Next we meet Francine’s GayGay, Johnny, who’s helping Franny go over last night’s text messages and it’s precisely as delightful as you’d anticipated!
and look she didn't even spell 'cocksucker' right
Francine laughs like she’s halfway self-conscious about putting up with this shit and halfway simply too tired to keep it up.
Claire’s text messages include:
* You’re so not my friend, thanks for fucking me over yet again.
* You’re fucking two-faced.
* I did nothing, was sitting there and Whitney I guess told her I was too cool for school which I AM — so fuck all y’all!
* It’s cool, I look good. You all look fake and crazy. Bye.
* Fuck that I have real friends who love me, these girls are just jealous.
* Whitney’s a cocksucker.
can we just listen to these guys read claire's texts for the rest of the show?
Johnny: “What is she so mad about?”
Francine: “I don’t know.”
I’d like this on a coffee mug: “It’s cool, I look good. You all look fake and crazy. Bye.”
Whitney’s gonna put on her very best hairband ’cause they’re throwing a big party for ladies called Juicy! OMG!
just don't make me look like chewbacca
The only important part of this scene is this cute dog:
misses tinkerbell
Sajdah’s taking Chanel to the party mostly to meet Whitney. Seriously. That’s actually why they’re going. Sajdah says, “While you’re making friends I will be smacking asses.”
There’s some talk about Sajdah’s sexual desires and then we get a little gulp of this:
no words for this
We know what, three things about Sajdah? Two? One of those things is that she liked Season One of The Real L Word so much that she moved to its filming location (which already seems insane) and Jesus, Season One covered the “what is lesbian sex” topic pretty damn well, even dedicating an entire flimsy episode to the “what is lesbian sex” conundrum, so Saj should be up on this shit. In FACT! Inspired by that lackluster episode, we made this flow-chart for you:
Why must we go over this every time? Was Sajdah homeschooled?
ok, now i'm gonna turn around and that one's called "reverse cowgirl"
You know that feeling when you wake up in Palm Springs and step outside and there’s a bunch of really really supremely intelligent beings rolling around in hot oil and making out in the pool and getting really excited about F-List musical acts and you think “there’s no way I could handle this sober” and you eat drug-laced banana bread and drink two beers just to deal?
A feeling like that feeling is why Kelsey’s skipping Juicy. Drew’s taking her to an AA meeting instead.
and that is how i saved the princess
Juicy, a GIANT SEXY PARTY for HOT SEXXXXY LESBIANS is a resounding success, says Whitney, faking surprise that a ton of drunk lesbians have showed up to smell her hair.
what's up vagina people!!
Whitney: “The thing about hosting — it’s like people ask me like what do I do for a living now and I guess you could say I’m either a professional lesbian, gaymous — gay famous — or a celesbian. I suppose. I dunno. God I’m so glad I have two bachelor’s degrees!”
i am, for the record.
Har.
Meanwhile, Clever Claire’s gotten dressed, “done her hair,” put her makeup on and probably had at least 16 beers, all to go to the JUICY party to see when she can get the rest of her stuff from Franny’s apartment. Yup.
can just one person have a name that's easy to spell, christ
I think what happened next was just generalized mayhem.
The hypnosis has failed our young in-love couple. It’s been six hours and Cori needs a cigarette.
listen i just really don't want to go to that Juicy party thing
This is fascinating.
Kacy, always the Best Butch on the Block, is remaining remarkably composed. Kacy could teach the rest of the cast a few things about how to handle your partner’s mental breakdowns without losing your mind in the process.
Then Cori loses her cell phone for about ten minutes and the entire world ends. For Cori, at least.
the plight of the woman with the lost cell phone
Eventually they finally find an electronic cigarette and peace is restored and all the children get extra porridge.
fetus says no
Back at Juicy, Romi’s pissed off that Kelsey and Mario are still hanging out — “If she goes to Drew’s house I will be livid. LIVID” — and honestly I just don’t understand this fight. There’s no logical core to this casserole of contrived drama. This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
Romi complains to Whitney for a bit, who seems confused/thinking about herself like everyone else here.
get it? like "the juice is loose"
Claire makes plans to finally pick up her stuff from Francine’s —
Francine: “I feel like Claire’s not being very respectful at this point. The things she does, it’s like at her convenience. She actually moved out but she left all of her things there.”
i hear tila tequila's single
Dating a volatile woman is a full-time job, it means at any moment you could be snatched out of your chosen reality and stuffed into their’s, and that’s a scary feeling. It’s also a heavy feeling and a negative feeling and it’s a thing Francine is maybe starting to realize.
