You might recall when The Bachelor’s Krisily Kennedy caused the Lesbian Internet to explode back in late October by announcing her bisexuality in Life & Style Magazine. Riese’s coverage of this historic event, replete with award-winning graphics, caused a mini bisexual meltdown from our readers, because the word “bisexual” has that affect on the internet.
Krisily was best known for her stint on super-hetero reality show The Bachelor. She made it to the final two in 2005, and then later went on to appear in The Bachelor Pad, described by Riese as “about what happens when your girlfriend kicks a bachelor in the nose and then uses a menstrual pad to stop the bleeding.” Then, at the October 21st GLSEN Awards, Kennedy came out to the magazine, said she’d just broken up with her girlfriend of a year, and that she was open to love with people of all genders.
Here’s the thing: Krisily Kennedy is a real person with a real story and a real sexuality and why speculate when we could just talk to the source. She reached out to Riese, Riese thought it would be awesome to have an interview with her and so did I and now here we are!
Honestly, I had a kickass thirty minutes or so talking to Krisily, learning about how none other than Kate Moennig inspired her gay awakening, her friendships with The Real L Word girls, how supportive the Bachelor fans have been, and why she was so hurt by our reader comments insulting her bisexuality.
So you reached out to us to clear the air on your coming out interview that exploded on Autostraddle last month.
Well, my main concern was that everybody based their opinion of me off that one interview in Life & Style. And that one interview was not completely accurate which we all know happens so many times in the press. It had some wording that I wasn’t real happy with and that was one of things I heard a lot of people respond to. Specifically, it was the one line that claimed I said “kids were unnecessarily killing themselves.” Like I would ever think that kids could necessarily kill themselves. Totally not the wording I used, but whatever. No one called me to verify or elaborate on that supposed statement – ever. I had read other blogs that were writing about me but for some odd reason the Autostraddle article had tons of comments – and the most of any articles you had posted that week even. So I figured maybe Autostraddle would be willing to talk one-on-one with me, rather than posting a bunch of really old pictures of me which weren’t exactly recent… which was fun [laughing]. I mean some of those pictures dated back to 2002, which is hysterical. But it was fun. I took it all in fun. You can’t get mad at things like that when you are in the media in any way.
What inspired you to come out in Life & Style?
I’ve been doing red carpet since the first Bachelor Pad last summer and I’ve never in my life gone to a red carpet. I had no idea what they consisted of. When I did The Bachelor we weren’t famous and I still don’t think that we’re famous. But we do have voices and I try to use them for good once in a while. When I started doing all these interviews I started realizing that “Okay, they care what I have to say.”
I’ve always had kind of a Facebook following, but I wasn’t on Twitter. So I joined Twitter and I started seeing like “Wow. There’s 7,000 people who give a shit about what I have to say.” And to me that was really powerful. And so when I started doing the interviews I started, little by little, talking about different things. And whether it was like dog rescue or whatever. And I have been dating women for three years but that part of my life I have never talked about. I was dating men before that so I didn’t necessarily see that it was important for me to lead with my relationships. I felt that there were other things about me that were more important. And then last year ALL those kids started killing themselves. It was literally, I’ll never forget like a week where there were literally six boys. And I couldn’t believe that teenagers, at any point in their life, thought that it was that bad. Because I went through stuff. We’ve all gone through stuff and I don’t ever remember saying to myself “I’d rather be dead.” So at that point it was like, “Okay, I can come out and start talking about it or I can not.”
[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw0Ic_p3HVA’]
When did you know you were interested in girls? Were you hooking up with girls in high school?
Oh no! I was the girl in high school that would go out with a bunch of friends and my friends would make out with each other to get the boy’s attention and I’d be like, “Oh my god, you are disgusting.”
If you want to make out with a girl because you like her, go for it. Go for it. But you’re just making out with her for a guy’s attention? I honestly didn’t want any part of it and I would leave. And I was never disgusted by “gay.” I mean, my cousin is gay and I’ve always had people in my family and friends who were out. ”Gay” wasn’t something that was like a disease for us. You know what I mean? I didn’t grow up in a place that people didn’t agree with it. It just wasn’t talked about and I never, in high school or any of that, had a crush on a girl or any of those things.
So, I moved to LA five years ago. My ex-boyfriend and I got a dog. He traveled for work and I had no friends so I went to the dog park everyday. I met a girl at the dog park who turned my world upside down is the only way to describe it. Every time I saw her I wanted to throw up — in a good way. She used to make me nervous. I would sweat. I couldn’t form sentences. I had no idea who she was. It turned out, of course, that she was an L Word actress that I had never heard of because I didn’t know what The L Word was. I was a straight girl from Rhode Island.
Krisily & Oscar
Who was the girl?
Oh, who do you think? Come on. Who turns every straight girl on The L Word?
Wait. You met Kate Moennig in real life and this happened?
She used to frequent a dog park and I don’t know how comfortable she’d be with me telling people that. But she would always keep to herself and we’d sit in the corner and my dog would play with her dog. I would sit and talk to her every once in a while. And she just turned my world upside down. I was like, “Oh my god.” My best friend at the time was like “You have a girl crush.” And I was like “No way! If I was going to like girls, I would have liked girls a long time ago. This doesn’t happen at my age. You see it on Oprah. It’s not real. They’re acting.” Not that I ever didn’t think that it could happen I had just never seen it within me before. But there was definitely something…. [laughing] that I liked in her. Who doesn’t? First of all, she’s gorgeous. She’s really really nice and she’s so NOT that kind of celebrity that’s all over the place. She’s very to herself and we used to laugh about how we liked people more than dogs. I would go to the dog park EVERY day looking for her for months. But I honestly had no idea who she was until I turned on the television. [laughs]
gay yet?
So, wait a second. You became friends with her. You had no idea who she was. And then…
I wouldn’t say “friends.” We didn’t exchange phone numbers. You know what I mean. We weren’t like…I don’t have her phone number. We didn’t exchange e-mails. We would just sit and talk at the dog park. If you live in L.A. or you know anyone who lives in L.A. you know everybody who has a dog goes to the dog park. And what happens is you end up meeting dog park friends. Actually some of my best friends I’ve met from the dog park.
But how did…
She would sit in the corner by herself. And she had a little Chihuahua mix Pit thing and my dog would always go play with her dog. My dog was a considerable amount bigger so I just approached the girl in the hoodie at the table said, “Hey, listen if she gets too aggressive, just let me know. She doesn’t usually play with small dogs.” And her, she looked at me and she was like, “Well, she doesn’t like any dogs so let’s let them play.” And then we would just sit and bullshit. I mean, literally, it was nothing more than talk on a bench over dogs.
What year was this?
God. When did I move to L.A.? Four years ago?
So The L Word was still on the air.
Absolutely. Oh god, yeah. What happened the day she left to go film I had said to her, “Hey, maybe I’ll see you next week.” And her reply was, “Well, I’m going to Canada for work for a little while. Maybe when I get back.” And I absolutely think that I left my phone number on her car, but obviously she never called. [laughs]
Aww. So did you ever find her again at the dog park?
No, I don’t go to the dog park anymore because my 285 lb dog doesn’t do too well with Chihuahuas. [laughs] So we don’t go anymore and I’ve never seen her since. Actually I’m lying. I saw her one day in West Hollywood at a juice bar in line in front of me and I couldn’t form a sentence to even order my juice. It was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.
That’s so funny. That is the greatest story ever.
It IS the greatest story. Then she left to go to Canada and she walked out to her car and I remember this dog walker came up to me and she’s like “Don’t you know who that is?” And I was like, “No.” And she’s like, “Don’t you watch The L Word? You live in West Hollywood.” I was like, “I’m a straight girl from Rhode Island. What the hell is The L Word?” I then proceeded to watch every single episode within a month. [laughs]
[laughs] I’m dying.
So I called my mom. The best part was, I’m very much what you see is what you get, and I don’t think most people understand that about me. And so I called my mom instantly and was like, “I met this girl at the dog park. And her name is Kate and she makes me want to throw up.” And my mom was like, “Excuse me!” [laughs]
Oh my god. Okay, alright.
Never seen her since. You know a little dog park conversation. But I then kind of tested waters and decided maybe I think I want to do this. I had been in a relationship with a guy for a really long time, and he was my best friend. I told him this was going on and he didn’t like it. We didn’t talk for a while. So I started dating women and my first girlfriend is now my best friend. I wouldn’t really call her my girlfriend, but we definitely dated. Some of my best friends… I think every lesbian is friends with their ex-girlfriends. But I’ve consistently dated both since then. So it’s been three years where I’ve consistently dated men and women.
How many serious relationships have you had with women?
Two.
How long did they last?
My last one was about a year. It’s like the one that will never end. The one before that was a little under nine months.
Why did you decide to come out now?
It was a really hard decision because I also feel like, through talking with my family and my friends, people do not believe in bisexual. They don’t believe it. And you know what, until I started dating women I might not have either. I might have looked at every girl who sometimes dated boys and sometimes dated girls and said, “They don’t know what they want, they’re toying with people’s emotions and they don’t exist.” And I want people to know that they do. I feel like it’s important because I feel like we call ourselves an LGBT community and there’s a “B” there for a reason. But yet we don’t appreciate it, we don’t accept it. I’ve had a harder time with lesbians and with gay men coming out than I’ve had with my straight friends and, to me, that breaks my heart. That is so much harder to take.
