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Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #41

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

Anya, Riese, Carmen, Laneia, Kayla, Heather and Nicole are all floating heads behind laptops in this graphic


MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hi! I was trying to shop through your affiliates because I always like to do that when I remember ever since Cee’s extension broke. It was always a little bit tricky to find but now I found the link and it’s broken? Do you have a new link? Help, how can I help you? I want to buy a new vibrator lol… Also I remembered one shop having a nice discount for autostraddle readers

Nicole: Unfortunately, the old affiliate marketplace is no longer in operation. If you visit any of our recent shoppable sex toy lists, though, those links should be affiliate linked. As for discounts for members… stay tuned as I’m working on something!

I was just reviewing the A+ membership levels and OMG that top level looks amazing! You really pack the perks in!! How many supporters are at that Platinum level? I hope to some day be able to up my membership to platinum 😘 Thank you for every everything you do, and congrats on exceeding your $13,000 goal!

Nicole: Thank you and thank you to everyone who helped us reach our goal. I recommend our annual report, put together by Riese, where you can see how many members we have at every level! But the answer is that our Platinum member numbers are currently hovering around ~150.

How is the A+ membership pool going? Have you had a lot of people sign up to receive a membership? Are enough people donating to the pool? If we donate to the membership pool during the fundraiser, that counts towards your fundraiser goal right?

I love that this membership pool is an option now and I so appreciate you looking into how to make it happen after (what sounds like) many readers requesting it over time! 💚

Nicole: First, yes, donations to the pool count toward fundraisers! Second, it’s going well! While we have some technical limitations that keep us from allowing folks to do anything but donate in $30 intervals, I think it’s better to have it than to not have it all! So, thank you! Whenever we promote the pool, we tend to get requests for memberships at the same time as we get donations, so they flow in and flow out, which is ideal, and, what’s more, I do not believe that at any point someone has had to wait for very long at all to get a free membership, which is really cool! Laneia and I also have a plan to regularly promote it in the AS weekly so that we’re reaching readers who might need a free membership. <3 Personally, I love knowing that if there ever is something behind the A+ paywall that someone would find really helpful or vital, that there’s a way for them to access it, thanks to our members like you all!

Hiya, I hope you lovely people are doing well.

I have a perhaps silly suggestion. I was looking at the membership tiers and I saw all the goodies you get as a member. These are amazing but as someone not located in the US and also not in need off stuff I wondered if an option could be included not to receive the merch but instead donate an equal value to the membership pool? In the mean time I have decide to just donate the equal amount to a higher membership to the pool throughout the year which works just as well and it is nice to feel like I am sharing the A+ joy with others. Thank you for all your hard work!

Nicole: This is tricky because I’d have to keep track of the cost of the perks + shipping that we save and then add it to the pool manually, which is also not built for that and also I would really love to not have another thing to keep track of if that’s okay 😭. In general, if someone turns down their perks, it works out to a savings on our end, which then we don’t have to spend, and which can go back into doing the work we do every day. I think your solution is a good one since there’s no difference in terms of access to content depending on membership level; it’s just a sliding scale of how much a person wants to contribute + then there are also the perks! Thank you for asking and thank you for supporting!!

I’m wondering if you could offer any comments about the quality of the writer apps you got, as well as general advice for future apps! I worked really hard finessing mine and was disappointed that it didn’t work out this time. Y’all got so many apps that I know it’s impossible to give individual feedback, but I’d love to hear general feedback based on your overall impression of the apps :) thanks so much! Excited to “meet” the new writers!

Kayla: We got almost six hundred applications during this writers call. Which is so, so, so incredible! I was blown away by the enthusiasm and also the quality of applications we received. It also made our job incredibly difficult. Carmen and I were the only ones on this hiring committee, and we had to make a lot of tough calls. As with any job or submission situation, there are so many variables and factors that go into the decision-making process. I always say the same thing to people about submitting short stories to slush for lit journals: You really do just have to keep submitting and applying until something sticks. A rejection for one job or one story is not a reflection of the quality of your work. I was rejected from dozens DOZENS of writing and media jobs — ranging from freelance to part time to full time — before I landed at Autostraddle as a staff writer.