Kelsey’s going home with her magical red ring and Leprechaun party hat and 400 bracelets and she’s pissed.
argghhhh bla
Here, listen in on this private phone conversation:
Romi: “I’m coming home I thought you were gonna just be in bed. I don’t want to come home and like, be around anyone right now, I’m not in a good mood.”
Kelsey: “OK. I mean he [Mario] wanted to say hi to you.”
Romi: “What you guys are just chilling, watching movies? You want me just to let you guys be?”
Kelsey: “What are you talking about? Come home.”
Romi: “I don’t wanna come home and like, be around anybody, I’m not in a good mood! I told you I was feeling depressed before I came out, it’s fine, whatever, I’ll see you when I get home. I’m on my way.” [hangs up.] “I hate my life right now. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t drink.”
Everything that’s been numb for the last year is welling up on her… and yet the cameras remain…
what happens when we both remember the fight the next day
Romi returns upset that Drew’s pissed off at her.
Romi: “I don’t want Drew in the bed ’til one o’clock in the morning with my girlfriend. Is that understandable?”
Kelsey: “I dont see why it’s a problem, but okay.”
Romi: “‘Til one in the morning, in the bed?”
Kelsey: “First of all, it was 12:20.”
Ultimately:
Exactly.
We end with Francine and her friends throwing all of Claire’s stuff onto the lawn. Except her friends throw it really clumsily and so Francince has to fix it and put it under a “shelter” because she’s not an asshole.
it's like the opposite of hoarders
Francine didn’t understand the impact that one negative person could have on your life. Oh Francine, that’s so true.
Speaking of the impact that one negative person could have on your life, did I mention that our genius Real L Word parody part #1 & trailer were removed from YouTube by CBS for copyright infringement even though THERE ISN’T ANY COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT? I used our friends’ music and not one iota of anything from the show. La la FUCKING da.
happiness becomes her
NEXT!
i think we're alone now
Well, that was so much fun! Thanks guys! You all look super-cute tonight, I hope you treat yourself to an extra cookie.
seriously, my intern is obsessed with this cat
Pages: 1 2 3See entire article on one page
Riese,
Damn, you work late! And on a/after a holiday. I’m not gonna read this now. I’ve got to go to sleep. But I know tomorrow afternoon/evening will be funnier than previously anticipated.
Thanks.
Oh Genius/Poor Riese again you do a masterpiece of this! I was going to bed, when I saw your post, now I am going to bed with a smile and at the same time feeling confused/awkward about this show!
Still, I am amazed how you can make me stay, but let’s make it clear it is not TRLW, it’s your amazingly witty writing skills/brain!!
I guess I just wanted to say I love u and thanks for dealing with this for us.
I fucking love that cat.
That cat looks almost exactly like my cat. Only my cat is cross-eyed and has trouble telling the depth of the water in his bowl so he often has a soaking wet face.
Also, …a fight as empty as the brains of the woman who created this show.
HA!
That cat is the star of the show
That cat. I nominate it to be the autostraddle recap cat.
yes, i think you’re spot on recognizing all the contrived crap that comprises this season. if saj has never been with a woman before, then ilene chaiken is brilliant. ain’t no freakin’ way. and claire’s fake storyline is unraveling as is her mind while trying to keep her dead ass “character arc” going against all reasoning. it just doesn’t add up.
and romi! soooooo fake! kelsey’s all “wtf” because her life with romi suddenly stopped making sense as soon as the cameras started rolling.
it’s just….smut for the sake of smut. nothing else to be had here so far.
that hit and run sex scene between rachel and whitney was hotter than whit’s chemistry with sara, though. dang. rachel can fake it pretty good.
drew & romi definitely hooked up at some point. there relationship is way tooo weird.
&& totally agreed. IC is a genius cuz saj is a big fake! she was so attractive in the previews. what happened??! :/
I have to agree with you.
re: Romi and Drew. My thoughts too, and I kept waiting for Romi to say it and it never happened. I thought that would have actually been an interesting disclosure for Romi to make and talk about. Like, maybe would have made me interested in the show to hear about Romi’s past and struggle in this weird friendship. AND it would have made her and Kelsey’s fight make some sense, no?
