Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

the platinum membership had me thinking – would autostraddle ever think about doing a queer book subscription? a surprise lgbtq+ book every month (or like a box of 3 / quarter) as a merch option? or are the logistics of this way too complicated?

Nico: Ha! So! I looked into this, believe it or not, when beginning work on the book club, and there does not appear to be a service that we can get to do this for us. Which means we would have to ship out books. And like, look, I have to live down the street from my mail carrier. He finds me when I am walking outside and gives me criticism about how I have packed various perks packages when I ask him to pick them up. If he doesn’t like the way I’ve done something or it’s inconvenient, he won’t pick them up!!! DO YOU THINK he will tolerate a monthly book club? I don’t. I also don’t think it’s feasible from a labor resources perspective. But, yes, when someone decides to create a business that is simply, bespoke book subscription fulfillment. Heck, I’d love to know about them!!

For all the *incredible* ALOTO content y’all are putting out, I can’t believe Amazon didn’t throw any advertising dollars at Autostraddle! Who do I complain to?? 🤔 no but seriously Is there something we can do as fans of ALOTO and AS to make more ad dollars flow in your direction via the popularity of the show right now?

Anya: Boy oh boy, how we wish we could’ve brought that to fruition! We gave it our best shot, but for reasons beyond our control, it didn’t end up happening. We totally agree with you — it would’ve been great. If you want to help us, feel free to leave comments about how much you’d love to see more sponsored content on our site, especially when it’s about your favorite gay TV shows!

Riese: If anybody reading this works for Prime Video’s marketing or advertising departments, advocate for us! So many of the great brands we’ve gotten to work with over the years has been because Autostraddle readers got jobs at those brands and suggested us as potential publications when it came time to discuss the LGBTQ+ market. I wish we’d had the opportunity to build a brand partnership with Prime Video for ALOTO – and also for Paper Girls, which of course got cancelled. But we are hoping that all the great content we did has put us on their radar for a Season Two if there is one…. fingers crossed!!!

Is there going to be another pop-up Discord soon?

Nico: Yes! We are gonna have one NOT this weekend but next weekend. The announcement goes up soon! Put it on your calendars!

have you heard of Brave browser and BAT tokens? I just installed it for better privacy than chrome, and apparently I can give a kickback to my favourite creators, naturally I thought of autostraddle but I see you are not registered to receive credit from them. Might be worth looking into as an affiliate type option?

Nico: Can the person who wrote in about this email me and explain it to me like I’m five? I’m so sorry I’m just like…yes we’d love a kickback but I am so stretched right now and understanding this is…hard? I AM SORRY I SOUND LIKE CHER FROM CLUELESS RIGHT NOW. (nico[at]autostraddle[dot]com). I am always interested in little trickles that add up though!!! Thank you for thinking of us :D

Is there any possibility of a couples autostraddle subscription? Like… I know theoretically we could just separate ones, but that’s not the anniversary gift vibe I want it to be. Also, Do Revenge fashion edit would be life changing and absolutely my favourite article of the year.

Nico: Our subscription system is limited and simple, so not anytime soon, unfortunately. I know a lot of couples just share a password, which, look, this is a voluntary donation. We’re not Netflix. If you’re looking to give a gift though, we DO have gift subscriptions, which could be cute.

There used to be a page that was a searchable directory of businesses/stores with autostraddle affiliate links and/or discount codes. Is that still a thing? Haven’t been able to find it lately but would love for autostraddle to get a cut when I buy stuff :)

Riese: There is not! The rules around affiliate marketing have evolved over the years and that kind of thing is no longer okay to do, sadly! But hopefully you can still find good stuff through the recommended links in our shopping posts, which all remain robustly affiliate linked. <3

Nico: Right, any recent shopping post will have a link, and the A+ marketplace, while most of the businesses there are too small to have affiliate programs, will likely have affiliate partners included in the future, and in fact both period product companies are affiliate partners of ours!

I legit did not realize the Emmys were on tonight (a Monday night?!?! Are they always on a Monday??) and I was like aren’t they later this year…. but then I thought “Oh wait the Autostraddle Emmy’s happened, so they must be on!” 🤪 thank you for reminding me what day it isssssss

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Yesterday (10/5) was dubbed National Scissoring Day by All Elite Wrestling. I’ve had a desperate desire to see a queer take on the Acclaimed and their usage of scissoring for ages, and this seems like a great opportunity to bring it to y’alls attention. Do with it as you will.

