As Stanislavski once said, If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna embody somebody else? We’re back with another acting challenge and the queens are once again faced with the only task harder than making their own jokes funny: making the Drag Race writers’ jokes funny.
But first! After last week’s fraught elimination, the drama — and the downfall of my Arrietty love — continues. She really decided to end on a sour note with her mirror message: Onya from one smelly bitch to another please brush your teeth. This would be bitchy in any circumstances but it becomes even worse once Onya reveals that her breath is due to a medical condition which she’s privately confided in the other queens. While the edit makes it seem like Arrietty knew this, she now claims she did not. I do believe that. But it doesn’t make it less shitty for Onya and it only makes it a little less shitty of Arrietty.
It’s a new day in the workroom and Onya is in good spirits! Somehow she’s in even better spirits than Lexi who has been having nightmares that Suzie is chasing her. Suzie says she’s fine being Lexi’s personal Jason Voorhees which is the wrong 80s horror reference. Someone on Twitter said Lexi is in a one-sided feud with Suzie, Suzie is in a one-sided feud with Onya, and Onya is simply going to win the competition. Agreed!
The acting challenge is a riff on Feud: Capote vs. The Swans called Ross Matthews vs. The Ducks. As one of the six people who watched that show in its entirety, I’m thrilled the production team thought it would still be relevant a year later. Cheyenne Jackson is there as guest director and wow the reactions from the queens! Truly not trying to be shady — he’s a charming and talented man — I just didn’t realize he had fans like that. Then again, I guess he’s Orson Welles in comparison to last week’s coach.
The queens pick their own roles which results in much less drama. The only disagreement is Suzie and Jewels both want the role inspired by Tiffany Pollard. Suzie lets Jewels have it and Lydia speculates this is strategic on her end.
With Suzie and Lexi paired for one scene and Lydia and Sam paired for another, there’s some odd coupling going on in rehearsal. That’s also one of the charming aspects this late into the season. People’s friends have gone home, so they end up working with people they wouldn’t otherwise choose.
The three two-person scenes each have one person who does well and one person who struggles. Onya, Sam, and Suzie do well. Lana, Lydia, and Lexi struggle. Once again, Lexi gets thrown off by Suzie doing well and is flubbing her lines. Jewels then goes last and has to face a true acting challenge: having to deliver a performance after waiting around all day for the crew to be ready for your scene.
The next day everyone feels good, but Lydia smartly points out that it’s too late in the competition for anyone to feel that good. Someone has to be in the bottom. Someone has to go home.
The guest judge this week is Sam Smith and the runway theme is Black and White Ball. Lydia and Lexi are both in looks that feel almost boringly them, but the other looks are all great. I especially loved the smokey effect on Onya’s dress and Jewels’ hand-painted manifestation of a Hayden Williams illustration.
The acting challenge is fine. Ru really loves to watch a catfight which is how each of the scenes end. None of the queens totally bomb which is impressive given the weak material. But Lana, Lydia, and Jewels were definitely a bit lacking. Lexi pulled it off though! She learned a valuable lesson with screen acting: All you need is one good take.
As expected, Lydia, Lana, and Jewels are the bottom. Onya, Sam, Suzie, and Lexi are the top. They’re then asked who should go home. A bunch of people take the easy route and say Suzie because she’s their biggest competition. (It’s actually Onya…) Meanwhile, Suzie says Lana and Onya and Jewels say Lydia.
Suzie and Lexi are safe. And Onya wins!! It’s so clear that Michelle likes Sam more — this week and in general — but Ru likes Onya more and that’s all that matters.
Jewels is safe too which means Lana and Lydia are both lip syncing for their third time to “Unholy” by Sam Smith and Dr. Luke apologist Kim Petras. At first, it seems like it’s going to be close. Lana is doing well, but Lydia is being really funny! Unfortunately, Lydia pulls out scissors to cut herself out of her garment and it ends up taking too long. It totally throws her and she’s not able to recover.
A tough day for Butthole. But, hey, leaving Drag Race with a challenge win and a new boyfriend isn’t too shabby.
Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:
+ Sam says the stars are aligned because she and Truman Capote are both from Alabama.
+ Lana shares that she won a freestyle rap challenge in elementary school and somehow this leads to Sam of all people rapping.
+ Suzie’s wig in the challenge was borrowed from Onya so the lace front very much did not match her skintone.
+ You should watch this video of Onya singing “Maybe This Time” from my favorite musical Cabaret.
+ You should also watch this video of the queens revealing even more about their astrology. Of course, Lexi has Cancer in her chart!
+ And as long as I’m sharing TikToks, is anyone else obsessed with RuPaul’s TikTok presence? When people are like “sure he’s evil but Donald Trump is the funniest person ever” I’m like no that’s actually RuPaul. Fracks, watched someone drown, but man she’s a legend and so goddamn funny.
+ Queen I’m rooting for: Onya
+ Queen I’m horniest for: my last season crush Morphine Love Dion for this shady tweet
+ Queen I want to sashay: Lexi (I’m sorry babe I love you but you’re too invested in Suzie!! Come back for All Stars with the self-love you deserve!)