If I were to give general advice to future applicants or folks who are applying for similar writing positions, it would be this: Be as specific as possible in your pitches and your descriptions of what your areas of interest are. Even if a pitch isn’t perfect yet (often, some of the best pitches are ones where there are a lot of questions that aren’t answered yet — they get answered in the drafting process), if they’re specific, they’re going to stand out. I also would strongly encourage anyone who applied (and anyone who is interested in writing for us in general!) to use the submissions portal that is open to everyone.

Carmen: I think Kayla already said it best! And I agree with all of it! Something that I also recommend to writers who are crafting pitches is to make sure your pitches also sound like you. Editors can get a best sense of how you’ll fit in with the publication if they have an honest sense of your sound upfront. Pitches honestly don’t have to be perfect (editors and writers work on that together during the writing and the editing), but they do need to reflect something that only you can bring into the world! Once you have that, it’s just the matter of finding the right home for your work.

Hi friends, I love you and want you to have all the money so I typically don’t complain about any ads that pop up. But, I am really struggling with the embedded video ads that you can’t pause. They make reading articles (on mobile) very hard and also make me not want to engage with the ad. I dont know what, if any, kind of control you have over this but it would be great if the video didnt autoplay or could be paused.

Anya: Hi there! First of all, we love you too! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the ad placement, and I’m sorry they’re making reading the articles harder. For the time being, these are ad placements we need to keep – so that we can direct that much-needed $$ towards our very hard-working writers!

Omgomgomg congrats on passing your $13k fundraising goal!!!! 😮😮😲😲 🥳

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

TWO TIPS: 1) CTOAN Candles is a Black queer woman-owned company selling cuuuuuuute candles of fat bodies, in 4 different colors, and there’s an unscented option too. 2) have any of yall seen the “My Love” episode with Jurema & Nicinha? Remezcla covers it a bit here, and i’d add that it was really powerful for me to see queer grammas passing on ancestral faith leadership to their granddaughter.

Carmen: I did not know about any of these things until now!!! And as someone who’s the #1 fan of black queer women owning things and also queer abuelas and ancestral faith, let me just tell you — I had to go sit down somewhere. WHEW!!!

No seriously, thank you for this. This is amazing.

I just discovered that Abby Wambach has a soccer/travel show on ESPN+ (?!) I’m not a SportsGay but I am enjoying it and learning a lot about soccer history! The show is gay both by virtue of Abby hosting it and famous gays like Ashlyn Harris make an appearance. Fun for all!

Heather: What?! I had no idea! Clearly Abby is not as good at promoting her work as her wife! Okay I’ve set my DVR to record it. I wonder where she’s gonna take me? I’ve always wanted to go to Portugal!

I put this in the Top Chef Top quiz comments but i really need to make sure that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE see this extremely important photo

Heather: That seriously looks like it’s about ten second away from becoming part of Kayla’s Best Knifeplay Scenes list.

Just wanted to share that Autostraddle/being a lesbian online has broken my brain because while watching The Batman last night, my first thought was, “I wonder how many stupid news stories there are about what Kristen Stewart thinks about her ex-boyfriend Robert Pattinson as batman?” Googled afterwards and well, there are more than there should be for someones engaged ex from years ago!!

(Also, the movie was great! Catwoman SO clearly had a girlfriend that is never officially acknowledged as such and it made me feel crazy!)

Heather: I remember when the news broke Pattinson was playing Batman, I made a bet with my wife for how long it would be before someone asked Kristen about it. She said no one would ask. I said it would take less than a week. THE NEXT FORKIN DAY a reporter asked her about it on a RED CARPET WITH A CAMERA IN HER FACE.

Also here’s a really funny fact: Carmen cannot bring herself to remember Robert Pattinson’s name. She always calls him something different and incorrect, the way people do about Bumberbunch Cumberstack. It’s my second favorite running gag she does. (My first favorite is that she ALWAYS calls Happiest Season “Happiest Seasoning” like a cooking show.)

