Piper and Alex make plans to be stereotypical lesbeans! Black Cindy gets some new curls. Flaca starts a feelings-war with her homegirls in the kitchen. And everyone fills out their E-Harmony profile together!

“Lost in the Dole pineapple maze in Hawaii.” “On my back in a Corolla on a bridge in a Little Bo Peep costume.” “The aardvark exhibit at the zoo.”

“I’m really good at just torching a bridge and not looking back. And you are the only fucking person who has forced me to build the bridge back.”

Lena teaches Stef to twerk, says the phrase “heteronormative thinking,” continues to be flawless.

Please fight every urge you have to chase them down and squeeze the dog/cat’s face with your own face or hands while very loudly exclaiming HOW MUCH YOU JUST FREAKIN’ LOVE CATS OR DOGS ZOMGSRSLY. Don’t be this guy.

What does it mean to be a queer adult? We’ve got mini-essays from our writers over thirty and three glorious infographics that look at census data and our own Autostraddle Grown-Ups Survey Data to get a grip on what happens next.

“Four dollars and a Chipotle gift card to the person who can tell us the name of the vegan Ireland Baldwin met!”

AREN’T WE HILARIOUS??!!

Get those ten vibrators into this cat cafe with your gal pal, STAT. We’ve got business to take care of.

Kristen Stewart, lumbersexiness, palazzo pants and moar!

The thing about being a top or a bottom is that it’s all in your head.

Alas, the Liars escape from the dollhouse without having a lesbian orgy.

If we don’t abundantly love each other, we can’t have an abundant relationship with God. I must embrace an interpretation of my faith that requires unconditional love for queer people because any less would be to deny my own humanity and that of my community.

Lena and Stef’s gaggle of children make it impossible for them to get their scissor on. Again.

Let’s build our own Fortresses of Solitude.

Alison’s brother’s imaginary friend is A, duh.

In honor of the I BROKE UP LIKE THIS ‘zine, we present 17 times queer female couples on television broke each other’s hearts and also our own.

This year on New Year’s day, I’m going to call my mom and my closest friends to exchange New Year’s greetings, give oranges and red envelopes to my friends’ kids and have a tiny but extravagant banquet with my friends in town.

Look at how witty and creative and beautiful you are, as usual.

Toeing, spooning, kink, crushes, and the almighty Autostraddle Chart. You asked. Riese, Laneia, Rachel, Yvonne and Heather answered!