It’s harder for you to come out to lesbians and gay men than it is to your straight friends?
100%.
Because of them judging you?
Yeah, and to me that’s a huge deal. I wasn’t going to come out because there’s so many reality stars…I hate to even call us stars because we’re not, we’re just people that took a chance. That’s all we are. We got a little TV exposure so people look up to us. I think that’s important for them to know that we’re no different from them. All we did was we took a chance. That’s it. We took a chance on a stupid TV show and decided, “Hey, I want to do something different.” So we got a little notoriety.
I feel like we call ourselves an LGBT community and there’s a “B” there for a reason. But yet we don’t appreciate it, we don’t accept it. I’ve had a harder time with lesbians and with gay men coming out than I’ve had with my straight friends and, to me, that breaks my heart.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of us that don’t do great things with it and then there’s some of us who just want to make a difference and that’s where I’m at. I want to get more involved in LGBT stuff, whether it’s GLAAD or GLSEN or the It Gets Better project, and do the NOH8 Campaign and go out and talk. And I said,”Well, it’s great if I’m just this girl from The Bachelor that talks about it, but if they know that this actually affects me. If I’m in a relationship with a woman and I can’t get married because the government tells me I can’t, I think they might listen a little longer.”
I didn’t ever want it to be misconstrued as a publicity stunt. Like people thinking, “Oh, she just wants to get more camera time.” I actually had a tabloid say that to me. They were doing an interview and when they overheard what I was saying they literally stated the fact that I was just trying to get more press. And while, unfortunately, I understand that people do that, you also shouldn’t doubt someone without knowing who they are and where they come from. So I guess that’s what made me come out. I did not go to that GLSEN event saying “Oh my god! I’m coming out tonight.” That’s totally not how it happened. There was one guy who wanted to interview me and he was from Life and Style. And he was like, “I have to ask you, you were on The Bachelor looking for a husband… why do you always talk about LGBT rights?” And I was like, “You are the first person who’s ever asked me that and I will tell you the truth.”
He literally had tears in his eyes. He’s like, “I can’t believe you are sharing this with me on the red carpet.” Honestly, I could have sold the story. I could have made some quick money, but that’s not what it’s about for me. For me it’s just about…we can’t ask, as a community, for respect if we can’t respect each other. And for somebody to come out…like if you go read the comments on that thread, 90% of them are lesbians saying that I’m desperate, that I’m looking for press, that bisexuals doesn’t exist, and that’s was so sad to me. And that’s why I tweeted Riese directly and said, “Hey, why don’t you talk to me directly.”
Would you marry and potentially have kids, spend the rest of your life with a woman?
100% without a doubt. My last girlfriend, I 100% thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I told my family.
And what happened?
She became very sticky is the only really way to say it. I am very independent. I will not be controlled by anyone. I think the one thing that I learned about dating is that someone in the lesbian community is that they tend… women are a little bit more controlling than men and girls get more jealous. I can’t really…with what I do…I can’t really do jealous. I think that was the only stickiness that there was. I still love her to death. She’s awesome, great person. I just don’t think that we were meant to be in a relationship and, unfortunately, that happened a lot later in the relationship. I didn’t see it in the beginning. But she’s a great person.
I like going to events and talking about things that are important to me. Not because I want my picture taken. I have enough pictures of myself. I don’t need to see what I look like. But it is very important for me to get out and say “Hey, listen I want to marry whoever I want. Why don’t you want me to?” Because I feel like the more people you talk to, the more people you can reach and that’s what we are all trying to do.
Can you elaborate a little bit more about what it’s been like since you’ve come out?
You know, my friends and my family, they all knew. I’m very open with my family. They know everything. If I have a foot ache, they know. I told my mom first and, of course, she said, “You live in West Hollywood. It’s just a phase. You’ll grow out of it.” And then she started to realize it wasn’t a phase. I came home that first Christmas and explained from my aunt to my grandmother to my 18 year-old little cousin…I sat down with everyone and said, “Hey, listen this is me.”
And I know that from the family that I have that I am really really lucky. I have a couple of little cousins that still have a hard time with it, but I’m lucky. With my family, they’ve all been great. My dad, I don’t really know because I don’t really talk to him, but my family’s been great. My friends have been great. Actually the thing that I’m most shocked at is The Bachelor fans have been AMAZING. Because that’s my group. Those are the people that follow me. Those are the people that want to know where I’m going or what I’m doing. And those are the people that I was the most afraid of. I never, in a million years, thought that I would get more hate from an LGBT website than I would from The Bachelor website. I never thought that and that’s how it’s been. It’s crazy.
So when you were on The Bachelor you had no idea?
Oh god, no. Oh god, no.
I want to talk a little bit about The Bachelor. Well, I don’t watch the show so I obviously wasn’t aware of who you were before you came out. [laughs]
[laughs] Don’t feel bad. Don’t worry. God, I feel bad for the people that watch it sometimes because we act crazy.
But here’s the thing. I am fascinated, however, by reality TV. You know we cover a lot of The Real L Word, I watch Jersey Shore, so I’m very clued in to reality TV in general. What I do want to know from you is…talk to me a little bit about what it’s like being on a reality…not specifically being on The Bachelor, but just about the reality show experience. I know a lot of things are manipulated. I know that The Bachelor, by and large, is pretty much bullshit. Can you tell me to what extent it was reality and what extent of it was manipulation by producers?
Well, okay, here’s my thing with reality television. Everything is different. Right. I’m friends with the girls on The Real L Word. And I’ve known those girls for a long time and…
Who are your friends from The Real L Word?
Rose is a good friend of mine. Romi is a great friend of mine. Those are the two girls that I’m definitely the closest with. I see Whitney out at events and clubs. Romi and Rose and Sara and I live on the same street so I see them all the time. We talk all the time. We went to see Twilight together. They’re great girls.
How did you become friends?
I went on a date with one of their friends [laughs]… not on the show. By the way, Rose is like the Godfather of lesbians. If I can say that term. She really is. If you want something to happen you just call Rose. It’s freaking hysterical. You know, I had a really bad taste in my mouth about the show. I can’t lie. I love, I love, I love, I love Romi and Rose. I don’t think the show does great things for lesbians, but people watch it. That’s all I’m gonna say about that show.
How would you compare your experience on The Bachelor to their experience on The Real L Word?
They have more control than we did. We were put in a bubble. So imagine being taken outside of your home, your family, your group, everything. No phone, no internet, no family, no email, no magazines and you’re put in a house that’s filled with cameras and a bunch of girls. And now you’re fighting over one guy. And they’re taking you on all these amazing dates with this one guy and expecting you not to fall in love, but you can’t talk to anybody, but the people that you are with. And there’s a house full of alcohol.
So I have to honestly say that in my perception of what I did, yeah, there’s manipulation, but in the way that they get you drunk. You don’t have anything else to do but drink. So we all know that we’ve all done stupid stuff drinking. I don’t drink for my own life, but everybody does stupid stuff when you get drunk. So they give you alcohol, they put you in a house and they start filming you and you have nothing else to do but literally fight with the people that you live with.
So you were not drinking during the show, but everybody else was?
Right. I never drank on the show. You know its funny, because people would beg to differ because my first season I was The Bitch. I was the monster. I was the one that caused all the problems. I was the one that was always fighting with all the girls. But I did that of my own accord. That’s me. I will call you out on your bullshit. That’s just kind of my style. I don’t have patience for people that say their favorite color is blue cause they’re with you but their favorite color is green when they are with Bobby. You kind of just have to be who you are and own it. I mean, that’s just me. I was the trouble maker the first time around. The second time around, at 32, I’m a little older and had no patience for the drama and just wanted to go home.
Why did you go on The Bachelor in the first place?
The first place? Because I lived in Rhode Island. I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship. I had caught my ex cheating on me. The funny part about how I wound up on The Bachelor is that they did a casting at a bar where I used to work, about a year and a half before I went on the show. I did not go to the casting because I wanted to be on the show. I was the bartender. All these girls were coming in and doing their interviews so I heard all their answers and their questions and I would make fun of them. Not because I was being mean, like “Oh, they’re dressed bad.” But their answers were just such bullshit. They weren’t giving the answers that they wanted to give. They were giving answers that they thought the producers wanted to hear and I was just laughing. I was like, “Oh my god, can any of them actually use what they actually think.” And I just kind of poked fun at them. And then they would have me make fun of them because they thought it was funny. I was like, “Sure, why not?” And then they called me every month for a year and I said “no.” Then they called me three days after I caught my ex cheating on me and I said “sign me up.”
Wow.
See they knew…they knew I was going to be the trouble maker. You know what I mean. They knew I was going to call people out. And they think, they were like “she’s perfect.”
Can you make a living as a former Bachelor contestant? How can you afford to live?
[laughs] I am a retail assistant by day. I’ve done retail for about three years and I’m also television hosting. I’ve been in L.A. for five years and I’m still looking for an agent and all that. But I worked for the Boston Red Sox for a season and a half on the east coast and I have a six season show about Harley Davidson on the east coast as well for NESN, which is the New England Sports Network. So that’s what I love and I’m really good at. Well, I think I’m good at it [laughs] That’s what I’m trying to do, but full time I work as a retail assistant…
What’s your type physically and personality-wise aside from Kate Moennig?
