Hello and welcome to the sixth recap of the third season of Showtime’s hit series, The Real L Word, a 30-minute sitcom about a spunky young girl with pigtails, day-glo leggings and multi-colored outfit situations who is abandoned in a Chicago shopping center by her mother and subsequently adopted by Henry, the kindly manager of the building she’d found to squat in. Eventually she opens a hoppin’ burger establishment at the local mall and throughout the series deals with tough pre-teenage and teenage issues such as buying your first bra, being a tomboy, bullies, getting trapped in an old refrigerator, dodging Child Protective Services and fighting swamp monsters.
L to R: Whitney, Amanda, Lauren & Romi (the dog in the middle ate everybody’s little dog so he represents all the little dogs)
I don’t know about y’all, but I’m ready to rock this recap! Not really, I’d really rather discuss how the fuck True Blood is gonna wrap up their crazy-ass season in next week’s finale, right? Jesus. Also we interviewed Lauren and Amanda, a.k.a. “Lamanda.”
Anyhow, this week The Real L Word treated us to yet another Dinah Shore-centric hour of sapphic solipsism, in which someone curled up and took a nap on wet asphalt, someone twisted her ankle stepping off a curb, someone passed out on the bathroom floor for three hours mid-day and someone met Miley Cyrus at The Coffee Bean. Hey, who wants to see a sexy picture of Vero?
Sorry about the lateness of this recap, Intern Grace had a special weekend which led to me not getting all the screencaps ’til this morning (Monday), and also because of the cram she didn’t have time to give them all cute names. We apologize and have nothing but love for you and each other forever and ever as so it was written, amen.
We open in the sweltering wildlands of Palm Springs, California, where an enormous group of intoxicated lesbians are enjoying each other’s nipples while rocking softly to the beat of insufferable pop music. Also, Kacy and Cori are re-entering the world they’ve shunned for many moons in the most violent way possible.
DINAH!
whaddya say we bust this popstand and go emotionally eat at in-and-out instead
Kacy notes that Dinah appears to be “like a club” but “during the day.”
Kacy: “It was a little bit like walking into an alternate universe.”
Cori: “Where men did not exist, and neither did clothes. I felt out of place with my clothes on.”
Tell it like it is, Nikki Weiss:
oh no she wouldn’t
The two well-insulated ladies make their way through the hordes of women not dressed for winter and are stopped by Real L Word fans who wanna take pictures with The Celesbians Kacy and Cori. Oh wait — is everybody here clear on the definition of “Celesbian”? Let me refresh your memory:
and a bluebird is a bird that’s blue
Get it? Okay, good. So, as I was saying, Cori & Kacy are spotted by fans amid the throngs of gyrating g-strings and roped into a Kodak Moment.
hot pink bikini is going to tag the hell out of this photograph
And thus KayCor are forced to grapple with the inevitable questions:
Fan #1: “I’m planning on getting pregnant myself.”
Cori: “Really?”
Fan #1: “But like, when we saw that episode with you guys doing like, that thing, like did it work?”
[awkward pause]
Cori: “Uh, it did work. I lost her at five months.”
Fan #1: “Oh G-d, that’s the worst feeling in the world, I can’t imagine.”
Fan #2: “But keep trying.”
Womp womp.
Back in Le Chateau De Lamanda & Whitney & Sarahara, Sara and Lauren are sticking colored pencils into their eyeballs while Amanda informs Lauren that she heard from a girl who heard from another girl who heard from Hunter Valentine that Kiyomi lives with her girlfriend. But Lauren heard from Kiyomi herself that the “thing” with Ali is “sorta done.”
Amanda: “But every girl says that.”
Lauren: “Duh! It’s not like I’m like ‘Oh! I believe you!’“
duh, everybody knows that it’s really not butter
Amanda won’t let it go and Lauren reassures her that she’ll get this whole fascinating mess cleared up, and Whitney says that as Lauren’s friend she’ll support whatever decision she makes. That’s easy for Whitney to say ’cause unlike Amanda, she hasn’t ever found her arm halfway up Lauren’s vaginal canal… yet.
remember what i told you about how to get on season four and everything will be okay, grasshoppers
Everybody laughs and explodes and turns into ghost ninjas.
and the scent of kiyomi’s vagina lingered all day long
Meanwhile, Kacy and Cori are still perched precariously on the lips of the mouth of hell, wondering what the hell they’re doing at Dinah Shore.
Kacy: “It’s not that I’m not happy to be here but it’s just like, I would rather be at the hospital, exhausted, knowing that in a month we were gonna have a baby.”
Cori: “I feel it too, it’s hard. We’re not where we’re supposed to be.”
Kacy: “We can get there.”
Cori: “Dinah!”
Kacy: “I wonder if anybody else is having the same conversation that we’re having right now.”
Cori: “I think we’re the biggest Debs here.”
but only because claire didn’t show up
At this point, the couple makes the only decision one can really make under such circumstances:
Kacy: “We’re gonna drink through it.”
coincidentally, this happens to be the exact strategy i employ to endure watching this show
Kacy takes one sip of what’s likely a $9 cup of fruit punch and basement-shelf tequila, declares it horrible and then declares herself drunk. Let’s rock!
helloooo instagram
We then return to the Main Pool Area, where Somer and Donna are smooching, Laura’s carrying Vero around like a baby kangaroo, Sara’s kissing Amanda, and Somer is doing her very best to adapt to her surroundings.
play her like a guitar
I believe Dinah is especially challenging for New Yorkers, who would never, not ever, not in a million trillion bazillion years, intentionally attend an event of this nature on their home soil.
here kiss me before kiyomi sees us and tries to talk to us
Based on the six years I lived in New York City, I’d say that many New York lesbians tend to be the type that haven’t bothered buying a swimsuit in five years and only dig out the two-piece when somebody forgets how long it took to get to Coney Island last summer and ropes everyone in to a repeat excursion.
Somer: “Dinah, it’s not normally you know, my bag of tea or whatever — cup of tea? I don’t drink tea.”
smoking tea, on the other hand
But Somer’s happy to be there ’cause of the Hunter Valentine gig. Laura asserts that Hunter Valentine plans on rocking everybody’s bras off, which sounds neat.
and then sell the nice ones on ebay
Back on The Other Part of The Dinah Pool Party Area, Romi & Kelsey show up and are greeted with open arms by KayCor, who ask how the Dinah Dingbat Dating Game went and Romi explains how, once again, the universe’s axis lay between Romi’s legs and the entire world just revolved around her, being mean, like witches sticking carrots in people’s faces.
Romi: “Lauren signed up to go on a date with [Kelsey].”
[pauses, dramatically]
Romi: “They set us up. I’m like, can you guys get away? Why are you always there? and I just stood there watching the girl that I hate sign up to go on a date with my girlfriend…. it’s just — the nicest way to put it is that they’re very bully-ish.”
Kelsey: “They’re just bullies guys, it’s really sad.”
i don’t even bring pop-tarts in my lunch anymore because what’s the point, they always steal them
Romi interviews that she’s so glad Kacy & Cori are at Dinah, ’cause it’s nice to be around a “nice couple.” The implication is that Romi is nice and mature, and all the other girls are bitchy and immature, which is a valid point (about the bitchiness and the immaturity), but also who gives a fuck.
