Nurse Jackie Recap

(by Intern Vashti)

Ten things that stressed me out on Nurse Jackie [in honor of the episode’s number one feeling]:

1. Akalitus still has that baby from the last episode and we don’t get anymore information about it in this episode. Come ON! I just want to know wtf this baby is doing here.
2. The temp is high as a kite and is completely useless to the understaffed ER.
3. THE MOM! She lies to Coop about her pain because she doesn’t want to be a burden, is a major bitch to the daughter who brought her there, tries to set Coop up with her younger daughter, and overall just really annoys me.
4. Coop all of sudden decides it’s time to channel his inner child and throws a hissy fit while Jackie is on the phone with Grace who’s having a panic attack at school.
5. THEN! He tells Eddie that Jackie has a kid even though he promised Jackie he wouldn’t say anything. I am SO over him at this point.
6. Jackie smokes like a maniac at the restaurant with Dr. O’Hara because her world is starting to fall apart. Also, she’s smoking American Spirits which are super expensive and, I mean, in this economy…
7. Coop makes a total dick move by asking the older daughter [does she even have a name?] if her younger sister Melissa would go out with him. I was already so over Coop a few scenes ago now I just want to slap him in the face.
8. When Jackie tells Sam the Temp to leave because he’s hopped up on Valium, he snaps at her saying “it takes one to know one.”
9. Grace is just so sad at the end that it makes my heart cry. I just want to give her a big hug.
10. Honestly though, I think what stressed me out the most about this episode was how underwhelming it was for me. I have such high expectations for this show and this week I found it to be mediocre.

Intervention Recap: Follow Up Chad & Brooke

(by Tinkerbell)

Hello Autostraddle. This is Tinkerbell. Because Riese dosn’t like follow-up television episodes of The Intervention show except for the one where “everyone was gay,” I will briefly recap this week’s episode for you because as a dog with one good eye I can no longer do needlepoint.

First we have Chad, the bicycle man. Chad did crack. Crack is whack. He is returning to the lands of Italy’s roadways now because he is no longer smoking crack but instead is smoking fools like you on the b-ball court. He is going to be an Italian bicycle champion like spaghetti and meatballs. At 15 minutes everyone begins to worry he will relapse and then he does and then he gets better. There are lots of sunrises and lots of words.

Dear Intervention,
Show don’t tell!
Love, Tinkerbell

Brooke has a twin sister but her twin sister is not an oxycotin addict like Brooke was because of arthritis. She should just smoke the reefer. Once they came over to film her little life and she was on the ground with blood and glass. Still Brooke said she was not an addict but that she is managing her pain. This makes about as much sense as taking a coconut to the homecoming dance.

At the intervention Brooke looked crazy but didn’t move much so I was not worried for the health of her family. Then she went to Rehab and got big gazoombas and did good then took all her Seroquel in one day. Then she got better again and was walking around and everyone was happy like when dolls and stuffed animals come to life and stop slobbering so much.

I feel there were a few morals to the story.

1) Chad is boring
2) Crack is whack
3) People sometimes get better for a while and then get bad and then get better and so on until the end of days.
4) Don’t do drugs
5) Addiction is a disease
6) Life is hard

True Blood Recap

(by Laneia)

I bet filming the orgy scenes is more fun than you and I will ever know. I mean, everyone’s naked and there’s a chick in a bull mask!

Flashback City, baby! I love flashbacks sosososo. Bill looks better in the 20’s and 30’s because his hair is off his face. Also, flashbacks make me not hate Lorena so much — she comes off as practical and warm, at least towards Bill. Um, Frances looks like a Strawberry Shortcake doll, which means I love her.

“You smell like her. Sweet… and cheap.” [Lorena to Bill]

And then Lorena said, “You are such a wet blanket.”,  and we fell madly in love with her until our head spun.

Isabelle’s exchange with Eric regarding intimate relationships with humans is interesting and gives us a much needed insight into the vampire mind:

“Tell me, what is it that you find so fulfilling about human companionship?”
“They feel much more strongly than we do. Everything is urgent, exciting. Maybe because their lives are so temporary.”
“Yes. They certainly don’t keep well. Don’t you find the prospect of him grow old, sickly, crippled … somewhat repulsive?
“No, if find it curious. Like a science project.”

