Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to answering them every month instead! We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We have included as many as we can. We love you, your hair looks fantastic today!

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A-CAMP, MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hey the upcoming meet-up are all past! Is something wrong with the widget? Helpful screenshot 
Yvonne: Cee fixed this problem! The meet-ups sidebar now shows events happening in the next 30 days.

Any chance the “Auto/Straddle This” t-shirts will be available again? Some day? Maybe? Possibly? Please?
Riese: Believe it or not, I actually suggested to Alex that we bring ’em back and sell ’em at A-Camp and she was like, um, did anybody ASK us to bring them back? And I was like, well… no. All I had was a wish and a fishing pole. But now look! HERE YOU ARE! Asking me!

Did y’all know that Starbucks wifi blocks Autostraddle? Because patriarchy.
Riese: WHAT WHERE HOW??? I’ve totally Autostraddled at Starbucks. Is yours near a Church of Scientology? Is yours maybe crushed beneath a homophonic rock?

I wrote a question a few weeks ago about being in a poly/open relationship and I am a poor college student with Cobalt so I can’t see if my question was answered in A+ Inbox LIVE! #3. Was it?? Will you make lists of the questions that are answered in each for us Cobalt folks?
Riese: You know what unless we have a special guest on our podcast I feel strongly that none of us would be qualified to answer your question in a podcast! But the questions we answer will be mentioned in the excerpt.

I just ordered my first ever AS merch! I’m way too excited about it, does anyone else get weirdly excited when they receive stuff in the post even if they ordered it themselves? And I was genuinely amazed how cheap it was to ship to the UK!
Riese: Wait, doesn’t everybody get excited to receive stuff in the post no matter who ordered it? Right? I mean, it’s pretty rare something comes to me in the post that I didn’t order, you know? And if I ordered it, it’s ’cause I wanted it, and now something I want is right here! It happened to me today actually. I got seven thongs for $27! Anyhow, back to you: I love saying “in the post” in this context, I feel really cool and British and therefore sexy, like Adele and The Beatles. That’s good to hear about shipping, b/c prior to using Hello Merch our shipping was NOT very cheap overseas! So a tip of the hat to YOU, Hello Merch.

“Just a heads-up that your subscription is gonna renew automatically in a week, on April 6, 2016.” Why thank you, I was just wondering about this.
Heather: No, friend. Thank YOU for making it so we can keep doing what we do. Thank you for believing in us and supporting us and helping us change the world.

hey, so I have this lil a-camp dream formed the moment I heard y’all were having a lip syncing thing at last camp that I wanted to share. I have made it my business (pretty much my whole life) to lip sync/dance/perform to the best of my abilities. I can do this pretty well with friends at the local cozy gay bar and at my good friend’s backyard dance parties. however, I was SO shy at camp (this has happened twice, I am going to try SO hard to deal with this once I get to camp again for the third time) and I really wanted to do more but I couldn’t muster up any gumption. is there any ways you could provide more lip sync opportunities/maybe recruit me from a corner of club wolf or something? I am sure you are doing things, this is just my one skill where I honestly shine but I become so incredibly shy because SO MANY WONDERFUL QUEER HUMANS ON THE MOUNTAIN it really does overwhelm me. thx!
Yvonne: Hey, the third time’s a charm right? I feel there are ample opportunities to work your lip sync magic! Be brave and go for it!

If you’re going to keep updating the dead TV lesbians list, could you consider breaking the list into multiple pages? I usually HATE when people do that, but that’s because they break a 10 item list into 10 pages and shit like that. But with 148 dead lesbians + their photos and 3 million comments (of which 1 million did not read the introduction), it is almost impossible to load on my mobile and even bugging on my laptop lately if the wifi is slowish.
Heather: I can do that for you!

Will the next a-camp be memorial day next year? I was excited that this year I have a steady job WITH vacation time, but I’d already bought tickets, hotel rooms, etc for the Indy 500 with my cousins, so I can’t make it this year. (Clarification: I don’t care about car racing. It’s a family tradition; drink all day, people watch, and enjoy the sun.) Anyway, if you anticipate it being the same week next year, I’ll let someone else use my spot. If you don’t know yet (I’m sure you have far more important things on your mind at the moment) that’s fine. If the next one isn’t then, awesome. Thanks for the Super Cool contact box!!
Yvonne: It’s usually around the same time of year and around memorial day weekend. So hopefully next year you can join us!

Be still my heart, Autostraddle made enamel pins. WHEN ARE THEY ON SALE I NEED THEM ALL. I will wear the “yes cats” pin with my cat hoodie and cat socks and cat leggings and be the lesbianist lesbian that ever lesbianed.
Great news, darlin’!

Laneia: I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THESE PINS.

it’s super handy y’all put the pic comment instructions on every Friday Open Thread, but sometimes it’s Wed and I have to scroll forever to find the last one so I’m copy-pasting correctly(I can’t be trusted) maybe that needs a link next to the comment policy, all handy and shit. Or I can just learn how to do this like an Adult, but if I’m being honest…
Heather: What if you copy and paste the code into a starred Google doc, so it’s always just two clicks away, or put it on a sticky note on your desktop maybe! (Like one from the sticky note program, not just like a handwritten post-it on your laptop screen.)

Happy Saturday!! I seriously want to go to a-camp (fingers crossed hoping!) but just got on the wait list a few days ago. What are my chances of making it in? Also, when would I find out? Thank you
Riese: Unfortunately I think your chances are zero. :-( We just got to people who were waitlisted three days after sign-up!

This has probably come up before but has AS ever considered having a realtime chatroom? Is it too admin heavy? I’m sure community members wouldn’t mind volunteering to mod it if y’all could figure out a way to code it.
Rachel: To be honest I cannot imagine any way of doing this that would not be basically an entire full-time job for at least 1-2 other humans, and unfortunately there aren’t 1-2 humans around here that have that much time and energy, but it’s so affirming and moving that you want to talk to all us other weirdos EVEN MORE than you do now!

Laneia: We did try it once! For like a day? It was weird and clunky and didn’t go well.

Is it going to be hecka cold at A-camp? I really need to go shopping and I am also perpetually cold and if I’m under dressed everyone will hate me and/or be sad for me because I will be shivering but too stubborn to accept anyone’s sweater(also do people wear makeup? is there time for makeup? do people wear shorts[I was a Brownie and we were told to cover our legs in case of ticks]?help me?!?)
Rachel: It will be cold at nighttime and sometimes possibly cold in the daytime; it’s up in the mountains, so it’s a bit unpredictable! Definitely bring at least one sweater! Probably a couple pair of warm socks, maybe a hat! You can bring shorts; no promises re: whether it will be warm enough to wear them (although some people just really go for it in this regard, weather be damned, bless them). People who like to wear makeup do wear makeup, you can if you want, although I think time and space in front of a mirror might be sort of at a premium so it couldn’t hurt to bring a portable mirror if you have one. You’re gonna do so great babe!

Hey can we have a little thing in this right-hand sidebar where there’s like, a direct link to the meet-up’s portal? So I can submit events and also so I can refer people who are asking “is there a group in X place” to that link with the list?? I just have a hard time finding those links each time, and I think it would be awesome to have that right next to the list of upcoming meet-ups! Thanks and have a delightful day!
Yvonne: Hey guess what, you can totally do this now! Look at the meet-ups sidebar and submit your event! :)

I think, and I may be wrong, but I think on FOT the code image box thing, I think it has the wrong ” in it. Or at least I copied it into a html tryit sandbox editor type thing and it didn’t work until I changed the “. Not sure if that is something to do with my browser. I do know that I have posted a lot of small white error boxes in place of pictures today and it is a pain for you guys to follow me round trying to mop them up. I’m trying I promise.
Laneia: I believe you are correct and now I will make it my mission to right this wrong. I couldn’t figure out why everyone was copying two sets of quotation marks in their image embeds! Thank you!

Have you considered switching to HTTPS? https://letsencrypt.org/ is a free certificate authority that has tools to help make setting up HTTPS easier. 
Cee: We already have https! We don’t force it, but people can use it if they want to: https://www.autostraddle.com

I met a hot girl at a thing and I want to know if she is on autostraddle without having to ask so I can stalk her! Is there a way to search the autostraddle member userbase?? I haven’t liked a girl in so long I want to explore all of my stalking options! **asking for a friend**
Riese: There is yes, you can toggle the more detailed search form in a place on the thing.

I have an A-Camp question! Is there an official unofficial packing list anywhere on the website? Am I missing it? Are we expected to bring our own first aid supplies or will there be plenty there? I’m quickly reverting back into full Girl Scout Camp Counselor mode and I just want to be prepared without bringing waaay too much.
Rachel: The A-Camp directors, blessed angels Kristin and Marni, email one out before camp to everyone who’s attending! Don’t even worry about it.

Laneia: True story one time I was put in charge of creating the first aid kit for A-Camp and it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I didn’t do a super fabulous job or anything, I just like buying first aid supplies.

hey guys i have a pressing question about camp that is: I have anxiety because I haven’t gotten any communications from a person about camp? like i got an e-mail confirmation of my registration, and then my payment, but i haven’t gotten like a mass “so you’re going to camp” or “here’s a list of stuff to pack” type e-mail? I know, it’s not yet May, but I just wanted to make sure everything was ok and there was nothing I was missing? And yes I know I should probably head over to the camp website and e-mail some camp person but right now here I am! Ok cheers bye
Heather: I believe you got your cabin assignment yesterday and a packing list is on the way! (If you did not get your cabin assignment yesterday, let us know!)

