Real L Word 3 Is Casting: Why Read the Recaps When You Could Be IN THEM?!!!

I’m not sure if any of you dear readers are completely fucking insane and/or innocently optimistic, but on the off-chance that you indeed are fucking insane, we have a prime opportunity for you relating to The Real L Word, according to approx 54 emails I received today on this topic.

The casting team is looking for women “on both coasts” which includes Los Angeles AND New York. You should have an “engaging story to tell” (ideally it should involve a dildo and a feather earring).

Email: [email protected] with your name, phone number, and a paragraph about yourself. The subject line of the email should be REAL L WORD 3 with your city and state.

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Anyhow, feel free to pitch me on why you should star in the recaps next year. Keep in mind that my favorite thing to ever happen on The Real L Word was the fight about whether or not Claire was a Deb. So more of that, please.

Also, obviously, more of this:

best product placement of all time

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3279 articles for us.

49 Comments

  7. but what if autostraddle had a plant on the show, subverting ilene’s reign of horror from the inside? i would support those machinations.

  8. Magical Elves had an open casting call for some reality TV thing at my college. I don’t know if anyone ever tried out. Everyone I knew in the illustration and animation departments were just annoyed as fuck there’d be cameras around and someone thought Art School was something ‘edgy’ and ‘interesting’ the masses would find entertaining.
    ie.
    “Look at those art school kids! They’re so wacky and edgy and avant gard! Isn’t is CRAZY some people are like that?! Let’s follow them on their journey to become professionals!”
    ILL&ANM: No, we’re not your entertainment. Get the fuck away from us.

    I feel like RWLW is the same thing, just my sexuality/queer culture instead of my career.

  10. my favorite part about this is that were any of us to go on, anything remotely smart that person would have to say (i.e. anything that doesn’t resemble the typical heresy going on) would be edited out to entirely negate the existence of dissent

    that being said, i agree with Mari above: i want some subtle irl trolling for the lulz on this show so bad

  12. “Keep in mind that my favorite thing to ever happen on The Real L Word was the fight about whether or not Claire was a Deb. So more of that, please.”

    THIS.

  14. Sorry but my life is not a TV show, If it was, I would be on the Bad Girls Club, not the Real L Word! Booya!

    • from what i understand (and, caveat, my translation from drunk-shouting might not be exact)

      deb (n) [colloq]: a combination of someone who thinks they are better than everyone else (see txt citation 1.348 claire re: rest of trlw season 2 cast “y’all are fake and crazy”) and in so being, kind of makes the group depressed or shitty or rife with conflict (possible debbie downer etymology) See also: IFC.

  17. I thought about auditioning and then I realized that eating cheez-its in my bed is probably not something that makes good tv. Darn.

  18. “You should have an “engaging story to tell” (ideally it should involve a dildo and a feather earring).”

    … or if your life involves in any way SPERM SPERM SEMEN PENIS SPERM SPERM SPERM EJACULATE STRAIGHTS INTERCOURSE SPERM SPERM PENIS INSEMINATION REAL PENIS FAKE PENIS SPERM SEMEN SPERM SPERM

    sorry, I was just really scarred.

  20. It upsets me that I will watch every episode of this show, even though I don’t want to and it will eat up time that could be better utilised in learning a new skill, or doing charity work, or poking my eyes out with a fork.

    • Carmen I would love it if you were on this show. Educate the lesbos about consent issues! Talk about Ilene Myles! <3

      • yes, talk about llene Myles. I want to see what Intern Grace does with pics Riese requests of responses of the cast.

  22. I am a Portlander through and through and perhaps crazy but never enough to be on his show but can we nominate Angelinos?! I nominate Gina Young (team Gina, other performance), Erica brown, Vera Domini (dj automaton). And new Yorkers? So many there I’ll have to think about it…

  23. “You should have an “engaging story to tell” (ideally it should involve a dildo and a feather earring).”
    … or if your life involves in any way:

    LA FASHION WEEK LA FASHION WEEK LA FASHION YOU GUYS DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A WEEK? OF FASHION? IN LA? LA MUTHAFUCKIN FASHION WEEK!

    I would watch the 3rd season if it was acted out with popsicle sticks, glue-on googly eyes, and a feather earring.

    • Now I really want to do a quick 1-minute recap of season two using popsicle sticks, glue-on googly eyes, and a feather earring.

      It would be fantastical.

  24. Could there ever be a lesbian tv show that’s not about narcissists from either New York or LA? Or does Ilene Chaiken only write autobiographies these days?

    • hey, hey, hey, we’re not all narcissists. (nyc girl, here) but then again, who do you think this type of show is most likely to attract? and do you think ilene is going to cast well-adjusted, non egotistical people with little drama on her show? i mean why else would they have cast someone as ridiculous as claire?

  25. I stopped watching the show because i honestly don’t like LA or the kind of people it attracts. :/

    anything else good coming on?

  29. Chaiken should just have her own network. It’d be like Oprah’s network, but gay(er).
    Besides those wonderful, accurate shows that she’s already produced, it could feature other totally awesome, non-gag worthy concepts like “Glee-sbians: a reality tv show about a glee club of real lesbians from LA.”

  30. i met this crazy chick who said she wanted to audition for the show in ny. she also said she wouldn’t be afraid of having sex on tv…which is the number one criteria that ilene has for casting, so she probably has a good shot, lol. who knows? autostraddle may soon have an nyc version of whitney their hands. i’d love to see the recaps you’d come up with for HER, lol.

  32. Meh, my 30 seconds at the beginning along with Franny and Michelle at a mysterious photo shoot was enough TRLW for meeee.

    I wonder, Robin did you get a check for all that work and hassle you went through during the shoot?

  34. Ok, does anyone else think that kacy looks like she could be Kristen Stewart’s butch twin? Just wondering cause i think they look a lot alike!

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