[laughs] I tend to like girls who maybe played on their high school or college basketball team. Not super boyish, but I like tomboys. I’m not super attracted to girls that wear dresses. So I guess my style is definitely tomboys. I like that they still have a male energy, but they are feminine. I really like that. I think that’s the perfect balance.
And what about personality-wise?
You know, I guess I want somebody who has their shit together. Can that be a personality type? [laughs]
[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_MUnn31iCA’]
It can! Somebody who’s reliable and dependable. That’s my type as well.
Yes! The thing that I found…it’s funny because…and I’m going to say this and I’m going to get so much shit for saying this but the thing I’ve found in West Hollywood is that there’s not many girls who have careers. And I understand that cause I don’t either and I feel like I can’t really say…it’s like pot calling kettle…like I can’t say “Oh, you don’t have a career. It’s unattractive,” cause I don’t really either. But at the same time I need stability in my life and I want stability in my life. I want, whether it be a man or a woman, I want them to have their shit together. I want them to have a career or going toward their career. I don’t want the jealous nonsense because we’re in our thirties and we don’t have time for that anymore. I want somebody who compliments me, not fights me.
What’s your favorite book?
Eat, Pray, Love. It changed my life. [laughs]
How did it change your life?
I was just at a really low point. I think it kind of…that book is what showed me that I had more to do. That I had to keep talking and that I had to share my story because…I’m working on a book. That’s my passion right now. I’m writing a book because I feel like I’ve had some pretty amazing things and pretty horrible things happen in my life that I’ve never shared with anyone. I feel like people look at me and they see a “pageant girl” or a “Bachelor girl” and they have no freaking idea what my life has been like. And I feel like…I know that we all have stories and I think that we all need to share them. I want to start a website where people can just go and literally share their stories because people need to hear other people’s stories to know what they are going through. So that if they have this stuff going on and they’re not alone. And that it’s scary but you’re going to get through it and you’re going to be successful and that book proved that to me.
What kind of music are you into?
My favorite singer is Matt Nathanson. I’m obsessed. That was the best thing that came out of my ex-girlfriend. That was the best thing that came out of my ex-girlfriend. She introduced me to Matt Nathanson and for a while I couldn’t listen to him cause it kind of made me sick, but, as much as I love him now, that’s the best thing that came out of our relationship. Matt Nathanson.
Is there anything else that people don’t know about you that you would like to share?
I think that the most important thing for me was that I felt so judged by all the comments on that article and I don’t mind being judged because I think when you put yourself out there you have to expect that, but what I do care about is that we, as an LGBT community, are constantly talking about how we want to be treated equally and how we don’t want to be judged and how dare you. How dare someone that’s been judged on their sexuality their whole life tell me that my sexuality doesn’t exist. For me that’s the most important message that I can get out because the people that read your website aren’t the people that read mine. The people that go to my website are middle America Bachelor fans and I do what I can with them to teach them the tolerance or the acceptance that we need as a community. But what was hard for me was finding a website that is so LGBT related and so amazing, I mean you guys have so many people on that website, to see that article go up in flames and to see people say such negative things. That hurt more. Because some straight people may say things like “Oh, she’s desperate, she just couldn’t find a guy. She’s gonna go try girls.” That’s not the case and I don’t care because that just shows me that they are simple minded and I understand because they just don’t know any better. But when lesbians dare tell me that I can’t be bisexual, then I want to tell them “you can’t be gay.”
Pages: 1 2See entire article on one page
I wanna know if Sally Hershberger aka “The actual Shane” has that pull, too. I’d love to know if the charisma would work on me lol.
You know, I never realized that Shane was modeled after someone. Once I googled Sally Hershberger, I realized that I had heard of her before, though. I just never put that together. But I live in the midwest; I don’t know all the WeHo stuff.
Yeah. Some of them are thought to be based on real people. Off the top of my head:
Bette – Ann Philbin – Director of the Hammer Museum
Shane – Sally Hershberger
Niki – Lindsay Lohan (confirmed)
Dawn Denbo and her Lover Cindy – Sandy Sachs and Robin Ganns
Jenny – IC
etc.
As this guy says at 16:22 “You know we know! C’mon” lol http://qik.com/video/3021768
Anyways, that was a cool interview. Thanks for that, Jess.
Did Chaiken really model Jenny after herself? That is hilarious…
That would also explain a whole lot!
I knew about Ilene Chaiken = Jenny Schecter because she said that in interviews early on, which I always thought was hilarious because of her complete misunderstanding of “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” and Amy Bloom and some of the other literature that Jenny read or quoted, especially early on. Ilene’s literary pretentiousness was as entertaining as Jenny’s was.
HOLD UP – Sally Hershberger is gay?!
I’m so glad she had an interview, she had a bunch of interesting things to say. Plus that Kate Moennig story is kind of unbelievable.
Kate must have thousands of toaster ovens
Dear Jess,
I could not be more jealous if I tried. Krisily Kennedy sounds lovely.
love always,
Lizz
Krisily was a delight to chat with! Kinda wanna be bffs with her.
Can i just initiate an internet slow clap to that last paragraph?
I know..Right..She just simultaneously round-house kicked and bitch-slapped all those negative commenters square in their gold-star bragging faces! If all bisexual ladies are this awesome, I may need to get me one!
hang on, I remember the most negative comments were from one weird anti-bisexual person and then everybody else totally called her/him out and told them to stop being a douche, and really stood up for krisily?
it’s a shame only that one negative person stuck in her mind, she doesn’t have an agenda coming out and seems like a really nice girl.
It is a shame, but I think most people are likely to remember someone really awful versus a dozen good things, especially when it’s something as big and personal as coming out.
This was an awesome interview
Hi Krisly!
I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings in the comments from the original Autostraddle article about that line from your other interview. You seem very nice and like a real human being.
Sincerely,
asshole internet commenter
Amen, sister. I didn’t realize I was queer till 24. I’ve been living with my girlfriend for over two years. My parents still think it’s a phase, but I finally feel whole.
“Bisexuals: we exist.” Can that be our new slogan?
It’s sad that we would need that as a slogan.
Ok…How ’bout a t-shirt with Bigfoot, the Lochness Monster and Little green aliens all with the circle and slash through it over them and underneath “But Bisexuals: We exist!”????
I can make you that shirt! I would also have to make one that says “lesbians: we exist too!” though, because it does also work the other way. I’ve heard a lot of “Every person is sexually fluid, really!” stuff, and that isn’t true either.
Lesbians and bisexual girls – we can get along! I know this to be true because I have actual bisexual friends. And they are not hiding in the wilderness, or scottish lakes, either.
that should be on a bumper sticker
You know what? That’s super funny because there’a actually a campaign for bisexuals visibility that has actually that name: http://visible.bisocialnetwork.com/
I got increasingly crazily happy as I read more and more of this interview. I am so glad/impressed that Krisily contacted AS to set the record straight, and did so in such an articulate and endearing manner.
The initial article I took to be a light-hearted poke at the way the media sensationalises the comings-out of even the most dubiously famous people. I think the people that chose to be dismissive based on bi-hate/erasure or Krisily’s reality-fuelled celebrity might have forgotten there was still a real person there. I hope they’re feeling a bit sheepish about that now, but probably not, because it’s still the internet.
I think the community needs to hang on to people with intelligent things to say about queer issues, whatever their background, so best of luck to Krisily in whatever she pursues.
i didn’t realize i was bisexual until i started having feelings for the girl that trained me at work. and now we’re engaged.
great interview! krisily seems like a lovely person!
I’m so horrified by the comment threads on that last article. My head is so full of expletives that I can barely type. Ugh.
I always respect people who stand up for themselves, you go girl!
Hey you. You’re bisexual!
This interview was 100% made of win :)
I think you mean 100 Maddows of win :)
I missed most of the comments on that initial article about Krisily – wow, that got really uncool. I’m really glad that you followed up with another interview with her because she should get to give her point of view. And she seems like a pretty cool woman, too.
That Kate Moennig story is hilarious! We should just send her out to as many public places as possible so the gravitational pull of her charisma will pull all the gay and bi women out.
“I think every lesbian is friends with their ex-girlfriends.”
PsssshhhhhSSSSHHHHH.
Other than that, she seems delightful.
Right? I think this is a stereotype that needs to stop because my ex keeps using it when she talks to me and I’d really kind of like her to stop because I have no intention of being her best friend.
COMPLETELY agree.
The story about Kate Moennig is the best thing ever!! I guess “Shane” really is the role of her life, heh.
Great interview Jess, I didn’t know anything about Krisily Kennedy or the previous comments’ shitstorm last month and it’s awesome that she took on contacting AS. She sounds like a smart and funny girl and had a bunch of interesting things to say, thanks to you two. :)
I’m glad that she approached Autostraddle to set the record straight. After reading this article my opinion of her just got better and I think she’d be a great person to talk to. I feel mad at the people putting her down >:(
Anyhoo, I wish Krisily the best and her pic at the pool is really adorbs!! I’ve mentioned this in the previous article about her but I DON’T. GIVE. A. FRICKING. DAMN! XD
Hey bi girl, don’t stop get it get it.*
*I am trying to make this happen.