So, story time. There’s a tag team, the Acclaimed, whose whole thing is that they scissor their fingers together like a cool secret handshake. They do it to audience members, to each other, to their opponents as a sign of respect, and in one very memorable moment, to the ref, Aubry, when she was calling out that they’d only made it to two in the count out. In recent months, they’ve become a wrestling found family with Billy Gunn, AKA Mr. Ass, AKA Daddy Ass (because he has two wrestler sons, and chose the Acclaimed over his sons, it was very dramatic). They loudly and emphatically yell “Scissor me, Daddy Ass!” when they walk out. There are t-shirts that say this. They proclaimed yesterday National Scissoring Day to celebrate them winning the tag team titles a couple weeks ago, and a huge crowd of people brought in homemade scissors and scissored in the crowd. At one point last night, Anthony Bowens (my fav, he himself part of our family), leapt off the ropes and literally scissored another guy in the more traditional sense (crotch to crotch, you know).

All this is to say: I love the Acclaimed. Everyone loves the Acclaimed. But what does it mean that two seemingly cis men, at least one of whom is queer, have taken scissoring to this new height and meaning, and have gotten hundreds if not thousands of people, many straight, to scissor each other?

Kayla: A thing about me is that I actually got very into professional wrestling for like one year in college, mostly due to one of my friends being very into professional wrestling. And I don’t think it was a coincidence that I ended up coming out THAT SAME YEAR OF COLLEGE because wrestling, my friend, is indeed bizarrely queer even when not explicitly so. I see so much overlap between wrestling and drag tbh! It’s theater! It’s spectacle! The Looks are very good!

Nico: I was just talking to a fellow queer about how we both want to be more into wrestling. And…I feel like this tells me I need to make a point of that in my life?

Laneia: I need you to know that learning about this kind of ruined my life, but thank you.

Would I purchase and treasure a bound copy of all the Diner Week essays complete with illustrations? You bet your ass I would! ☕️🥞🍴 just some food for thought

Kayla:: I looooove this idea, and I loooooove print media, and I hope one day AS can do some sort of project along these lines! (Though I do feel obligated to say just for logistical reasons that we can’t actually implement this for Diner Week specifically, especially as it pertains to the art BUT I DO LIKE THE ENERGY OF THIS IDEA and think one day a physical thing you can hold in your hands with written work from our writers would be incredibly meaningful and fun.)

Viv:: I appreciate your kind words! Creating the Diner Week art was super fun but the sources of the imagery I used in the collages are all over the place and I’m not confident we would have the right to monetize for those sorts of reasons. But this is a great idea and I think you can look forward to something like this from us in the future ;)

Nico: For sure, there’s a difference between “editorial” use for an image and “commercial” use for an image, so we’d potentially run into licensing issues if we were to actually sell the art, unfortch. BUT I AGREE WHAT IF WE HAD A PHYSICAL BOOK OF SOME KIND!!??

Probably already aware of this but Vulture did a piece on the masterpiece ‘D.E.B.S.’

Heather: Yes! I loved it! It was such a nice surprise! I included it in that week’s Pop Culture Fix!

All consuming need to share – I’m obsessed with the writers & episode directors of A League of Their Own – Mfoniso Udofia (also queer) and Shanaz Toossi are playwrites with their own plays that make me want to live in New York so I can see them. Desta Tedros Reff is a queer documentary and horror film maker & has two kids. Michelle Badillo made One Day at A Time as fabulous as it was and is also in Vida. Chik Agwuna has also written for Tuca & Bertie and Brooklyn Nine Nine. Gbemisola Ikumelo is of course Clance and won a BAFTA for her comedy Brain in Gear. Ayoka Chenzira, born in 1953, has been making films since she was 17 including experimental & cross genre work including animation and interactive films (and her mom owned a beauty salon like Toni!). Jamie Babbit made a film called But I’m a Cheerleader. Em Weinstein made a play about lesbianism in the Women’s Army Corps in World War II. And this isn’t even everyone!!!

