III. When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Famous, I Wanna be a Star,
I Wanna Be in Movies

Riese: So what did you want to be when you grew up?

Charlene: Ooo, I either I wanted to be a teacher or an FBI agent.

Alex: OOOO, an FBI agent! That’s hot!

Riese: So what do your parents think about your job now?

Charlene: Um, working with lesbians … well. My Mom still wants me to be a nurse.

Alex: Well they’re in demand.

Riese: High employment rates for nurses.

Charlene: Yeah and I’m like uh, no. You know, why get into it? Like my Dad is like, whatever makes you happy, and I’m happy. And my Mom I guess she watches the show but with her eyes half-closed. They know that as long as I’m happy and I’m doing what I want, they’re fine with it. Even if they wish I was doing something else, they know at least I’m happy.

IV. Friendster, Coming Out & Gold Stars

Alex: So when did you come out to your family? Or were you just thrown on TV?

Charlene: Well, it was kind of like … I’d had boyfriends in the past, but I’ve never … well, I’m still a gold star!

Riese: Write that down.

Alex: Gold-star, me too, holler!

Charlene: Growing up I had a lot of gay family members. My brother is gay, I’ve had gay uncles, so I always thought, I mean … I knew what gay was when I was younger, but I thought it was only boys.

Alex & Riese: Totally!

My brother is gay, I’ve had gay uncles, so I always thought, I mean … I knew what gay was when I was younger, but I thought it was only boys.

Charlene: It was only like a boy thing. It wasn’t frustrating or anything, I was just like, whatever. And then once I got to like my early twenties I thought, you know maybe there’s something … I found out about bisexuality and label-free people. I’d go out with my brother as the token “no label” girl. I was like, I love everyone, you know what I mean? I love EVERYONE.

And then like, finally I was 22 and there was this girl I met in San Francisco when I was on trip with nine lesbians — they were just my friends, I was the token straight girl –

Riese: At first!

Charlene: We were at a lesbian club and there was one particular girl and I was like, “why do I think she’s cute, why do I have this interest in her?” It just clicked — her style & attitude. And I was like, maybe I should speak to her and uh, I found her — this was when Friendster was still, like back a long time ago, I found her on Friendster off my cousin’s page –

Alex & Riese: Friendster!

Charlene: We went to the same school so I found her and saw in her comments some other girl was trying to flirt with her. Then there was this other girl talking to this girl trying to distract her from talking to the girl I was interested in –

Riese: Wait, are we still talking about um, Friendster? This is happening on Friendster?

Charlene: Yeah yeah, so me and Girl #1 who I met in San Francisco were talking on email as friends, and then I saw some other girl flirting with HER on Friendster …. and I was like … whoa … maybe I’m jealous, and this is weird, and then the other girl, her name was Kelly, was the one talking to her, and so as I’m trying to distract her from talking to girl #1, I started to fall for Girl #2 and now …

Riese: This is all still on Friendster?

Charlene: She is, uh, so Kelly ends up being my first girlfriend.

Alex: Awww …

Riese: Wait …

Alex: And you were 22?

Riese: Wait, so when did you go from Friendster to 3D?

Charlene: We went from Friendster to exchanging numbers to talking on the phone & texting and then like a month later it was Cinco de Mayo and we said we’d meet the next day and which was at Q Lounge, and I’m sitting there on Cinco De Mayo, and I’m like, “There’s this girl that wants to holler at me and I think I’m going to let her.” And all my friends and like, my family and my brother and my cousins who are gay are on top of the Cantina in West Hollywood, and I’m like, “So I’m just telling everyone this story right now ’cause I just figured out that I am officially a lesbian.”

Alex: They were waiting for you to come out with it.

Charlene: Yeah, my brother was like, “That’s no news to me,” and I was like, “Why are you trying to break my thunder right now, let me have my party!”

Riese: So were you with this girl for a long time.

Charlene: A few months. Then she cheated on me. That was my first girl experience.

Alex: Oh, God …

Charlene: It took me a while to get over that. I didn’t even have my next girlfriend for … three and a half years. I didn’t make out with anybody or hook up with anybody for three years.

I hated that. I never wanted to have a wall up. I wear my heart in my sleeve and to be protected it’s like — fuck, dude, that’s what heartache really feels like.

Riese: What were you doing instead for three years?

Alex: She was being totally heartbroken, Riese!

I hated that. I never wanted to have a wall up. I wear my heart in my sleeve and to be protected it’s like — fuck, dude, that’s what heartache really feels like.

Riese: Were you going out? Were you in school?

Charlene: Oh, I was going out all the time. I was in love with my friends. I didn’t bother looking at girls that came by. My friends would be like, “Oh let’s go bla bla da-da- blah blah since you’re here,” and I was like “I don’t care, she probably has drama in her life, I can’t trust a girl right now.” I hated that. I never wanted to have a wall up. I wear my heart in my sleeve and to be protected it’s like — fuck, dude, that’s what heartache really feels like.

I went through that a couple more times. Now I’ve grown, and realized I just need to get to know people for a longer period of time before I really invest any part of my heart into anything. I need to know that they have a solid part in my life.

Alex: That’s probably a good idea.

Riese: Yeah you should never jump in too quick. Getting to know someone is always um, a good idea.

Charlene: ‘Cause a lot of girls I see now are like, you know, they talk to a girl for a couple of days and the next week they’re like, “she’s my girlfriend!”

Riese: Yeah that seems to be a problem with a lot of girls … Do you feel like the relationships you have are affected by being on TV? Or is it easier to meet people now?

Charlene: Oh, I’m the same. Girls to this day scare me. But when I’m out, and when I’m working, I’m working. I don’t pay attention to the girls in there unless someone really cute catches my eye, and then it’s not like, Hey, you’re super cute, can I have your number?

Especially with the girls that are part of the series, since we’re not “characters” everyone knows our first name, and I’m like, you don’t know anything about me, what do you want from me? They know us by our first names, and when someone is like, “Hey Charlene,” you know, like “How are you?” I’m like, “fuck, did I forget who you were? I feel like an asshole, was I drunk when I met you?”

And then it’s just fans being nice to us, ’cause they feel they relate to us. Someone brought it up to me that this girl only wanted to hook up ’cause I’m on the show, but that scares me on a different level ’cause there have been times that girls come up to me and act a certain way ’cause they know every detail of my bio. And I’m like, ahh, they tell me like, more things than I know about myself, and I wrote it!
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Next: When you watch The Hills or Melrose Place, there’s always gonna be people with an opinion, like “Oh all they do is go out and drink and party. I’m sorry but what do you do when you go out to the club with your friends, do you know try and have a good time?“

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