That story about Kate Moennig is UNBELIEVABLE. Like, it seems like it came from a lesbian romantic comedy. I would totally watch that movie…
This is a great interview, guys–I’m happy to see Krisily get a chance to speak for herself. Don’t let the assholes get you down, Krisily!
WHY ISN’T THAT A MOVIE.
Now THAT is the kind of chick flick this chick would go see.
thank goodness for this article. absolutely loved it. it’s incredibly disheartening to have one’s queerness questioned, especially by people within the community. props to krisily for speaking up- as a fellow bisexual, i definitely needed it!
Just wanted to say I love your username!
why, thank you! i actually dressed up as the good doctor for a few halloweens, only in the feminine version of the uniform. my love for star trek knows no bounds, haha.
dear commenters, especially the ones who may have noticed their comments on this thread getting deleted:
if you’re interested in having YET ANOTHER flame war/ Oppression Olympics on this fucking bisexual topic then good news! That conversation has already taken over EVERY SINGLE OTHER THREAD THAT MENTIONS BISEXUALITY ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE so you can just go take it up there ( may i suggest this post, this post, this post, this post. or this post). I swear we cannot say the word “bisexual” without it going up in flames.
And you know what? Nothing changes, everyone gets upset, and honestly it makes us hate our jobs. Often it devolves into arguing over sweeping generalizations and hypothetical situations that ultimately have nothing to do with the actual topic of the post. IT’S BORING. you’re never gonna agree on this, just shut the holy living fuck up. Recognize that you dont actually have to share every feeling you have the minute that you have it. There’s a time and a fucking place.
I know I sound like your Mom right now, but my #1 feeling reading the end of Krisily’s interview was shame. I’m embarrassed that her story was treated that way on a site that claims to be smart and about community and love. i’m embarrassed that instead of continuing to praise me for my fantastic award-winning Krisily Kennedy graphics on that post, y’all started fighting about bisexuality again.
I’m really sorry that the post about you devolved into that situation, Krisily. I really am. I hope you know that 95% of the time, it’s not like that here.
This declaration has nothing to do with my own personal opinion, which is irrelevant and probs would surprise some of you. But you know what? I’ve had no desire to join these fights because, well, firstly I recognize that my opinion and your opinion are not mutually exclusive, but mostly because I want to be HAPPY today. i’d like to have a NICE FUCKING DAY.
this is supposed to be a safe, supportive environment for EVERYONE. on both sides. okay? can you all just be nice today. can you let your love for humanity, peace and togetherness overwhelm your passionate venom for flame wars?
i’d really like that.
so if your comment got deleted, that’s why.
Love
Riese
Well Riese,
Lesbians can’t really relate with the bisexual/pansexual/fluild/whatever stuff. Maybe make more lesbian stuff on your site and make it less “BISEXUALS R US.” That might solve your problems. Just saying.
love,
Laura
*BIG INTERNET BEAR HUGGGGG*
there, do you feel nicer now?
<3
Autostraddle’s not a lesbians-only site, but I think I know another one that might be right up your alley! http://www.afterellen.com/
Oh snap!
what? afterellen is notorious for being heavy on the bi stuff. really though, are there any sites such as this that focus more on lesbian topics?
Have you spent any time on the forums, or really, in any of the articles other than the ones on Lisa Diamond or the Skins US recaps?
Also, can you and Laura here just be honest and admit that what you’re looking for is a site that ONLY discusses lesbians and where bisexual topics (and I’m guessing, bisexual people as well) are not welcome? Because neither AfterEllen nor Autostraddle lacks in lesbian-specific content.
I’m not going to give you any of those sites, because I’m not really in the interest of promoting prejudice against people like me. However, I’ll give you some other sites:
http://www.binetusa.org/
http://biresource.net/
http://bisocialnetwork.com/
Do you see any differences between these websites and the ones you two consider “heavy on the bi stuff” and “BISEXUALS R US”?
Anyway, the joke about AfterEllen is it’s well-known basically to everyone except biphobic lesbians that AE claims to be “bi-affirming” while doing absolutely nothing about the rampant biphobia on their forums.
Btw, “any of those sites” was supposed to be “any of those sites you want”
Why do I have visions of Rick Perry sitting in his shadowy lair laughing menacingly and thinking “They can’t even get their shit together as a community!” And he’d be right! He and his kind don’t hate you because you’re a lesbian and him because he’s gay and her because she’s bi etc..They hate US! ALL OF US! because we are different. Not “normal” by their standards. That’s where the word “queer” originated from people! How the hell can we expect to achieve any kind of equality in society as a whole when we are unwilling to grant it to each other within our own community? “LGBT” folks..We are all..ALL…in this together. Get your shit together and join this movement..Stop dragging your heels it’s just slowing us down. When you judge any one of us as “less than” yourself you are no better than the Rick Perry’s of the world..Not a group I’d want to be lumped in with.
Wait, Rick Perry reads autostraddle?
Doesn’t everyone?
You be. Rick reads with his left hand on the keyboard leaving his right wing is free to massage the masses.
Well Laura,
That is a strange and inaccurate interpretation of our content
xoxo
Riese
I really want to go to BISEXUALS “R” US!! Boys could get pink stuff and girls could get super heroes and it would be a really good place to meet pretty girls who, because of facing criticism all the time, are also crazy tough and articulate.
You win.
The best place.
“Lesbians can’t really relate with the bisexual/pansexual/fluild/whatever stuff.”
Aw man, why’d you have to tell me that? Now I have to stop relating to it. Way to sour my queer internet experience, lesbian hive mind. :(
Don’t worry, just wait ’til the rest of collective is engrossed in the Sunday night Xena marathon, then you can re-route your optical nerve and assimilate the shit out of all the queerdom without anyone noticing.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
The only flaw in that plan is that then I’d be missing Xena.
YOU SHALL NOT RELATE.
Lesbian Hive Mind would be a great band name.
Personally I like the ring of Lesborg.
I’d really rather talk about Star Trek too!
Dibs on playing drums!
No one called bass yet? Well, dibs on rhythm guitar!
Bass for me!
I’ve always wanted to learn the mandolin.
Its not fair, you have all the fun stuffs…Well i’d play the maracas! xD
Yeah, because carrot soup is definitely pansexual.
1) I made the carrot soup for dinner..Will that make me bi?
2) I hate the word pansexual as it makes me think of sex with someone in tights who refuses to grow up and refers to their lady parts as “Never-Never Land” (shuddering)
I always think of the little goat dude with the flute.
ME TOO
Things people have assumed I am attracted to when I say I am pansexual:
Pots and pans (and I think maybe kitchenware in general, based on their phrasing)
Pan the nature god
Peter Pan
Pandas
I still am a big fan of the word, though.
I hear that pandas aren’t even really pandasexual. Poor things :(
Once when I told someone I was asexual, they asked if that meant I was sexually attracted to plants. Which…. I don’t even know.
Laura, this is for you girl:
I think Autostraddle is big enough for the whole alphabet.
By the way, what a great interview. Loved it!
That sign is freaking awesome.
Ways that I, as a lesbian, can relate to those who are “bisexual/pansexual/fluild/whatever stuff”:
– I think girls are lovely. So do they!
– I like hummus. So do they! (Most of them, anyway. I don’t judge.)
– I have hair. So do they! (Unless you shave your head. That’s hot.)
– I breathe air and bleed blood and drink water. So do they!
– I’ve been told that I shouldn’t be/do/think what I am. So have they!
– I think that you’re being kind of mean and judgy, but I still love you. So do they, probably!
– I want to live my life the way I want it. I want to go to work and hangout with friends and make out with my (future) girlfriend and eat gluten-free vegetarian pizza and maybe dance a little bit. I want people to judge me on what, not who, I do. I want to love my friends and be loved in return. And I want to look fabulous, sometimes femmey, sometimes a tiny bit dykey, all the while.
Holy shit, guess what? So do they.
Right, um, my best friend is a straight guy and we kind of relate on EVERY LEVEL on account of, you know, there being more to life than my sexuality?
I mean, sure, we both like girls, but it turns out we also both like Star Wars! But I sure feel alienated when he talks about Transformers. Doesn’t he know that lesbians find it hard to relate to giant robots?
Lesbians will never be able to relate to Shia Labeouf. If your best friend really loved you, he’d stop making you feel all alienated and oppressed with those Transformers comments.
I know! Check your robot privilege, dude!
Maybe it’s because I’m bisexual, but I love me some giant robots. Never Shia Lebeouf, tho.
Me neither. And I’m also bi.
I feel like Shia Lebeouf is one of those guys that only straight girls find attractive. Also Channing Tatum. Don’t get the appeal there at all.
Actually, I think only robots find Shia LaBeouf attractive, which explains why he was cast in Transformers.
Megan Fox was put in there for the rest of us.
I find Shia Lebeouf more attractive than Megan “Sexy Face” Fox, which is not to say that I find Shia Lebeouf attractive at all.
That’s how it should be, but I did have a friend in middle school who was obsessed with Shia Lebeouf (this was during the “Holes” era).
What I really can’t understand is how he got CAREY MULLIGAN to date him!
I absolutely adore this comment. So do they!