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ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I am watching Fried Green Tomatoes with my students, which means watching it 4 times (in addition to lesson prep watching it). 20+ years after its release, some things have taken on new meaning. The first thing Ruth says to Buddy is “Are you thirsty?” and then he immediately dies trying to show off for her. Buddy Threadgoode died of THIRST. (And then his little sister got the girl he was thirsty for. Huh.)
Rachel: Are you writing a dissertation on this? I hope so. I would read it.

Have you guys seen these shirts and bags? Love!  I haven’t watched this yet, but video with the founder.
Yvonne: These are so fucking cool! The models look so good in these tops and sweatshirts.

I listen to the music spell to cure a broken heart in the latest witch hunt. It’s really good! But also, I feel resolved and better about a bad friend break up that happened a few months ago. She’ll be in some of my classes next term, I was really nervous and scared. I’m still a little bit, but the playlist helped me find some positivity and realize she isn’t someone I want to be friends with anyway. So thank you
Heather: I am so glad that playlist brought you some comfort! It sounds like the situation you’re facing has the potential to be fraught, but that you’re facing it down like a mature human with a good outlook on life. All the best of luck, friend. I cast my Patronus for you.

would you all agree that the worst part of being a lesbian is when you have to poop and your crush decides to come to the bathroom at the same time?
Laneia: I mean that’s gotta be at least in the top three worst things, yes. Also the spider thing.

Ugh I need to rant!! So this is non-lady-lovin related, just feminism stuff in general. I work as a freelancer and have noticed a trend with all of my male clients. They never want to answer questions I send them which helps me do my job. They never have time and often get frustrated by my asking, when it’s necessary! I have never had this problem with female clients. What gives? Is this a cultural communication thing, or is it because men don’t like being told what to do when it comes from a woman? They are consistently harsher with me and I feel like they expect me to go over and above just to meet the specifications for a job. I’m seriously considering only working with women, because I always feel like shit when I have to communicate with men. Can anyone relate?
Rachel: I mean, my instinct is like “all of the above,” and also just that I think women are super indoctrinated that our priority at all times should be accommodating others, and that men are indoctrinated generally to think that people (esp women) should be bending over backwards to please and impress them at all times, so like of course they don’t provide info or be at all helpful, and of course they expect you to go above and beyond for no reason despite that. I did a freelance gig for a marketing dude a while ago and he expected me to pick up when he made an unplanned, unannounced phone call on a Friday afternoon, because typing an email would take too long for this urgent project, and get started on his idea immediately – and then didn’t respond to any of my emails about followup clarifications for three days. I relate! So much!

Aja. Thank you for teaching us about skincare. I don’t like the way it feels to have anything on my face, so I don’t wear makeup and I’ve avoided skincare products forever. But you inspired me to try developing a facial skincare routine because I’m 33 now and my face has been looking dull and sad and also progressively more oily and acne-prone as I age. Though I still can’t handle putting moisturizer on my face, I have finally found a really great cleanser that doesn’t make me break out, which I follow with a toner because toner is really fun to spray on your face and it makes me happy. :) ALSO I only used to wash my face in the morning and now I do it twice a day and I feel ridic for never making the effort to do that before because now I feel like a beautiful princess with the smoothest, happiest skin. Thank you!!!!
Aja says: High-five! You ARE a beautiful princess! This sounds like incredible progress, and I’m so glad your skin has been responding nicely to a little TLC. You should be super proud of yourself for doing all the truly hard work by changing your habits! Now, nobody needs to fool around with makeup, but the next time you’re out and about, you might want to make a plan to test-drive a few of the cool new SPF products that work just like spritzing on face toners, some of which are packed with complexion-boosting goodies in addition to providing protection from the sun. It’s the best way to keep that happy skin healthy!

Yesterday I paid off A-Camp AND bought my plane tickets AND saw Beach House live in concert so there was just a lot of amazing stuff happening at once and I just really wanted to share
Rachel: Honestly very jealous! You are living the dream, my friend!

Laneia: UGH I LOVE BEACH HOUSE.

Heather: I WANNA SEE BEACH HOUSE.

Riese: wait who is beach house

Hi. Hello. Hey, friends. So, I just wanted to pop by and say thank you for creating this website, and for creating camp. At last year’s A-Camp I met a magical human who was in an unhappy monogamous relationship and we forged a strong friendship and started talking all the time, and started flying across the country to visit each other. And then she broke up with her girlfriend, and now I’m her new super happy girlfriend. And I want nothing more in this life than to make her as happy as she makes me. I’m really sick, friends, and I thought I would never feel this happy again in what will be my short life, but even if she and I don’t work out, and we don’t move in together (which we’re tentatively planning on doing), these moments of joy made everything else worth it. So thank you, a thousand times.
Laneia: WELL NOW I’M CRYING. I’m glad you’re here and I love your whole deal. Seriously thank you for sharing this with us and I hope you have the very dang best bunch of moments together!

Riese: My heart just turned into a bluebird!

Dear Autostraddle, I just got a pair of scissoring boxers in the mail! I wore them out to dinner with some relatives and they didn’t ride up and helped me feel like myself. And then back at home afterwards my partner thought I looked hot in them. So you win. ALSO, if anyone needs size comparisons I’m 5’7” and like 130 lbs and I got a medium. They were a little loose in the waist but perfect in the thighs (and I’m pretty thin and not curvy shaped). ALSO, why don’t companies make boxers with extra material under my crotch where I actually need it instead of in the front?
Heather: This is the best scissoring boxers story I’ve ever heard! Thank you for sharing it with us, and well done, you!

Hi! It’s 4:37 am and I am writing to you from the bath I am taking because when I am out of hot water I shiver like the dickens even though (because) I have a fever at the moment. I think the NyQuil just wanted to say hello to you guys. No, nyquil is not sentient, remember that. It did send me dreams about dinosaur hunting and going to dinner at IKEA with my mother, so!
Rachel: This made being in a bath on NyQuil sound great! Thank you!

Laneia: I went to dinner at IKEA with my mom once and it was really sweet, so I super relate to this. Ok actually it was lunch.

what I have learned about myself this week is there is no upper limit to how many times I will watch clueless in bed while feeling sick/depressed/anxious. what are movies like that for y’all?
Rachel: I think my answer to this is actually “popular CBS procedural Criminal Minds” but good options would be: GalaxyQuest, the Princess Bride, the Fifth Element, and Magic Mike XXL.

Laneia: I like Goonies when I’m sick, Marie Antoinette when I’m on my period and taking lots of pain medicine, and Away We Go when I simply cannot even. I feel like this is the first time I’ve publicly admitted how much I love Away We Go. I feel so free!

Riese: I don’t re-watch movies very often! But, okay… maybe… Dirty Dancing, Sister Act, The Muppets Take Manhattan, When Harry Met Sally, Empire Records and Footloose. Those answers feel possible.

Heather: Oh, just any sports movie from the ’80s or ’90s! And everything in the Amanda Bynes canon, including my personal favorite, What a Girl Wants.

I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKET TO LAX FOR A-CAMP! And I paid my tuition for a French immersion program in Quebec this summer! And I applied for my passport which required, like, three different very adult things!! The woman at the county office was So Impressed that I had the money order and my pictures and my forms filled out and knew the name of the affidavit form my Identity Witness needed to fill out because I don’t have qualifying photo IDs. I Was So Prepared. LIFE IS A WILD ADVENTURE. Also I read a review of a book today on NPR that y’all might be into? “Navel Gazing” by Michael Ian Black. It’s a memior. His mom came out as a lesbian later in life. And it deals with body image and toxic masculinity, at least that what it sounded like from the interview? I’d give it a shot, basically ANYWAY. I’M SO PUMPED TONIGHT, BYE
Laneia: I think I heard this interview! The toxic masculinity stuff really stood out to me and I want to read this book. You’ve had the most productive several days! I imagined you like Hermione Granger as I read this, being Very Prepared and Impressive and probably quite pleasant to be around. I’m excited to see your face at camp!

oh AS, I’m starting to feel just so done with being on my own. I’m 30, for the most part I’ve been pretty ok with being single – I’ve only had a couple of very short relationships when I was in my teens/early 20s with guys when I was trying to convince myself I was totally straight. (ha!)

And I know being single has given me time to work through my anxiety around coming out, (which I’ve mostly done) and work out who I am and all that.

But I’m now just so done with it? I’m so done with doing it all on my own all the time? I’m so exhausted, like exhausted I want to cry because I feel like I keep facing everything on my own. I’ve moved countries and back, I’ve moved to a city where I don’t have many friends close by, I’ve been unwell on and off for years and through treatment and rehab for that in the past few months, and so many family weddings I had to sit through without a plus one feeling anxious and uncomfortable af, and I’m studying post grad now whilst working, and I’m so over doing it all alone? I get so envious of the support everyone else has? my colleagues have spouses to go home and cry to when we have a sad shift. I have a cat who’s a little bit of an asshole, yet I still love him, but it’s not quite the same. and I hate that I’m envious. And I think so many people just have no idea what it’s like to do this all on your own if they’ve always been coupled up. it’s EXHAUSTING.