Meanwhile, said bitchy girls are exploring the swelling sexual tension inherent in every group of mojito-scented Dos-Equis-chugging hot lesbians in bikinis!
sara just saved 25 cents on q-tips
Lauren: “I don’t know why I’m sucking on Sara’s earlobes but Dinah fever is in me.”
Sara comes in her pants and Whitney’s pumped for “a big orgy later tonight.” The theme will be “The Story of O.”
Whitney: “I’m kinda turned on by the thought of you [Sara] getting it into Amanda, not gonna lie.”
but i’ve also been known to get off from stretching at the gym, so really it’s anybody’s game
Cori is wasted and stuffs her head into Kacy’s bosom and all is sunshine and beauty.
Cut to a number of hours earlier and later wherein it’s time for Hunter Valentine’s performance! Romi spies the band preparing to perform and is disturbed by their presence.
do you see that rock band, david? you know they’ve never been friends to me or mother. not one hello from them, not since jackie died
Romi interviews that she doesn’t know who Hunter Valentine is. I hope they know who Romi is, ’cause she hates it when people don’t know who she is.
Romi: “…based on the fact that they are friends with Lauren and Whitney and Sara, G-d knows what they said about me, so I’m not gonna walk in and watch somebody perform that’s just gonna think I’m like, this bitch.”
in which romi and kelsey are letting the terrorists win
One of the many hazards of Being The Center Of the Universe is that at rock concerts, all the musicians are really thinking about is you, because duh, everybody is thinking about you. Like you wish you could just enjoy a performance but the performers are like, obsessed with you. You know? That’s what it’s like to be Romi, the Atlas Of the Modern World.
Romi dramatically yanks Kelsey through the crowd like she’s Justin Bieber and zips into her room, anxious to the max. “Let’s just order,” she says. Music to my ears!
this is hands down also my favorite place to be during dinah shore
Oh, these are ladies after my own heart, really. I love hotels and 95% of the time would rather be drinking/laughing/smoking with my friends in a hotel room, rolling around on sheets we’re not responsible for laundering, than be outside in the sticky-sweaty sunshine with People Who Enjoy Socializing.
While Romi and Kelsey debate which incidentals they’d like to consume, Hunter Valentine gets ready to rock in the sweltering sunlight of the Dinah mainstage.
raise your glass
The Drunk Lesbians enjoy the show but perhaps nobody’s enjoying the show quite like Lauren’s enjoying the show:
Lauren: “When I first met Kiyomi I thought she was attractive but then they go on stage and they play, she was so hot, and then hearing her voice, it was like, wow.”
Truth: there is nothing sexier than watching your loved one play a musical instrument, which is one of many reasons why all my girlfriends have been excellent instrument-players (the primary reason is “coincidence”). Look, even Amanda likes it:
don’t let any of that drool land on amanda’s shoulder
Or maybe not.
this photo could possibly actually be from the wet t-shirt contest (also note the girl from the williamsburg bar behind lauren)
Turns out that seeing Kiyomi rock out with her cock out gets Lauren hard like Swiss Chard:
Whitney: “I could practically see Lauren’s full-on erection for Kiyomi just waving in the wind by the end of the performance she like, blew her load on herself.”
is it true that i came in my pants? i don’t know.
As you’re already aware, Kelsey & Romi have retired to their hotel room, sneakily foiling the CIA-implanted chip in Romi’s left thigh that enables them to follow her with spider trackers.
who’s at the door? who’s at the door? whooooos atttt tttthhheee dooorrrrr
So, Cori’s trashed. Which is actually a huge relief because she seems happy, at last. All of them do, all four of them.
Kacy: “When Cori gets tipsy, she has an alter ego and uh, Romi gets introduced to partial Coco. Coco At dusk. Kelsey got bent over, Coco style. It’s happened to all of us. She doesn’t really know you unless she’s bent you over and slapped your ass.”
Indeed: Coco Lite, beautifully wasted, thrusts Kelsey into a prone, stomach-to-the-mat position in which Coco Lite can properly smack Kelsey’s ass like she’s ready for some Canyon Yodeling, if you know what I mean.
is anybody here interested in pony play
Romi: “She’s making you a bottom, baby.”
For your reference, this is Coco Full-On:
Then Kacy interviews that “you looked light, for the first time in a long time you just looked light,” and Cori says that she felt light. She felt light!
little lightworker
I think that’s the thing about Dinah — it’s so grotesque and over-the top, and its attendees are so uproariously irresponsible that anything, any kind of behavior at all, is automatically deemed sensible because there’s no way what you’re doing is less acceptable than what anyone else is doing, anywhere. It’s a giant rollocking excuse to just let go of absolutely everything. You can’t feel guilty for kissing a girl you just met or getting super-drunk when two strangers with tequila fumes radiating from their pores are making out on-stage without shirts on while others wrestle topless in a kiddie pool drowning in vegetable oil.
You just let go, and then you feel light. Cori deserves to feel light. So does Kacy. Sookie should give them some light:
Smear to the VIP Tent, where the rest of the cast is hanging out with their tattoos flapping in the wind. Lauren interviews that Kiyomi makes her feel good in the hood and hard like wood but she’s not cool with the rumor that Kiyomi’s got another lady back in New York with the personality of a plastic fork.
check out vero the coolest cucumber back there
Monster Mash Kiyomi’s taking a time out in favor of Lovecrush Kiyomi, who’s way more honest and sometimes even insecure and occassionally funny!
look this is neat and stuff, but sarah croce is standing behind me right now and i think i’m gonna go hit that
Lauren demands the complete scoop, so they canoodle on a loveseat and Kiyomi explains that she and Ali weren’t a monogomous couple, which’s why the twosome kept getting into trouble. Although Kiyomi stayed with Ali for a week, the outlook remains ultra-bleak, they’re not living together and probs never will, ’cause their relationship, like this rhyme, is due for a kill.
i want to fuck you like an animal
Anyhow, Lauren’s like, oh totally, and then Kiyomi is like, let’s just be best best friends!! And then Lauren is like, hahaha, and then Kiyomi is like, har-har-har-, and then Lauren is like, let’s go make out on the grass in front of everybody, like farm animals do, and Kiyomi’s like, okay, and then they do.
my name is kiyomi and i caught the best catch in all of dinah shore
Lauren: “I feel like I should put some clothes on but I don’t have any clothes.”
Kiyomi: “That is okay with me.”
Surprise!
Amanda: “All of a sudden I turn around and Lauren and Kiyomi are like, gone. So either they’re fucking in the bathroom, or they’re like staring into each others eyes or they’re like, lost in a bush somewhere.”
Oh also, Laura is hooking up with somebody while fantasizing about Intern Grace:
these suspenders double as nipple clamps, just FYI
So it’s the White Party. I know it’s mind-boggling ’cause last episode took place on Friday, the day of the Dinah Dingbat Dating Game, and the White Party also happened on Friday night, as indicated by the Dinah Shore 2012 Schedule and the virginal attire cloaking the entirety of Romi’s pre-party dinner situation last week, and I think for this episode, we’re supposed to believe that today is Saturday and the White Party is gonna happen on Saturday night even though it didn’t. This is some crazy-ass shit, kids. I know this will come as a shock to you but — hold your tampons — that’s just editing magic!