Carmen: I had to read this twice because I honestly didn’t know who we were talking about. I’m assuming, from context clues, that Robert Patterson is in fact not this person’s name? But also… is it? Are you sure?

(I’m sorry to report that I fell asleep 10 minutes into The Batman but by gay osmosis I woke up in time to see Zoe Kravitz feed milk to her cat and that was good enough for me.)

Riese: I recall that we had one of our funniest Insider convos ever on the topic of “who the hell is this man” AND ALSO Stef did an excellent job tracking how often Kristen Stewart is asked about Robert Pattycakes in this post which I found delightful and gay.

I found the movie I was asking about! I saw Kayla wanted to know what it was.
It is called Bitch Slap (2009) and it is so bad.

Kayla: I am going to watch it and honestly I can’t promise I won’t like it, because I have horrible taste :)

Riese: iT’S SO BAD

Did you know that there is an Indigenous trans woman running the Iditarod this year???? So badass!!

Carmen: That is EXTREMELY badass!

Nicole: I LOVE THIS

Have you all heard the new Dove Cameron single “Boyfriend”? It’s very gay!!!!

Carmen: No joke, I’m actually deeply obsessed with this song, and I keep trying to get people to talk about it with me! One day I got desperate enough to even use my “editorial privilege” to talk about it in the Autostraddle slack (Ro was kind enough to take pity on me and respond). I cannot believe how good and gay it is??? It’s so good and gay and angsty and kind of hot? OBSESSED! WITH! IT!

Ummm… way to go former Disney stars?

Jaiden Animations, one of the most popular animation youtubers, came out as AroAce last week. The video is also a great introduction to aromanticism and asexuality. It currently has 8.5 million views.

Carmen: Oh I saw someone also tweeting about this a while back and watched it. I absolutely loved it!!!

Lena Luthor will appear in Earth-Prime #1

Heather: Oh just be gay already, LL Bean! (That’s what I call Lena Luthor to try to gently coax her out of the closet. Subliminal messaging re: lesbian fashion.) Anyway, I loved seeing Ryan Wilder headlining her own comic book! Did you read it? It’s just so HER.

Carmen: Also very much here for Ryan Wilder headlining her own comic!! I thought the illustrations of her were absolutely gorgeous. I really loved what they did with Sophie, too! And did you see Javicia Leslie and Meagan Tandy freak out over being immortalized in comic books? Damn, that’s magic right there..

Did any of you watch Our Flag Means Death? There’s a nonbinary character played by nonbinary actor Vico Ortiz. (The central love story is a gay male romance, so not relevant to AS… BUT their relationship is VERY sweet and surprising, and I’m not ashamed to admit I ship them super hard.) The show made me EMOTIONAL 😭🥺🥰 ok that’s all, please watch!

Heather: We are all OVER THE MOON about Vico’s success and we just want them to get more and more and more famous and star in everything! Can you clarify if the show made you emotional in a good or bad way because I’ve already used up my migraine pills for the month so I really can’t allow myself another cry!

Nicole: Is this show about gay pirates? It’s my understanding that many pirates were gay, and were pirates, in many cases, so they could be gay together. CAN SOMEONE VERIFY. Also, I just watched the trailer for this looks fun!

Riese: We would love to have someone write about this program for us!

Angelica Ross tweeting about dating a woman has made my day!!

Heather: Yeaaaah, we lost it too. It’s a perfect tweet. A PERFECT TWEET. Carmen said, “I HOPE HER GIRLFRIEND ENJOYS BEING THE LUCKIEST PERSON ON EARTH.”

Carmen: I STILL HOPE THAT!!!