But OF COURSE they didn’t talk about it. Why have this show make any sense when it’s already riding a crazy wave of creamed corn and pussy juice?
“Why have this show make any sense when it’s already riding a crazy wave of creamed corn and pussy juice?”
LOL! Yup. And yet, despite all my fully functioning gray matter, I keep coming back to this damn show. Or rather, the reviews on AS of this show. I feel like every week there’s some new horrible stereotype/catastrophe I will have to explain away/defend in future to people who use this show as a lesbian documentary.
The Real L Word parody was so much better than this shit ass show. SOMEBODY’S JELLIS
I can’t believe that they removed it from the internets!!!!!
ME NEITHER
Oh Riese I told ya never underestimate the raging revenge of the narcissist.
i know, i know
Upload it to somewhere else immediately :(
The whole episode I was “I can’t do this anymore”. I think I’m done with this now. I will read the recaps still though, because they’re hilarious, so thanks Riese !!
Cat: in relative world terms, I’m actually super-duper, upper-class, through-the-roof posh.
look at that pose! too cute, i cant even….
“At some point during this scene I left the room and when I came back I thought Rachel was throwing up in the sink, but it turns out Whitney was just fucking her from behind.”
Haha! I didn’t leave the room and I still thought Rachel was throwing up/going to throw up. No wonder Sajdah’s understanding of sex is messed up.
Kelsey shouldn’t stand for Romi’s treatment of her. Rude.
Claire embarrassed herself a lot.
Whitney and her friends looked like gigantic assholes.
Francine’s friends shouldn’t have thrown Claire’s stuff out, regardless.
I squirmed when Kacy asked the doctor if she could “integrate” herself in the process by pushing a button or something. Does it really mean that much? Let the good doctor do her job.
Does anyone on here think that the cast members on the show are actual lesbians?
They are actual lesbians, we know most of them in real life.
lol, you mean with-me etc?
…interesting!
i have a lot of feelings about sajdah, mainly that i want to rescue her from my lawn and keep her in a shoebox with a blanket and feed her warm milk and birdseed until she can fly on her own and it is safe to release her into the wild. also chanel is very pretty. the rest of this show i can’t actually handle talking about.
i am so wary of drew/mario/moustache.
Me too! As much as I want to believe this guy has “honest” intentions, I just dont. I want to believe that this older, straight guy is hanging out with these cute, younger lesbians to be a sort of platonic father figure and help them with their relationship and sobriety problems.. but I just don’t quite buy it. Maybe I’m biased because of the people I’ve met/things I’ve been through but I can’t help but feel he is creepy.
I keep meaning to watch these but I haven’t since the first one…recaps are better.
Also if IFC is trying to make me dislike Claire she is succeeding.
listen, i was homeschooled and i can name at least 3 different kinds of sex
1) real penis sex. this is the kind of sex you have with your boyfriend, he has a real penis and he puts it inside you and it’s REAL. it’s also very important that you forget to use a condom/birth control because then you can worry about it for a couple of weeks and think about how much real penis sex you had that one time with your penis person.
2) lesbian sex. this is what they do on the l word. it involves a lot of giggling and rolling and kissing. you cannot see what they do with their hands. it is all pretend. this is not real.
3) lesbian-penis sex. this is when you take a toy penis and put it places on/in a girl because secretly you are sad because you do not have one. that’s why lesbians wear boy clothes. sometimes you pretend the penis is yours. sometimes you just hold it in your hands. this sex, also, is pretend. it also is not real. fake sex fake fake fake.
please nobody hate me for being such a snark
I think your generalizations are a product of you not knowing what the fuck you are talking about. You consider ‘REAL sex’ to be between males and females as you so bluntly put it, and that sex between a female and another female is ‘pretend penis sex’ when toys are involved? What gives you any authority to distinguish what is ‘real sex’ and ‘pretend sex’?
You say you’re as queer as can be while sitting at home and lumping sex acts into categories? Obviously you have not been out in the real world to experience such things and are not at all in the right position to say such things. If you are indeed a queer, I’m ashamed at you for passing such stereotypical/misogynist judgements about what ‘REAL’ sex is classified as.