Who knows what could happen next!
With this show, you never know!
One thing’s for sure, this gang is ready to meet the night!
today’s music ain’t got the same soul, i like that old time rock ‘n roll
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one way or another, sho’s gonna get you they’ll get you they’ll get your nipples on camera
+
don’t move, you just have a little bit more vaginal secretions on this side of your shirt
“I look like a fucking guy on a Neil Diamond tour,” Kiyomi observes, spying herself as a Vision in White. Somebody suggests black pants, probably Lizz. Vero and Kiyomi stroll — like seriously they are doing some power-strolling — on over to that evening’s fun-filled activity as Vero teases/questions Kiyomi about her romp in the grass HAY! with Lauren, who you may remember because she has pink hair for some reason.
it’s just that her teeth are so white and shiny that before long i found myself licking them
At the bar, Kiyomi continues to agonize over her potential vulnerability:
Kiyomi: “I can’t hang out with that girl anymore.”
Vero: “Why not?”
Kiyomi: “Because I have a crush on her.”
Laura: “That’s fine.”
Kiyomi: “No, it’s not okay, because I don’t wanna like anybody.”
“but first let’s toast to the lists that we hold in our fists of the things that we promise to do differently next time”
Laura interviews that Lauren’s got transformative powers:
Laura: “Kiyomi and Lauren just met and she seems to be really, really happy, like she’s not the way she was when she was with Ali.”
Amanda interviews about how Kiyomi seems sketchy and how Lauren was all like “I’m gonna be single” and look who’s laughing now and really, this is hilarious, ’cause they’re both obsessed with each other! There’s no genuine power disparity between them, the person in power is fluid and depends on which of the two of them is coupled up. Or maybe that’s not jealousy and they’re just two girls who have been best friends for a long time speaking their own language, a language only they understand. You know what I mean.
Anyhow, the whole gang’s super-eager to hit up the red carpet at Dinah Shore!
Photo: Patrick Wymore/SHOWTIME
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Photo: Patrick Wymore/SHOWTIME
Kiyomi notes that this is her first time on a red carpet at Dinah Shore. But really, they’ll let anybody on the red carpet. See?
that’s me on the right
At the White Party, Team Whitney gathers in an exclusionary physical arrangement to discuss how Romi’s super-fake and super-shady and super-bitchy and super-terrible and probably eats babies and definitely doesn’t compost and absolutely sells poisoned lemonade to homeless LGBT youth. Romi, on the other side of the room, attempts to smile and interact with other human beings while the Mean Girls fill her airspace with negativity.
wait though, isn’t that the chick you fucked with a strap-on on national television
She interviews:
Romi: “I don’t wanna be yelled at or attacked. But I’m always gonna show up whether they’re there or not, I’m gonna hold my head up high.”
Besides, Romi insists, she and Kelsey are dancing, full of sober cheer, and having a TIME. They decide to dip out and return to their Love Shack while enthusiastically discussing what sober fun they just had, which’s sweet. Also this girl Vero is with looks like Tucky from Girl/Girl Scene.
Vero 4 Lyfe
Also at The White Party, Lauren and Kiyomi are playing tonsil-hockey and Amanda’s playing shit-stirrer, telling Sara there’s “something off” about Kiyomi while Kiyomi interviews that she’s yet to recover from hearing that Amanda’s spreading rumors about Ali housing an additional tenant, which specifically violates the strict terms of her lease. Kiyomi slips a battle-axe into her suspenders and confronts Amanda, who’s dressed like a concierge who lost his pants in an alligator accident.
look all i’m saying is that somer fixed the keyboard herself and maybe deserved a little more love for that than you gave her, okay? That’s all.
Only Goddess knows what harsh words passed between the two space ghosts that evening, we can only watch from afar, our mouths agape with wonder.
Kiyomi: “I’m not gonna cave in to you being a dick.”
Amanda: “Alright, well –”
Kiyomi: “You think that I’m an asshole? Let’s just both keep it on an equal level playing field, okay?”
i keep getting this pain, and it’s a hollow feeling? almost as if i have a blank space where the front part of my brain is supposed to be?
Amanda interviews that she’s shocked by Kiyomi’s confrontational manner:
Amanda: “Nobody calls me on my shit. Dude, if you do wanna get with my friend, I am like the last person you should fight with. Come on. You do not want me to not like you. It’s like — you’re not gonna win.”
In other words:
Lauren notes that she’s got beer in her hotel room so Kiyomi’s like, lez go. It actually may have been the other way around, I can’t recall. Somebody has beer in their hotel room. You’ll have to just take my word for it.
The next morning or perhaps a different morning from another stardate, Kiyomi and Lauren awake in one another’s arms, snug as two gay bugs in a rug, and proceed to make out some more despite gnarly morning breath.
it’s sunday morning i miss you the most
Kiyomi: “I knew right away that she was gonna steal my heart. Like, immediately.”
Maybe it’s the haircut, but in this interview Kiyomi seems like a teenage boy with a crush, and she seems to tender! I think when butch/masculine dykes get all tender it’s like the most tender thing of all the things. It’s more tender than even chicken tenders, or TenderRomi.
i wanna ask her to go steady
Everybody has feelings! Let’s dance on the ceiling!
Kiyomi: “And that’s trouble for me. That’s trouble for a person who’s constantly trying to keep it protected and not give it away to anybody and not give it away to anybody.”
it’s like the power of the clam, but instead it’s the power of the tortoise
Kiyomi: “I know that I have feelings for her already, and it makes me nervous.”
Also nerve-wracking is that girl from New York, Ali-Bo-Balli!
translation: bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
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Kiyomi makes up her mind once and for all: she’s going to have to put a hit out on her ex-girlfriend. Just kidding! She sort of throws her phone onto a chair instead.
thinking about a one-ho one-area code policy
Following bittersweet balcony kisses, Kiyomi returns to Hunter Valentine HQ, where I’m expecting Vero to be canoodling with some hot bitch but instead she’s just looking sexy as fuck on this bed while discussing Kiyomi’s relationship problems with Kiyomi.
vero is the new face of CK One
So apparently Ali’s coming in for the next day’s Real L Word photoshoot although it’s worth mentioning that Ali is not in any of the photos from the photoshoot, so Showtime probably could’ve saved themselves the $500 plane ticket and instead purchased me a box of Cheez-Its and two sessions with a therapist to process what this show has done to my intellectual capabilities.
Kiyomi: “I feel like it’s over. She’s so difficult.”
i mean sometimes when i listen to her talk i wonder if i am dating a human or a really needy cardboard box
Kioymi’s not spoken to Ali since she arrived in Palm Springs and Vero suggests Kiyomi consider a firmer “we’re broken up” convo. In other words:
Elsewhere in sunny Palm Springs, California, Kacy/Cori and Kelsey/Romi are gathering for tee-time, which’s about 50% as fun as tea-time but involves cute matching outfits, apparently.
team white
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team heather grey
I prefer miniature golf, but to each their own:
Romi: “Let’s stroke some shit.”