I just learned the word “Swiftgron”!!!! ?! Taylor Swift + Diana Agron as a maybe couple at some point ??!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Can we get some Dykes to Watch Out For content? The Essential Dykes to Watch Out for is perhaps my favorite queer cultural artifact of all time, but even among my IRL queer friends I have no one to talk about it with! I want to rag on Sydney, crush on Thea and Jezanna, and mourn (or debate) Clarice and Toni’s fate- can we make this happen on Autostraddle?! In my reading, it’s also held up remarkably well, if not perfectly, over time–but I’d be interested to hear if others feel differently.

Kayla: I’m looking at my Essential Dykes To Watch Out For as I type this! It was included in my Our Hobbies Our Shelves. I’m all about analyzing and revisiting the classiques~! I’m not sure what you’re looking for in particular though! A roundtable? A critical reevaluation? In the meantime, if you want your friends to talk about it with you, I recommend lending them your copy or gifting them their own!

Nicole: I LOVE re-reading this book. It does mostly hold up really really well and sometimes I will re-read it and realize that I had some near-exact conversation with some other queer person sometime in the space between readings and find that this conversation is then drawn in the book (I mean, it was there the whole time) and then I find this new layer to both the book and my own experiences that is just something to treasure, just an endless series of funhouse mirrors through cartoons and time. The only thing that I want to know, though, is where can I read ALL OF IT, ALL the Dykes to Watch Out For? All at once? Would love that.

Riese: FUNNY STORY we had an excellent post by Taylor Hatmaker in like… 2010? That was something comparing Dykes to Watch Out For characters to L Word characters —  like there were a lot of similarities, and obvs Taylor preferred DTWOF to TLW — and during one of our massive tech problems that used to happen back then, that post was amongst a handful that completely vanished from the website. I think about this a lot.

just putting into the world that I’m dreaming of a ~queer coffee table books~ listicle. and not, like, books about being gay (though those are welcome). books about plants! and astrology! and lazy vegan cooking! and sex! and art! and sexy vegan feminist plant astrology! u get it.

Kayla: Oh this is a cute idea! I will take it into consideration! Coffee table books are underrated!

Nicole: I feel like I could come up with at least a couple if we were to compile a list at some point!

Hi Autostraddle team!

Any recommendations for stories (fiction or non-fiction, I’m not picky) about people who came out later in life, but didn’t follow the “I met an amazing woman/queer person and now I’m in love” pattern? Most of what I’ve seen (Niecy Nash, Elvira, Glennon Doyle, etc) has that narrative. As much as I loved watching Miranda discover her sexuality with the super hot Che Diaz, I’d like to hear stories from people that discovered their queerness on their own and then had to navigate dating.

I only just figured out I was queer at 39, and have struggled with imposter syndrome and anxiety about learning to date all over again at my age. I wish there were more stories about people like me so I could have something to relate to. Logically, I know there is no right way to discover your sexuality. But some days, I feel like I did this all wrong.

Kayla: I literally can’t think of a SINGLE BOOK that follows the trajectory you’re talking about?? They might be out there, but I haven’t read them. I know people in my life who have followed this trajectory, but I can’t think of a book!!!! I do know a lot of women who have discovered their queerness/bisexuality on their own while in monogamous relationships with men but then they are still in those monogamous relationships so not necessarily navigating dating. I’m stumped!

Carmen: I just wanted to say that even if you aren’t seeing that trajectory in stories (especially, I think, in fiction and social media alike, stories tend to follow “happily ever afters!” because that’s what sells) — what you are going through is exactly what 90% of people who come out, at any age including coming out later in life, go through. You are out here doing it! And it is messy and frustrating and yes our inner saboteurs get in the way, but you are finding out something brand new about yourself and you’re doing it on your own terms. I think that’s fucking great.

Hi! I asked this question during the recent 13th Birthday AMA, but Carmen recommended I send it here as well:

How do you make domplines (Puerto Rican fried dough)? One of the only memories I have of my abuela is when she and I would make domplines together when I was a child. I don’t remember how to make them though. I only remember the sizzling of the dough in the pan and the yummy taste of carbs.

Carmen: OK bueno! I called the Titi phone tree for this!! (I’ve definitely eaten domplines as a kid, but couldn’t tell you how to make them on my own as an adult).