But I think I also struggle because I’m fairly femme presenting, and I’m fat, so I just don’t think I “look” queer. I try to overcome my anxiety and get out and meet people, by going to queer book clubs and stitch groups, I’ve just joined a roller derby team as a nonskating official (greatest most body and queer positive environment I’ve ever been a part of). I tried tinder, but it just made me feel super uncomfortable about my body and anxious, bc I don’t want a hook up, I want a best friend and love and babies and wedding (if we get it legal here anytime soon…)

I just feel like I’m never going to find my person? Why does everyone else get to find their person and be happy? Did I do something in a past life that means I don’t get to be happy?? (I’m joking… I think…) But also being single and femme presenting means always having to come out to people – or being assumed as straight. and there’s so many people I just cbf coming out to, and would be out to if I had a gf to introduce. (and also part of me feels like I’m not quite “queer enough” or not “really” queer yet bc I’ve never dated or kissed a girl.)
Sorry for the long vent, I have a lot of feelings lately and an assignment to write. did I mention I’m curl-up-and-cry exhausted? you’re all incredibly amazing people and I’m super grateful for this box tonight.
Heather: Precious lamb, there’s no such thing as not being queer enough or not being really queer, based on lack of experience. And no, absolutely not, you’re not suffering the repercussion of unhappiness because of something you did. I’m so sorry the world is beating you down so mercilessly right now that it’s making you question something so valid and fundamental about yourself. The hard truth is that it’s just more difficult for us queer folks to find partners because we’re a small minority! There are several piece of good news tucked into this question:

1) You belong to the Autostraddle community, the best place for queer women IN THE WORLD, and so there’s a good chance the kind of person you’re looking for already exists on this website. Have you been hitting up Friday Open Threads? Commenting on articles about things you’re interested in? Are there any Autostraddle meet-ups where you live? If not, have you thought about hosting one? You’d be great at it!

2) You’re already putting yourself out there, which I know is exhausting, but it’s increasing your chances of finding folks you want to engage with romantically. It takes a lot of courage to be a human in the world, and you’re doing it brilliantly.

Look, mostly what I want you to hear is this: You are worthy of love. Don’t give up on it. I GUARANTEE you that most of us have felt this way at different points in our life. You’re not alone.

I had a dream that I woke up in the middle of the night REALLY sick, and then I actually woke up and my stomach was feeling really off. Now I’m up for the day and just don’t even know what the hell happened, and I still feel off.
Riese: One time I woke up with blood all over my hands, and then i went to visit my girlfriend at the hospital and she made me feel like Lady Macbeth! I still don’t know, dear reader! I still don’t know why I woke up with blood on my hands. But! I bet your stomach hurt in real life but you were asleep when it started hurting so you didn’t know yet, not consciously, so it got incorporated into your dream in that particular way, you know? I think that happens a lot.

HI FRIENDS! I got my GAL PAL holiday sweater on Sunday and it is so wonderful and fits so well it is SO GAY AND SO COMFY 5/5 STARS! Gabby’s book came in the mail on Monday! And she signed my copy and the copy I am giving to my local LGBT community center youth space, the QSPOT, so that is super bomb! Do people still say that things are “the bomb”? Or was that just a 90s thing? Was that phrase a thing before the 90s?
Yvonne: I support your use of “the bomb.” I’m so excited for you and I’m so glad Gabby sent you a copy of her bomb ass book to give to your local LGBT youth space.

NETFLIX HOT TIP! : ” Out on the Line” A wonderful Surf documentary on Netflix about being gay in the surf scene. :) they interview quite a few people; no jargon, no gender studies degree required, its surfers talking to surfers for surfers and anyone who’s ever looked at surf magazines and thought, ” are there gay surfers?” I really appreciate all the men and women they interview with varying levels of celebrity, talking about what it’s like coming out or not in a hyper masculine culture.
Laneia: Well damn this sounds really interesting! Megan grew up in Ventura and was super into bodyboarding and any mention of surfing or bodyboarding or really even just sand will usually make her so nostalgic and sad (because we live in the desert!) BUT I think I’m gonna see if she wants to watch this! Is it annoying when I talk about Megan all the time? I hope not.

La la la, time for another random update! I’ve been slowly pouring my heart out to this A+ contact box re: my messy situation with a girl I fell in love with who is married to a dude. I am still struggling with allowing myself to be happy/excited/hopeful about it, but she and her husband (who has known about me this whole time) have decided to split up. She isn’t leaving him for me, which I’m so eternally grateful for, but she is leaving him and still with me. I don’t even know how the stars aligned in this way to give me a chance at being happy with this girl who is heaven incarnate. Anyhow, I gave her “OMG I’m gay” and she found a lot to relate to, and adopted Laneia’s mantra of making it through, because others have. So thank you Laneia, for being amazing and sharing those words and giving her and I both a glimmer of hope that we can make it through this okay and together and that everything will be ultimately okay
Laneia: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This seriously makes me so so happy! Thank you for sharing and I’m also so eternally grateful she didn’t leave him for you, because that would be so much pressure. I hope her separation goes smoothly! Let me give you another bit of advice if I may: should you find yourself in the position to possibly do so, don’t try to be a hero and make green bean casserole from scratch for her family’s Thanksgiving dinner, because you’ll probably burn all the onion straws and be late to the dinner and never live it down, no matter how many times you successfully make that casserole later in life or how many times you’re on time for other dinners. No ho ho, you will never live it down. Just volunteer to bring the rolls. Keep it simple.

Y’all… I’m sorry to be a downer, but I am writing today with a heavy heart. The recent laws, such as the one in North Carolina and the one passed yesterday in Mississippi, are so harmful. For me, the icing on the cake with Mississippi in particular is that religious freedom can even apply to THERAPISTS!!! When I think about the vulnerability and trust one needs to have for effective therapy, I start to find myself in a spiral. How harmful that is for LGBT+ individuals…. to finally work up the courage to be vulnerable and get help only to be turned down. Wow.
Laneia: Oh my lord yes, the South is breaking my damn HEART with this shit. It’s completely fucking outrageous and goes against one of the biggest (and I think one of the best) truths I grew up with in rural Tennessee, which is that you mind your own damn business and make sure everyone else knows where their business ends and yours begins. I really believe these bills will inspire people who are in a position of relative safety, to stand up and effect change by creating spaces and resources for LGBT people on a local level. I’m not implying that ‘the community’ is without its flaws, but I think those of us who can rise to the challenge of picking up that mantle, will.

ARGH. I went for a second interview on Wednesday and I thought it went really well and they haven’t gotten back to me yet. I’m really frustrated because I don’t feel like I can chase them for a decision but I also feel like its really rude to leave me hanging like this.
Heather: Have you heard back yet? Waiting for an answer to a thing where another human evaluated your talents/skills/personality/etc. is just about the most nerve-wracking thing on earth! I am waiting to hear back from the Television Critics Association to see if they’ve accepted me (it’s such a rigorous process!), and I’m going bananas waiting. I hope you heard back good news. If you didn’t, don’t give up! You’re going to find what you’re looking for!

hi hi hi hi hi (recently I’ve gotten into this thing of greeting people via writing with a lot of lowercase “hi”s). I just recently came out to everyone at school/work/the-place-I’m-getting-my-graduate-degree-at-aka-“the department” (these are all the same place) as trans. Over the last few months I’d been telling people one by one and that generally went well. But I just hit the biggest wall of fear when thinking of coming out at the department. That was okay though, since I met a friend there just last year who was amazing and super helpful about it (and everything else in the world). She was the first person I ever came out to in fact. Imagine THAT—the first person I came out to was someone from the place I was most scared to come out at—WEIRD! Anyway, we planned out how/when I’d do it for a few months. Planning was mostly just a lot of me crying and feeling scared and then her saying the most helpful things, AND IT WAS SO HELPFUL. Finally, at the end of march I sent out an email about it to the department during the beginning of spring break (so I could hide away during the rest of the break). Actually I didn’t send it as in hitting send on the email since I was paralyzed by anxiety but my friend did—not the same thing, but whatever! I also had the most wonderful—by which I mean THE ABSOLUTE WORST—attack of anxious crying that the friend and the friend’s dog were there to help me through, of course. But I now look back on that crying in a wonderful nostalgic way and it’s only been two weeks! It all went really well though and things are fine at the department since being out.
Yvonne: Ugh, you’re so lucky to have such an amazing friend! I’m so glad they were there with you through the whole thing. I bet it feels amazing to be out to the department now.

I wrote a thing about lesbian sex, so of course I am sharing it with you.
Heather: And we honor you for it.

Can someone on the editorial board find Brittani Nichols and tell her that I listen to her Hamilton podcast every Monday! I adore it! (And I adore her! So much!) And that I hope she has a really great day :) PS: If you could tell her that I’m also a total Hamilton and that I’m very confused by the Burrs of the world, I would appreciate that as well.
Brittani says: Here I am! Thank you for listening to it. Recording them is always a highlight of my week so I’m glad you tune in. Us Hamiltons inspire Burrs whether they admit to it or not so keep fighting the good fight. Just you wait, don’t throw away your shot, etc.

Gay guys can be fun, but I often find them just as shallow and sexist as straight guys.
Rachel: Oh lord this is so true

I’m in a lab group with 2 dudes for my microbiology class.
Tonight we were doing some cultures with a control and an unknown and when I told them they were doing it wrong they insisted they were not.
So I just want to tell someone that when I later confirmed with my professor that I was doing it correctly, I didn’t tell the dudes – because they can go fuck themselves straight to contaminated agar plate mysoginistic douchebag hell.

K love you guys bye
Laneia: OH FUCK YES. I just slammed my fist down on this desk to honor your righteousness. Fuck yes.

Riese: CONTAMINATED AGAR PLATE MYSOGINISTIC DOUCHEBAG HELL I SALUTE YOU

You guys! I’ve been sick and super super busy all week, and like just exhausted and gross, and this evening I listened to the latest A+ podcast and caught up on some articles and preordered the new tegan and sara album and I feel much much better, even though my nose is running like a lot.
Laneia: I’m so sorry you’ve been sick! I hope you got some good soup out of it at least?

Heather: I hope you’re feeling better by now! We love recording those podcasts, so it makes me really happy to hear that listening to them is a thing you enjoy, even when you’re feeling unwell.