Why are people so scared of bisexual people?? I mean we have one thing in common: we both like women!! Why should there be a lesbian-only site when we are interested in the same thing??!
I am a lesbian and I am proud to be apart of a website that includes all gender identities. Because we all matter.
<3 Love this article.
“Lesbians can’t really relate with the bisexual/pansexual/fluild/whatever stuff. Maybe make more lesbian stuff on your site and make it less “BISEXUALS R US.”
You don’t speak for me. I love this website and how inclusive it is, like, I really love it, I love it more than I love tumblr I think. Yeah I do.
Hey Laura, how about not trying to speak for all lesbians. The majority of positive comments on this post make it pretty clear that there are plenty of lesbians out there who are very interested to hear about women who like other women, regardless of whoever else they also happen to like. If you can’t handle any posts on a website that don’t cater exactly to your very specific interests, the Internet is probably the wrong place for you.
Also, Riese isn’t the one with problems that need solving.
Maybe lchat is more up your alley. Autostraddle is for the queers, while lchat is for the gold star, lipstick lesbian, no butches or bis allowed type of community. Bye bye.
Riese,
I want you to know that some random girl on the internet (aka me) loves you and your awesomesauceness.
thanks!
Riese. I love you. Undyingly. Forever and always.
xo
Hey Riese, just a random thought: Looking at the articles you linked, lots of the nasty comments are by people who are not members. Maybe you could modify your comment system so that only your site’s members can comment? That is just a suggestion, and if you feel this comment does not belong this thread, delete it please. It is you guys’ site and not mine, of course. I just thought I would say that. ^_^
And yeah, I realize it is kinda silly that I am not commenting from my member account (I do have one, really, I need to reset the password, I never really utilized it…ah, but that is neither here nor there). I am mostly a lurker anyway. I tend to stay away from comments sections on lots of sites (looking at some of the things here and the other articles reminds me why…). That said, I do you like reading you guys’ articles, and I think you do great work. So thanks from me for all your work and efforts. <3
There we go! Now I am a member again.
Alternatively, maybe you could just do that on certain articles. Okay, I am done with the unsolicited advice now, I promise!
Actually, reading over what I wrote, I realize that’s not really helpful nor insightful nor on-topic. Just ignore me.
yeah, i wish we could do that — i actually turned on that function for a few hours yesterday so that i could take a bike ride without having a panic attack — but in the past when we’ve required readers to log in in order to comment, everybody yells at me.
Yeah, I realized that wasn’t a worthwhile suggestion after I wrote that. Hence, another reason I shouldn’t have really said anything (and usually do not comment much anyway). Sorry about that.
Gah, didn’t meant to post twice. Sorry for the spam. >_<
That’s no fair that people yell, though. It’s your site – you’re doing all the heavy lifting and paying the bills, so comment moderation should be your prerogative. I know people throw fits about “free speech” but that only applies to the government, not privately-owned websites. You should get to moderate the comments in a way that makes it possible for you to live your life, and also set rules for the site. If you write up an commenting policy and refer people to it, they can make their own darn website if they don’t like it. :)
Im not a member but i love comenting in this site… I’ll be nice, i promise! xD how can i be a member?
Volunteer moderators?
I personally think we should have more moderation of biphobic and otherwise hateful comments, but I think the solution is more just to have all the unregistered comments go to the moderation queue first rather than not allow them at all. Because while it’s true that almost all of the “shit-starter” comments (in general, not just on the bi-related articles) come from unregistered users, often ones who will never comment on any other article, I don’t think it’s fair to punish the vast majority of our unregistered users who say productive, insightful things.
I may be wrong, but that could be a lot of work for someone to ‘approve’ each non-member comment…
Actually, can I apply for that job? I’ll totes do it if it means I get to be part of the AS team!
God… I just love it when you that angry! xD gggrrrrrr!! xD xD no seiously, you’re right… I agree with you!
Hey bi girl,
“Recognize that you dont actually have to share every feeling you have the minute that you have it. There’s a time and a fucking place”
^This so fucking fucking hard, respect and I am glad you said it. Stay sexy.
I just asked my bisexual girlfriend her opinion: “Fuck..It’s just a word..Call me ‘para-emotional’..Or how about omni-libidinous…Ooh..No..Dys-sexic! I date who I date because I’m into the PERSON! And if you don’t think that doesn’t make me ‘queer’ by societies standards then..then..then your sleeping alone tonight!” Needless to say she’s plenty queer enough for me!
She sounds really funny! xD
Ok, clearly people missed my theme from the first Krisily Kennedy post that went to hell. Therefore, I will repeat it now.
HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Seriously, I have enough hugs for everybody.
Um, I’m in love with you and your HUUUUGGGGGSSSSS approach to conflict resolution. I feel like this is revolutionary and amazing.
“Revolutionary and amazing”..And a damned clever way to get up close and personal to the ladies in a non-threatening way! Totally stealing this approach! Gettin’ my “hug” on!
Lots-O-Huggin!
I love your HHHUUUUUUGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS theme so much. SO MUCH. it makes me smile every time I see you virtually hug someone. Why can’t our world be a world of people like you. Why.
BIIIIIIGGGGGGGGG HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSS <33
I’m not bisexual and I don’t hate bisexuals. Can I still have hugs? HUGS ARE MY FAVORITE THING YOU GUYS.
Okay okay so I gotta say that I have new respect for bisexuals after reading this. I think its definitely a touchy topic for lesbians particularly, I think because of the jealousy bit, but the most important thing is respecting someones SELF identification. I also think people respect the claim a lot more from someone in their late twenties and past that. I’m sorry that your celebrity status made people question it, that’s unfortunate, but I think mostly we like to use a high-profile case to get out frustration, which is really obnoxious and unnecessary. If you don’t want to date a bisexual, don’t fucking date a bisexual. Its pretty easy.
Riese, you can delete this comment if you want but I think krisily did the interview to clear up the airspace and deleting every single comment that doesn’t say ‘i love you forever’ is a bit disrespectful to her as well as the community here that isn’t interested in flame wars, but wants to actually address the main thrust of the interview itself.
In other news, I like me a fierce woman and the part about how she got on the show was pretty brilliant.
i’m deleting arguments, not opinions. also your comment is actually about the interview, unlike the others. i can appreciate nuance, i think.
All I’m going to say is that as someone who is not only a commenter but a WRITER for this site, it’s really hard to feel like an equal member of it when your sexual orientation is always a “touchy topic.”
x2
This is the greatest thing I have read this week and it is only slightly more great than the initial post, the renamed pictures of which (“the-doors-a-lesbian-though” was by far my favorite) had me laughing so hard in my office that my boss came in to see what was the ruckus and I got caught redhanded trolling A/S at work. I am so happy to see Krisily get a chance to share her personality with us and she sounds like a really lovely person. Also that story about Kate Moennig is the most ridiculous and crazy thing ever and I will probably not be able to shut up about it for another week. Kisses!!!
PS Lizz you’ve got some competition for the future Mrs. Kennedy – also I use to row in college? Does that count as sporty?
Hell yes, rowing is “sporty.” I just started rowing, and I suddenly have muscles popping out where I had no idea I even had them. Amazing!
Meh. She’ll be married to a dude any day now. I’d be more impressed if she actually went public with one of her alleged “girlfriends.”
http://lgbtcenter.ucdavis.edu/lgbt-education/words-that-are-biphobic-and-why
Correcting the internetz/a person’s perspective, espesh those hiding under the guise of anonymity is a damn tough job, I salute thee for thy initiative :)
Maybe it’s because I identified as bisexual for so long before finally settling on queer (really more like pansexual but that’s just ridiculously hard to explain), but I have never understood the hate lesbians have for bisexuals. At all. We go on and on about how sexuality is fluid, and only you can accurately determine your sexuality, and you do you, but then people flip the the fuck out when someone comes out as bi. I mean, really? It’s just so counter-intuitive and discouraging. Kinda reminds me of the lesbian hate the early feminist movement had in some ways.
Whatever, this was adorable and awesome and now I want to take my dog to a dog park and find the cute girls. Krisily seems really nice and awesome! Wonderful interview!
“we go on and on about how sexuality is fluid, and only you can accurately determine your sexuality, and you do you, but then people flip the the fuck out when someone comes out as bi.”
No, I don’t think lesbians, in general, feel this way. I think this is actually used AGAINST lesbians to undermine their sexuality. There is some general feeling that women have fluid sexualities, when in reality being a lesbian can be a very concrete, tangible thing. I think lesbians have an issue with this projection onto their sexuality, merely because they are women, while men’s sexuality is viewed as definite.
Hm, ok, I can see your objection to the word “fluid” when talking about women’s sexuality. I think the phrase “sexuality is on a spectrum” would work better maybe? But then you have the people who’s sexuality is actually pretty fluid and would move up and down such a “spectrum”. I think that’s where the phrase “you do you” comes in. I was really parroting a lot of the articles and essays I read about sexuality when I used that phrase, but whatever. Oh, also, I’ve known plenty of lesbians who see their sexuality as pretty damn fluid, but less gay men. I think this maybe comes down to socialization? Like, since women are socialized to not have a sex drive anyways, they have more room to mess around with it when they do discover it on their own, while men are told they have an over active sex drive and only in one direction, so this makes their thinking about sexuality a bit more rigid then women?