Romi’s golfing talent is sub-par (oh my lord, I’m using sub-par in the actual context that “sub-par” comes from!), Kelsey is surprisingly adept, and the entire foursome is simply happy as clams to be out in the sunshine on a golf course far far far away from The Smoking Hot Go-Gos at the Cabana Girl Pool Party.
i’m not even upset that none of the holes look like a clown mouth or windmill and that i won’t get tickets for getting a hole-in-one that I can trade in for a candy necklace or a giant purple teddy bear, like at every other golf course i’ve ever been to
The couple interviews:
Kelsey: “I love hanging out with Cori and Kacy.”
Romi: “They’re sweet. They’re good people and I think it’s nice to have couples around us that are married. I mean, we want to be married like that and start a family one day.”
Kelsey: “I wanna be married more than anything.”
but i’d also like an x-box, sidenote
Oh, reader! The way Kelsey says, “I wanna be married more than anything” is so tender, probably one thousand times more tender than Kiyomi was in her interview with her Zac Efron hair. Kelsey is just so tender here, on par with when I asked my ex what she wanted in a relationship and she said, “I just want to be loved like a puppy is loved,” and my whole entire heart swelled with love for her AND also for puppies.
Back at The Last Day Pool Party, the ladies are chilling in their VIP tent and wrapping up the week’s dramas. Before long, Kiyomi and Lauren sneak off together like bunny rabbits in heat.
WHERE’S MY TOP??!!
Kiyomi interviews that she’s sad Dinah’s over ’cause she’s fallen for Lauren. Then Kiyomi tells Lauren that Lauren likes it rough, but Lauren is like no, and Kiyomi is like yeah you do, and Lauren is like, I like everything and I like it soft, and then Kiyomi is like, I don’t believe you, and then Lauren is like, I’ll show you right now, and so then they head upstairs to remove each other’s clothing and I head downstairs to hang myself from a ceiling fan.
I’m shiny and I know it,
Don’t know why you wanna blow it,
Need a girl who likes it rough, likes it rough, likes it rough
TIME FOR MUFFINS AND/OR A NOONER!!
drink of me. drink all of me!
Alas! Kiyomi and Lauren’s steamy sexual session is interrupted by Amanda, Sara and Whitney, who have returned from The Pool for some Indoor Sports. Everybody jumps on the bed and then Kiyomi takes Amanda to go get ice, probably because they’re actually friends and not enemies as the show would like us to think, leaving Lauren playfully wedged between a sexually excited Whitney and Sara. Before long, things get a little sexy.
Lauren: “It’s Dinah, i’m intoxicated, Whitney and Sara making out is pretty hot, so I’m gonna jump in.”
Yannow, I gotta say same-sex couples really have an advantage when it comes to erotic thirds and threesomes in general. Although the general public would like to imagine that we’re all strictly monogamous lumberjacks making jam in Vermont while marathoning Bad Girls, many lesbians are in fact threesome enthusiasts. It may be the only thing we can pull off with less feelings than totally hetero couples can. Sometimes.
Sarahara observes:
Sara: “Lauren is hot. Whitney is hot. Put them together and it could be a sexy explosion.”
ta-da
Kiyomi and Amanda return with ice to find a steamy situation in need of ice:
via thereallwordgifs.tumblr.com
Kiyomi: “Crazy shit happens at Dinah Shore, it was a little strange to walk into that scene, I just don’t really wanna be involved in some weird lesbian love triangle.”
Kiyomi seems a bit disoriented and takes a drunken Lauren outside to chat. Lauren interviews that maybe Kiyomi fancies her more than she’d initially suspected. Now they can go to The Snowdance Prom Party Fiesta at the mall together with other woodland creatures!
but you realize how good this is for the show, right?
Kiyomi & Lauren are joined intermittently by Amanda who chants softly, “somebody’s jealous” while Kiyomi attempts to maintain her tough masculine exterior while feeling soft.
Whitney: “I mean the make out is totally not a big deal but if you’re walking into a room with a girl that you’re just starting to hook up with and a couple, what’s gonna happen here? Are they about to do like a triple scissor next? What would that look like? It’s like double trouble.”
i mean, is it a cut and paste situation? can we use charcoal pencils? what is a celesbian?
Cut to a clear sunny morning in Palm Springs, California, where the girls are packing up their packers, etc. Romi’s thrilled to depart the desert, Lauren’s tired, Kiyomi has so much shit and Laura’s gonna start packing up the van.
i hope they stole a lot of incidentals for the drive home
Har har har:
Amanda: “Okay lesbian festival day three, I wanna go to sleep, my liver wants to murder me, my eyes are like slowly closing and if like, I see another lesbian, I’m gonna freak out.”
Lauren interviews that she’s nervous about tomorrow’s shoot ’cause Unstable Ali’s gonna be there and she likes Kiyomi and doesn’t wanna be an asshole. But does she wanna be IN an asshole? Time will tell.
Cut to the next day’s photoshoot in brilliantly temperate Los Angeles, California, where we’ll witness first-hand the movie magic that created iconic lesbian images like this one:
…and this one…
…and this one, which is also notable for its supreme employment of Photoshop.
It’s not often that layman television watchers are granted permission to witness the construction of what is sure to be one of the most memorable works of American art in the 21st century!
poetry in motion
As the ladies prepare for their close-ups, Lauren interviews re: Ali:
Lauren: “I’m feeling uncomfortable but i’m trying to be respectful of them finishing whatever they had, you know, and just try to stay back, because I don’t wanna make anyone feel bad or cause any un-needed drama, it’s just one day.”
Hm. How mature and reasonable! Strange. Anyhow, lest they subject a present audience of actual humans to the insufferable squabbles America has been subjected to on television for the past five weeks, Kiyomi & Ali have taken to text to fight it out.
watch out ali, looks like your rock god has gotten her hands on somebody else’s hot bod -A.
Poetic stuff:
also, please try to remember that you borrowed my power cord for your laptop and i need it back
It becomes quickly apparent that Ali is one of those girls. Ali is That Girl. The kind of girl who fights like this:
Girl: We’re not happy together, we should break up, we fight all the time.
That Girl: After everything we’ve been through together how could you do this to me?
Girl: But whenever we’re together, we’re yelling at each other.
That Girl: You feel so far away. I can’t bear it.
Girl: WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME! That’s not a healthy relationship!
That Girl: Just remember that once you loved me.
Girl: Like, does this make you happy? A relationship that’s just fighting?
That Girl: I would do anything for you. Anything.
Girl: Doesn’t it bother you that we always fight?
That Girl: I would have loved you forever.
Girl: DO YOU ENJOY FIGHTING ALL THE TIME
That Girl: How could you do this to me?
Girl: CAN YOU ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION ABOUT THE FIGHTING AND IF YOU’VE NOTICED THE FIGHTING AND PERHAPS ALSO REALIZE THIS RELATIONSHIP SUCKS
That Girl: I never expected this from you of all people. That you could be so cold.