Guys my girlfriend has started embroidering colourful vaginas on fabric and she’s gonna make little cushions of them.. She’s so happy and content when she’s making them. Do you reckon queer women would buy them off Etsy? How much would they pay?
Heather: Oh, for sure. I don’t know how much they’d pay. Search for pin cushions and find ones that seem similar, resource- and time-wise, and price them like that!

Oh my gosh so today I found out that this girl I like has a “huge crush” on me and I have literally been grinning ever since I read it. No one I’ve liked has ever reciprocated feelings for me and I can’t believe it finally happened! Anyway I just wanted to tell you guys because I am so excited! Also I came out a year ago today and I was a complete mess then and I’m still a mess now but a very happy one :)
Heather: This just made me so happy, I giggled! My cat gave me such a side-eye, but it was worth it.

Yvonne: Oh man, I haven’t felt those intense reciprocated crush feelings in a long time! So exciting!

From the 11:11 wisher-across-time-zones, hoping against hope for her straight friend to wake up, an update: I just attended the first of her engagement parties. I’m a “godmother” of her upcoming marriage, as we say in this culture. I’m really the best godmother there can be, because I love her so and wish her only well. I feel like this love is big enough to encompass all. But I also fear that this love is not big enough to invite someone else in, someone who will love me in the way I love her. I hope it will happen, but it’s hard to see the way ahead.
Heather: What a complicated and tangled up tornado of emotions, dear one. Your heart seems so big and open. I am holding you in mine on this journey that is ahead of you.

On a less depressing note than what I just submitted here… I was remembering today his I spent some time at a Buddhist monastic community, and developed a crush on one of the nuns. That feels wrong somehow. But! I also realized that she looked a lot like Brittani Nichols. And that feels oh so right!
Heather: Oh, dang. Congratulations!

Folks… Today one of my girlfriend’s friends said that my dog was “annoying and I don’t know how you put up with him.” This is completely irrelevant to things going on in the world, but my dog is the greatest. He attacks the spiders when I’m too scared, he is great at cuddling and he is a source of unconditional love. Don’t talk smack about someone’s pet, you don’t know what they might mean to that person! >:( Sorry for the rant, just needed to get that out!
Rachel: You are truly a saint for not bricking this person inside a wall a la Edgar Allen Poe. I salute you! I wish your dog would attack spiders for me!

Heather: NOTHING makes me angrier than people saying shit about my pets. I would have done what Rachel said. I applaud your restraint.

This dude offered me a job on Monday and then emailed me today to say he changed his mind. And the girl I’ve been hanging out with for like two months in what I was never quite sure was a romantic context made it clear today that I don’t mean anything to her. And I was in a horrendous mood and then I came here and y’all brightened my day a bit. Thanks for what you do. Always appreciated, even when I don’t comment for a while or forget to express my gratitude.
Yvonne: Well, those are two super shitty things to happen to you in one day! I hope since this day you’ve had way brighter days filled with better job offers and babes. I’m glad we can help your day suck less.

An older student, I’ve had a few classes with and have gotten to know recently, came to me for some advice today. At first I didn’t know what for, but it turns out her kid recently came out as a trans woman, and she wanted some perspective and someone to just talk with about it. I’m glad she trusted me and that I could help. I told her about Autostraddle and A Camp of course, because her daughter is looking for community, and what better community is there but AS. And when my friend told her daughter she was really excited and interested. I’m just really glad I can point my friend in the direction of such a great community for her daughter to find. It means a lot to me and I hope it helps her too. Just passing on the love
Yvonne: Aww, that’s really awesome! I’m glad your classmate felt they can share this with you and ask for advice. You’re an A+ person.

She’s Just Not That Into Me =( I got a new belt though and I’m looking fresh so that’s good. Love you
Yvonne: There will be others who will be way into you! Till then, keeping looking fresh, my friend.

I just received a birthday phone call from my 95-year-old grandma, and I need to share the love. Although I came out and transitioned a couple years ago, I’m still overwhelmed with joy when she sings “Happy Birthday” with my chosen name. Despite all my other struggles, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world today!
Yvonne: This makes my heart burst! My grandma used to call me on my birthday and sing happy birthday to me in her thick Spanish accent and it was the cutest thing ever. I really miss her. She passed away a few years ago. I’m so happy you have a grandma who loves you so much!

Hey it’s Mik. I’m drunk texting you lovely souls instead of she-who-does-not-believe-in-evolution. I’m so sorry, I just know I’ll send her something I’ll regret so I’m typing nonsense in here instead. You all are truly wonderful human beings and I am beyond grateful for your existence. This girl shattered me y’all, and I don’t even know how. I am a scientist! What the hell! Anyway y’all are great and my tax refund is about to come through and I’m totally upgrading to gold. Thanks times six zillion buenas noches. I’m sorry for abusing this box with drunk messages. Y’all are so much more than an outlet for drunken nonsense and I will try to be more mindful of that in the future.
Yvonne: Thank YOU for upgrading to gold! You deserve someone who believes in evolution and who’s super into you. It probably still hurts right now, but soon things will look up.

Riese: THANK YOU! I’m so sorry about evolution.

Alright, Ali, you did it, I’mma try this diva cup business, but can we talk about this bag? I can tolerate all the magenta packaging, but I can just not keep something in this devil color, I’m ordering a dice bag
Ali says: Yes! Order a dice bag. But! Make sure it’s not knit or lined with velvet or dyed with something that will make for angry genitalia. Because it’s weird to ask these questions of people making dice bags, Google to see if anyone makes replacement bag for the diva cup specifically. If you can’t find one, make your own with some plain, breathable muslin.

the Orlando Pride people printed out fan tweets and hung them in the locker room for the first game and one of them was mine! This is probably as close as I will ever come to being in a pro-locker room at game time. I will take it.
Laneia: I am very proud of you and this accomplishment!

One minute I’m ok, I’m taking care of myself and doing things for myself and the next minute I can’t stop crying because I feel like nothing that I do matters. None of it matters to anyone but me. I do the dishes and clean the house and run my errands but I could just as easily let garbage pile up and smash all my dishes and put a fucking pencil through the back of my hand and it wouldn’t make any difference either way to anybody. I know that isn’t completely true but that is how it feels. I am trying so hard to run away from this feeling because I’m afraid of losing myself to depression. I want to be able to be HAPPY ALONE. I have good friends but they are all busy with their own lives. Nobody wants to spend time with someone when they sense it’s out of loneliness and desperation. I don’t want to be that person. I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO BE THAT PERSON! Why is it so hard for me to connect with people? Why? Why do I have to be somebody who cares so much and connects so little?
Riese: One time at The Olive Garden, this friend of mine was sitting in the back break area probably eating a dead Tour of Italy and looking sad and she was like, have you seen Magnolia, because right now I feel like that guy in Magnolia, Quiz Kid Danny Smith who says “I have so much love to give, I just don’t know where to put it.” Now when I remember that part of the movie I remember her, too, in her pizza tie and her apron and her sad food. I think we’ve all felt like that sometimes, you know? And it seems like that’s where you are right now, and I am really sorry because it is a hard place to be. If you have heath insurance or money I would really really suggest getting into therapy to deal with the depression itself, talk therapy or cognitive behavior therapy or medication or alternative health practices could help you feel better in general, and more ready to be active and social. AND since you do have so much love to give and aren’t sure where to put it, try volunteering somewhere! There are lots of people out there who could really use somebody like you in their lives. Also I would care if you smashed your dishes and put a pencil through your hand, so please don’t!

You guys!! I finally reclaimed some music this the past week–I really missed Kate Nash and now I can listen to her without getting all sad and mopey! YAY YAYYY
Rachel: Ugh the best feeling! So proud of you!

Riese: Oh gosh I feel like I’ll never be able to listen to “nicest thing” without dissolving into a puddle so I salute you, my friend.

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HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION

I used to read every Autostraddle article that was posted, but now it seems like there are so many I don’t have the time and y’alls topics are so varied I’m not even interested in all of them. I mean, I am, interested because writers I love are writing cool things, but not enough to read so many words about it. Anyway. Thanks y’all for making good content and so much of it! I’d love to know more about how frequently y’all have posted throughout the years and how the frequency/quantity/and content has changed!
Laneia: This was a roller coaster of emotions for me! I hope you find yourself with a free afternoon and the burning desire to catch up on all the things you want and maybe one or two things you didn’t know you wanted. I also hope there are delicious snacks in this scenario.

Riese: I used to wake up and roll over and open my laptop and be like “Laneia?” and sometimes she’d be opening her laptop too, or already have it open, and sometimes she wouldn’t, and then we’d kinda g-chat like, “what should we put up today?” and usually we had a daily fix and a feature, I think. This was before we went to business couples therapy with this magical woman from Northampton. Where was I? Oh yeah, we publish like, between 5-10 posts a day now. I think 7 is maybe the sweet spot, but 5 is fine if they’re all really strong pieces.

How’s Forever intern Grace doing? I miss her
Riese: I miss her too. :-( She’s been doing my Faking It screencaps, though! She has a girlfriend who is famous on YouTube and she tweets funny things a lot.

I want an article about the special kind of feeling of southern women’s friendship, or maybe just the friendships in movies like Steel Magnolias and the Yaya Sisterhood and queerness of Fried Green Tomatoes! I’m not southern but I have a lot of southern family, and the female friendships of southern women in those movies has always been something special and magical to me. Like there is something there, something different. I wish I had friendships like that!
Heather: I wish I could be the one to write this for you. I love those movies and, as you know, being a woman from the South is such an enormous part of my identity and lived experiences. Unfortunately for me, my deep friendships with women in the south mostly involved me being in unrequited love with straight girls or the friendships dissolving once I came out or left church or whatever. I do think there is something there, but it’s not my own personal lived experience. Maybe it’s truer for people who grew up in the more secular South?