Hoyt and Jessica are adorable virgins ALL CAPS! If the Jonas brothers were this adorable, they’d be, like, exponentially more adorable than they are right now. You know? Blood-scented candles smell like soup!

“Oh I totally woulda been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it” [why we love Jessica}

Best Part: We find out what Maryann is!
Best Part #2: Godric!!! So hot.
Worst Part: Bill’s bangs.
Worst Part #2: The near-rape of Sookie. Do not want.
Looking forward to: What will happen to Eric? How will they kill Marayann? When will Sookie change her clothes and GO HOME?

The Colony Recap

(by Intern X)

Do you love post apocalyptic books and film? Is Resident Evil 3 in your top five movies? Because this new television show “The Colony” is a reality TV show based in an end of the world simulation. How jealous are you of the people who get to do this? I am very! And rule of thumb, I’ll watch anything on the Discovery channel.

The first day they set out simply goals, clean water, plumbing, and security, it’s like reading about early civilizations straight out of a textbook. This show makes me nerd out every 5 seconds.

So the first episode introduces you to the ten volunteers who all have valuable skills, there’s a doctor and a nurse, mechanical and computer engineers, a solar power tech guy, a marine biologist, basically everyone you want to form your new world posse. They land in an abandoned car factory filled with tools for them to start re-building. The first day they set out simply goals, clean water, plumbing, and security, it’s like reading about early civilizations straight out of a textbook. This show makes me nerd out every 5 seconds. They made a giant Brita filter out of garbage bins sand and charcoal, cool stuff!

So you know how in the 60’s there were a slew of unethical psychology experiments (the Stanford prison experiments, the Milgrim test,etc.) happening? well if this show was a physiological experiment it would be horribly unethical. But as “entertainment” they can starve,sleep deprive, scare, and basically treat the volunteers horribly for ten weeks. And it’s so interesting to watch! The women have started cooking and cleaning while the men mostly are on security detail, so obviously in the new world patriarchy still exist. It’s also an educational tool, when the world ends do you want to be the only person who hasn’t seen this show? Watch it on the Discovery channel Tuesdays at 10.

Weeds Recap

(by Intern Nicole)

We open in Nancy’s hospital room where Pilar has shown up. Pilar says “Do you wanna know why I have never had children?” to which Nancy replies, “Because you would eat them and children are super fattening?” No, no, they are just inconvenient, obviously. Nancy ends up putting Andy’s name on the birth certificate, Silas & Doug try to enlist Dean to get back their weed and that situation ends with Doug’s penis, Dean’s drawer and a lot of screaming. Celia tries to enlist Dean to help her get out of her cosmetic-selling contract and instead comes up with a plan to sell the weed with the You’re Pretty cosmetics.

Baby Botwin returns to its (his) happy home. Silas and Shane stare at him, Shane thinks he is going to want to play soccer, ya know, because he’s half Mexican. Andy won’t give up his bed. Andy has no sympathy for Nancy finally but Lupita knows how to get Nancy what she wants and is funny – and hey, she surfs.
Andy shaved for a special visit to Dr. Alanis at the abortion clinic where there is an interesting protester outside. Then Andy and Dr. Alanis’s date doesn’t go well ’cause Dr. Alanis wants someone who’s farther along in life. Seeking substance in his life, Andy agrees to be the father.

They have a bris, Dr. Alanis comes to see how the whole “gangsta baby daddy” thing turns out, Esteban — unhappy that his kid is Jewish – crashes the party & argues with Nancy. He kicks things before leaving the happy family alone for now. For the record, I think Diego would have been a much better name for the baby than Stephen aka Stevie Ray.

So You Think You Can Dance Recap

(by A;ex)

Well, I’m unfortunately less than underwhelmed by the dancers this season. So it’s a good thing that the show brings on a bunch of dancers and routines from the past as well as really cool guest performances, like this one from the Jabbawockeez (of America’s Best Dance Crew fame) from last weeks results show:

AND. OMG. Somehow we skipped over this last week — my favorite dance probably of all times. The icing on top of this cake is that Wade Robson dances this routine he choreographed (originally from Season 2) with them: *head explosion*

Melissa and Ade were eliminated Thursday night, leaving the Top 4 to battle it out on tonight’s finale.
Just for the record, Autostraddle officially endorses Jeanine:

our Hot Girl of The Week!

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