I think the problem is that some people (which includes some women) have fluid sexualities but some people have a hard time not projecting that on the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD
I shouldn’t to continue to hijack this nice Krisily Kennedy post to talk more about various sexual orientations when Riese has nicely asked us not too… but…
“we go on and on about how sexuality is fluid” — I kinda think you’re understanding that term differently than how term is usually used?
Like I think you mean to say “we go on and on about how there is a broad range of sexual orientations between heterosexual and homosexual” – that’s definitely true; people fall in lots of places on the scale between hetero and homo. I think what most fair-minded people here would agree with that.
“Sexual fluidity” is a little different than though – it means that a person may move around on the Kinsey scale at various points in their lives. Many women report this to be true of themselves, but it isn’t necessarily true of all women.
This is where some lesbians get defensive, because some people out there on the internets want to say “all women are sexually fluid.” I personally don’t feel that I’m sexually fluid. But I understand if other women report that they are. This is a part of the “you do you” I think.
Sorry Riese, if you think this is maybe an inappropriate place for this, I understand.
Darn, you clarified your comment as I was writing mine, Lieutenant BlueBerry! Dang slow internets. :)
ha, it’s okay steph, i almost broke my own declaration and commented myself.
some women feel fluid, some women don’t!
lesbians have a right to be taken seriously when they say “i like women and only women and that is never ever ever going to change, ever.” it’s incredibly insulting to tell a lesbian who says she’s confident that women are her bag, always have been and always will be, that she’s just not evolved/conscious enough to recognize her own “fluidity,” or to tell her that “most women are fluid” and therefore she probably is too. it’s annoying to tell a lesbian whose identification as a lesbian has been really fucking difficult — the lack of civil rights and etc — a lesbian who has likely had to sacrifice friends/family/safety/health in order to be who she is — that she’s just floating around on a continuum just like the rest of the girls out there! That’s SO belittling to lesbians, and it’s stupid to imply that there’s any chance she’s gonna flow on over into some dude’s pants. no. no no no. she is who she says she is.
AND those who feel “sexually fluid” have a right to be taken seriously when they say “i am sexually fluid, it’s on a continuum,” etc., whatever. it’s insulting to tell someone who feels very certain that their sexual attraction to ppl isn’t set in stone based on gender that they’re just “confused” or that they’ll “figure it out” one day. they have figured it out. they’ve figured out that it’s fucking fluid. she is who she says she is.
AND those who say they’re bisexual and are attracted to both men and women have a right to be taken seriously when they say “I am bisexual.” It’s insulting to tell someone who has done the standard soul-searching to figure out who they are, which comes with its own challenges and stigmas, that she’s just having a phase, or even worse, that she’s literally LYING about who she is and that really she only wants to ride the male hobby horse alllll the way past tuna town. she is who she says she is.
and that
my friends
is you do you
This is why you are one of my heroes.
Riese always says it the best.
I kinda want to frame your comment and hang it on my wall, Riese. Perfect.
-some women feel fluid, some women don’t!
Can we make THIS an AS bumper sticker, and get on with the rest of our lives?
Krisily seems like a nice girl, btw.
Well holy crap that blew my slightly incoherent musings right out of the water. I am once again reminded why riese is one of my favorite writers. I second the AS bumper sticker idea!
I agree with this comment so much. Everyone should be able to self-identify and have their self-identities respected.
ok, i can appreciate this comment.
I’m not gonna lie, Riese. That comment literally just lifted a burden that I’ve had since middle school. I didn’t realize I liked girls until middle school at which point I came out as bisexual. Then in high school, I stopped being attracted to males and had this girlfriend and all these new gay and lesbian friends and so I re-came out as a lesbian. Then, to my surprise (and especially to the surprise and dismay of my gay and lesbian friends), I fell in love with a guy. So at that point I didn’t know what the fuck I was, so I sort of jokingly came out as a “lesbian with one exception”. It’s been bothering me SO HARD for so long.
But now you’ve made me realize that I don’t have to “figure it out” because I have! :D I’m sexually fluid and I feel so happy to not have to care about finding my label now. Thank you! An internet comment changed my life! 8D
Also, I’m sure a lot of people would interpret my history as me just being a confused bisexual. But I really don’t feel like I’m bisexual because there are many conditions and factors that I don’t care to get into right now that tell me I’m not a bisexual. And the people who don’t think bisexuals are a thing would argue that I’m either straight and confused or a lesbian and confused. But, also wrong. So ima do me now, thanks.
Hay girl, my bff calls me Shane for a reason.
I’m just saying, if you can’t get Kate, I’ll be around.
(also, mad respect).
oh you
I love how you suddenly lost the power of speech once she mentioned Shane.
Krisily, thanks for being brave and feisty and honest and loving who you love and telling a wonderful dog park story.
Jess, thanks for yet another wonderful interview.
Riese, thanks for creating this space and working incredibly hard and doing what you can to keep this place filled with love and not hate.
As a person who comments fairly frequently and considers this community to be a home of sorts, I’m embarrassed and disgusted. How can we expect the rest of the world to love and accept us for simply being human beings if we can’t accept our own brothers and sisters?
I felt a hell of a lot more accepted by this site when I identified as “straight but confused” (under a different username) than as bisexual. Not because of anything said directly TO ME, but because of the flame wars that inevitably break out when someone mentions bisexuality.
Also actually, we didn’t have any shitstorms at all on my article about male bisexuality. Which I think tells you everything you need to know about them (the shitstorms).
And that was supposed to be a response to Riese’s long comment.
Nice one, Jess and Krisily. I’m glad this happened.
also, the ‘gay yet?’ caption made me choke on my coffee. funny.
I’m sorry I made that rude comment about your gel nails, Krisily.
This reminded me of when Karen apologized to Gretchen at the end of Mean Girls. ^_^
Gotta start taking my dog to more parks; there might be a les rom-com waiting for me.
Very cool of Krisily to reach out to AS and share some of her story with us. Much respect to her. I didn’t read the flame war (’cause that kind of stuff gives me anxiety and makes me feel ashamed for humanity) but I imagine it takes some guts to put yourself up before a formerly less-than-friendly audience and be vulnerable and say “hey, you hurt me, my sexuality exists, and this is me.”
Mad love to the bisexuals, shut the fuck up to the haters. I like this followup. Well played.
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.
I think if Willis keeps hugging everyone we can have a lot of nice things!
I think Willis’ hugs are very nice things :)
I appreciate the credit you all are giving my hugs. And I will rise to the challenge. In order to ensure that AS readers continue to be allowed to have nice things, I will tour the world, doling out hugs to all the internet trolls who so desperately need them.
And to all the beautiful queer folk who frequent this site of course :)
I really liked this interview Jess/Krisily! The Shane story is fucking epic.
It’s really funny given how many other girls have discovered their homo- or bisexuality through The L Word and Shane in particular. What a hilarious coincidence!
er, not really a coincidence? that was a weird way of phrasing things.
more like a phenomenon.
I am one of the many bisexuals here on Autostraddle, though I often feel the need to curl up in a ball in the corner when it gets discussed.
I guess my feeling is maybe lesbians are so dismissive of bisexuals because they feel that is how they are treated? Like if the right guy came along they would turn straight, but they wouldn’t because they really only like girls. While us bisexuals just like to flow with which ever hot body has got us well hot. Which also lends to the “it’s just a phase” thinking, but it isn’t a phase, its an attraction to a specific person regardless of gender.
If that makes sense to anyone else. Anyway my point was Thank you very very much for this post. Krisily does a much better job than me articulating the fact we should ALL be supportive of each other. Negativity will only breed more negativity.
Yeah..Sorry you feel that way sometimes..A persons insecurities about a partner leaving stem from within themselves, not within the relationship..I just don’t get the hate and judgement..When I asked my bisexual girlfriend why me, she said “You make my teeth chatter” Good enough for me! And since I’m a lesbian, and she has all the lady parts it’s a win/win!
im so glad that the people who did the original shit stirring aren’t regular on this site, otherwise i wudda stopped giggling at the sidelines a looonng time ago. that was a sad day. Krisily and kates adventures would make a kick arse mini web series. maybe kate could star as giant cardboard cut out dana-styleeyy avec chiwawa :)
OMG yes yes!!! I love the idea of the mini series with a Kate cardboard cut out!!
I completely missed the original flame war, I just saw an article about a reality tv star and went “next!” but I did read this and wow, mad respect! great interview. and the shane story is just amazing.
I really oughta watch the l word properly sometimes. it aired late, and it was the l world so it wasnt as if I could watch on the tv on the living room you know? so Ive watched eps here and there but out of order
so,um,go kelly, sorry krisily. awesome story
I totally relate to the “see her in the juice bar later, have no idea what to say” part. Fucking awesome that Kate Moennig has that effect off the screen. Keep on keepin on Ms. Kennedy. I think it’s really valuable when people in the public eye are out, assuming that is possible in their life situation. I personally appreciate the efforts you’ve made to be out about your bisexuality.
Wow. Thank you so much for this. I can’t come up with anything intelligent to say other than I love every part of this interview. Go Krisily for responding so bravely and eloquently to the haters. Reading this made me feel so good because the comments on the last article hurt so much.
