know???]
me to aunt: grandpa says i look like ellen degeneres, ha ha ha.
[aunt stares blankly, as if to say duh.]
grandpa: don’t worry, your face is the right shape for it. besides, ellen is pretty!
grandma [kind of spacey,matter-of-fact]: ellen is gay, charlie. did you know that?
grandpa: of course! i wasn’t born yesterday!
[i hide head under the table pretending that ALL THESE PEOPLE CAN’T TELL THAT I’M GAY.]
Ha, I made it through family time without being forced to hold the baby
oh my god that is pretty much my goal at every family gathering. there are always more each year…it’s awful!
Ugh, I know. They’re kind of cute, but I’ve heard if you don’t support their heads properly their necks break. Thus, until they can support the weight of their own heads, I will wave in a cordial fashion, but I will not touch them.
Actually no homophobic comments this year. Awkward point: my Catholic conservative aunt complaining that “it’s like the minority’s ruling the majority” because they couldn’t sing Christmas songs (or something like that) at the nursery/elementary school where she teaches. Because minorities don’t deserve anything, obvs.
First married thanksgiving and my wife made homemade rolls that looked like lady parts. Pretty awesome day.
Pictures?
AWESOME ! Girls AND Bread !
Does it get any better?-I think not
well….. maybe girls and bread in Thailand for Thanksgiving next year…..yeah, that’s my plan…..anybody else in?
i played rock band with my entire family. i was on drums. my grandma got tipsy, turned into a groupie, and threw her bra at me.
how am i supposed to feel?
I…. showed up at my grandparents a little late and they had Mormon missionaries over. Surprise! So thrilled to see the embodiment of my oppression at the table eating MY STUFFING. So of course the first words out of my aunt’s mouth were “how’s your woman?”
I had two pairs of 19 year old male eyes boring a hold into the back of my head the entire night. You’d think they’d never met a lesbian before.
Oh, wait.
I’m surprised I have only been asked one time about whether i have a boyfriend or not (well, it was more of if I have heard from my ex at all). Then my brother asked me about if there’s any girl who I’m interested in and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. He’s one out of three people in my family I’m out to (he, my mom and one of my cousins). I’m also surprised that everyone actually respected the fact that I’m vegetarian! Usually they’re trying to shove meat down my throat and ask me if I want any and I got NO questions about it.
I declare my first real American thanksgiving a success. You guys, I’m so stuffed, how have I missed out on this for 21 years?
I’m surprised I have only been asked one time about whether i have a boyfriend or not (well, it was more of if I have heard from my ex at all). Then my brother asked me about if there’s any girl who I’m interested in and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. He’s one out of three people in my family I’m out to (he, my mom and one of my cousins). I’m also surprised that everyone actually respected the fact that I’m vegetarian! Usually they’re trying to shove meat down my throat and ask me if I want any and I got NO questions about it.
I declare my first real American thanksgiving a success. You guys, I’m so stuffed, how have I missed out on this for 21 years?
i just got home from going out with a bunch of girls i used to be friends with before i moved to the “big city” of omaha. i forgot how girly they are and how being around them makes me feel like a BIG GAY HOMO! We spent the night drinking shots and calling guys to see who we could sweet talk into giving us a ride home.
It snowed this morning, which was super-pretty! The dogs at the animal hospital out my bedroom window were excited too ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF AWOOO ARF ARF ARF ARF. Then my brother made me watch about 9,000 episodes of Blue Mountain State (seriously, don’t ever watch that show) and mispronouned me a bunch.
Food, Inc. is a good movie to watch after consuming a massive amount of food, right? That seems to have been our plan. I’m also pretty sure it was Thanksgiving a couple of years ago that we watched Super Size Me; there’s some unresolved guilt there, methinks.
my brother tried to stab me at dinner, but he’s just a moody pre-pubescent little bitch, but still, there’s that…
Woke up to my parents calling to say Happy Thanksgiving before flying to India. So jealous.
I forgot the dog show was on, which is a bummer ’cause I got serious dog envy.
Spent apprx 5 hours cooking food while alternating beer and coffee.
Lesson Learned this year: Use liberal amounts of fresh grated ginger in your pumpkin pie instead of dry and heat the pumpkin + spices up in a sauce pan for a few minutes to open up the flavors. Seriously, I made the best pumpkin pie of my life this year doing it this way.