Are in-person book clubs the kind of thing we can advertise in the meetup section? I love the literary posts and feel like I want local accountability for reading more queer women’s lit AND ALSO I want to hang out around other queer women in non-drinking in-person situations because I’ve always been a coffee/tea person and the idea of even pop-up bars is a bit meh to me. Should/could we have a larger thing where Autostraddlers can be like READING LITERATURE NOW? (Also: Am I weird in being meh about bars?) I’m currently trying to set up something word-of-mouth and it’s hard because identifying queer women who love literature/poetry/nonfiction as much as I do is so difficult.
Laneia: You certainly are not weird re: being meh about bars. I think this is a wonderful idea! You should go to the homepage and try out the new meet-up widget via posting a thing about a proposed book club in your area, and then maybe it would also be cool to make an official Straddleverse event, like in the summer? What do y’all think?

Riese: I wish we could have a bar where it was really quiet most of the time and we could read and talk about books. And one night a week it was a dance party!

I’ve noticed lately that food articles have fewer vegan options :( Also I’d love an article about queer vegans/vegetarians!
Yvonne: Noted! Who are your favorite vegan food bloggers? / Where do you find vegan food recipes?

What happened to the High Femme column, I miss talking weed on Autostraddle.
Laneia: Chelsea Steiner writes for AfterEllen now, so that column is no longer. But! We should talk about weed more, for sure.

Question: When we read posts from years ago, are comments appreciated, or are they speaking into the void?
Laneia: Appreciated! It shows up in the sidebar of recent comments AND there it is, forever, for all the future people to read and think “hmmm” about.

How did Autostraddle get its name?
Laneia: Riese lost a bet.

Thought that just popped into my head from the “No particular sex act is inherently dominant or submissive” line in the latest view from the top column— I would be so very into a switch column. i think part of me identifying as a switch is from having a hard time with binaries in general, but I am not at all up for writing about my sex life on the internet—but I’d love to read about someone else in a similar place!
Laneia: This has been passed along to Carolyn, High Priestess of Sex Content.

what;s the April fools day prank this year? Am i missing something?
Yvonne: Here it is! 

can we get a piece about tattoos as queering standards of attractiveness? if no one wants to write it, i’ll do it! i just really need this in my life ok
Laneia: Who are you. Email me.

can someone let me know how Kate’s doing in their mission to find Irish friends? I worry about them.
Laneia: According to the gram, they’re enjoying the company of their wife and cat(s?) and often find themselves out-of-doors and surrounded by all manner of gorgeous Irish green stuff. This is all I know about Kate at this time.

Can we have a thing that’s like the Friday open thread but all week long, and live? By which I mean chat room but I am afraid of showing my age with the word chat room, or else forum/group things that people actually use?
Yvonne: What if we thought of every article on Autostraddle like a Friday Open Thread but for that topic? That’s so many Friday Open Threads!

Did you mean April 2016 for the new post, or am I missing something? Certainly willing to believe I’m missing something.
Laneia: We did mean that, yes. You are not missing anything. Unless, are you? You might be missing something unrelated to April 2016. Look into your heart.

You guys, I really need you to put up a spotify playlist for having menstrual cramps to. Please?
Laneia: BOOM BABY. Mayhaps someone will transfer this golden playlist to Spotify and then nothing in your life will be out of place or wrong. Y’all we made so many amazing 8tracks playlists! We should do a post of Top X 8tracks Playlists We Made Several Years Ago That You Probs Forgot or Didn’t Know About.

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I NEED ADVICE

This is one of those times when “asking for a friend” really is asking for a friend. A long-time friend of mine was repeatedly sexually harassed at work—the kind that’s a verbal crossing of the line by a superior, but some people expect women to just deal with. Since she reported it to HR, the harassment has stopped and the harasser apologized formally, but she’s doing a lot of victim blaming on herself after to returning to that job (she can’t afford to leave yet). What are other women’s experiences returning to a workplace/colleagues after a sexual harassment “resolution”? What kind of self-care can they use to cope?
Laneia: Ugh damn this is so terrible and so so fucking common. I was a teenager when a similar situation happened to me, so my compartmentalizing/ignoring skills were top notch, which unfortunately means I have no tried and true advice to give your friend! I know we say this over and over again, but honestly therapy is such a good place to hash out your guilt and try some coping mechanisms that aren’t self-destructive.

I’ve been dating this girl for about 8 months. She’s kind, sweet, listens to every single thing I have to say/worry about, calms me down, and is so incredibly in love with me. We’ve even planned a (tentative/realizing things change) future together. But she’s the first person I’ve ever really been with (well, aside from a really unhealthy, dramatic, all-consuming unrequited love thing I had a couple years ago)… and sometimes I worry that I don’t feel everything I should be feeling with her (because I have nothing to compare this relationship to). I feel safe, supported, and loved. But sometimes I worry I’m missing the “thing”, ya know? For example (TMI): I get really wet when we have sex but not super turned on mentally? And when we kiss it feels safe and warm, but not like fireworks… Am I missing the I-need-you-cant-live-without-you thing that is in all the movies and how many of my friends describe their relationships. – sidenote, I had that “thing” with the last person I dated and it was so unhealthy/scary how much I wanted her and kind of lost myself in the process…eek.

So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m afraid that maybe I don’t have enough dating experience to know that I’m meant to be with this person/if this is how you “should” feel when a relationship is healthy and right. Yet I don’t want to break up with her in order to find out.

Sighhhhhhhh, life.
Laneia: Oh oh oh I have the only advice you’ll need re: this situation and it is this: just enjoy today! Plan a little ahead, like a week or even a few months, but let the rest be unknown. Every now and then just check in with yourself and be like, “Hey how’s it going? You happy? Feeling lovey and warm still? Still getting wet and having fun? Cool cool.” And then if the answers are ever like, “Nah actually I’m bored as fuck.” or “Hm I just realized this isn’t as fun as I want it to be, actually.” you can take stock of what’s going on and decide whether or not you want to stick with this person. Mostly you just need to be happy and chill now and not put too much pressure on tomorrow or next year. If it’s ever time to break up with them, you’ll know it. That’s what I think.

A month and a half ago, I started dating this really cute girl. And instantly, it was amazing: sparkles and spankings and unexpectedly deep feelings and all that beautiful stuff. She’s poly and I haven’t been in many relationships to begin with, so non-monogamy is new for me (and I think I like it!). And then, a couple weeks ago, I moved two time zones away (for good). We’re still talking a lot and pretty much acting like we’re dating, but it’s a tricky thing to navigate what this relationship is and what we want it to become. I feel super good about our ability to communicate through this, but I also wanted to ask YOU GUYS if you have any advice. Words of wisdom for a long-distance, non-monogamous, still fairly new relationship??
Carolyn says: Congratulations on the sparkles and spankings and new non-monogamy! Going forward, keep these things in mind:

1. Be yourself.

I don’t mean be true to yourself, though obviously that’s great too; I mean be your own person. When you’re dating — anyone, but especially someone far away — it’s esay to become preoccupied with the details of their lives, and how your life can line up with them, and when you’re going to see each other next, and spending every moment together (by text or snapchat or skype or carrier pigeon or whatever you’re using). All that stuff is a lot of fun, but make sure you exist as your own person, too. It seems counter-intuitive to take time away from someone you’re dating when you’re already long-distance, but take the time — not just to pursue other dating opportunities, but to pursue your self and your own interests and passions and self-image. Don’t stay up talking to them until 4 am every night or expect them to do the same, don’t try to be connected every second, and don’t worry when you just want a night or two to yourself or when they do. (If you’re already used to being your own people and having intentional time together and away, it’ll also make it a lot easier when one or both of you date other people as well.)

2. Share activities.

Direct, focused, undistracted conversation and sexting is important, but so are the kinds of things people do together when they’re dating: going out to dinner or drinks, going for walks, watching/reading/listening to things together. Even though you’re far apart, you can do this anyway: go to breakfast at similar types of places while you’re skyping or texting about it, make dinner together over the internet, go for walks and tell each other what you see, share a screen and binge watch whatever you want.

3. Don’t worry about when you’re going to see each other next (but have a plan to see each other next).

One of the hardest parts of long-distance relationships is knowing when you’re going to see each other next. Even if it might be weeks or months away, plan a future visit, book the time, and get excited — and then try to forget about it. Aim to both remove the uncertainty of when you might see each other and also not focus too much on it, so you have the security of a booked plane ticket but also feel free to enjoy your long-distance relationship in its long-distance state. Unless you decide otherwise, your relationship doesn’t only exist when you’re together in person; it’s part of your life. Enjoy the times in person, but also enjoy them apart, or you’re pretty much fucked.

Basically there is a whole long story, but I am in a 10 month long, long-distance relationship with my first love and we are on a break so she can work on self-care stuff but ALSO so she can see other people (namely men) for sexuality/self-discovery reasons and I am down for polyamory rationally but not emotively and I am trying to learn to be okay and to emotionally internalize a lot of the things I believe but IT’S HARD. Any advice?? (Also first A+ contact message YAY)
Laneia: I am not a polyamory expert at all, not in the least, but my instinct is that if it’s hard — like all-caps hard — it might not be for you? I would poke around the internets and see if you can find stories from people in similar situations where it was very all-caps hard for one person but they powered through and then things were chill. You could even check our archives (by way of googling “polyamory + autostraddle” and sift through the comments, too. Maybe another reader could help out here!