I have a good friend who was home schooled and she definitely has more sense than you do.
she was kidding
definitely kidding…
I definitely laughed.
Okay, Autostraddle, for real, why have you not put the “is it sex?” flowchart on coffee mugs or t-shirts? That shit would sell like hotcakes!
To Saj’s credit though: according to the flowchart, she was indeed having sex with Chanel. She understood pretty well what was said to her on TRLW 1. So I understand her being confused.
Chanel, I know you’re pretty, but seriously ? THIS IS CRAZY !
This show is great! Real fucking lesbians unlike these wannabe heteros on autostraddle.
About Youtube removing your parody… Did you try to contest it with Youtube at all?
Generally speaking, parodies are covered under fair use, which would allow you to create a parody even while using their audio and/or content. Of course, its never as clear cut as you might like…
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use#Fair_use_and_parody
Also, these recaps are fucking genius.
Riese, I’m exactly the same. Any time there’s a hint of onscreen sexy-time, I cover my ears, shut my eyes and scream really loudly. Then my ex fills me in on what happened later.
I still don’t get how you can stand recapping these, Riese, but I thank you. Way better than watching the show.
“It’s cool, I look good. You all look fake and crazy. Bye.” This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
these recaps make it worth it for this stupid show to exist. haven’t seen one single episode but came here cuz i dated one of those idiots for like a minute and wanted to see how stupid she looked. yeah, pretty fucking stupid. hysterical. keep it up guys, funny as hell.
Whit Whit – “No strings attached” sex with Rachel?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Girlfriend went on a bender last episode just so she could get you to kiss her…COME ON! There are so many strings! Christ on a bike one of those bachelor’s degrees must be in B.S. in Obliviousness.
definitely going to be using every single one of Claire’s text messages to Franny when conversing and texting with my friends. Love all the Claire this week! And she’s actually not being hated on in the recap, for a first! Finally, Autostraddle has just accepted the fact that Claire is indeed TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL and that everyone is just jealous of her. LOVE U CLAIRE! xoxo
Why is Rachel licking Whitney’s chin? Is this an erotic zone I was unaware of?
I think she was just lapping up some whiskey that didn’t make it into Whitney’s mouth.
^this^
I think this show is fantastic. honestly my ideal season would include nikki and jill, cori and kacy, saj and obviously the main reason i watch this show, whitney. i skip through all the parts with claire because she is boring. romi and kelsey, wtf is all i have to say. whitney didnt want you so now we are giving you a part on the show…saj is hilarious and very real. and whitney is the sexy bad girl with a big heart. no need to bash on her. she is done with sara, finally, and she is living her single life and doing it beautifully. i dont think she should be with rachel either because rachel wants it so bad and i dont think whitney is ready for the commitment. sorry to sound harsh but “the real l word” cashing is the one thing that makes me sad on this website.
Honestly regardless of what autostraddle think of the show.. its actually pretty good. STraight people make trashy reality tv all the time and view got their rights, lesbians should be able to enjoy and laugh att other peoples lives without worrying about how it will affect our case.. the show gets torn down too much for my liking on here. Plus I don’t think,you kno ilene chaiken personally so disrespecting her rudely… not good. Nyway I absolutely love Whitney.. my main reason 4 watching the show. Whitney+ Rachel+ bathroom .. equals HOT!
Peace
Screencap of the week: “This grapefruit reminds me of how you felt when I fisted you in the shower.”
Made better by the name of the cap: “Girl-with-the-strawberry”
Dead.
I am dead. I have died from laughing because these recaps are so effing hilarious.
SAJDAH YOU SO CRAZY.
The recap is WHY I watch the show! HILARIOUS!
Interesting episode… I mean DEBisode.
“To be honest I haven’t watched any of the sex scenes in TRLW, instead I cover my face and scream. I don’t know, I’m either 12 or 65.”
Agreed, I can’t watch these scenes. Its the same reason why I think Girls Gone Wild is gross and sad. I feel like these girls are just too drunk and too naive to question what a decision like that could mean for their careers, lives, future relationships. I’m pretty sure TRLW cast is not going to get paid for appearances forever so I just hope no one quits their day jobs! Every other person these days in on a reality TV show so the number of “celebrities” increases daily and the more it does, the less and less we care.
