Rudemptions! Ruveals! Rulying on gimmicks! It’s time for another Lipsync Lalaparuza and that means a chance for the eliminated queens to redeem themselves before next week’s finale.
Everyone seems very cheerful to be back — or maybe it’s because so many of them can now afford more plastic surgery. They’re all looking great and are excited to prove themselves or just watch a good show. Arrietty says she’s atoned, but Jewels says Arrietty is nice and I’m straight. Good for Jewels! She deserves to be shady.
Kori and Lydia are fully dating and, in other exciting Kori news, Kori has become Cameo famous for a variety of impersonations and characters including Suzie riff Kori Toot. She takes out the wig and everyone has a good time.
Arrietty pulls Onya aside to chat. She apologizes and Onya very graciously accepts it. Forgiveness is good! But my crush remains gone forever.
The judges/audience members are Michelle, Ts Madison, and Bruno from The Pit Crew there to advertise his new show on Wow Presents Plus called Happy Endings With Bruno. Good for him! He’s also there to spin around the bingo cage which I’ve learned is called a bolillero.
Hormona is selected first and this year Ru is letting the selected queens decide whether they want to pick the song or pick their opponent. Hormona chooses “Liza With a Z” and Suzie begins to pray for her name to be selected. Alas, it’s Lydia.
Hormona does a bunch of reveals right off the top and it feels very haphazard. Lydia is doing way better. Her only reveal is to remove a wizard hat to a cone head. Lydia wins, second place is Suzie mouthing the words in the background, third is Hormona.
Suzie is selected next, but since her top song is already gone, she chooses her opponent: Joella. As revenge, Joella picks “Training Season” by Dua Lipa. Everyone is worried for Suzie, assuming she won’t be able to do a song like this. But she kills it! Neither queen’s outfit reveals are great, and it doesn’t matter, because Suzie is ACTING. Kori says Suzie is feeling cunt and she is! She does a wig reveal where she shakes out wavy red hair and it’s hot! As expected by everyone except Joella herself, Suzie wins.
Next is Lucky who chooses a remix of “Step by Step” by Whitney Houston. Acacia is selected. Lucky is dressed like several basketballs including two on her head plus her face plus two basketball titties. Lucky lifts her shirt and shakes the basketballs and it’s a great gag. But I was surprised by how well Acacia did! Overall, this was one of the better lip syncs of the night, which I did not expect. Lucky still pulls off the win and I was glad since I’m still sad she went home first.
Arrietty is selected next and chooses “Blow Me (A Kiss)” by P!nk. Kori is her opponent. Kori is really just emoting and it’s a good performance even if Arrietty is better. They’re both solid though and I couldn’t be mad when Ru said Kori won. Arrietty wasn’t so much better that she deserved to avoid punishment for her season behavior.
Finally, it’s Lana vs. Crystal. Lana’s name is selected, so she chooses “You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)” by Sylvester. She specially chooses this because Crystal wanted “360” by Charli XCX. Finally, some queens who know how to do outfit reveals! They do them on beat! They aren’t just removing clothing, they’re doing it as part of a dance. At first, it looks like Crystal is taking this, but then Lana gets even better in the second half. They also have a fun, sexy moment between them. It’s really close, but Lana wins!
It’s now the semi-finals and Lucky is picked first. She chooses “We Found Love” by Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris which for many years was my favorite song of all time. Suzie will be her opponent. The billionaire businesswoman + no music + Johnny Depp in her fashion show have reduced my Rihanna standom, but when that intro started I was ready to dance. What a song! Lucky only really has the one gimmick and the boobs aren’t as funny the second time. Sam says Suzie is giving hot lesbian. Jewels says, “The lesbos are gonna live for this. Can I say that?” I will speak for all lesbos in saying, yes you can Jewels, and you can say even more if you want to join us someday. But anyway they’re right! Suzie is once again very hot! She’s giving the Rachel Berry sexy numbers which might seem like an insult, but there’s actually something uniquely hot about musical theatre girl acting out sexy slut. As a former theatre kid, it works for me! And it works for Ru, because Suzie wins.
Next is a threeway lip sync between Lana and love birds Kori and Lydia. Sam says if Kori and Lydia get a third it should’ve been her. And she says if Kori and Lydia start making out Lana better jump in there. Alas, it’s not that exciting. I think threeway lip syncs are always tough and this song just wasn’t quite right for this group. Lydia does a fun gag at the beginning where she pretends like she’s going to use scissors again before just ripping off her skirt. And all three do a solid job. But it’s not a standout of the episode. Kori wins!
All of the queens are called back to the stage to watch Kori and Suzie face off in the finals to “APT.” by Rosé and Bruno Mars. They both do really well! I’d say the first half, Kori is winning, but the second half Suzie wins. Once Kori rips her shirt to expose her nipples, she kind of loses steam. She should’ve saved that for the very last moments! But still very solid turn from Suzie Toot and the number one Suzie Toot impersonator.
And the winner is… Suzie Toot! Very deserved!! I still think she should’ve been top four but this was a nice consolation prize. Also I’m sorry to anyone who thinks the headline and photo is a spoiler. In my defense, my screeners cut off early so I did that before I knew the final results. But this really was Suzie’s episode and I’m glad she has the cash to show for it.
Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:
+ Lexi is still rooting against Suzie in the first lip sync. It’s over, babe! You won! You’re in the top four and she isn’t!
+ Best moment in the episode is probably when Crystal tries to say the exit line “You make me feel mighty real, RuPaul” and can’t stop saying righty real.
+ Michelle calls Lucky’s basketball tits her NCAAs.
+ It fucking sucks that this episode and Suzie’s prize money were sponsored by Starbucks. World of Wonder and RuPaul should be ashamed for allowing Starbucks to pinkwash as they try to re-establish themselves post-boycott. Embarrassing stuff from a show I thought couldn’t get any more embarrassing with their sponsorships.
+ Queen I’m rooting for: Team Onya all the way (Jewels in second though)
+ Queen I’m horniest for: Suzie Toot
+ Queen who will be ready for All Stars within a year: Suzie Toot
My goodness, I did not expect to be so horny for Suzie in this episode!