Girl: [slams head into the wall and dies]
It’s hard to stop That Girl once she gets going. It goes on and on, like the Erykah Badu song “On & On.”
poet laureates at work
Vero interviews that she feels bad for Ali ’cause of that skunk streak in her hair JUST KIDDING because Ali’s got no clue about Kiyomi/Lauren but everyone else knows all about it. Poor Ali.
chose this scarf because something needs to keep her heart warm and it’s not gonna be Kiyomi
Don’t get me wrong, I’m generally anti-Kiyomi. But this one’s on Ali, too, right? If the only thing keeping you in a relationship is that one of you refuses to let it go, it’s time for it to be over. If the answer to, “if I let go, how long would she stay” is “fifteen minutes or less,” then it’s past time for it to be over, and I’m pretty sure that’s been Kiyomi’s answer since the season started.
fine, i’ll just have to keep you here via jedi mind control
So as much as I do feel bad for Ali and her little heart, and as much as this scene feels like other scenes, sad scenes from movies where somebody gets famous and “trades up” and then the dorky girl from home with the big glasses and the pink scarf witnesses herself being replaced by the leggy model with shiny teeth and pink hair, I’m somehow annoyed she came out for the photoshoot at all! Didn’t they break up before Kiyomi left for Dinah and weren’t they never actually together? Oh G-d, my brain just fell out of my skull. BRB.
Okay hi, I’m back. So, where the fuck is Romi? Isn’t this Romi’s World, after all? Well, have no fear, Romi is present & accounted for. She interviews:
Romi: “Dinah was just a really big eye opener. Lauren and Amanda and Whitney and Sara really wanted to make it very clear that I knew that they were friends and that they were like the cool kids, you know, they let me know my place, and it really confirmed that these are not people I want in my life.”
Things feel weird at the photoshoot too, like everybody hates her or is talking about her. Romi. These people that she used to love a lot and be close to. So then she starts crying:
:-(
Sara: “I see Romi crying and that strikes a chord in me because Romi and I used to be so close and I feel like we both miss each other very much and I don’t wanna be in high school, I don’t wanna have drama with anybody whether or not you like me or I like you, doesn’t mean that it has to be the way it is. So I think that it’s time to clear the air.”
That’s foreshadowing, let’s stick to the present tense. Elsewhere, Kiyomi & Lauren are chatting…
…and Ali is spying on them like a total weirdo…
i see you
Kiyomi: “I noticed that Ali was poking her head through the door and I’m sure that she saw a lot of things that she didn’t wanna see and you know, I don’t wanna hurt her, I really don’t and I feel like we’ve already hurt each other enough and it’s time for it to be over.”
After a little montage that still leaves me wondering if Cori, Kacy and/or Somer actually attended this photoshoot or were just ‘shopped in later, Kiyomi and Ali sit down to talk it out.
on the upside, how about this free lunch we both got
Ta-da:
Kiyomi: “When I took a step back away, I just had all of this anxiety go away just like —
and I realize that like, we are not compatible. And like, you know, a huge part of it has to do with the fact that we fight all the time, don’t forget about that, I don’t want that for you.”
Ali: “There’s no more like, Babe I love you, there’s no more like, just putting your arm around me. There’s just no like… saying that I love you.”
Kiyomi: “I’m just turned off right now.”
Ali: “Yeah, I know.”
Kiyomi: “I think that you’re fooling yourself a little bit and I think that you know that you are.”
Ali: “Because I don’t want to lose you.”
Kiyomi: “I know, but it wasn’t all good. Fighting as much as we do is not healthy.”
Ali: “I, I understand…”
Kiyomi: “This is not fucking good for me, and it’s not fair for you either, it’s taken so much out of me. So much.”
Ali: “Like, I hear everything you’re saying and I understand and I respect it. Because I love you, like I have just let you go.”
At some point during one of the many days that compose an average season, Romi and Sara have met up to duke it out. Sarahara interviews that she’s “being the better person” by offering to meet up with Romi in such a stupid outfit, but then when she arrives, Romi’s outfit is also stupid, or really borderline Unabomber-esque.
So really I still have no clue what their beef is, and the ensuing “conversation” isn’t remotely illuminating or, for that matter, interesting. Firstly, this’d be way better if kittens and puppies were involved or if they both were drinking smoothies. Instead, Sarahara accuses Romi Flinger of changing into a person Sarahara hates and then it devolves from there.
Romi: “At the end of the day, what it really came down to for me with you was that last year when everyone hated you and were pulling shady shit on Whitney —”
Sara: “How was I pulling shady shit?”
Romi: “— with Erika and all that shit —”
Sara: “— last I checked —”
Romi: “Just hear me out —”
Sara: “—no, ’cause you weren’t actually there for me during that at all—”
Romi: “I actually did call you the next day, I was the only person who called you—”
Sara: “You were sitting there and so was I and you never once came to me—”
Romi: “I said if you needed me and I said to you whether you did something or you didn’t do it, that’s not the point, that’s not why I’m calling you, I called you because I loved you and I called you because we always said that no matter what, whether I fucked up or you fucked up—”
don’t let these sunflowers fool you, this is not a sunshiney day
Sara: “Listen, can you think — I want you to think about how many long lasting relationships that you have with friends. Think about that.”
Romi: “I have a lot of friends Sara that you and Whitney don’t know about—”
Sara: “Really? ‘Cause I’ve been in your life now and I’ve seen them come and go—”
Romi: “You too!”
Sara: “With businesses, with relationships—”
Romi: “You too!”
Sara: “The common denominator here is you.”
Romi: “Did you call me here to tell me this?”
Did you film this scene to tell me this?
Cut to the same town on maybe the same day, or perhaps another day, in which Hunter Valentine are once again leaving on a jet plane and Kiyomi’s gotta say goodbye to her little strawberry shortcake.
i compare you to a kiss from a rose, etc
Lauren interviews that she laments Kiyomi’s leaving and Kiyomi boldly declares that she’s gotta pay more attention to Kiyomi when she returns to The Big Stuffed Apple Pie.
i’ve been spending way too much time at the soup kitchen and wasting all my creative energy on the underprivileged kids i tutor, basically
One of them says, “it was fun hanging out with you,” and the other says, “yeah it was awesome,” and I forgot to differentiate in my notes but at this point really who cares. It was fun, and it was awesome.
Next week on The Real L Word:
If you enjoyed this recap, consider this.
Pages: 1 2 3See entire article on one page
And this week, for the very first time, I have chosen to read ONLY the hysterical (punz) recap, and eschew the show. An excellent life decision; one to be repeated. Now it’s all LOLgroans, rather than headdesk groans followed by retraumatizing-through-recap-reading.
It must be so tough being the center of the universe. I don’t know how Romi does it.
And can I just say that Punky Bewster was my first crush. I feel kind of old saying that but it’s true. Fun Fact: her husband is one of the creators of Punk’d.
wtf was that sookie joke at the end? AHAHUAHAUAHAHAHAHA AWESOME
Her name is Coco
She is loco
I said “oh, no!”
Gahh I actually feel really bad for Romi and Ali. I know you’re trying to avoid the whole victimizing thing but yeah. I feel like I’ve been there and it sucks and the things you’re doing make perfect sense to you in the moment, even though you look back on the things you did (or maybe you’re not even looking back, maybe you’re feeling it right then) and think, God, I’m so lame, why can’t I just move on? But sometimes moving on is hard. I gotta say this was kinda painful to read. I guess you gotta try and make it less painful somehow…
Obviously can’t see my keyboard through the tears ;)
I feel bad for Ali, for how she’s being portrayed. I mean I know we’re probs not getting a very real picture of any of them. but how they make her seem like she just sits at home, waiting for kiyomi to come back or call so they can fight again, kinda sucks.
anyways. the sara/whitney/lauren makeout was kinda hot. too bad it was interupted.
other thoughts; vero certainly is the coolest cucumber. and I may start using the phrase “hold your tampons”
Just accidentally read (skimmed) the AE version of this as well as yours. They refer to (multiple?) Sarah Croce appearances as evidence of cylons . Not sure whether I’m more pleased with myself that I understood the reference or sad that I read both recaps….