On another note, I sort of wish hilariously fun Franny was featured more, but I guess she’s not dramatic enough.
The only part of the show I enjoyed was when Alyssa said something cute and put the shirt on the dog’s head. It was the first time, watching this series, that I’ve so much as cracked a smile.
I LOVE YOUR RECAPS.
I guess it’s a good thing they explained that weak ass insult so thoroughly, because if someone called me a Deb I’d be all “Does this mean I get to fuck Lucy Diamond?!”
That was what I thought.
Christ… B-A-N-A-N-A-S indeed.
Good for Francine for not acting up for the cameras! I wish they’d focus on her more. But noooo, IFC likes DRAMA!
Awesome re-cap, btw. Thanks for the lunch-break laughs!
Riese, you raised an interesting question. Should a woman lower themselves to attacking another woman’s looks? I don’t think so but I have to give Claire a pass in this case. This was such a hateful, disgusting attack by that person named Chas that I was stunned. Chas had never met her but decided to unleash a verbal assault in front of the smirking Whitney. The assault was intended to humiliate Claire in front of people that she does not know. It was no accident that Claire was sitting near the most beautiful woman in the club when Chas unleased. Chas’s hatred for Claire comes from the same place that Whitney’s hatred comes from – jealousy. Claire is not an idiot. She realized very much what the attack was about. So she brought it to the table going for the very thing she knew this was all about – Chas’s self-loathing about her looks and therefore jealousy of Claire.
It is a tough call but when it comes down to it I see no other possible reaction by Claire than to get to the heart of the matter. As for Chas, while people can argue about her looks one thing is for sure. Unless this fight was an anomaly, she is one ugly person in terms of the way she acts.
Even your recap was hard to make it through! We all owe you some wine for doing these recaps.
And that cat was the absolute best thing about this whole episode.
The cat’s my favorite part too. Don’t hate.
I love Kacy and Cori. I do.
I think they are unbelievably adorable.
yes they are, i wish they were my friends instead of characters on a bad teevee show
Hate sperm, love Cori and Kacy. I’m conflicted.
Also “fetus says no” pretty much made my day.
Claire seems like one of those people that grew up with money and comes off stuck up. I think if you got to know her your opinion might change. On that note Francine does need to keep a good sized distance between her and Claire.
Saj, smh.
Romi glad she’s doing better.
Whitney is still Whitney.
Cori, poor thing that has to be hard not smoking.
I wonder if Whitney has a permanent sunburn on her face from all those head bands.
Also, I’ve taught first graders that had more intelligent and witty arguements than Claire and Chas. I’m really digging Francine though, she’s my kind of peoples.
re: The Fight: What the fuck?! Claire and Chas, I’m going to rip you both feminist new ones! My community is flawed, to be sure, but behaviour like that is wholly unwelcome.
I’M GOING TO RIP THIS WHOLE FUCKING SHOW A FEMINIST NEW ONE.
As in, I’m maybe going to write an angry e-mail and rant. But probably just the ranting.
How has Ilene Fucking Chaiken not been booted out of PowerUP! yet?!
I imagine it’s because nobody wants to be on Ilene Chaiken’s bad side.
(you should write an angry email)
I think I watch this show for the same reason I watch Hoarders sometime, i.e. to remind me what not do!
Between this recap and @AG ‘s hilarious play-by-play on Sunday, I can experience the show without watching it. Even knowing these people exist exhausts me.
So, thanks to these recaps, everytime Sadjah says something equating soulmates all I can think is, “This Is Crazy!!!” They’re cute though.
Good question, are they trying to portray Claire as an asshole. If so…it’s working.
Beautiful recap as ever. Cant wait for next time (since Sadj will be getting her grown and sexy on with Chanizzle).
Cori and Kacy’s cat should have its own twitter account. That cat is seriously looking at the camera saying “Bullshit!” during like every scene.
This is what I’m saying.
I want a show about the cat, Marissa, Barb and Alyssa.
Can we add Scarlett in the mix, please ? Oh, and the cute little dog wrapped in the purple (?) shirt !
& I think we should definitely bring Tracy & Stamie back.
whitney looks straight up like lil wayne in that photo of her hosting the juicy party.
I have definitely quit my job to be a deb (full time).
Francine continues to have the best one-liners about Claire ever (“It’s not my fault everyone hates you”).