The good news is that they are pretty simple to make! You’re combining butter and/or oil (fat of your choice, flour, water and salt. Then pinch the dough off, roll it out into thin discos, and fry.

Now my Prima Sara (who is on the Titi phone tree, even though she’s a prima) does not write anything down because she’s old school like that. But based on what she said, this recipe seems the closest to our family’s because it’s using cold butter, but if you google around you’ll see other people use melted butter and/or olive oil. Based on my own baking knowledge, I’d assume that cold butter will make it puffier or flakier (because the cold fat will create air pockets as it cooks/melts), and that using melted butter or oil will make it slightly more dense. So I’d base your next steps best on… your mouth feel memory?

hello! in the birthday AMA it seems like there’s questions about kids and how that whole thing works- two part question! 1, is there any more parenting stuff in the pipeline? “how these queers had a baby” roundtable, reflections, practical advice, etc. 2, is there interest/space for a preschool teacher perspective? i don’t have anything concrete enough for a real pitch but i know a lot about tiny humans and the ways in which they function!

Kayla: I’m sorry I can only answer this somewhat vaguely for now but it is a YES. Carmen and I have been strategizing how to fill some of our current gaps in perspectives, stories, and topics, and parenting is absolutely one of them!

Carmen: Yes! And if you want to pitch us content, you can find us by using the Autostraddle Submission Portal.

Okay so I’ve always loved your fashion posts, but it seems like lately all of the pieces you link are very expensive — is there a reason for this?

Kayla: For me, as an editor of a lot of our clothing/shoppable content, I personally do not put a lot of restrictions or guidelines on writers as to what products they choose to highlight. I know from writing my own shoppable content that making every piece affordable is difficult!

There’s often a give or take when it comes to this: “slow fashion” tends to be pricier than “fast fashion.” I don’t personally put any ethical value on any of this. I don’t think it’s wrong for folks to buy from fast fashion and big box stores — I mean hell I get most of my clothes from ASOS! I cannot and would not judge! But I also don’t see anything wrong with including pricier pieces from smaller brands, independent designers, and slow fashion companies. And sure, I’m not saying these lines are always clear-cut. Sometimes, we list pieces that are expensive AND from big labels. But I think this does account for some of the variation in price points. But also ultimately I really do like to leave it up to the writer! Fashion is so personal! But I hear what you’re saying; balance is important. Although I will also say that I find our two writers who create the most fashion content recently — Christina and Dani — are both good at including a range of price points.

Carmen: I definitely agree with Kayla here — as someone who also edits our fashion content, though at a lesser frequency. I’ll also add that we do look for every piece we publish to be size inclusive, and as someone who also shops for plus sizes personally, they are usually more expensive. Which is something I have A LOT of feelings about for a different day. But, along with everything Kayla said, I think is also a contributing factor here (and completely out of our control). Again, I think our writers do as well as can be reasonably expected to include a range of price points, but finding clothes that are cute/ queer coded/ size inclusive/ a mix of slow and fast fashion/ and also at a range of price points is very difficult (which doesn’t mean we aren’t trying our best!). To be honest, not being able to hit all those markers is actually one of the reasons we went so long without fashion content for a while there — because whenever we tried, we got negative feedback for missing something! But we are here, we are having fun with fashion again, and we are trying, because not everything can be perfect, you know?

Just a thought: have you ever considered having a gardening advice column?

I suspect there are avid gardeners among the members with gardening questions.

I am a California Master Gardener and I spend about a day a week answering gardening questions at the Alameda County Master Gardener. I also write an occasional garden blog article there.