Heather: Oh wow, I cannot wait for you to get into the full Jamie Babbit canon! In addition to so many queer movies, she’s also done queer shows: Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens, Only Murders in the Building, Russian Doll, Go On, Supergirl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and The L Word!

Anya: Yes, it’s so cool to see writers and generally just talented queers from every industry inundating the world of TV! I got to see two of Mfoniso Udofia’s plays back when they were up here in NYC, and they were incredible — I really loved The Sojourners. She’s incredible!!!

Kayla: Truly a DREAM TEAM!!!!

Riese: I need to see the play about lesbianism in the women’s army corps in world war 2 asap

In case ya’ll haven’t heard of them, Woxer is my new favourite company for underwear. I literally found them from an instagram ad, but I really love them. The fabric is great, the size options are awesome, the diversity of models on their website and IG is wonderful, and they ship to Canada! Honestly, these are replacing all my TomboyX underwear, because, unlike TomboyX, the fabric is thin enough that it doesn’t feel bulky under skinny jeans, but also strong enough that it doesn’t develop holes after only a few washes. I have never seen them referenced or reviewed on AS anywhere, so I thought I’d share!

Laneia: I WANT THESE FOR XMAS.

Kayla: I think I’m gonna buy some of these for the #1 butch in my life (my partner!). Thanks for the tip!

Nico: I’ve been wearing these for a while and they honestly ruined all other underwear for me. I emailed them about the Marketplace so if you work for Woxer and want to offer a discount to our members so we can encourage everyone to wear some really comfy undies, hit me up!

For those that are inclined towards pocket squares, and like the colour yellow…

Kayla: I have never technically self-identified as someone who is inclined toward pocket squares but I absolutely could develop an inclination toward pocket squares especially since my toxic trait is sometimes looking at the hideous white men of the television program Southern Charm and thinking to myself that I like their like golf dad outfits. To be FAIR I want to see my gf in their golf dad outfits. And I also want to see her in a pocket square moment!

Laneia: 🥹

Riese: I would like a pocket square situation for my SUIT yes

A short and sweet little piece of writing on a Black woman-owned queer bar in Chicago 🥂

Kayla: Punch’s bev coverage is so delightful, especially on the queer bar beat!

Laneia: Well damn I love this so much. The Casa Madre sounds perfect and now I wish to go to Chicago specifically for this experience!

Carmen: I have been dying to go to Nobody’s Darling!! DYING!!!! I’ve been so obsessed with it from afar. A friend of mine just had a first date there just a few weeks ago, in fact.

Nico: I love this!

Just want to make sure Kayla knew about this: My Neighbors Are Dead – Yellowjackets with Katie Rich #myNeighborsAreDead via @PodcastAddict

Kayla: Wow I love the entire concept of this podcast. I shall be listening!!!!

NPR editors pick; Nice shout-out to queer music on Latin America. Especially in those regions where support of anti LGBTQ+ is prevalent.

Laneia: Whaddaya know I also love THIS. Y’all are very good at finding things on the internet.

Kayla: Well this made me feel a very special heart-feeling. <3

Carmen: I love this, love this. LOVE THIS.

this is a great reported piece, hopefully to be shared in a roundup for all readers: “How beauty standards for LGBTQ people impact body image, mental health”

Carmen: Very interesting! Thanks for sharing!

i’m not tech savy, so maybe a tech person knows better. anyway: i learned you can go to snowflake.torproject.org and enable people in Iran to use the internet while their access is blocked. you don’t need to download anything and can switch it off at any time. I understood it to be a safe and easy way to help fight censorship. maybe it is of interest to others, too!

Kayla: Truly I know nothing about things like this work, but I’m going to talk to one of my cyber-savvy friends about it to see what she knows because this does indeed seem cool if it’s as simple as it sounds!

Carmen: Definitely sounds cool. I also want to know if it’s as easy as it sounds! Because that is great.

Maybe you already covered this and I missed it, but the awesome Scottish singed-songwriter/pop star Emeli Sandé came out and got engaged and I feel like it should be celebrated!

Laneia: Love not being a lie is the best part of being alive on this little planet!

Kayla: Every time another pop star comes out is a personal win for me, a lover of pop and gays.