I love how Sarah photo bombs these eps. She makes me laugh every time and think “yup, this will make the recap”! She should wink or tug on her ear as a shout out to AS (and to piss off IFC).
<3 Riese for putting up with this show for us. I think part of the appeal for me is the blatant hatred her and Grace have for this show.
For everyone/the one person feeling sorry for Romi – please remember that at the end of this episode she says, with a completely straight face “Sarahara is consumed in herself.” And then they show Romi walking away and her unibomber sweatshirt has that stupid photo of her kissing her own doppelganger. WTF?!?!?! How many pieces of clothing does she own with her own face on it???
On another note – is that seriously the premise of Punky Brewster? That she got left in a shopping mall by her mother? What a downer!
Hahaha I came here to post that about Romi’s sweatshirt! I’m glad someone else saw that too.
FAVOURITE MOMENT IN ALL OF TELEVISION
I loved that while Amanda was tripping over Lauromi Sara kept trying to dance. You could just see her complete disinterest in the drama as she did a two-step staring off into space. I also grew fond of Amanda in this episode, the girl knows her funny.
Romi needs help. Like I seriously feel bad for her, not because she’s “being bullied” but because she actually doesn’t realize how self absorbed she is.
Sara and Whitney are right about Romi but they really need to stop being catty/bitchy.
Amanda is hilarious.
Kelsey is way cute.
Kiyomi and Lauren are annoying.
Confession time: I actually download the episodes after reading the recaps just so I can enjoy them with all Riese’s jokes in my mind.
Also Punky Brewster rocks.
Where do you do that? Cuz I can’t find a place to download that doesn’t ask for my credit card. And youtube is a bust.
Through torrents!
Thank you. I’ll try that. :)
I’ve tried to read this recap three times now, but I get to that picture of Vero and everything else ceases to matter. ;)
Seriously though, that episode was so crazy, but that made the recap all the more hilarious. Did I actually feel a twinge of empathy for Kiyomi when Lauren was macking with Whitney? I’m not sure. I guess it could have been Sriracha burn from dinner.
Hey, I think I had a thought! Maybe you should put Vero pics at the end of recaps each week as a reward/palate cleanser.
You read my mind, even if Riese and Intern Grace were only half as funny as they actually are I would keep reading these just for pictures of Vero being fucking awesome.
I was doing the drinking game and I couldn’t wait to get wasted, it was not going fast enough so I decided that every crowd shots at Dinah could be counted as ‘2 of Whitney’s exes are in the shot’.
It worked.
Oh, and I’m going to start using Vero as a term for someone who keeps being awesome and calm while everyone else is losing their shit and reverting to their teenage selves.
Everytime I see the intrview shot of Romi with that headband, I am expecting her to show her biceps like a true working woman right here!
http://nibsblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/poster-we-can-do-it-opt.jpg
Except Romi’s would obviously say “I can do it!” because everything’s about her and only her.
Obviously. :)
I love how Riese hates this show but AS team members just keep on popping up on it…
It’s kind of crazy how many people I feel like I’d recognise from the LA lesbian scene, just based on TRLW and Autostraddle people just because they all keep popping up all over. Is it that small, the scene?
(UK gay here)
Exactly! It seems tiny but I have no idea being from the UK too!
I was thinking the same thing, “Damn this world is small and wow there are way too many people in everyones business/social bubble, etc.” No wonder I stick to myself, too many people co-mingling usually equates to potential drama. No thanks.
oh i like your recaps very much, they make me laugh. i don’t watch the show because it’s too boring but your recaps are really worth reading, hoop hoop!
Hi. Hey. Thanks to the real l word i watched the laaaast link on the recap and fell in love with Alex. Bad.
lol Yeah, I think that happens to everyone who watches that.
Everybody laughs and explodes and turns into ghost ninjas.
Yes, indeed they did. perfect series finale.
Once again thank you Riese, I hope your liver survives the rest of the series.
Also every episode so far has just re-affirmed my original feeling of Vero-awesomeness
I love Vero. I want to have babies with her.
Romi, Romi, Romi. I wonder what its like inside her head. I wonder if she actually believes everything she says or just puts on the air that she does. Anybody see the preview for this Thursdays show? Oh. My. God. We get to meet Dusty and see her ‘launch’ her singing career. I can’t wait! The argument between Sara and Romi was just dumb. I wish we could get to the bottom of what really happened and why they hate each other.
I still don’t like Amanda but Kiyomi—I don’t know there is just something about her to me. She’s cute with Lauren.
First: Riese, I love you.
Second: I find Kiyomi’s actions revolting.
“Let’s text while sitting next to each other because we’re 15 years old and can’t address each other like adults and then I’ll tell you that you’re making my life hard because I had acquire all of these regional reps/STDs because I don’t have the decency to end a relationship that’s clearly hurting the other half. And then I am going to yell at you for no good reason and I’m going to change my name to KiyoME because I’m going to spend even more time thinking about myself.”
Last: I think we all want to see more of Vero, don’t we?
how could the re cap leave out the never ending drama of the hotel ‘not being ready’ for Romi, the celesbian to check in!!! Is she for real?!? That was Hi-larious!!! poor romi….
um, that happened last week in last week’s episode, and was covered thoroughly in the recap
I am not gonna lie- I think the way Lauren and Kiyomi are crushing on each other is hella cute. They’re like two teenagers!
And I wanna feel bad for Ali but um…I really don’t. She seems to be a little needy and manipulative, which is a major turn off. Someone needs to write a queer girl’s version of “She’s Just Not That Into You” and give her a copy.
Also- I am a little tired of hearing Whitney and Sara bash Romi every chance they get. I don’t like the girl either, but feel that the bashing is a little old.
And I don’t know what happened between Sara and Romi there…It just- I am a little confused.
“And I wanna feel bad for Ali but um…I really don’t. She seems to be a little needy and manipulative, which is a major turn off. Someone needs to write a queer girl’s version of “She’s Just Not That Into You” and give her a copy.”
^^ahaha SO true! I don’t like Ali for the simple fact that she IS needy. I mean before Dinah they were arguing about the fact that Ali slept with someone else and Kiyomi was pissed she didn’t tell her. I think that if you are in a non-manogomous relationship you can do what you want but I do agree with Kiyomi that you shouldn’t lie about it either. They were BOTH clearly doing what they wanted. Why can Ali do that but Kiyomi can’t?
Ali is painful…painfully boring, needy and creepy. The spying around the corner move made me go “Ewww!” out loud.
I didn’t get why Ali lied about sleeping with the other girl either b/c their relationship wasn’t monogamous to begin with. Can’t blame Kiyomi for giving her side-eye on that one.