Now I’m just sad I’m not a tomboy because Krisily is the greatest.
SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE SHANE
if I met her, I would probably call her Shane on accident.
And then pee my pants.
Hey!!
WOW, is all I can say such a big thanks to Riese and Jess for the follow up. Loving all the chatter and of course all love too. Thanks for letting me share my side of the story and be heard and thanks to all of you that read it and didn’t just click next! The more we talk and share the more we grow!
HUGS to you all! We are all fighting the same war so if we stood together it would be so much easier!
LOVE YOU! xoxo
Krisily you are inspiring. Thanks for speaking out!
Love,
a fellow bisexual girl and major red sox fan :)
krisily, what a brave and awesome way to respond to all the hate on the first article! i really admire you for this. :) keep being amazing!
ps i am pronouncing your name chris-ill-EE, is that right?
Thanks so much Krisily! This is one of the best interviews I’ve read on AS and you are, as others have said, very brave.
I feel we should point out that if you wanted to send along lots of new pictures of yourself, Krisily, to make up for the old ones that got posted on the original article, I don’t think any one would object at all. :)
Nope, no objections here! *grins*
Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for standing up and publicly representing your community when so many others are afraid to be out. You responded to your haters with such class and smashed a few stereotypes in the process too :) all best!
Thanks for reaching out to us to set the story right! It’s really shameful for us as a community that you even needed to do that… You also seem like a deliciously clever woman. I’d do the same thing if I was part of a reality show :p
Thank you for your visibility.
Thank you for the smart interview.
Thank you.
thanks, Krisily, for interviewing on AS, and sorry for the mean hate-mongering trolls. also, GO SOX!
I’m from RI, maybe you should come back to the east coast…
I need to get a dog or start walking my cat. I need more gal pals! To the parks I go lmfao!
jess i love this interview! the shane story is actually amazing — like, i’m amazed. that was almost my exact fantasy re: meeting kate moennig, except obvs @ yoga class bc i don’t have a dog.
ANYWAY thank you krisily for calling out the idiot commenters and standing up for a whole slew of people! awesome. also you put your PHONE NUMBER on kate moennig’s AUTOMOBILE like a pro, which is just like — ? — omg. so much respect.
i feel laneia is drawing attention to a very crucial element of this story that has been overlooked:
“also you put your PHONE NUMBER on kate moennig’s AUTOMOBILE like a pro, which is just like — ? — omg. so much respect.”
THIS
I am upset that most of the comments are overlooking what is clearly the most important part of this post and that is that Krisily MET KATE MOENNIG.
Just kidding, the most important part is obvs that this is an interview with someone who is representing the queer community well and doing what she can to make EVERYONE in the community feel more accepted.
Thank you Krisily for having the grace to handle the situation well, the ability to look past your hurt from the previous comments to do the interview, and for being such a wonderful representative of bisexual women. You communicated so many of the feelings that I struggle to on a regular basis.
Great interview Jess! Also, Riese, I didn’t get to comment on the original Krisily post, so I just want to take this opportunity to acknowledge you on your sharp journalistic prowess. And your desire to keep this community accepting of ALL of its members, regardless of their sexuality.
Also: those pictures with the truck and the pinup hair. Wow. Just wow.
The dog park story is like the GREATEST STORY EVER. Bisexuals are awesome and so is Krisily Kennedy! I’m a dog walker for a living but unfortunately the majority of people I meet are crazy/drunk/male. I even had to have someone arrested on the trails last week. : (
Hey Gurl. This is what KStew thinks of your biphobia:
http://bit.ly/dax2Ow
Hi Krisily. I’ve got legs. Do you like bread?
I’ve got a french loaf! Bye!
……….I love you
Just gonna leave this here
http://www.autostraddle.com/groups/bisexual-celiac-support-group/home/
this article was fantastic, and so was Riese’s comment. AS <3
Aww…Krisily Kennedy sounds like a real cool bird. Glad y’all interviewed her. :)
Also- This is why I have always supported a completely separate term for people who are open to loving (not just sexing) multiple genders. The term bisexual no longer cuts it and its time for something new.
Except doesn’t homosexual mean open to loving, not just sexing, people of the same gender? And heterosexual means open to loving, not just sexing, people of a different gender. So why can’t bisexual mean open to loving, not just sexing, genders that are the same and different from your own?
Just because the word “sexual” is in there doesn’t mean it is only referring to sex.
Not necessarily.
Sometimes sexual means just sexual. Lady Gaga identifies as bisexual but she’s also said she’s not romantically interested in women.
@chrissie riot- exactly my point.
I appreciate the classification that asexuals use. Obvs the aces aren’t looking for sexing, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want relationships and sometimes those emotional/loving relationships they want are straight or gay or bi so they say they’re homo/hetero/bi-romantic. I like that it creates a safe space to admit in these terms that I might be sexually attracted to a group of people that may not necessarily be the same as the group of people that I’m romantically interested in.
To use the Lady Gaga example she might identify as bisexual but heteroromantic and there’s not even a single thing wrong with that.
This is a really good point that I didn’t think of.
I totally agree that there is nothing wrong with a “Katy Perry-I kissed a girl” type who is only sexually attracted to girls. I guess I always just thought of that as “straight, but sexually attracted to girls.” But really they are heteroromantic and bisexual, by what you’re saying.
The one problem with this is it will get confusing for people who use “homosexual”, “heterosexual”, or “bisexual” etc. to mean romantic & sexual attraction versus those who use the -sexual ending to mean just sexual. Like what would the word for a lesbian be? “homosexualromantic”?
meh labels are so confusing i don’t know how we can fix this other than you do you
OH MY GOD INTERN GRACE SO MUCH WIN
OMG this needs to be real
that’s my girl
I do my best to contribute to intelligent conversation.
I bow down and worship.
This made me orgasm.
My work here is done.
she often does that
Oh you.
You’re so talented, Grace.
I’d thumb up this, but there’s currently 69 thumbs up and I don’t want to ruin it.
This was a fun article. She sounds so cool, up front and articulate. She definitely called us out on the comments. It’s also on AS that I read about the harm that our bisexual community experience either by drinking more, not seeking aid because of fear of judgement not only from the queer community but from the hetro community. We have all read about teens killing themselves because of the hate. Not everyone is as strong as her to come back here and stand up for herself. Its not right that people shrink back because they feel inadequate. Im kenyan, its illegal in kenya to be caught “performing homosexual acts”. I assure you that they do not separate bisexuals from lesbians. Ive written all this and yet feel like I am not articulating myself properly, I hope you get the gist.
this interview kind of changed my perception of bisexuals… in a good way of course lol
I will always be ashamed of the bi-phobia of my past, past as in pre-AS. Admittedly I had imagined that bisexuality did not denote a social distinction in the same manner that gay, lesbian etc. had,being tragically inclined to cite heteronormative privilege, and operating under the illusion that since they have one foot in hetero-dom, “bisexual” was not about undertaking an identity beyond
sexual, having zero stake in championing LGBT rights or seeking community. This article was amazing and that final paragraph makes me weep for all of the queers that find “bisexual” to be an illegitimate category of identity. We need each other, and also, evidently, Shane.
“We need each other, and also, evidently, Shane.”
preach
Great interview Jess, Krisily seems like a wonderful person and it was great to get her perspective.
To quote the great Kate Moennig as Shane, “Sexuality is fluid, whether you’re gay or you’re straight or you’re bisexual, you just go with the flow.”
Forget labels. Love who you love.
I’m straight, so I find next to nothing that caters to my sexual lifestyle on Autostraddle, but that doesn’t keep me from loving this site’s content (even us straight girls can appreciate a fine set of boobies!). Why do we have to separate everything? Lesbian issues, gay issues, trans issues, bi issues, straight issues,…can’t we just view these things as HUMAN issues?
I’m uncomfortable with that last statement, but I can’t really pinpoint why. I think it reminds me a little too much of men who say they aren’t feminist, they’re “humanist”, and seem all smug about it (NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING). Possibly because of the phrase “human issues”. Also, maybe because each group of people you mention have different positions in society and while a lot their issues do overlap, some of them are unique to their group and saying otherwise kinda seems like erasure to me.
I think, ultimately, what Nina is trying to say is that these issues shouldn’t only be addressed or relevant to each of those groups; they affect all humans because what kind of a world do we want to live in if not everybody is equal? Equality isn’t a women’s issue, or a queer person’s issue, it’s a HUMAN issue.
Hm, yeah, ok. Then it is just the phrase “human issue” being too close to the word “humanist”. Sorry, too many run ins with overly privileged men who find moral superiority in calling themselves “humanists” and look down on anyone who says they are feminist. Bad associations there.
Not a problem. :) Paper0Flowers hit the nail on the head, and articulated my thoughts in a much clearer way!
Just for the record, though, as someone who identifies as a “humanist” – don’t get a bad impression of the world because of the way it’s been misused by douchey dudes. It really just means someone who has a great concern for human welfare and social justice.
Doesn’t this come down to an issue of visibility helping with acceptance, though? We know that it is easier for straight people to accept that we are not freaks when they personally know one of us, or when we are more visible in a rounded way on TV and in films. Isn’t this the same for the various elements of our LGBT community?