I am visiting Hamburg and I stumbled across this very cool feminist sex shop while I was looking for a vegetarian cafe! Staff were super helpful and knowledgeable and I am glad I made it past the cool postcards by the door. Definitely worth a visit for anyone in the area (and I did also find the cafe which was next door and also very good :))

Laneia: This sounds like the perfect neighborhood wtf.

Kayla: This shop looks cool as hell and it sounds like you are having a very good Hamburg trip!

Boebert being a giant dumbass as per usual, but omg the resulting tweets are internet gold

Kayla: Lesbian dance theory is indeed the technical term for how when I was forced to do cotillion classes as a closeted middle schooler, I would always make sure I was at the very end of the “girl line” during the “grand processional” which was how all ballroom dance classes began where girls and boys would be paired off together as dance partners in this very formal ritual but there were always more girls signed up for cotillion than boys so if you were at the end and they ran out of boys you got to dance with a girl.

This is a bit random, but I’ve come across this Australian podcast series called “The Trap” about coercive control and domestic violence. It’s really well-made and I’m recommending it to everyone now, including AS, I guess lol. Anyway, it focuses mainly on straight relationships, but I imagine the mechanisms are similar to other types of relationships. It can definitely be triggering for some people, so please be aware of that.

Kayla: I must admit this is not my usual listening bag, but I think it could be helpful for a lot of people!

Y’all may be a bit to old for this to mean much to you but Ashly Perez and Chantel Houston, two internet creators who formerly worked at Buzzfeed, just got married after keeping their relationship private for 6 years!! As a queer teen I spent endless hours watching buzzfeed videos instead of doing my homework so this is very exciting and unexpected (at least to me lol). They announced it on their social media. Also their ceremony was officiated by other former Buzzfeed creators Curly Velasquez and Quinta Brunson.

Laneia: HOW OLD DO YOU THINK WE ARE.

Nico: Laneia! LMAO

a typo (as far as I can tell) in the pop culture fix about ERWB as Madonna — the first bullet point refers to Daniel Radcliffe as Danielle Radcliffe

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Why aren’t we talking about Sarah Barrios?

Kayla: We can be! Music coverage often comes down to who our writers are excited about right now and there’s an interesting “problem” right now which is that there are like…so many! Queer! Musicians! WHICH I OBVIOUSLY LOVE IT, IT IS AMAZING AND PERFECT!!!!! But it makes it hard to keep track of EVERYONE and give them the space they deserve! I put on a Spotify playlist the other day that was exclusively LGBTQ+ artists and kept being surprised when there was someone on it who I didn’t know. It feels VERY COOL and DIFFERENT than how things were when I was first coming out ten-ish years ago.

Idk if you’ve already done this, but you should think about mentioning How To Build a Sex Room in your TV coverage! I just finished the show and I loved it! It’s like a HGTV show, but for a sex room! The people featured were diverse too, especially compared to the usual sort featured on home improvement type shows

Heather: Oh, interesting! I didn’t even know this show exists! If you like Property Brothers goofs, you should watch the second season of Girls 5 Eva — the payoff is so worth it!

Kayla: Ok someone had previously asked if Autostraddle was going to write a piece on How To Build a Sex Room and I did not realize it was a SHOW I just thought someone was requesting extremely specific DIY content????? Everything is making more sense now.

Nico: HAHAHA KAYLA. Can you imagine if this request was just like…rising from the zeitgeist? Suddenly, so many people are interested in building sex rooms. WHY won’t Autostraddle TALK about it???

You probably already know about this since I saw it as an ad on AS, but what? There’s a Xena musical?! In NYC this month? Is it gay? If not, what’s the point? Will AS be reviewing it??

Anya: Haha yes! There was in fact a musical version of Xena! And yes, thank goodness, it was gay. We were so excited to get to work with their team to spread the word to our audience!!

Kayla: Reviewing live theater is tricky because not everyone has access to it, so we tend to stick with more personal essay-style writing about live events/theater/etc. BUT I DO WANT MORE THEATER PIECES. Pitch me, writers!

Dear Autostraddle, I really love your work! Thanks for everything that you do, it means more than I can put into words here :) When I heard that Paper Girls was cancelled, I was both angry and sad, especially in the light of the frequent cancellation of lesbian shows after just one season. There is a petition for a second season, and I know that there are way more important petitions to way more crucial contents, but I wanted to check nevertheless whether you can somehow include or highlight it in an article or bring attention to it in another way: I love the show’s representation and many of the issues it touched upon, and I would be grateful if you chose to support it. Thank you for your consideration. Warmest wishes

Heather: Thank you for sharing this with us, friend! I’ll drop it into the next Pop Culture Fix!