I would be happy to offer my help in answering questions (not necessary to have authorship recognition)…

Nicole: Thank you for writing in because this actually inspired something that I’m going to try very soon, which are open thread-style A+ posts where members can bring each other questions on a particular topic and help answer each other’s questions! Let’s put all our brains and all our experience together at once and help each other, but with a focused topic each time! I feel this will be helpful, especially, because there is so much specialized knowledge in terms of certain practical things (gardening, home reno, etc.) that could best be served by crowdsourcing it all in a focused space. I mean, sure, we could all go to Reddit, but I think having it within the Autostraddle sphere, by and for queer folks, will help the space be more welcoming, too. I know I would certainly rather be vulnerable about not knowing something with you all than on the wider internet. SO! I would LOVE to know in the comments if this is something you all would like to try, and if so, I think May would be the ideal month to try one of these posts where everyone can ask each other gardening questions! What do we think? THANK YOU for writing in!! It got me thinking :)

Not quite a hot tip, but if anyone were willing and able to analyze the style choices and t-shirts in the new MUNA music video… I would read in a heartbeat! Thanks and take good good care. <3

Kayla: Oh wow yeah these looks are GREAT!

I know this is an absurdly demanding request, but I would LOVE it if Kayla wrote an article documenting and analysing all the pop culture references in YJ!!

Kayla: Haha I would love to do this, but right now doesn’t really seem like the right time. Maybe as a little refresher when season two is closer :)

Topic: How to be more engaged in the AS community.

I love the AS community but have not been able to get passed just commenting and liking comments. It’s difficult getting people to accept friend invites and judging from the number of profiles I have seen, very few people seem to be connecting that way. Also groups don’t seem terribly active, but I may be in the wrong ones.

Any suggestions? Would love it if there was some chat capability where there could be “Friday night” chats where people can get online and maybe get to know others beyond their narrow comments. Or even a “midnight chat” for people who go to bed late or actually have a life on Friday nights. I could be ignorant, maybe there already is such a feature?

Lastly, I have a philosophy that “if you want to be part of a community, roll up your sleeves and get to work”. This is why I spend most of my time each week volunteering in local community projects. I would be thrilled to help out behind the scenes (for free of course) doing anything I can. I am much more skilled and accomplished than my AS profile indicates (attended MIT, have Ph.D. and MBA) but like to keep it low key so as not be off putting. Maybe volunteering could even be a group feature: crowdsourcing projects to help create the real sense of a working community. THAT’S ALL. BLESS AS!!

Kayla: I think people use the internet a lot differently than they used to, which is why actual interaction in the comment and via Autostraddle profiles can be difficult. If you’re on social media, I would include your handles in your profile and also seek out other commenters on social media. Participating in the pop-up Discords we sometimes do — including the Yellowjackets watch party I hosted! — is another way to connect with people in a more active way.

Carmen: As someone who’s participated in almost all our Discord pop ups from the beginning, I just wanted to “+1″ Kayla’s suggestion here! It’s a really chill (or intense, but you get to pick your participation level) way to meet other members and find organic connection over shared interests, from gaming to swords (!?!? yes!) to volunteer projects, which it sounds like you’d be into! There’s also spin-off “unofficial” Autostraddle Discord servers that have grown from there and are similarly grouped by location/region or interests. They are silly and fun and also surprisingly a great way to get to know someone on a personal level? They remind me a lot of like, classic 90s comment board culture (and lots of people have akined them to A Camp, if that’s your vibe). They can also be as anonymous or IRL as you’d like.

People are not necessarily using the internet the same ways they were 5 or 10 years ago, but we are working to find new way so to form digital queer communities and for the current moment in time, The discord seems to be pretty lit. We usually host a pop up server a few times a year, so I’d be on the lookout.

Nicole: Absolutely yes to everything Kayla and Carmen have already said! The A+ pop-up discord servers are some of the best places to meet fellow members. We had the last one in March for our birthday and we’ll likely have another discord server this spring, probably in June, so that everyone can reconnect for Pride month. I know that the unofficial spin-off servers are relatively active, and folks jump in during each official A+ pop-up to share them, which I love. Besides that, sometimes we have community posts for A+ members such as this one on our Passion Projects that went up in February where I encouraged folks to submit their social media handles along with their passion projects so that people interested in similar activities could follow each other! It was a popular post and we’ll definitely do more posts like that in the future!