Then to a friend’s for a small Thanksgiving. They have two dogs. WIN! More beers.
Post dinner hookah smoking. Rounded out with some Eddie Izzard stand up. Not too shabby.
Thanksgiving has always been a time for friends for me since going home is far and expensive. Plus, my mum is British and for a good chunk of my childhood she looked incredulously at my American dad when Thanksgiving preparations were mentioned. She’s come around, but it’s just not such a big deal for us familially as others.
A belated Happy Thanksgiving to all the ‘straddlers out there. May your trousers be loose and your leftovers delicious.
thanks giving day was great my son ran around and played his mom slept most the day in my room and stayed off her damn cell phone and me my mom and hers all played games and talked .. food was great to … yeah its over lol even the good holidays that go by are just to stressful
So last night my sister-in-law said something was gay. My mother proceeded to play out the whole scene from “The Family Stone,” throwing of the fork and everything.
Mom: “Jade sit up like a lady. You sit so manly” (in response to me sitting at the table)
My dad’s attempts at prayer: “Uh God…. thanks for the meal and stuff…. and people…yea
Arthur (my ex-boyfriend yea my mother invited my him and his parents and his son because she’s evil): You know Jade, I bet you’d make a good mother *smirk*
My nana on speaker phone talking to me: How’s my chocolate grandbaby?
Me: I’m good
My nana: Ya mama said you tryna get as fat as me baby?
Me: *awkward chuckle*
My nana: you won’t be able to find you a fine husband if you as big as nana baby.
Me:….ok
She then proceeds to drop the phone and comment on how the only way to get the baby thats crying the background to stop is to beat its ass.
Mom to Arthur: You know Jade hasn’t really had a boyfriend since you two broke up
Arthur’s mom: Yea, why did you guys break up anyway?
Arthur: She decided to rip my heart out with her bare hands, isn’t that right Jade?
Me:……
Arthur’s dad: At least she’s not gay, right? *laughter*
Me:….of course not (while avoiding looking at the magazine with Jennifer Beals on the cover thats sitting on the table)
Jade,
You are the recipient of the 2010 Family Holiday Holy Fuck Just Shoot Me Now Award—really.
Display it with pride, ’cause grrl, that sounded just awful!
(((((((internet hug)))))))
Thank you :) Yea holidays always leave me yearning for a stiff drink and Autostraddle therapy
(will meet you in the Autostraddle Therapy waiting room….if I’m wearing sunglasses, I’m asleep….or still a little buzzed…)
Did anyone else come home to their mother reading “Decision Points”?
No? Just me?
…
…
Ok.
Had a pretty fun time, though my family holidays always mostly consist of mom making everyone change into pretty clothes so pictures can be taken. As usual I got hair clips put in my hair by mom so I’d look “nice” in the pictures – so jealous of my male cousin who showed up with a long version of Bieber hair, falling in his eyes and everything. Put clips in that, mom! Anyway the food was good, after the pictures of it were done. Nearly everyone was too full for pie, so said cousin and I ate up all the Reddi-Wip with spoons and sparkling grape juice goblets. This decent holiday experience brought to you from the closet.
My cousin, who is a new mom to a premature baby that is 6 DAYS-OLD, walks into the sun room and says “Hey, where’s my baby.”
Way to keep track of the human that came out of your vagina less than a week ago.
I actually came out as bi to my parents. It was somewhat accidental. I was telling my mom about how I was talking to someone online/via e-mail and out slipped this darn “she” before I thought about it. My mom being observant and all caught it.
The funnier news is that she already assumed as much…she helped me move recently and apparently one of my box of books opened briefly, with a book on bisexuality on the top. She just wanted it to come from me instead of from her. Dad’s still an unknown, but warm and happy when he saw me off at the train station, so I think it’s all good.
My Thanksgiving:
My stepmom, on setting up the table: Use judgement on where you put the chairs. There are a lot of confused old people.