Any words of advice for a non-monogamous relaysh in which my partner has other partners, but (because of circumstance, lack of prospects, etc.) I currently do not? Would love to read an article on this topic!
Carolyn says: It’s a fallacy of non-monogamous relationships that there are lots of people around to meet your needs; while this might seem true, and certainly it’s more challenging to have certain types of sex or play certain team sports by yourself, the number one person in charge of your needs should always be you, regardless of how many partners you have or how many partners they have. The boundaries you set with someone with other partners should be the same ones you’d set if you had other partners; whatever you’re comfortable with and negotiate together, making sure there’s time for them and time for you, together and apart. This question doesn’t seem to be about jealousy, but just in case: remember that jealousy is a feeling you can note and move past, that love and sex are renewable resources, and that’s it’s okay to ask for what you need, though you might not always get it.

how do i tell my galpal that there’s an amazing job opportunity on the other side of the country and i want to take it? is wanting to try new things a valid reason to break someone’s heart? i can’t bring myself to do it.
Laneia: Oh damn. Hmmmmmm. Yes. If you want to take this job, you should probably take it. Maybe you will break her heart or maybe she’ll want to come with you or maybe she’ll be fine or! Or! Maybe this is will be the biggest mistake you ever make. But I think — and I’m very very old so I’m speaking from the mountain of wisdom here, ahem — that it’s better to make the mistake of doing something versus the mistake of not doing something. And probably, like I’m 97% sure about this, it won’t be a mistake. That’s my feeling!

sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you approach someone on the dance floor? theres this person i’ve been seeing around at parties but i don’t want to say “I like your glasses” cause i bet they get that all the time. Also, can you dance in a flirty/sexy way with someone without grinding? I hate the scriptedness of grinding like “ok we have to make out now, cause grinding is often seen as consent for making out” ughh.
Rachel: WELL I recently went to a night at a gay bar and had both a very pleasant and very unpleasant dancing experience, so I will share them with you! The unpleasant one was a stranger who just walked up to me without acknowledging me at all and started thrusting her hips on me, and that did not feel great. Later, a different person waited until I was facing her and generally alert and held up both of her hands to me in like an offering gesture, waited til I took her hands on my own, and then danced like a salsa with me? I think this option is very respectful even if you don’t know how to salsa, which for the sake of full disclosure I do not. I think you could do this in a flirty way and then depending on the cues of the other person, transition it into more sexytimes dance?

My partner is non-binary, mostly asexual, and presently very unhappy about what their body looks like without their binder. I am cisgendered and have a significantly higher sex drive than them. We are in a LDR, barely have sex, and not interested in non-monogamy. When we do have sex it’s GREAT! I know we need to talk about it but how do we do this productively?
Heather: The most important thing when talking about sex is to make sure both you and your partner are in a good head/heart space for it. Talk about talking about sex and find a good time that works for both of you, and when that time comes, reaffirm that you’re ready to talk. Conversations about sex are often about so much more than just sex, and we bring so many of our insecurities and hopes and dreams to bear on these times, so you gotta launch from the right place. We’ve written a lot about this in the past. Check out this list of 10 tips for talking about sex, and also this fantastic series of worksheets!

My girlfriend has decided that she hates my mom, who I am very close with. What the fuck? How do I even handle this?
Laneia: Well this isn’t good! Did your mom do something to her?? I would be very upset if Megan decided that she hated my mom. Like we’d probably have to go to several therapy sessions about it and at some point she’d need to undecide to hate my mom, because that just wouldn’t work for me. However! To be honest, I do hate one of Megan’s sisters because she’s a bigot who said and did something that deeply offended me [and other angry feelings here!], and Megan was very close with her for a long long time and would love to be close to her again. But even though I know it breaks her heart a little bit, I still can’t unhate the sister. I think Megan understands this because there was an event that we can both point to as the moment it all began (or ended, I guess), but I would probably work on not hating her if Megan needed me to. I mean, I know I could. I currently don’t want to, though, so. Anyway my point is that y’all have to talk this shit out and get down to the bottom of your gf’s issue with your mom!

I just broke up with someone I love, but am not in love with, for a lot of very good reasons. It’s really hard right now and I don’t know how to function. I don’t know how not to be in their lives. How not to make sure they didn’t forget to eat, or turn the space heater on before they get to bed, or all these other little things. I need to look after myself right now, I know this; but they’re hurting and I just want to fix everything and I don’t know how to prioritise myself. I’m scared because I don’t want to talk myself back into the relationship but this hurts so much. When does it stop hurting? How do I make it go away?
Riese: Here’s the thing: she can remember to eat. She can turn on the space heater before bed. She can do all those things! She can do all of those things herself, and doing them herself is exactly what she should be doing right now, and is possibly exactly what will make her feel better. There are elements of care-taking that cannot be accomplished alone, for sure, and I’m sure that there are plenty of things you’ve done for her that she really is going to struggle without, and that’s gonna be an uphill battle for her. But feeding herself is not one of those things.

The emotional stuff is a little trickier, ’cause I guess I just don’t believe that an instinct to care for another human should ever be totally condemned if it doesn’t cause further harm. If she literally has nobody in her life to be there for her right now emotionally, then I understand why you might want to be that person for her, and I think you can do that but in very tight moderation. Set boundaries to slowly ease her out of counting on you, and prioritize yourself. I wouldn’t worry about like, accidentally getting back together! Because if she’s not the right person for you, then I think you know full well that getting back together would just lead to breaking up again and it sounds like breaking up the first time is bad enough, whatever progress you’ve made needs to be behind you, not looming in the distance.

I’m involved in the LGBT society at my university and I’m debating running for a committee position! I mentioned this to a friend as a should I put this on my linkedin/resume type question? Because I was concerned about it making me less employable rather than more, and she just… didn’t get it. “you wouldn’t want to work for homophobes anyway!” But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do in order to survive. How do I explain that it’s not that simple, and should I put LGBT stuff on my resume?
Laneia: I’m definitely in the same camp as your friend on this one, but I acknowledge that’s a very privileged camp, because not everyone can just decide that they don’t want to work for homophobes. If you’re a person who can’t or doesn’t want to rule out homophobic employers, then definitely leave it off. If you’d like to weed out homophobic employers, put it on there. Also you can put it on your resume when it’s applicable and remove it when it isn’t, maybe? Isn’t that how resumes work? Either way, I think the answer lies within your very heart!

You guys! I just got one of the tickets for Julia Nunes’ living room show in Portland! I am stoked to see her perform and fangirl about someone who I really respect and admire, but I’ll be completely out of my element while I’m at the show. It’s in a part of the city I don’t know, I’ll be by myself, and surrounded by strangers (although folks of a like-mind, I assume). Do you have any advice for this excited, but anxious fan?
Julia Nunes says: Living room shows are a very safe space to spread some tentative wings. You are very right, everyone around you is probably similar to you in more ways than just liking my music. Some people might live near you, love the same places as you, love other internet people you love, or have some of the same world views as you. At the very least, you’re all about to commit to sitting on the floor for an hour and change and you can bond over how your butts are gonna feel by the end of the night. You can ask questions and get to know people, I personally think bringing a snack to share can really break the first barrier. You can share snapchat names so you can see the vids they take and you can see theirs. If you’re not feeling up to meeting a bunch of new people that night, you can make the decision to zen out. At living room shows, you are only allowed to show up half an hour to kill before the show starts so show up a little later (like 15 mins before the show) and after you scope out the bathroom and stake claim on the comfiest corner with the best view, you only have like 5 mins to think of a great question for the Q and A. Maybe after the show you’ll feel more up to meeting people, compliment someone on their question or ask the person behind you if the have any cool pix with the back of your head in it.

New friends or no new friends, you’ll meet me and I’m nice. Let’s take a selfie. Let me congratulate you on coming out to a show alone bc that’s brave and cool. Being able to enjoy yourself when you’re alone is a type of freedom that takes a minute to get used to.

How do I stop being a compulsive liar?
Heather: The first step, I think, to stopping any harmful behavior is to acknowledge that you do it. The second is to figure out why. A good place to start would be with a therapist, who can help you start unlocking some of those mysteries of yourself to you. Or, if therapy isn’t an option right now, you could try reading a few self-help books and going from there. Good luck!

Guys, I feel so terrible. I went on three dates with this girl who really liked me but I didn’t ultimately really feel attracted to her. We never even kissed or held hands or anything and every time we hugged it was super awkward. So I let her down nicely but she responded really bitterly and now I just feel like an awful person. But I couldn’t have gone on dating her because it just didn’t feel right. I’ve never dated a girl before (or anyone for that matter) and I couldn’t really properly figure out if I liked her. Sorry I’m kind of rambling. I don’t want to make this mistake again so my question is how do you figure out if you are really attracted to someone? I thought I was attracted to her physically but then she said some things that rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t feel like we had enough in common maybe. Ugh it just feels awful.
Laneia: Oh this is just dating! This is how dating goes. You think you might be attracted to someone on a surface level, you go on dates or whatever and learn more about them, and based on what you learn, you either keep going on dates or you stop. You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s hard when people react the way this person has, but that’s on her to work through. Maybe one day you’ll be on the other end of something like this and you’ll be like “OOooooooh ok so this is how that felt for her.” and because of this experience, you won’t be an asshole to the person who ends things with you! Life is a carousel of emotions and events, up and down, up and down, up and down, and then you die. Have fun!

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MISC

Can someone send a fire truck over to AfterEllen? Their comment section is going up in flames over this Clexa/#BlackLivesMatters thing Oh, and please save Dorothy Snarker, she is a national treasure. Can we please hire her ? Pretty please?
Heather: Dorothy Snarker is one of my very best friends; I would always save her from a fire! But yeah, that article. Um. Hahaha. I’m the last senior editor to answer questions in this post this months so THANKS FOR LEAVING THIS ONE FOR ME, GUYS.

Grrl #1: Have you seen the latest longform think piece on Kristen Stewart’s rumored gal pal? Grrl #2: Not yet. I Auto read up on it!
Heather: Beautiful.