Hey team, would it be possible for someone to write an article with advice and options about top surgery? It’s something I’ve been considering and I’ve spoken to a few friends about it and they’ve all told me they got most of their info online in chat rooms and message boards. The idea of that is daunting to say the least. I don’t trust strangers to tell me what vacuum to buy, let alone something so personal and permanent. But I do trust Autostraddle. I would love a round up of the various surgical options, with the differences of each, like recovery time, aesthetic, nipple sensation, etc. Any team members who’ve had top surgery could weigh in if they get comfortable, with their choice of surgery, reason they chose it, experiences, etc. I understand you probably can’t go into detail about costs and availability and what hoops you have to jump through to qualify for every jurisdiction (I’m in Toronto, Canada btw so cost probably isn’t a concern, I think?) I have an appointment with my family doctor next month so honestly I’m just looking for some information as a starting point so I can know what to even ASK her about. Thanks so much!

Carmen: So first of all, I’m really excited and happy that you’re on the first steps to this journey and figuring out what feels good for you and for your body, that’s already a big fucking deal and you are doing it!! Especially because, as you said, it can be a really overwhelming process. I’m proud of you.

The second thing is that yes! We actually were working with a writer on a piece that was almost exactly as you outlined here, but a few years ago? Right before the pandemic. And unfortunately that writer ended up being very busy with their day job and not finishing the piece. But we’d love to pick it up again! Especially after your comment in our A+ box, which Nico forwarded to us in the office immediately. I’m going to be looking into what that kind of piece looks like for us and reaching out to some journalists and writers I know who’ve had top surgery to see if they’d be interested in taking on coordinating or participating in a roundtable or an explainer that touches on all these points, but I don’t think we’ll have it before your consultation next month. This kind of project takes a few weeks (to a few months!!) of advance planning, and especially for medical reporting you want to make sure you have all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed.

So I’m sorry we won’t have this by November, but it’s firmly on my radar. You’re definitely helping to make us better for the next queer person who’s looking, and I thank you for that and for your generosity. If I can speakly quickly on behalf of the rest of Autostraddle (they don’t know I’m doing this, but I’m sure they’d agree) best of luck on your consultation! We’re with you. And I hope you get everything that you need. If there’s any A+ members who are reading this and have any suggestions for questions this member should remember to ask in their consultation, please share!

Nico: Sending you tons of well-wishes for your top surgery 💗💗💗 Thank you for writing in!!

Not sure this is a hot tip—more of a request! Now, do Taylor Swift’s politics SUCK? yes! do i love her music and have i thought she was queer since The Way I Loved You? also yes! Any chance we can get a couple articles, listicles, or round tables on her next month? Everyone (who wants to) shares their favorite gayest/queerest song, or if/when they think she’ll come out publicly, or if that feels scummy, guesses for what will be on the new album, themes or imagery or style (more like evermore/folklore or like 1989/reputation or something else?) appreciate you always & no pressure/complete respect if this coverage doesn’t happen!

Heather: I think Taylor Swift has become a cultural Boggart and/or Patronus. (I’m sorry for using Harry Potter analogies here, I know JK Rowling is complete and total garbage, but it’s the only reference I have to describe what I mean.) It’s like, you know most musicians, they release an album and if you’re a fan, you engage with it; and if you’re not a fan, maybe you hear a song or two on Spotify or the radio and you either skip it or you don’t, but it doesn’t really register to you more than something you’re just kinda shruggy about? Not Taylor Swift! She comes out with new music and everyone on earth has got to: a) have an opinion about her, b) share an opinion about her, and c) it has to be the most extreme and dramatic opinion possible, and most of the information that informs those opinions is just like urban legend at this point. It’s like everyone goes bananas for weeks, projecting all their anger onto her and so then she takes that creepy form, or projecting all their hopes and dreams onto her and she takes that glowing form. There’s just no way to publish anything about her without the internet going completely berserk in one way or another. So I think that’s why we’ve basically bowed out of trying to talk about it with any kind of nuance or even jokiness. My favorite song from her new album is the snow at the beach one; I like how it starts like a Christmas song and says “fuck” so many times. Craig Jenkins’ review over at Vulture is a masterpiece, as usual.