My dear grandmother on the topic of women being too skinny: “they’re unappealing…well now, see if I were a man, I don’t know that I could…you know, make love to a pole”
for the first thanksgiving in 4 years i didn’t have to cook dinner for 30 people, i have not yet gotten over this, i AM in fact shocked by the fact that i missed the stress of spending an entire day cooking a meal. i did make corn bread pudding and my adoptive-aunt-while-i-live-on-the-other-side-of-the-country loved it so much she kept walking by and grabbing chunks :)
Well my obese chihuahua got drunk and gambled…
let’s just say that my extended family finally accepted him as ‘one of the clan.’
Gotta love the Irish.
Reading these comments made me thankful for my wonderful family. Unfortunately, my lady and all but one of my family members decided to spend Thanksgiving in the Midwest (my sister went to visit her mother in Tennessee instead). I didn’t feel like spending the money and time to go home to Michigan when I’ll be there for Christmas in less than a month anyway, so a friend and her family friends adopted me.
Really, my Thanksgiving was great. Not only were the people great, but for the first time since I became a vegetarian 7 years ago, I wasn’t the only one and therefore could actually eat yummy foods!
But then my friend really wanted to go to a party her sketchy Russian friend was throwing. It should be noted that while this boy is quite intelligent and in many way a stereotypical Russian Jew, he also gets his thrills out of drug dealing and the like. He’s also 16. The kid and a number of other people at his ‘party’ (in his parents’ basement, cool right?) were on Molly. Then a kid got alcohol poisoning. At this point his father decided to notice his basement was full of drunk teenagers and kicked people out. Son and father argued. Father cracked son’s head open with a metal flashlight (not very deep). We left with son and huddled up with the Russian boy in a treehouse down the road, listening to the ambulance and police cars arrive while we waited for a rescue ride. We harbored the kid all night until we returned him to his house and he left us with the Molly he had left. And that was the stress of my Thanksgiving weekend.
Us ex-pats aren’t given a holiday for Thanksgiving in Australia, so we’re doing it today (Sunday our time). My mum’s family is all still in America, but my step-dad’s brothers and sister-in-law are here. We’ve also got 4 of my 5 siblings here, and my girlfriend too. It’s her first Thanksgiving.
We’ve been hiding out in my room for most of the day watching DVDs while the cooking is happening. We’re waiting till it’s socially acceptable to start drinking. Last night my mother collapsed and I had to call 000 (911) and we thought she had a stroke, but she’s okay and was brought back home a few hours later. I was left at home with all the kids and my step-dad’s relatives. Needless to say I already have a hangover from the events of last night.
I’m feeling pretty thankful, though.
My grandpa decided to tell my Aunt that light skinned black people are the “worst of the worst,” because they “don’t belong to the blacks and they don’t belong to the whites.” That was a lecture about her daughter’s new boyfriend, who is black. It also happens that my Aunt is recently divorced and her husband blamed the daughter for dating said boy. (It was really because he was cheating on my Aunt, but that didn’t stop him from blaming her to her face.) So that was nice.
Thanksgiving questions of the day:
My 65ish year-old aunt: “Do they have Thanksgiving in France?”
My 21 year-old friend (in response to having Thanksgiving break from my primarily Jewish college): “Do they [Jews] even celebrate Thanksgiving?”
Unfortunately, I was unable to drink due to an intense hangover from the night before, but on the other hand, the presence of my tofurkey didn’t lead into any deep moral conversations. Also went to a hockey game in Maine with about 25 people from my step-dad’s side of the family who only talked to me to mention how much I look like my mother. That was super duper fun…
I got dumped 3 weeks ago. Did not see that shit coming at all, whatsoever. So yeah, holidays are not seemingly the best for me, but my family is pretty cool mostly and they’ve been supportive. Thanksgiving turned out to totally not be the suck thanks to them.
My post is late because I was at my parents house all weekend WITH NO INTERNET!!
Highlights include:
1. Awkwardly watching a documentary on the sexual revolution with my parents
2. My mom telling me she was “okay with alternative lifestyles, but doesn’t like men in her kitchen” I think this was a hint
3. Grand coming-out plans went awry when I came down with the flu the day after Thanksgiving and spent the rest of the weekend hugging the toilet.
Other than that, I had lots of good vegan food and my cousins/uncle fixed my car, saving me probably hundreds of dollars.
The very first thing my mother said when she saw me was “So what exactly do you CALL that hair color?” I replied with “I call it awesome.” And that was just the first 15 seconds.