Doesn’t it make it easier for us to accept each others’ various sexual and gender identities when we get to know (if only internetually) people whose identity is on a different colour of the LGBT rainbow than our own? For example, I know that I’ve learned a lot from Sebastian and Annika about trans* issues.
I think it would be a shame if we all split off into our own little special interest groups and began to lose sight of what we have in common, focussing only on our differences. It seems to me that it would also be a lot easier for homophobes to undermine us through each other, if we had little understanding of our respective points of view.
“We’re the colours of the rainbow
Everybody’s on the yellow brick road”
:p
i like this
I officially joined AS (after lurking for waayyy too long) just so I could “like” this comment. Thanks for saying what I’ve been thinking!
Welcome! Now you can say what you’ve been thinking yourself! :)
Wow, I love her hair/outfit in the pin up photoshoot. Yep, don’t have much to add here that hasn’t already been said. Awesome interview and persons involved, pretty much.
I stopped reading the comments to the previous article when people started criticising her nails (seriously, guys). Glad that I apparently didn’t get to the biphobia. Us queers gotta stick together, c’mon; in-fighting is what the enemy WANTS.
a world where we cannot all bond over our mutual love of boobs is not a world i want to live in.
I love boobs!
Carry on…*hand gesture*
(.)(.)
(This comment brought to you by the Keep Comments Classier Than Flamewars Organization, which I just made up.)
That should be a new ASS group.
Would we boob-bomb controversial comment threads?
I AM SO BEHIND THIS.
Done! http://www.autostraddle.com/groups/keep-comments-classy/
It took me So. Long. to figure out why my eyes were frequently (embarrassingly!) drawn to women’s cleavage. Doh!
great interview, jess! thanks for contacting riese, krisily…you are an awesome and (perhaps unintentionally) hilarious human :)
So thanks Jess, Riese, and especially Krisily (and Grace! omg)for a great interview.Riese, you are a very good and smart human.
You know who’s really going to benefit the most from this, right? All our dogs! More trips to the dog park!
I’ve never watched The Bachelor or read through an entire interview before, but this one was really compelling. Keepin’ it real.
I feel like I just want to point out that to me the comments on the original post weren’t as shaming as Krisily made them seem, like there was maybe 4 or 5 people who posted biphobic idiocy and the rest of the comments were the AS community being amazing as usual and trying to shout out the biphobia.
I mean I know that there’s this whole bisexual/lesbian divide that happens on some queer girl sites (I’m looking at you afterellen) but really the community here on AS is the most inclusive and frankly well educated about queer issues all across the LGBTQIAAPADDYOURLETTERHERE spectrum. Certainly they do a better job than any other gay website that I visit, some of which I don’t even read the comments for because I know they’re going to throw me into fits of rage at the exclusivity.
So I guess Krisily, I’m sorry that you felt judged here but it wasn’t really the AS community, it was just some random haters. You’re welcome here, we don’t judge.
This.
yes, that’s a good point — most of the comments on that post were calling out bi-phobia, not perpetuating it
But sometimes the negative comments are so bad that the rebuttals aren’t always enough to assuage your feelings?
And that’s understandable, but I don’t feel that it’s fair to blame or shame the AS community as a whole for the hateful comments of nonmembers. We certainly didn’t let it pass by unchecked and unanswered.
I agree with you, it’s not fair to shame the site as a whole and I’m definitely not doing that! I just feel like I can understand if Krisily zeroed in on the jerk comments.
It’s kind of like how, at my cashier job, the majority of the customers are really, really nice. But you know who I’m going to remember at the end of the day? The one customer who reported me to the manager because I asked her which bag she wanted before I said “how are you.”
Truth.
And yes, that really happened, if anyone was wondering.
I think we are kinda missing one HUGE point. Like…Is she single? Like if I ever come to West hollywood and leave her my phone number will she call me back?
And, most importantly, am I the only one imagining a threesome with her and Kate? :)
Anyway I’m happy she got a chance to speak out. She seems like a really lovely girl!
Brilliant interview Jess thank you! thanks Krisily, wish more people spoke out like you also can’t believe you were Shane-ed in real life, thats hilarious.
thanks everyone for the positive feedback! :)
I will admit that I do not really know who this person is, as I have never watched “The Bachelor.” But coming out as an LGBTQ person is a brave thing to do, regardless. Bravo to you, and I wish you nothing but the best in the future.
Reading the last paragraph of the interview, it reminds of a rule of thumb I try to live by: remember that, on the internet, there is an actual person on the other end, with feelings and emotions. And they should be treated as such. And remember that people are not sterotypes. As Sten said in Dragon Age, “People are not simple. They cannot always be defined for easy reference.”
It is true that there are some various phobias and isms within our community. What helps me, personally, is reminding myself that for every person who espouses such an attitude, there are a dozen (or more) who do not and that love is the answer to the hatred and spite.
You are all missing the MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE.
Is it like “chrissy-lee” or does it rhyme with Sicily?
Inquiring minds don’t watch reality tv.
Agreed. You can’t really expect to flirt with a girl without knowing how to pronounce her name correctly first, now can you? ;)
I had to come back to comment because I keep having fantasies about meeting Kate at a dog part now. God that story is so epic.
Kate is just that amazing, oh that woman…. she turns MY world upside down and I’ve never seen her in person, my god if I do…
“And I was like “No way! If I was going to like girls, I would have liked girls a long time ago. This doesn’t happen at my age. You see it on Oprah. It’s not real. They’re acting.””
…I just wanna say thank you for this. I was feeling super alone, and this is just exactly what I’ve been experiencing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one.
You are not alone. It happens.
It took me till I was 39 to figure it out… And then another year or so to realise that my attractions hadn’t *changed*, that the indications had always been there.
In crushes that I hadn’t realised were crushes.
In close, mutually-supportive friendships with other women who said they’d ‘never had such a close friendship with another woman and had no idea it could be like that’.
In the fact that sooo many people thought I was gay when they first met me. Oh how I laughed! I thought they were so funny, thinking I was gay. *facepalm*
Yeah. I’m slow on the uptake.
High five for late bloomers.
I was thinking about this today, and I think I know why it’s possible I didn’t know I at the very least had the inclination — I didn’t get along with girls when I was younger. They routinely excluded me so I never had any close friendships with them. I mean, I think on some level I thought they were cute, but I probably didn’t trust them very much until much later in life, when I started forming close friendships with women.
Bear in mind, it’s just a theory I considered today, but I figure I’d put this out there in case it resonates with someone else.
I feel like there needs to be a support group for the late bloomers because there’s a whole slew of issues that I don’t get to talk about frequently because it feels like all the gays I know are like “I knew when I was just a sperm and my first words were ‘mom, dad, I’m gay'” (and I don’t think I’m the only one).
Srsly, I will sign up and start one with you. Are you in? (Why am I thinking of Juno and “if you’re still in, I’m still in”? I think it applies though.
There already is one! I found it last night when I was like FINE I WILL MAKE A GROUP and it was already there!!!
http://www.autostraddle.com/groups/late-blooming-straddlers-470005402/
WHOA! She is super hot. #thingsilearnedonautostraddle
Thank you for finally pointing out the obese pink elephant in the room. Something that’s always bothered me about gays and lesbians in my area is that they’re usually more closed minded about sexuality than most of the straight people I know. It’s complete hypocracy to say that you want to be treated as a person and not a sexuality when you’re passing judgement on every bisexual you meet. I’m in high school right now, and I notice that bisexuality is becoming a trend, but honestly, sexuality is fluid. Lesbians can turn straight just as quickly as a straight girl can turn gay, but when a bisexual comes out it’s because they’re confused? I call shenanigans.
Anyway, thank you again for discussing the topic. I hope that eventually people will where I live will realize that biphobia is a thing too.
I mostly agree with you, but please refer to Riese’s long comment above – sexuality really isn’t fluid for everyone, and it does not help either bisexuals OR lesbians to tell lesbians who are very sure of their sexuality that they can “turn straight” at any moment.
Krisily Kennedy you are way attractive and this article totally made me happy and stuff, and honestly you should find out where Kate Moennig lives and go knocking on her door one night when it’s raining. Auto-makeout sesh!
Also you guys upstairs should start local Solanas-inspired lez-only groups where you can better vent your frustration against bisexuals, because this site/fight doesn’t look good on you.
extra props for the valerie solanas/SCUM reference
Krisily Kennedy, you are a super classy person. Good on you. Also, that pinup pose with your hair up? Wowza. Also, your story about how you met Shane was *super* adorable.
Kate turned you, thats awesome, i.can’t.believe.you.didn’t.know.who.she.was.
Shane strikes again.
Thank you. All of you. Jess, Krisily, Riese, and all the supportive commenters.
I’ve been running into biphobia all over the place lately, been feeling rather hated on by the straights and the gays, and I needed this.
Thank you.
Why am I seeing a Mitt Romney ad on this page? Aaaaa he is not allowed here
Why aren’t we talking about the fact that Rose, ROSE WHO WAS MEAN TO NATALIE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT THAT NATALIE WAS A WHINY BABY, is lesbian godfather of LA.
I’m so into this Krisily because my guilty pleasure of the super hetero, misogynistic bachelor meets my real pleasure of queerness, BUT LESBIAN GODFATHER YOU GUYS. SO SO COOL