Hey there starship troopers! It’s the holiday season and we’re here to help you get your shit together in a variety of ways: recipes, kits, gift guides, holiday how-tos and so very much more. Come along with us, won’t you, to Autostraddle Holigays 2011! FYI, if you follow the amazon links from our website when making holiday purchases, Autostraddle gets a little percentage of that money via our Amazon affiliates account, so we encourage you to do that All Season Long!! Thank you!
Hey-o! Raise your hand if you love the smell of commerce in the morning! Well guess what, it’s the afternoon, and if you didn’t make it to the mall today along with the rest of America, then you and I have something in common! I’m presently sitting on a couch, wearing the clothes I slept in, next to Executive Editor Laneia, who is also wearing the clothes she slept in. Luckily we have everything we could possibly need right here at our fingertips, and you should too! Sidenote: If you have any strong feelings about the quality/relevance of this post, I’d like to direct you to this other post, which details about 15% of all the fucking BRILLIANT things we’ve written in 2011.
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Shit You Could Buy Today
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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Complete Series – $57.99 (61% off of $149.95)
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Black & Decker 3 Cups Uncooked Yields 6 Cups Cooked, Rice Cooker – $13.85 (45% off $24.99)
“You don’t have to think about it, you just do it, you just push a button, and then it turns itself off.” – Laneia 
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Head Massager – $3.99 (69% off $12.95)
You’ve probably never seen one of these before, but I have, and it’s actually secretly a life-changing situation. 
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Celestial Seasonings Wooden Chest with Tea, 64-Count – $55.00 (43% off $96.62)
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The Hunger Games Trilogy Boxed Set (Hardcover) – $31.57 (42% off $53.97)
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but these books are like the best thing to ever happen to the world. I promise that you will like them. 
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Angelina “Best Partner” Low Cut Socks, Assorted Designs, 12 Pairs per Pack – $12.00 (67% off 35.88)
These will be really easy to keep track of.
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The Universe: The Complete Series Megaset – $77.49 (57% off $102.46)
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Farouk CHI 1 Inch Ceramic Flat Hairstyling Iron – $59.99 (68% $190)
This is the best kind of hair iron in the entire world, no lie. 
Leatherman 830850 Skeletool CX Multitool – $54.42 (43% off $96)
This seems useful. 
L, XL & XXL Autostraddle This T-Shirts – $18 (regularly $25)
We’re clearing out the last of our “Autostraddle This” T-Shirts to make room for furniture [i have a small apartment] and [SURPRISE]! While you’re in the store, pick up a calendar. SIDENOTE: These shirts will be mailed out on January 2, 2012, because I am not currently in the same location as the shirt. BUT IT’LL BE SO WORTH THE WAIT I PROMISE.
Also you can get crazy Fucking Deals on some magazine subscriptions, like Esquire and New York Magazine, for only $5 a year. Today only, though, so get on it! You’re welcome!
What is Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman? Is this something that I should know about/watch?
only the BEST SHOW EVER. i was addicted to this as a child. although it gave me a fear of rattlesnakes and rabies that was probably disproportional for my actual life.
it’s like a cross between a medical drama (before those existed?) and little house on the prairie, with lots of horses.
Oh man, as a kid I once read a picture book about Louis Pasteur, and I was terrified of getting rabies for months after that. I was certain some rabid dog was going to come charging me from the bushes. I drove my parents batty on camping trips.
Did this book include a 2 page photo of a needle containing the vaccine (made of tiny soldiers to kill the rabies)?
Something like “The Joy of Believing in Yourself”?
I’ve read that. It’s the best. But also terrifying.
Her courage forged a new vision for the Old West. What’s not to like?
I was addicted to this show as a kid.
Also, my last name is Quinn, and one day I will have my Ph.D. (I hope). This will make me Dr. Quinn. I am way more excited about this than I have any right to be.
That is an excellent reason to get a Ph.D. If you ever feel like ‘ughhh I can’t do it anymore’ you can just watch Medicine Woman and be inspired!
And in general, I’ve found that my friends who get Ph.Ds get flirted with a lot. It’s fun to address people as “Doctor” in a sexy voice.
Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman is my old lady crush.
That rice cooker being filled ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP WITH RICE is worrying me.
I just want to help eat it.
here is my proposition: buy 2 sets of the socks, and then break up the “boy/girl” pairs and make a “girl/girl” and also a “boy/boy” set.
altough i feel uncomfortable with the suggestion that my feet have genders. like, my toes don’t have that high levels of testosterone?
my toes are genderqueer
finally someone understands toe otherness
Or you could buy just the one set and mix the “boy/girl” pair with the “ILoveU/Yes!” pair from the top right corner. Then your socks could read “ILoveU/girl” and “boy/Yes!”. Then when anybody bothered to say, “Hey, your socks don’t match.” You could respond, “I know they don’t match, but they do go together.”
I have shoes like this – One set says “love/hate” and the other says “good/bad” so I switch them out to say “love/bad” and “good/hate”
i feel like i’ve seen that head massager in some sort of bdsm porn . . .
I guess if autostraddle makes a percentage when one buys these things? Hard times economically speaking…
yes we do, and actually this holiday season so many of you doing your shopping via our amazon account has been a great help to us!!
i want to buy ALL the things!
seriously guys that head massager gives you a mini-orgasm when you use it. It is amazing.
truth. pro-tip: if you give these out to family/platonic friends for holiday gifts, consider telling them to wait to until they’re alone/not in your presence before trying these out. because, otherwise…things get kind of awkward.
that head massager is brilliant! I have one and is the best!
I definitely second the hunger games. so very awesome.
Ordered Autostraddle This & Unicorn Plan-It shirts. :)
four/two for you, rachel four/two for you
aren’t all the chi straighteners on amazon knock offs?
learn from my mistakes: maybe don’t get the head massager if you’re massively/uncontrollably ticklish! a couple friends of mine have one and oh my g-d, it barely touches my head and it’s already too much. they seem to love it though!
I just need to say that I was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman for Halloween last year
hmm…i’ve always wanted a wooden chest filled with tea.
JUST took advantage of those $5 magazine subscriptions, so thank you thank you. I also bought a $15 yearly subscription to Vogue. WHO KNEW THAT AMAZON HAD THESE THINGS?? I certainly didn’t.
I’m hiding this article from my wife so she doesn’t see the tea sale. If we get any more tea in this house people are going to start trying to dump it in a harbor somewhere. She took that scene from Go Fish literally, I think.
I have a theory about Dr. Quinn. That t.v. has inspired a generation of feminist/outdoor/environmental women between 25-30. Seriously ask any outdoorsy eco-chic you know, she’ll probably love her some Jane Seymour with her two different colored eyes. She’ll fight for racial/ethnic/gender equality and thus be a good person. She will have crushed on Sully, Colleen, and Matthew or any combination therein. Some of the coolest women learned about living from Dr. Q in the “manly” West.
I would just like to alert everyone to the fact that the complete 7 seasons of Dr. Quinn link does NOT include the two movies, you’ll have to click on that little package deal thing that Amazon likes to offer you, if you want to do this right.
I have a friend who had (certainly still has) every single season of Dr. Quinn (and the movies) in high school. We did not have this easy cheap way of getting them all, we had to COLLECT. My favorite was the season where they made the moral easy for you by including an informational message at the end. And also the episode where they turn a little black boy extra into a Cherokee girl by stapling braids to his afro, watch all the episodes, you will see him/her/notsureifzewasdownwiththebraids.