Riese, you are hilarious.
sajdah. sajdahsajdahsajdahsajdah
This has been the funniest recap ever. Love it :)
Claire needs to step in front of a bus. That fight scene got my Traditional Girl’s Underpants all up in a bunch. Really, Claire, are we going to bring looks into it? Honestly? You’re too good for someone who you don’t consider attractive? I’ve figured it out. Claire is just an idiot. Nothing that comes out of her mouth makes sense, she TURNED DOWN AN INTERNSHIP WITH JAMIE BABBITT, thinks she can try to have two girlfriends at one time without both of them dumping her because she’s selfish, and apparently can’t carry on an argument without bringing looks into the equation.
This show ughhh. IFC needs to GTFO.
(Also, Kacey is hoooot.)
I hope you are kidding! After what that jerk Chas did, to sit there and criticize only Claire is hilarious. That takes it to a whole special level of what the heck. How would you feel if you walked into somewhere in a new city you just moved to and all of a sudden someone you don’t know starts verbally attacking you? Claire was pissed and rightfully so. If you rip her at least have the common sense to rip the person instigating the fight.
Your it is cool to humiliate complete strangers out of some misguided jealousy but it is not okay to snap back at the person doing the humiliation angle is as ridiculous as anything I have ever read. If you would have said both were in the wrong it would be one thing. But to excuse the idiot who both drunkenly insults people for no reason and says graphic sexual putdowns is ridiculous.
Did I EVER state in my comment that Claire was stupid for fighting? No, she had every right to fight back, but it’s disappointing to bring looks into the equation. She could have fought back without taking such a cheap shot. For sure, Chas was way out of place, but Claire was the one who started calling her ugly.
I also think that despite Chas being a dick, no doubt, that Claire could have been the better person and not stooped to bringing looks into the equation and the stupid “The girls i’ve fucked are more attractive than the girls you’ve fucked!” argument.
Frankly, my comment was focusing on Claire wasn’t it? I wasn’t excusing Chas by not adding her in my comment because Chas does not have a recurring storyline on this show.
When there is a fight between two people and one chooses to only criticize one individual, then yes you are giving a pass to the other one. That is exactly what happened. To not question the instigator, to not question the one who begins hurling insults first, and to not question the one who states “suck my dick” first is astonishing. Chas’s side is completely and utterly indefensible. At least with Claire’s, she is clearly the victim of a verbal assault designed to humiliate her. So while she lowered herself with the comments on looks, it is far more understandable she went there than Chas instigating what occurred.
To be realistic, Claire did seem to hit the nail on the head with her comments. Chas’s behavior was that of an alpha female who saw someone who she sees as more attractive talking to a hot woman. So she decided to hurt that person. That is worthy of condemnation. That you chose to solely go after Claire says it all.
this is the only way to end it ag
does anyone have feelings about how i figured out how to turn your links to images into actual images, i feel like this is a big deal
http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i179/huertaandrew/Funny%20Pictures/WereNotWorthy.jpg?t=1300390939
hahaha thanks riese this made my day
Love this graphic!
damn, chris hd, you sound like you might be claire herself. who else would give such a shit?
Again, I ONLY focused on Claire because she is part of the cast. Chas is not. Chas only appeared one time in this show. I also focused on Claire because of her previous stupid actions. I’m not sure why you’re making such a big deal about a comment that was obviously not an in-depth comment about Claire’s actions. I also wonder why you are defending her so much, when just about everything she’s done on this show has been an asshole move, and why you’re only focusing on one part of my comment.
I think that you should NEVER take a shot at someone’s looks, no matter how nasty the fight, because ultimately you can’t change your looks. I think the fact that Claire stooped to that level is indefensible. Even if Chas attacked her first, Claire did not have to stoop to that level, nor should she have allowed it to escalate to the level that it did.
But seriously, I wonder why you give such a shit.
I realize this is like the fifth episode, but this just occurred to me: Kelsey = 50% Emily Blunt + 50% Juliet Lewis.
Also, Whitney looks like Tina Majorino’s older, dirtier sister, no?
SO true. I can’t unsee it.