What are some of your most favorite Miami queer, especially QTPOC, spots?? A queer bach crew needs to know!

Kayla: My favorite drag night is Double Stubble at Gramps in Wynwood! Also it is not like an officially queer spot I don’t think but Paradis, a natural wine and homemade bread joint with TINNED FISH is always a super great, queer time…but also not really a bach vibe lol. Tbh I’m not a big nightlife/going out person! Unless it’s something lowkey like natural wine and tinned fish!

Carmen: Ok I annoy Kayla about this every time, but my #1 Miami suggestion is this ice cream I ate in Little Havana and honestly almost four years later, I’m still dreaming about it? Azucar Ice Cream! I also loved and — I mean freaking lovedthe open air market in Little Haiti on Saturday mornings. I still get compliments on all the jewelry I copped there!

A thought as Passover approaches: it could be really cool to see a queer counting of the omer series by the Jewish Autostraddle staff. Maybe not this year since it’s not much lead time, but a thought for future years?

Carmen: Yes, a thought for future years! I’ll forward this along to Vanessa who’s the editor that’s coordinated our Passover content in past years. I’ll also make note of it for myself! Thank you for the suggestion!

Would love to see someone write about the mother/daughter relationship in Everything Everywhere All At Once! The daughter’s queerness is front and center (it’s extremely critical to the plot), and I ended up sobbing because of my gay Asian daughter feelings!

Carmen: Yeah I agree, we could use even more Everything Everywhere All At Once content, it’s literally the only movie anyone I know is talking about!! Unfortunately it only being available in theaters is a hindrance because it’s not Covid safe/accessible, but I’ll put out some feelers and see what happens.

I just read all the comments again on the original Mommi post from 2017, wherein Erin and Kayla effectively broke and remade the Internet 👏🏼 I just have to say brava and tysm for changing my life

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Yes, I know that this is super late (time is false anyway, right?), but thank you so much for the beautiful A+ perks! They showed up about a month ago, and I was totally not expecting them, and I was so happy when I opened them! Maybe it’s just that I’m a sucker for hand-written notes, but the little thank-you card warms my heart every time I look at it and it now lives propped up against one of my monitor stands.

Nicole: I hope you enjoy them and that they make your day just a little bit more bright and gay :)

Good morning, Hope you all are having a lovely pancake day!
After Nicole’s mention of the upcoming membership drive I finally remembered to upgrade my membership, which i have been meaning to do for a while. Afterwards I wondered if it might have been better for the numbers if I had waited for the actual membership drive. So I guess that is my question? Anyway, thank you for all you do and making my life atleast 10% extra queer each day!

Nicole: THANK YOU! It didn’t count toward the drive, but the drive is kind of an arbitrary situation in this case because your upgrade helped regardless, and it helped where it counts, which is in helping to keep us around, which was also the point of the drive — so thank you so much!!! <3.

Sally, TIRTL (which i for SURE pronounce “turtle”) has rapidly become a highlight of my day and i am just so grateful you’ve brought this into our lives!

Sally: ❤️

hello i love the art for the member drive! <3

Carmen: RIGHT!?!?? I simply could NOT stop staring! I lovedddddddd the vibe and hero artwork so much!

Nicole: The artwork was SO GOOD!!! I absolutely adored the way it captured the feeling of being thirteen, in as best a universal way as one can achieve when in fact we all have wildly different experiences of being thirteen, which really came out when we were discussing the theme and the visuals for this drive.

Ok not really a hot tip bc y’all already know! But so excited to hear Shelli Nicole on the Bechdel Cast!

Shelli Nicole: AHHHHHHHH

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21 Comments

  1. I would love a crowdsourcing advice column and I would love it to be about gardening!

  2. I also loved Our Flag Means Death and was/am very emotional about it, in a good way! And yes Vico Ortiz is amazing and the show is actually gay. Here’s a great article about it: https://www.tor.com/2022/04/25/act-of-grace-masculinity-monstrosity-and-queer-catharsis-in-our-flag-means-death/

    Also was totally blown away by Everything Everywhere All At Once, and have read some fantastic writing on it, but would definitely be interested to see something here.