And yes- the spying around the corner was a little creepy. Why was she even @ the photoshoot anyway? O_O
They flew her out there because IFC needed more fake/scripted drama. Zzzzz
If Vero’s tattoo wasn’t meant to be in the future tense, it has a typo. (I’m a nerd and also felt the need to use google to clarify that my extremely similar tattoo was correct).
Laura has great suspenders.
The Romi and Sarahara argument is so funny/sad…and I guess a really good reminder that no, the world does not revolve around any single one of us even if you’re out and about and go ‘augh I really don’t want to see these people they will all be judging me.’ They probably don’t care nearly as much as you think they do.
I really admire your concentration on reading for real something so close to Vero’s vagina.
(anyway yes it should be “amor omnia vincit”, if I recall correctly. I mean I would never do a tattoo in Latin cause it ruined 5 years of my life. It never made sense to me that it was so similar to italian yet I couldn’t get what the hell they were saying).
Yeah, it should be vincit instead of vincet. I like the phrase but I’ve never taken Latin (just a lot of liturgical experience with it) so I tried to figure out what the most common wording was and picked ‘amor vincit omnia’ for my tattoo because I like that the word order is more like it would be in English, but still correct.
Also, that’s totally me. I don’t miss the forest for the trees (haha, forest) I miss the forest for the tiny pine needle at my feet.
I’m pretty sure it’s correct- ‘omnia vincet amor’ means love will conquer all whereas ‘vincit’ is the present tense.
This has got to be nerdiest lesbian website in the world…
It is correct (I actually wasn’t sure since I kinda erased all my memories of Latin) but since it’s actually a quote most people report it in the way it was said. So I think we can declare her tattoo correct!
Yeah, that’s what I was wondering. Most of the time when you see the quote (from Virgil, or the Caravaggio painting based on the line from Virgil) it is saying “love conquers all” instead of “love will conquer all”. So I’m sticking with maybe she did mean it in the future tense, but we can’t really be sure. :)
One of the unresolved questions of life I suppose. :D
That’s why we totally need an interview of Vero, guys!
By the way, I like to call her by her birth name Veronika, it’s such a HOT name!
Can we please just talk about Jessica suggesting Tara and Pam should hook up?
That’s a different show…or is it? Wait, is Whitney a vampire? Not the explode in sunlight kind, but the gay sparkly rainbow kind. OMG!
Is it a different show? It’s a show i’m more interested in than this one, that’s for sure. Looking at all the true blood references in the recap, i’m not the only one who feels this way.
Vero seems like a really good friend, asking questions about kiyomi’s “relationship” when most people wouldn’t dare in case she actually answered them.
Also I remember a scene last episode where I’m pretty sure right before Somer arrived and her and Kiyomi started sparring, Vero saying “So I was born and raised in New York..” and then gets cut off! Anything Vero has to say about herself has clearly ended up on the cutting room floor.
I know IFC likes to edit and defy the linear aspect of time, but smart TV shows show a few episodes, then wait for the fan reaction to certain people/characters and then start focusing on them more in further episodes. If she’d done it this way she’d realise the love for Vero and we wouldn’t be so frustrated..
I think IFC should create a spinoff on Vero. With the occasional participation of Laura. That would make sense.
(also Autostraddle I would love you forever if you could get an interview of Vero. I mean I already love you, still…)
Yeah, does Laura seem like she’s great on TV/in person? (I am among those who only read the recaps, for the hilarity.) She comes off as so nice and fun in screenshots! I liked that she wore red to the white party (which, why is that a thing, nobody looks good in all white).
It’s hilarious how everybody is so crazy about Vero (I am with you!), the character that we see the less, about 30sec to 2min each episode. It’s like IFC cannot get ANYTHING right, like ever!
I think I’m obsessed with her because she never gets to talk/do anything/be ruined. I just want to keep the image of her as The Hottest Coolest Cucumber alive in my heart forevermore. I think the only characters I ever like on this show are the ones who don’t ever get to talk.
Also, has anyone actually said her name out loud on the show yet? I feel like that hasn’t happened…
Mhm, was thinking the same. If she talked more maybe TRLW would ruin her, and everyone would be sad.
I was actually wondering if Vero’s awesomeness has something to do with the fact that the editors didn’t pay much attention to her. They didn’t manipulate anything about what she said or did.
Or maybe they did but they failed cause she looks anti-dramatic.. and left her in the background.
I remember liking Scarlet cause she is still mysterious to me but I am sure I could be disappointed if I knew more of her.. We need an interview of Vero to be sure!
I’ve often used the phrase “one of those girls you find really attractive….and then she opens her mouth and ruins it all” to describe the disappointment of finding out a girl you like is actually void of all personality and/or kind of an idiot. I don’t think Vero The Coolest Cucumber fits into this category, but I kind of like that IFC hasn’t given us enough to know for sure. I’d like her to remain a mystery and I’ll continue to admire her photos accordingly.
Seriously, we need TEAM VERO shirts (sleeveless of course).
“I’m just at this white party in my bed” – sexy-as-fuck Vero, rolling around in her bed the morning after.
Seriously, she is the reason I fast forward through episodes after reading the recaps.
She gets hotter and more insightful with each Ep. Vero is the best thing about this season.
In episode 4, when Lauren meets the Hunter Valentine girls, there is that scene with Laura and Kiyomi trying to hook up with Lauren and Vero is left in the background again and I was like OMG! How can that even be possible??!! Who will pick Kiyomi or Laura if Vero is sitting at the same table?! That was unbelievable that not even once Lauren looked at her.. Maybe she is truly asking to be left out of those dramas and IFC only wanna focus on that so we don’t get much of Vero.
i’m too fucking depressed for this shit
Was it just my impression or when Amanda and Kyomi were fighting it looked like they both (especially Amanda I think) were about to burst into laugh? I don’t know it looked like kinda fake to me.
Anyway even showing the footage of Sara and Romi fighting (which definetely looked more real at least) didn’t really make sense because honestly they were talking about facts we don’t even know. I felt it was unnecessary.
I don’t understand why Lauren would choose Kyomi over Laura which looks way more fun. But maybe it’s just me.
Now let’s all have a contemplation moment on how Vero is hot and intelligent and has a sexy voice. And on how the show should show her more. Or they should only show her. In the pose of the first picture!
Laura does seem really fun! But she was also snogging some other girl at Dina, so…
Yeah I saw that too. Guess she has found her beloved after all :) I don’t know I probably have a thing for Laura because she reminds of one of my friends. She also likes to carry me like a kangaroo as Laura does with Vero, but a couple of old ladies looked at us with scandalized expression the last time we did that.
The Amanda/Kiyomi fight looked hella scripted! Neither of them couldn’t stop from laughing during the whole thing- I believe deep down inside they knew how ridiculous they looked.
I don’t understand why anyone would even look at Kiyomi singing when Vero is looking so hot playing bass next to her.
I liked Laura before the massive turn off at the end of episode 4..
Yes the thing with Laura in episode 4 left me a little bit shocked too!
Well I don’t know, maybe it’s because Lauren don’t see Vero as a potential girlfriend since Vero already has a girlfriend? I guess so..
lmao that indeed IS tucky williams with vero (sidenote: vero is capital HOT!) and also the very one who was kissing laura.
oh lesbians, small world, eh.
Vero and Tucky would be hot together. Yeah. Hot.