I think Kelsey also looks like Camilla Grey from Uh Huh Her + Jennifer Carpenter. But she’s 100% cute!
riese i want to say that i’m really proud of you for finishing this recap on monday instead of tuesday
I seriously am.
thank you grace, i appreciate it
Me too!!! I can’t wait to read your recaps, there hilarious!! So thankyou very much for working late and finish this recap on a Monday!!! :)
you’re welcome nadine thank you
I genuinely come here after watching the real l word to see if you thought the same stuff as me, so was happy to see it was up early.
but i’m newly graduated and waiting to a find a job so…
Wait. WHITNEY HAS TWO BACHELOR DEGREES?
I know right.
Political Science and WOMEN’S STUDIES
Hhmmm
My favorite quote from this episode: “I don’t know the girls you fuck? Well you don’t know the girls I fuck. And I’m pretty sure they’re hotter than yours!” Oh Claire. Save the penis comparisons for the locker room.
I know! I love it! Her argument is – Neither one of us knows anything about each other, but I win!
The only reason I watch this show is so I can have a better understanding of the recaps. I really enjoy them.
When Claire gets up after being insulted at the party, Rose from season 1 is sitting on the couch.
“The only reason I watch this show is so I can have a better understanding of the recaps.”
This struck me as hilarious, in all the right ways. And that is some high praise, well deserved, for all involved in the recaps.
What video are you talking about? I looked it up on youtube and I found one called “Real L Word Lost Episode (parody).” Was there another?
I also love that cat. It practically rolls its eyes in some sort of detached amusement when the camera manages to catch it. The look on it’s face is how most of us feel when we’re watching the show. In that picture of the cat on her lap, it looks like it’s trying to protect them from the evil it senses. Shit looks evil.
Where was Sara’s stomach tattoo in the beginning of the episode during the photo shoot? I think I saw it on her when she was go-go dancing near the end. Actually, now that I think about it, that tattoo seems to come and go. here one episode, gone the other. Does this show defy the laws of time and space and continuity?………… Now I wanna watch “Back to the Future.”
I don’t know about you guys, but I never found it charming when people brag about ‘how much pussy’ they get. I was actually waiting for them to start pounding their chests and rub rocks together to make a fire.
Not only is it dehumanizing for the humanpersons they slept with (yeah I love being referred to as a ladypart), but it’s also RIDICULOUS. Yeah you somehow convinced a lot of people to have sex with you. What do you want, a cookie? A friggin’ medal?
Wait did I hear someone talking about a cookie???? I’m in!!! hahaha :P
No it’s not the best way to make yourself better than someone else!
I think out of that entire fight, i’m most disappointed in Whitney.
She’s been coming across as a nice person for the series so far, then just sits there smirking at claire being attacked (before claire started the ugly comments).
That’s pretty shitty, if my friend was drunkenly yelling at someone I’d try and stop them or assure the girl being yelled at not to take notice and I’m 21 years old, Whitney’s 29 and thinks she’s still on the playground.
I have to agree with you, Jane.
I wouldn’t trust Whitney with my life.
Sorry but this had to be done:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/143/unledvn.png/
Fimo jewelry, FTW!!!
i truly thought the pool party pic was titled “i-feel-like-im-peeing-on-their-party”
which is completely different from peeping
Not gonna lie… I love your recaps, Riese, but I couldn’t even pay attention long enough to make it through this one because these episodes are ridiculous and I don’t know how you do it.
Also, why is Whitney such a “thing”? She’s really not even that cute, and there is way too much of her in this show. Ugh.
There is not enough alcohol in the world to ever make me truly enjoy watching this show. Every time my girlfriend asks me, “Hey, you wanna watch the Real L Word tonight?” I always cringe and ask her if we can watch reruns of True Blood or The Office or ANYTHING ELSE?!
If any of my future children turn out to be lesbians? I am going to illegally download a copy of The Real L Word and start showing it to them…kind of like the opposite of a “How to” Manual…Instead, it shall be a, “How to not act in public, on television or even in your own home.” Also, I’ve known women like Claire my whole life, and let me tell you, it’s all a bunch of bravado and money and editing that motivate that kind of behavior.
I’m surprised that Whitney has two degrees. If she is such an educated woman, why does she speak like such an ill articulated douche? WHY
In all fairness I think she speaks eloquently… She’s just kind of douchey
her language skills are average at best. she always says “I’m not going to lie” and her analogies are painfully awful.
anyway, there’s nothing to be proud about gaining 2 bachelor degrees. you’re meant to get one, then use those skills to help you with an MA or Mphil, or even a PhD. There’s a reason that’s so rare, it’s because it’s a total fucking waste of time and money.