  3. Our Flag Means Death is SO GAY like actually textually gay, not just “maybe if I squint and tilt my head and invent an entirely different plot this is queer” gay! It’s honestly somehow gayer than Black Sails, which I didn’t think was possible. Most of the relationships are M/M or NB/M but I have high hopes for Leslie Jones’ character dating a woman if they get renewed for a second season.

    I would also like to shout out the joy that TIRTL brings to my life every day! My partner and I love to compare who got it in the fewest guesses, they are currently winning.

  4. I’m the one who submitted the tip about Our Flag Means Death! Nicole, it IS about gay pirates! Heather, the show made me emotional in MOSTLY a good way. The penultimate episode is genuinely so sweet and romantic… but the finale introduces some complications. (I’m being vague because I don’t want to spoil things!) If they get a second season, I’m sure David Jenkins (the showrunner) will find a way to resolve the misunderstandings between the central characters with humor and tenderness. I really do trust this team—they’re engaging with the fandom in a way I haven’t seen before, and I think they understand how invested audiences are in the story they’re telling.

    Incidentally… I might be interested in writing about OFMD for Autostraddle, if I can think of a unique angle! Would I submit that pitch to the general submissions form, or is there a particular editor I should contact?

    • Unless you see an editor putting out a call for something specific, the general submissions form is your best bet! :)

  5. i’m obsessed with our flag means death and have literally talked about it every single day since i first saw it so THANK YOU ALL

  6. YESYESYES Our Flag Means Death!!!! I’d love to see it written about here, it’s been some of my favorite queer content this year, and yes hoping for sapphic content in s2 (historical female pirates showing up and kissing pls!) but honestly the representation is so damn good already I wouldn’t mind even if they don’t, I love Vico Ortiz and Jim’s character and the casual queerness of the show

  7. Lol I remembered I put *something* in the A+ priority box recently but I couldn’t remember what and I was reading through this whole thing like “hmm I don’t think I sent any of these so they must not have answered”…it was literally the last thing on the list haha. I really did enjoy the bechdel cast + Autostraddle crossover though! Two of my favorite media things coming together 😊

  8. I was disappointed to find that autostraddle never published a comprehensive Karlie Kloss TS (Kaylor) analysis. You even have Cara as the best friend! Get on it people

  9. I realized I actually stopped reading Drew’s Everything review after part one lol. Watched the movie tonight and now read the full review too!

    Also fully obsessed with Our flag means death, to the point where it majorly helped me process my transition. Might pitch a story about that now that you said you’d be interested in covering the show.

  10. Seconding the Sally appreciation! My spouse and I do the TIRTL every morning and it’s brought me so much joy.

    I’m sad that there will be no new words but glad I can play the old words. And really, coming up with 100 different five-letter AS related words is IMPRESSIVE!

    So thank you Sally for bring joy to all of us queer word game nerds.

  11. Omg I constantly have a half written essay in my head about how all the coming out stories are about people who come out *because* of someone else and the only pop culture coming out I can relate to is Jack from Dawson’s Creek (actually now I’m writing this I think I might have mentioned it in a comment here before…) Maybe I ever actually write it I’ll submit it for consideration here!

  12. Nicole, love the crowdsourcing idea for questions people have on various subjects. I am continuously impressed by the breadth and depth of knowledge in this community and I am confident that for any question someone has, there is someone in the AS community who is an expert on that subject.

    Also, I agree about reddit, I would much rather ask the AS community a question than people on reddit. I have much more confidence in the quality of the responses from this community and in the respectful nature in which they are given.

    Lastly, gardening is near and dear to my heart, so that is a subject I would be particularly interested in!!

  13. Also, wanted to add that I really appreciate you guys taking the time to answer all these questions. I know that several of mine were answered here and it really helps to get your feedback on pressing questions, particularly since I have so much respect for your knowledge and opinions. Lots of warm hugs for all of you!!

Comments are closed.