Somebody pass me a smoothie and a sword, these deals are on fire!

Jasika Nicole got in bed with me last week and helped me give advice on longterm relationships! We talked communication, couples therapy, and that way that your gf sighs and says it doesn’t mean anything but YOU KNOW IT MEANS SOMETHING, UGH.

Also, Janelle Monáe gave a commencement address, Abby Wambach got married and Jasika Nicole has a new food dance for you.

“Almost all of the characters are terrible people and the main values I share with them are workaholism and excellent hair. But sometimes when things fall apart, it can be nice to see things fall apart somewhere entirely different, again and again and again.”

You need these.

I can and will figure out a way to do everything by myself to keep from having to be nice to someone I don’t want to be nice to. I don’t want to be nice to a lot of people.

Plus some new scenes from OITNB’s new season, Carrie Fisher’s last Star Wars cover shoot, Ellen’s first standup special in 15 years, Wynonna Earp key art, Queen Sugar’s second season trailer and more!

Cosima, you are the leading lesbian on this show! Stop stomping around in the dark looking for monsters!

Your grandma sounds like a babe, I don’t know what else to tell you.

Please come and hang out with meeeeeeee as long as you’re not going to mansplain lettuce to me.

“I was in the military for four years, military police, and I never once experienced something like that.”

Hot women-only hotels, resorts and cabins to check out in Ohio, New Jersey, Florida, Oregon, Palm Springs, Delaware, Key West and Montana — just be sure to check in before 1998.

btw we have some bonus Lesbian Kens in this post for you

Brittani Nichols, world-renowned heartthrob, joined me in bed last week! We talked about Suicide Kale, Take My Wife, and I horrified Brittani with ghost stories and tales of oil pulling! Woo!

A record number of people of color were nominated for acting awards this year, too!

Angie announces, “I’m the jefe now!” with one of the harshest American “j” sounds ever and decides there will be a talent show and the guard/hostages will perform. So, we know where this is going.

You’re going to want to see this video of Kristen Stewart dancing, trust me.

This leather key fob is easy to make and is a perfect introduction to working with leather — it can be made in a flash once you’ve got all your tools and supplies together.

NOT TWEE NORDIC LESBIANS

The world can only be described with that upside down smiley face emoji; here are some apps that make like the 20th century Dadaist movement had smartphones.