Did we all miss Rose during Claire and Chas’s fight?! Bring back Nat and Rose!
Okay wait, riese, you actually know these people? As in friends? Its weird to think of them as human beings…Anyways I am curious as to how they are in real life? Are you all still friends even after you write the recaps? And just letting you know, I watch the show and immediately read your recaps. I now see the show as a comedy rather than reality drama series
Riese,
Your re-caps are amazing.. (I’ve been a fan since the L word days off your blog) They always have been and forever will be.. and damn.. it is BRUTAL to sit through this show at times.. I often find myself cringing, laughing, and confused.. but, f it.. I am a fan of seeing lesbians on TV.. so, I will take what I can get..
Thank you for taking your time out to do them..
I am also going to take this moment and be completely shameless.. Check out http://www.facebook.com/JenniferArroyoMusic – Let’s talk!
<3
OMG … first time I’ve come across this and I swear I’m laughing out loud!
Ya’ll are terrifically funny …. and I hafta remember to grab a book to search for “a SH*T to give” one day real soon. I just KNOW that’ll come in handy!!
Good night all you very funny, witty, ladies!!
My favorite part of this episode is that you said there’s gonna be a new Julie and Brandy IYBO.
yesssssssssssss….
WHAT is a Deb what is a Deb what is a Deb can someone please help me cos I still don’t get it. I have examined Whitney’s explanation, this recap, After Ellen’s recap and Urban Dictionary all to no avail. It’s driving me mental! Pleeeeease help. Hilarious recap by the way, love it.
deb is a debby downer, someone who damps you’re party with depressing conversations like this:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/68225/saturday-night-live-debbie-downer
or
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/debbie-downer/32806/
that’s a deb
i don’t know about you guys but reading all of these super defensive comments is making me giggle into oblivions. hahaha
Aah I get it now, thanks lilyv!
I have seen the episodes on a web site I won’t mention on here. It makes me wish that Tracy, Jill & Nikki, and Rose were still on the show. Now I know why they didn’t get on board for the second season. Showtime was going for the “Jersey Shore” route. Then again, Showtime really want to go for the Whitney angle in the storyline for this season.
I wonder if someone from the show went up to Chas and said “we’ll give you twenty bucks to pick a fight with Claire.” I that explanation works perfectly, because really who starts yelling at a random chick they don’t even know?
I *think* that explanation works perfectly.
These recaps make a show that I watched all last season saying, “OMFG this is so bad!” totally worth it. I now just watch to prep myself for the awesome recaps. Also, after reading the first one, I got lost on the site reading EVERYTHING, so good work. You rock Riese! Tooooo funny.
And yes, Kelsey is a cutie, and I want to slap Romi. SOBER!!! SOBER SOBER SOBER!!!!!
this. so true
“Me: “No matter which character it goes to, I’m like UGH. NOT THEM!”
Season one was a bit more interesting to me in that at least I saw Mikey at work and and other things that weren’t just focused on the hot and heavy complications of their love lives. When we saw Saj go on the prop 8 protest march I thought that was awesome too. I would love to see Whitney be more dimentional and see her actually showcase her interests in art therapy and see more of her make-up effects job with Alyssa (who I think is like one of the most interesting and grounded people on this show purely because of her lack of drama it seems.) Also… where’s Scarlet gone? (She is pretty fine ;) and also seems pretty down to earth) There could be a showcasing of such more awesome and interesting stuff in the show. Whitney did a project focused around art as an expression against homophobia- no stuff like that seems to be getting aired. It just feels really superficial now. :(
I agree with you! The first Season captured their lives without the overbearing “she said / she said” B.S. I liked how we got to see Tracy and Stamie at home with the kids, even Stamie doing her stand up, or see Whitney get in shape for her movie role. Now it just turned into over the top drama with someone yelling every five minutes. Even the opening theme is ridiculous, its like watching a theme for one of MTV’s so called “reality” series feat. teenagers.
Am I the only one who noticed the tender kiss of her own face in the mirror that Rachel did during the bathroom scene. I thought for sure it would be mentioned here.
My God, Sara is Amy Winehouse’ slutty, lesbian, American twin.