Riese: Despite the fact that the very first viral piece ever published on this website was by me and was a bit anti-Taylor-Swift I do still enjoy her music very much and would probably still click on any of the stories you suggested tbh!!!

Laneia: I got my blood moon colored album in the mail today and there were BLUE TISSUE PAPER CONFETTI STARS IN THE BOX and I thought that was so cute.

Hi! I remember after last year’s survey (and just from reading comments from folks) that there are a good chunk of readers working in education. I’m a teacher and I would love a membertomember or some sort of content directed towards people working with youth. Now a bonus story: This week I told a student (7th grader) that she couldn’t call another student Miss. Halitosis. Her immediate response was “Well, we could call you Ms. Kitty Litter…because we know your pillow smells like pussy.” Was that supposed to be an insult?? I truly thought she was gonna say that I smell like cats because I have 4 of them who love to lay on my clothes. I have other queer teacher friends (even at my school) but want to connect with more of them to share ideas and debrief experiences. Thanks!

Nico: DID YOU GO TO THE EDUCATOR MEMBER2MEMBER post?! This was for you! Inspired by you and this message! I hope it’s helpful and thank you for writing in!!

I’m headed to Redding, CA for the weekend— any advice, where do the queers go in this town??🌲 Any queer and/or BIPOC owned businesses to check out and support? Any insights are much appreciated! 🤗

Kayla: I have never been to Redding! But my general approach to finding cool people/stuff in a new city is to find an independent bookstore and start there. It looks like Redding’s got one: https://shoparoundthecornerbooks.com/

Carmen: I do the same as Kayla, but for ice cream! And so, may I present you with: Taste and See Creamery.

I know that there hasn’t been much anime related content on autostraddle, but I think what I had seen in the past was somewhat nostalgic? In any case, there’s a new Gundam anime called Witch from Mercury that seems to be borrowing heavily from queer classic Revolutionary Girl Utena. It’d be interesting to see if the queer undertones continue. Currently it has the protagonist having just won a duel which resulted in her now being engaged to another girl. …thanks for reading this. Always love Autostraddle.

Heather Yes! I included a link about it in a Pop Culture Fix a few weeks ago! I’ve got my eye on it!

Hi, my partner and I have been watching the A League of Their Own tv show which is SO GOOD and SO GAY! Would love to maybe see a Style Thief for both the butch and femme characters on the show? My partner is specifically trying to figure out how to dress like Jess but appropriate for 2022 lol!

Kayla: Friend, I did this exact thing, and I’m so excited to share it with you! Here’s the Jess/Lupe one specifically.

seeking advice for people who live in apartments and care about being at least somewhat considerate of neighbors: when is Too Early to use loud gadgets like blenders or vacuum cleaners? when is Too Late? friends i ask do not have a universal answer for this so I want some gay writers to settle it!

Kayla: I think this is all extremely subjective tbh! It depends on your neighbors’ work schedules and how soundproofed your place is and other little details like that! I’m of the belief that there aren’t really hard rules here but it’s more about figuring out what’s best for your space and for your specific context. I live in a duplex and my neighbor told me she works from 7 to 7 Sunday through Thursday, so I make a lot of choices based on that! But regardless of where I live I think I generally stick to a “quiet hours” vibe from like 11pm to 7am. We have a very loud (but effective!!!!!!) carpet/rug cleaning machine for when we have pet mishaps and we try not to use that after 9pm.

Anya: Personally, I think after 6:30 AM and before 9:00 PM you are allowed to do loud things. I try to save vacuuming for the middle of the day, since it’s not usually extremely pressing that I vacuum precisely at 11 o’clock at night.

Carmen: Anya if my neighbor did something loud at 6:31am, I would simply have to commit a murder. (My apartment building guidelines start at 9am for like, construction business level of loud, and — as someone who’s notoriously not a morning person, that feels good to me. I think “using the blender loud” depends more on how thick your walls are? But I agree with Kayla, 7am-11pm are ok hours for appliance noise. I’d probably wait until the middle of the day for a vacuum.)