I wanna hear your thoughts on this song!
Yvonne: Damn, I really like it! Is DEV queer? I know she had/has an ALH but that’s about it. But this is exactly what I want in my relationship, tbh.

I actually heard someone say You Do You on This American Life last week. I was yelling at the radio, Hey Ira Glass, do you know where that comes from? Send royalties!
Rachel: What if I sharpied “SEND ROYALTIES” onto my YDY hoodie? What then, Ira Glass.

Hands up who misread that bachelorette party as a menstrual blood bath ceremony
Laneia: ?

A 35+ meetup event/weekend sounds great! Thank you! I’m near DC, if that matters, but I like to travel. A weekend sounds more intriguing than just a meetup. Though I don’t have any real suggestions on what to do.
Laneia: NOTED.

Riese: Man I wanna do this.

What ever happened to the Whiskey Kitten? I miss her! Also that bear that came to the car window and said something so sweet and awesome and inspiring that one time, I don’t remember what exactly. You remember what I’m talking about, right? Y’all should put those things on a tshirt or a poster or a coaster or something. I’d buy the shit out of that stuff.
Laneia: Viral bear! I made him! That was like the best thing I’ve ever done, you know? I’ll never be as good or famous as that bear picture. Um I believe the Whiskey Kitten turned out to be copyrighted and so we no longer associate with that kitten. I think.

Tonya killed Mr Piddles, didn’t she?
Laneia: ? ::whispers:: yes.

You guys! In a quick commercial I noticed that Tasha from the L Word (my first love, Rose Rollins) is in the new Shonda Rhimes show “The Catch”! Does this mean I supposed to be watching “The Catch”? Because I wasn’t planning to. Anything gay happening there? I need some investigative reporting!
Heather: Wellll, they created a bisexual character to kill her, is the only thing I know so far. If you ~catch~ up and it’s good, let me know. And if I hear about any alive queer women, I’ll let you know.

Are fanfiction Fridays still a thing? I miss having recommended fics to read.
Heather: It’s on hiatus, dear friend. I’ve got some other projects I’m working on for you that are eating up a lot of my time right now. It will be worth, it, though. I promise. In the meantime, here’s a real sexy SuperCat fic: “Simple is for children and idiots. Complexity is not a vice, and I would think someone living a double life could at least appreciate that.”

Si tú me acaricias yo ronronearé
Yvonne: This is probably a really good song.

“When Obama has a bad day, Michelle rubs his scalp and whispers “Barack, flawless. My rock, flawless” in his ear. It soothes him.”
Heather: Oh, Obamas! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US.

Riese: I’M NOT READY

I miss fanfic fridays
Heather: Oh. Dang. That’s two comments. I didn’t realize. Okay, I gotta do some thinking.

Have y’all ever tried “beer-mosas”?? Like beer mixed with orange juice? They had them at this event I was working at earlier today and I was so jealous of all the people drinking in the sunshine that after work I went to the store and got some Blue Moon and OJ and now I’m relaxing with this lovely drink and just wanted to share with you. Love you all!!!!
Rachel: I did this a couple weeks ago! It’s lovely! It’s like the only time my body has ingested vitamin C since 2012! Highly recommend.

Laneia: A bartender made one for me at a bowling alley once and I was BLOWN AWAY. Like whoa dude, you just brought so many good things together at once, where are we. I think he used pineapple-orange juice so it was even more brilliant, if you can wrap your head around that.

MEY PLEASE TELL ME YOU’VE SEEN/HAVE BEEN PLAYING THROUGH LOVE IS STRANGE. BECAUSE OH MY GOD IT’S LEGIT A GAME/VISUAL NOVEL MADE BY AND FOR QUEER WOMEN WHERE YOU GET A CHOICE OF ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND STORYLINES AND NO ONE DIES AND THERE’S SO MUCH CUTE MY LITTLE GAY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT. (There’s no trans women or WOC which is infinitely disappointing, but there are canonically bisexual characters who acknowledge their bisexuality.)
Mey says: NO I HAVEN’T! I’m sorry, I haven’t played any video games in forever and it’s tearing me apart!!! Is it based on Life is Strange? So they actually say they’re bisexual? Can you play it on a chrome book? I’m going to find out the answers to these questions right now.

y’all seen this? from 1944 issue of life magazine – “girl’s hair-do reveals love life” “Bow worn in back means Betty Dupree is ‘not interested in men.'” 
Rachel: I think about Betty Dupree a lot. Wish someone would write a 75,000 word fanfic on Betty’s adventures.

I just emailed Alex to say thank you for a merch query that she responded to super quickly but I didn’t know how to say how much I appreciated a swift response with the move and stuff going on, so I said “extra thank you” – I’m not sure if emails to the merch team are meant to be more formal than that (and i’m not sure if emails in general are meant to be more formal than that) I guess I’m wondering does anyone else get nervous about getting the tone of an email totally wrong?
Yvonne: Yes, I’m always worried about the tone, especially since I work in an environment where it’s just super cool and casual, like talking to your friends. But when I’m emailing non-staff writers or people not in the immediate Autostraddle team for work, they might think my use of exclamation marks are probably extreme or weird or whatever. So I try to be not too formal but not too casual. It’s a hard thing to gauge sometimes. I FEEL YOU. I think your use of “extra thank you” was more than acceptable for our merch team though. :)

So, you may already know this but the latest Elementary had three lesbian characters. Sadly, one of them had been dead for three years. The second one was a DA who she was having an affair with and the third was her wife who killed the mistress. Oh, and the DA covered up this murder by framing the victim’s male stalker (so bonua manpain!) and then killed a woman because she had evidence that could’ve cleared him. Another irritating aspect of this was that the murder victim’s sexualuty only came out in the last 15 mins. Sighhhhhhh.
Heather: What the heck. I did not know that, but will share it with the class.

Heather Hogan: if you met Mary Berry, do you think you would cry more/less than when you met JK Rowling?
Heather: I think I would cry less, just because the Harry Potter series is also wrapped up in my coming out, leaving the church, accepting myself, pursuing my dreams to be a writer, and so looking at JK Rowling and knowing her story empowered me to do all that, it was just too much for a heart to handle. I would cry if I met Mary Berry, though. I think she’s a magical angel!

Is it unreasonable to compare my relationship with Heather and her GF’s? Like, are they just some kind of lesbian superheroes and the rest of us shouldn’t hope for as much?
Heather: We are definitely not superheroes. We are two people who have both had a lot of therapy and who knew going into our relationship that we were both bringing a lot of lived experiences that were going to smash against each other in painful ways, but also that we had a really unique and special connection that was worth doing the hard work. Our home and life is a soul-sustaining safe harbor, but we had to dismantle a lot of our childhood programming and toxic past relationships and insecurities and fears to get to this place! I just got really, really lucky that I stumbled into someone who filled my heart with joy and who was also willing to do the good and hard work of deconstructing and nurturing our unique alchemy.

SUSSUDIO. what does it all mean?
Laneia: Listen. What it means is that she’s an easy lover. She’ll get a hold on you — believe it. Before you know it you’ll be on your knees. I’m just trying to make you see.

I know we don’t talk about politics here at the family table which I totally respect but like if Bernie runs as a third party candidate I don’t even know what the fuck
Laneia: Can you pass the potatoes?

So, you guys are gonna write about Person of Interest, right? Like, have you seen the extended trailer!? Seriously, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BEAUTIFUL THING!? 
Heather: “Just needed a change. Got a new job. Fell in love.”

Video game recc: Tom Clancey’s The Division. Run around hyper-realistic New York City while you work on protecting and rebuilding after a virus spread on dollar bills wipes out the city. It blends together the best of open world RPG and FPS games. You can play as a woman, and within the first couple of main storyline missions you rescue the very important Dr. Jessica Kandel who they later very casually reveal is queer by way of mentioning her ex wife. Super great so far!
Heather: Oh, dang. YES. I am on my way to GameStop right now!

YOU GUYS! Orlando Pride has already sold 20,000 tickets to their first home match tomorrow! GOOD THING NO ONE CARES ABOUT WOMEN’S SPORTS.
Heather: Holy cats!

I can’t wait to dance to Lemonade at A Camp! I’m not much of a dancing person but I want to be.
Heather: That opportunity is guaranteed to present itself to you.

Lemonade?
Heather: Best moment of 2016, in my opinion.

Yvonne: Undoubtedly.

Riese: If you’re looking for further “Lemonade” experiences I’d recommend watching the episode of Bravo’s The People’s Couch where they watch “Lemonade” for the first time.

Um so question: when you take a bath, do you also shower? if so, do you shower pre- or post-bath? Or BOTH?
Rachel: Personally I usually do a quick shower pre-bath, bc I think of baths as primarily for soothing soaking and not for cleansing really? But I think it’s a personal choice!

Laneia: I do not take baths, but I want to be the kind of person who does. If I were that kind of person, I’d probably do a quick pre-shower like my friend Rachel here. Baths are like people soup, so I’d want to be clean for the soup making.

Riese: I think of baths as nice things you do at night to relax and I think of showers as like, cleaning things that you do in the morning.

Carmen I love the Rebel Girls series. Thanks for the book recommendations. I cried when I finished Hard Choices because I wasn’t sure if she was going to run for President and I remember thinking this is the exact person the world needs to lead America.
Carmen says: Omg this is just my everything. YES! I got this book when it first came out but it was huge and scary and I had a lot on my plate so I didn’t crack it open, and by the time I started Hillary — obviously — was already running, and I knew I was on her team. But reading this book, as someone who does and did complex work within politics and outside of it for women’s rights, floors me. Hillary is brilliant, thoughtful, and ultimately extremely capable of dealing with some of the hardest decisions politicians — and especially presidents — might have to make. I don’t know how anyone comes out of either of her memoirs, but especially this one, without not only a sense of her humanity but also her immense talent. In short: what a badass bitch, amirite?