Yeah apparently Tucky got asked to be in TRLW and got recorded and filmed whilst she was at Dinah but nobody, not even herself knows if the footage will be shown.
Lauren, take the threesome with Sara and Whitney. Leave the Kiyomi.
“I love hotels and 95% of the time would rather be drinking/laughing/smoking with my friends in a hotel room, rolling around on sheets we’re not responsible for laundering, than be outside in the sticky-sweaty sunshine with People Who Enjoy Socializing.”
This is also me on any vacation.
Seriously, and also room service is the best invention modern life has to offer.
That was the best line of this recap, because it sounded exactly like something my girlfriend would say!
“look this is neat and stuff, but sarah croce is standing behind me right now and i think i’m gonna go hit that”
oh look my inner monologue has found its way into a Real L Word recap.
Hey guys, this is from autostraddle recap of dinah 2010, is this who i think it is ? cause i think it is….. :-)
http://imgur.com/oIjkU.jpg
i went back and looked at all the photos we have from the wet t-shirt contest and it definitely is not her… but wouldn’t it be glorious if it was
spoiler alert*****
totally saw romi walking hand in hand with some dude down the streets of long beach. guess when the filming is over so are her and kelsey. no wedding bells there.
that is not a spoiler! i have mentioned dustyandromi.tumblr.com in every recap six times, and at least once a day in regular life
Was he not wearing a shirt? It looks like he never wears a shirt. (lowcut tank tops with Romi’s face on them don’t count).
Yes, sometimes I browse that tumblr to make me feel better about my life.
First time I saw that tumblr I was like “uuu Romi and her gay best friend looks so nice together”. Then..well we know how it ended up.
But seriously he dresses like my best friend. And my best friend is very very gay. Maybe only in Italy lowcut tank tops are a thing a lot of gay guys uses?
Nope. It’s not just in Italy. He definitely trips my gaydar.
Looks like we’re not the only ones.
Last episode, Kelsey: “I’m not worried about Dusty. I mean at first I definitely thought he was playing for our team, I mean he was gay, but then they told me he had a girlfriend so…”
After seeing this Ep, I know I made the right decision to avoid Dinah. I went once when I lived out west and I couldn’t understand the hype. The parties were in run-down hotel ballrooms, where I’d expect to see a bad high school prom. The pool party was just nasty. Even the private parties were lame. The nicest thing about it was the drive from LA and back. I’m not a prude either. I’ve been to way better parties in NY, LA, Ptown and Montreal. Vagina Shore is a one time only deal. (the DEB comments coming in 3-2-1…)
I want that pic of Vero to be on the cover of Tigerbeat…for the annual lezzie issue. Should we start an email campaign?
okay, is there a distinction between a celesbian who’s a famous lesbian and a celesbian who’s famous FOR being a lesbian (the former being someone like Maddow and the latter being someone like Whitney)? just wanna know.
also, if your goal through these recaps was for me to develop an incredible celesbicrush (that’s a thing now) on Vero, then congratulations, for you have succeeded.
but you see in dealing with romi, whitney and sara didn’t know they were dealing with a STAUNCH character. s-t-a-u-n-c-h. theres nothing worse im telling you.
(appreciating the grey gardens in this, highlight of my day)
So much awesome in this recap I don’t even know where to start.
–captions are gold
–I am still scarred by that damn fridge episode
–five months? they lost her at five months? that made my heart implode. poor ladies.
–I will never be tempted to watch this show because I can tell the recaps are a million times better than the actual episodes. GOD’S WORK. YOU ARE DOING GOD’S WORK.
I seriously cannot tell you how happy I am that someone else noticed how the girl from Metro was standing behind Lauren during HV’s show at Dinah
Yes! What’s with that?! Also, that girl was already wearing a mic when she ‘spontaneously’ hit on Lauren in NYC.. Something is weird there and I shouldn’t even care but I am getting very curious about how much manipulation is on the show.
In the same register, I absolutely agree with Amanda & Kyiomi fight looking totally scripted.
Well Sweat Headband is clearly Ilene’s new girlfriend, so expect a new theme song next season
and you know what else gets me about that Kiyomi/Amanda fight? Amanda has snark for days, if she and Kiyomi really didn’t get along that would have turned out so much worse. She could barely keep a straight face
Ok, so I usually first read the recap and then watch the episode. This time I did it the other way round. Wasn’t as funny, then I realized something was missing! Now reading this I am LMAO so thank you Riese!
let’s go for parts:
1- starting with this picture of Vero is not only distracting but also no good for my sanity. My my, that girl!
2- What the f*ck Romi Klinger? I used to like her a lot on the other seasons but now she’s so self absorbed! And yes, I think Withney and Sarahara etc are giving her a bad time but please!
3- I wasn’t a big fan of Kyomi but now seeing her head over heels for Lauren is so cute I can’t help but liking her a little bit.
4- Ali spying behind a curtain, man this girl is creepy!. And yes, she totally is THAT girl.
5- Any inclusion of Alex Vega or Sarah Croce in a recap is to thank for
…6!- Can we have a recap for Somer Fridays? don’t know if you’ve seen it but the girl is hilarious! As Sarahara would say: Somer is fun, Riese is fun. Put them together and…
Love your recaps. You are a comedic genious. I am so glad you put that picture of Vero up. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one that considered her the hottest woman on the entire show.
oh my god kiyomi and lauren as a couple are so physically beautiful. They are like.. the epitome of femme and butch. ar I can’t get over it. Also, lauren has amazing boobs. I actually watched this episode instead of reading recaps just for them.
Thank you for finding a way to connect The Real L Word to Grey Gardens. J’adore.
my thoughts exactly.
romi is pretty but what the hell is up with her blush? does she just say “screw it” and rub her entire face in it? is she taking makeup inspiration from clowns? as for chewbacca eyebrows( also known as saaddaa) and whitney: yes romi is unstable, dramatic, and crazy, but so are they! all THREE of them need to take a look in the mirror and realize they are exhibiting all the atrocious behavior they insist on calling other people out for. and as cray as romi is, whitney and chewie standing with a group of (supposed) adults talking shit about her MORE THEN ONCE made them look like completely juvenile, bullying assholes. kiyomi is an ass. the end. while ali is not remotely approaching cute and is kind of needy, kiyomi should have told her what went down during dinah so she wouldn’t have come all the way to l.a. like an idiot text fighting and being the only one at the photoshoot who didn’t know kiyomi hooked up with lauren all weekend. all i can think of is how isolated ali must have felt in that situation. again, kiyomi is a world class asshole. i’m not, nor will i ever be impressed by lauren and her dishwater pink hair. did she dye her hair with kool aide in the kitchen sink?….these people are vapid and annoying.
Romi should leave the Real L Word and have a quiet life. She should give up trying to be a pop star. Her singing is terrible. I also feel that Romi is not a strong person. She could crack any minute now. Plus the show has run its course. It is not as much fun watching as it used to be. My two cents.
Holy Gzus! Romi was looking very Unabomber :) Romi is a fame whore and I would like to stuff her in a box and ship her somewhere and arrange her a marriage to a cow.
COINCIDENTALLY, THIS HAPPENS TO BE THE EXACT STRATEGY I EMPLOY TO ENDURE WATCHING THIS SHOW