Laneia: I would say 8am to 8pm for loud business!

Viv:: Resident night owl chipping in here to say no one’s gonna hear your blender, maybe your vacuum cleaner but if it’s a tiny handheld one it’s chill. I draw the line at washing machines since I once ran a load at 3 am and sat in complete anxiety as it thud-thud-rattled for 1.5 hours.. But I think if you receive a complaint just have some earplugs on hand as a reconciliation gift!

Carmen:: Also a night owl, and yes I also agree with Viv.

Nico: lol we all have different answers but I agree with Laneia! 8am to 8pm. Anya if you did something loud at 6:30am I would have to come have some words with you lol.

Hi Laneia! I just moved to the Southwest from a different climate. What should I know??

Laneia: First you should get at least three enormous, well insulated water bottles. Buy yourself some moisturizing nasal gel and go to town, especially at night. Ferns will not survive here, so even though you might be thinking you’ll get one to remind you of home, do not, for it will shrivel up and die, making you even sadder. In fact, buy all your plants from a local nursery and ask them lots of questions. Have I mentioned it is very dry here? If you’re living in the suburbs and honestly even if you’re living downtown, get out of there at least once a month — go to a mountain or a national forest, really anywhere that puts you face to face with nothing but what the earth made itself. Find the weird little ghost towns and visit them often enough that you know the best places to eat and the woman at the handmade soap shop remembers your name. Get some blackout curtains to help keep your house cooler during the day (you know, except for that one room where all your southwestern plants are living; don’t put the curtains in there). AND HAVE A CUTE TIME OKAY.

Kayla: It’s not the southwest exactly but I briefly lived in Vegas and had to change my entire skincare, beauty, and bathing routine to all new products to accommodate for the dryness — ESPECIALLY HAIR PRODUCTS.

In the September Autostraddle Insider, Vanessa is rocking what looks to be a beautiful diamond ring on her left-hand ring finger. Vanessa, do you have… news?

Vanessa: Hello sweet observant reader! I do have news! My news is that I am engaged! If you read my Time Travel essay back in February, you’ll recall that I fell deeply in love with a friend this year. Honestly I can’t be more eloquent about our love than I was in that essay, which is still my favorite thing that I wrote this year, but suffice it to say I am very very happy and feel very very lucky to be marrying my babe. Our wedding will be this coming summer, on the dyke land in Southern Oregon that I’ve written about a lot here, and that both my partner and I consider one of our homes. Our tiny dog Zucchini (also a published author on Autostraddle) will be the ring bearer.

I have no one else to talk about this with but— the FEAR that Dee-Lite’s Groove Is In the Heart strikes in me after watching Search Party 😱 it came on my workout mix this morning and I almost jumped out of my skin!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Just wanted to apologize for the 2-part advice question but thank you for publishing it despite that! I really appreciate it. Will definitely keep it to the limit if I write in again. Thanks so much for your kindness!!

Nico: Thank you but also Y’all!!! I keep getting more mult-part advice q’s! You have to fit them into the allotted character space. You can do it. I believe in you!!! I know it seems like we need many, many details, but like, here’s a formula: Your problem + an example of said problem + and particular circumstances that we maybe won’t or can’t assume = should be all we need. Unfortunately, we can’t ask our writers to read several thousand words of personal history for one of what could be 15 advice questions total because then it’s like asking folks to read a whole novel! It’s about everyone getting a fair amount of attention. We appreciate you!!

Hi Niko! I love your new comics column. Makes my heart sing. Have you ever read any series on Webtoons or Tapas that you’d be interested in recapping for this column? There’s a lot of quality queer stuff on there.

Niko: !! I haven’t read but I will!!! Thank you for this

I thought you should know that when I googled “lesbian Long Distance Relationship” back in 2013, it was with my new girlfriend at the time, the advice was helpful, and we are still dating <3 I wasn’t kidding about yall making possibilities for queer people.

Kayla: I love this, especially since I have done a fair share of writing about long distance relationships for this very website.

Laneia: WELL THIS PLEASES ME TO NO END. What if you named a cat after me?

Carmen: So cute!! So cute!!!

Nico: I love this!!!! Congrats and wishing you and your girlfriend SUCH HAPPY TIMES<3

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