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Really Nice Things You Told Us

I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for all the incredible love and care you put into this website every day! You guys are so incredibly awesome! Special shoutout for Riese, who’s been pumping out A+++ material these past couple weeks, and also a prayer circle for the clusterfuck the ‘All ___ Dead Lesbian and Bisexual Characters On TV, And How They Died’ comments section has become. Anyway YOU GALS ARE GREAT KEEP BEING YOUR WITTY BEAUTIFUL SELVES
Riese: HEY YOU’RE WELCOME! Thank you for this appreciation, I appreciate you.

Wow I hope you’re getting TONNES of traffic from that Variety article and that it will help long term but also that you are all fed and watered and have had some sleep cause shit appears to have become cray. You’re all brilliant, as per. Thank you for doing what you do.
Riese: I have been fed AND watered today, thank you for asking. We haven’t gotten tonnes of traffic from it, but we did get a lot of traffic to that piece in general! People just don’t click out like they used to, y’know.

I just finished reading that dead tv lesbian/bi lady piece with the 800+ comments. Jeez Louise. Riese, I am so glad you have a dog because you really deserve all the therapeutic dog snuggles that could possibly be available to you after enduring that barrage of comments from people who definitely didn’t read 95% of what was in front of their faces. Anyway, thanks for putting in the time to round up all that info for us. I didn’t want to comment on the post because the other comments were stressing me the fuck out, but I still want you to know I appreciate your work! I’m so glad this A+ contact box exists. :)
Riese: Hey, thank you kind friend!! Right now my dog is looking at me like she wants something from me in a really desperate way but I can’t figure out what it is. Yesterday morning the very first thing she did was step on Abby’s face! She’s quite a handful, this weirdo. She’s seeing bugs and grass and flowers for the first time even though she’s basically an old lady. And thank you! AGAIN! I know I JUST said it but I’m saying it again.

You guys are doing amazing work, as always, but especially in response to the issues surrounding The 100. AE has completely and inexplicably dropped the ball in a blaze of failure, and you guys are once again doing the smartest work over here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. The last few days convinced me to get Autostraddle + even though I feel like an ancient gay most of them time. Keep on keepin’ on.
Riese: From one ancient gay to another, thank you!

I have a huge crush on Aja and all she does, of the life goals or wife goals? variety.
Laneia: Aja is very crushable, it’s true!

Friends, I finally got a new computer, so I can finally peruse AS all the time, instead of scrolling through articles on my phone when I get a chance. I’ve missed you all so much! Thanks for everything!
Laneia: New computer dance!!

I love the contact box LIVE! podcast so much it’s just all I’ve ever wanted or needed and I want to say thank you.
Laneia: YAY!! I’m so glad! Thank you for listening to our wordssssss.

I really loved the “Dear Able-Bodied Partner”-article. Thanks so much for publishing it.
Heather: Thank you for reading it!

This is as tiny and beautiful as a thing can be. Cricket asked the most sincere vulnerable question, and heather is right there with the most striking and real response. Thank you both, and thank you autostraddle.
Heather: I’m still thinking about Cricket, too. <3

I JUST BOUGHT A GAL PAL SWEATER BECAUSE THEY WERE ON SALE SO THANKS FOR THAT!!!!
Heather: You’re gonna look so cute in it!

Y’all publish so much good stuff all the time, and I feel guilty for not being able to read all of it! Keep up the great work!!
Heather: Don’t you dare feel guilty. We’ll always be here when you have some time to read.

I just really love being an A+ member and feel really good about spending my money supporting the journalism, community building work, activism, and general “vibe” here. You are all such beautiful humans and I hope my little bit of dollars a month help you all in some way! (I also installed that Amazon extension that recodes all my purchases back to Autostraddle- or something like that, I’m not good at tech terms- but I downloaded and installed it when you told me too! I hope that helps as well). Have some a cookie today! You deserve a cookie!
Laneia: Your dollars help so many things happen on this website! Thank you!!

hey, you’re great. You’re so great. Did I mention how great y’all are? Thanks for bringing Heather Hogan on board. Thanks for fighting the good fight for so many years. Your dedication to clear writing and great queer media is so inspiring to me. You’re swimming upstream and I’m swimming upstream and it feels good to know there’s someone(s) swimming beside me? With such great hair? With such passion for women and queers and reading and all the things? How did you know that your passion, plus words, plus photos, plus a nice aquamarine theme, is just what we needed in our lives? And like how are you so amazing that you just, deliver that content, constantly, like on time, with no budget but so much genuine care? You’re just so great. You amaze me. You inspire me. I’m going to go change the world. I’m going to go write queer stories and put them out there. I’m going to go hug my friends. I’m going to go host a meet-up. Can you thank Carmen especially for me? Thanks Carmen. Thanks Chelsey too. Also Riese and shit why did I start this list I’ll never finish thank you all. You’re so great. Thanks. Thanks.
Laneia: UGH THIS IS SO GREAT. Thank you, upstream friend! I’m so excited for the stories you’re going to write and the friends you’re going to hug and the world you’re going to change!!

Riese: You inspire us!

I love the A+ podcast!!!
Laneia: I love you!!!

Where did you find someone as perfect as Heather?? besides AfterEllen that is
Laneia: I believe Heather was born from the sparkling swirls of energy that surround a newly risen phoenix, and her goodness is so bright and strong that it pulses through the universe and slams into people who need goodness in their lives, and then those people turn around like hey, what just slammed into me? And there’s Heather! So one doesn’t find Heather so much as one is found by her.

Heather: That’s not true, they found me in their yard doing a boom box serenade like John Cusack in Say Anything.

Riese: I think she emailed me to say that she really liked my L Word recaps.

I can’t help but wonder if all of your (SUPREMELY EXCELLENT) coverage of Lexa’s death and “bury your gays” has caused an uptick in A+ memberships? Are there any numbers or stats that you can share about that? I’m already a member since 2014, but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU ALL! Keep beating that drum and being our voice! Your amazing and I would give you all consensual hugs if you were into that thing and air high fives if you weren’t! Besos
Riese: You know what’s ridiculous? There are no numbers or stats we can share about that! For some reason BuddyPress has decided that the only info we could ever want would be “how many transactions happened today.” Like… what? Why would we want to know that? Anyhow so that number includes renewals of monthly subscriptions as well as new members, and they don’t give us any numbers on members gained/lost every day. So the only way to track it is to check it every day — BUT even then, you can’t always tell how many new because losing members also impacts the daily numbers. But like did I notice we got a lot of new members during that time period? Yes, yes indeed I did. But I don’t know the numbers exactly. Anyhow THANK YOU and thank you for being a member since 2014!! I’m proud of us too. <3

Wow! You’re always awesome, but you’re really killing it lately. There have been *four* articles in the last two days that I just *had* to stop and show to my gf. Thanks Autostraddle!
Laneia: I have just fanned myself dramatically and looked around the empty room as if to say, “I am killing it lately.” So thank you!

this girl that I’ve known for a while complimented my A+ sticker (it’s in my phone case). guise!!! I didn’t even know she was a queermo and now we’re FRIENDS. thank u for yr magic, AS team.
Riese: Of all the scenarios in all of the world this one sounds like the best.

So I’m in a writing class rn, we are discussing publishing stuff, creating our own lit. journal and such. At the end of the term, we have to present about basically anything publishing related. So even though its week 3, I’m so excited I’ve already begun to put together my presentation about Autostaddle, paying online contributors, how other sites have more investors but you are so superior, the way the AS community supports the site, and some of the work AS writers have produced like Gabby’s Juliet Takes a Breath and Grace’s Lumberjanes.
Riese: This sounds like such a cool project! Also I’d never really thought about this before, but I guess that thing we do where we have writers here who also do a bunch of other things is that we end up having a lot of writers here who do a bunch of other cool things! Like also Brittani’s Suicide Kale. We’ve got such good people!

Thank you for everything, Autostraddle
Laneia: This is very yearbook, and I like it.

Riese: have a cool summer!!!

I want you to know when someone makes an account to comment on a article they hate on when they don’t live here, we get mad for you
Laneia: ⚔

I really liked the Sinclair Sexsmith piece, the one with the comments that went all crazy? Thank-you so much for publishing it, and defending it in the comments. It makes me #thisiswhywecanthavenicethings-style sad when these kinds of things happen. It reminds me of that year that everyone got angry at the reader-voted Hottest 100, and then there were no more Hottest 100s. Sometimes I don’t know why you guys keep going, when out of the blue, you’ll be on a hiding to nothing about a piece that maybe another day/week/month/year would have been received really well. But I’m really really really glad that you do. I don’t know where I’d be or who I’d be without having stumbled across AS on a fluke. So thank-you for being much thicker skinned than I could ever imagine being. Thank-you from the top, middle and bottom of my heart. xx
Riese: I will say a blessing this evening to everything I believe in in your honor, my friend! You know what sometimes it is very exhausting, especially the unexpected attacks, but I feel like we’ve also gotten a lot smarter and more confident and can handle them better. But still it’s SUCH a bummer. The biggest bummer though is when everybody is piling on to an idea that is incorrect! I’m saying “correct/”incorrect” instead of “wrong”/”right” because I think right/wrong is subjective and I’m speaking of objective facts. The thing about the backlash on that piece was that our readers ended up articulating why the piece mattered and why the criticism was off-base so well! And like, when I see a million A+ members standing up against a one-off account linked to a fake e-mail address that has never commented before, I feel lucky to have the good guys on our side.

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