The Semi-Official “Real L Word” Season Three Drinking Game

Well, it’s Thursday, July 12th, the day I’ve been dreading since the moment I heard that The Real L Word would premiere on Thursday, July 12th. If you’re just tuning in, here’s the gist: I hate this show (and reality TV in general) but unfortunately am apparently quite adept at recapping it and because said recaps garner ‘mad hits’ for this website, I persevere.

However, recapping The Real L Word requires massive doses of mind-altering substances. One of those substances is alcohol. I’m tempted to make a Real L Word Drinking Game that advises you to drink excessively if you plan on watching The Real L Word, but when I did that for Glee, I ended up drinking so much that I had to not drink again for another two weeks.

I also considered Brittani’s suggestion of “drink every time you see a black person,” but I don’t feel like that would get you drunk enough to watch this show.

So, here’s the game! Add your suggestions in the comments.

REAL L WORD SEASON THREE DRINKING GAME

ONE DRINK

+ Cast member declares that they are in love

+ More than two of Whitney’s ex-girlfriends are in the same room/scene

+ Anyone has sex in the shower or other body of water

+ Every incident of “Whitney Self-Inquiry” (e.g., “Will I hook up with Sara? Maybe.” “Do I have feelings for bananas? I do.” “Do I even fucking care anymore? No I don’t fucking care.”)

+ Camera equipment or camerapeople are visible onscreen

+  A cast member’s friends nod in apathy as the cast member dishes out exposition in their direction that’s supposed to masquerade as an actual conversation

+ The “east coast / west coast” “rivalry” is mentioned or a cast member discusses the differences between the two cities.

+ Any appearance by former Real L Word cast members

+ Any appearance by an Autostraddle-associated human

+ Cast members engage in extensive shit-talking about Romi

+ Kiyomi’s girlfriend or Whitney’s girlfriend registers a complaint regarding the amount of time/attention she has been given that evening

+ Anyone references or engages in sex with a dude

+ Anybody is wearing earrings you could fit your fist through

+ Kacy & Cori are in a scene that does not take place on their couch, at a restaurant or at the doctor’s office.

+ A member of Hunter Valentine says “tour”

+ There’s a shot of Romi’s bare breasts

+ Kacy & Cori’s cat makes an appearance

+ Blatant product placement (including bars & parties)

+ Hunter Valentine song appears in a scene that Hunter Valentine isn’t in

+ Somer is late for something

drinking opportunities

TWO DRINKS

+ The entire cast is in the same room / at the same event

+ Somebody cheats on their significant other

+ Somer is on time for something

+ 

THREE DRINKS

+ Somer quits or is kicked out of Hunter Valentine

+ Alyssa talks about herself in an interview

+ The show inspires you to cry real tears

+ LA FASHION WEEK

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3266 articles for us.

41 Comments

  1. I wasn’t going to drink, but then I tried to watch season two ondemand this weekend and needed to drink for that, so at least now there will be rules and I love rules almost as much as I love drinking! Yay for the recaps!

  2. I think we should make this META and do a ‘Real L-Word’ Recap Drinking Game. Take a drink every time:

    – There is a photo with an irreverent caption
    – A sentence is dripping with sarcasm
    – Someone is mentioned as wearing one feather earring
    – Riese says she needs a drink

  4. I’m so glad I can just read the recaps and get all the facepalming and shot-taking done in 10 minutes. Efficiency is where it’s at.

  6. So basically we are just permanently chugging our drinks? Am I interpreting correctly?

    Just kidding. Not watching this. Just waiting for recaps. Good luck, Riese!

    • Basically if not careful everyone will get alcohol poisoning. Be advised don’t make your drinks too strong.

  7. I don’t drink, but I’d start if I had to recap this show. ;)

    I still read them though so I guess I’m part of the problem, but they are so much fun.

  8. Having just finished the second season this morning, I can honestly say I’m not really looking forward to the third season. But alas, I will end up watching it. I just fear that its giving all lesbians everywhere a bad reputation. People can’t honestly think that this is remotely real, right? Right guys?

  9. I’m so tempted to create a video for this game and add a song that I think will fit well with this and post it up on youtube, LMAO. *imagination is running wild*

  12. This is a wonderful reminder of just how ridiculous this show is. It’s also a reminder that the real reason I watch it is 1. to admire Whitney, 2. to “aww” over Cori and Kacy’s adorableness and 3. so my girlfriend and I can judge each episode and cast member appropriately

  13. I actually enjoyed the first season, so shoot me. I liked the woman who Papi was based on. She was very smart, but incredibly socially stupid. And I loved her relationship with her awesome extended family. People had lives and were filmed living lives that were sometimes fraught with shitty decisions. The second season just felt like a show about bored lost ppl doing dumb shit for cameras. No more mopey people or people struggling with “life direction,” please. And yeah, the product placement. Since this season is focusing on people moving between cities I think they’re going to mine the wandering twentysomething trope but use the engineered pathos of ppl exploring their identities/relationships as fuel for the nomad drama fire. I wonder how many airplane fares they’re footing for this. I predict midnight knocks on the door. Also an underground tunnel that is just a giant row of inflatable kiddie pools full of ketchup and whiskey. PS. The pants vs. pump essentialist bullshit festival was one of the most irritating things I have ever witnessed. Like a lesbian folk festival but run by a frat.

    Anyway, I will be reading the recaps.

  14. “I also considered Brittani’s suggestion of “drink every time you see a black person,” but I don’t feel like that would get you drunk enough to watch this show.”

    Pretty much says it all. Could probably replace “black person” with a) brown; b) reasonable; c) sane and still not get the slightest tipsy.

    That’s to say I will definitely watch this to make fun of it. And also because the actual “L Word” doesn’t exist anymore.

  16. okay so somehow I can’t see the ad thingy in the right corner of the ‘home’page …so I was like , hm lets see who’s awesome and advertising on AS.
    showtime/TRLW?! how?when? fucking ace!! whats next … IFC being Miss August?

  17. Riese finding out at camp that no one actually watches the show is one of the highlights of my life.

  18. I am definitely not going to watch this, but I look forward to the recaps.

    Is their tagline REALLY “New Season Goes Down”. (Devises plan to choke/shake Chaiken, somehow involving Chaka Khan and Clay Aiken.)

  19. wow, i never thought i’d say this, but i think i’m actually nostalgic for la fashion week. wow, wow, wow.

  20. Is there anywhere to watch this online that isn’t itunes or amazon??? (in other words “illegal”) I want to see just what everyone is giving out about.

    • So I heard that the first letters of the show are TRLW and that youtube.com is a website. Just things I heard, you know.

  21. Already started. Half these things can be done from the commercials alone.
    Happy Drinking (:

  23. Is there a version for those of us who are trying not to drink much? Like, instead of having a drink could I just do something weird? Like remove an article of clothing and run around the room screaming

  25. This show is painful to watch I’m a fan of Hunter Valentine but don’t know if I can take Kiyomi’s bitchy girlfriend and MUST fast forward anything LA related because my eyes can’t take the pain. D: Why Ilene Chaiken do you hurt my eyes!?!

  26. My mother called me this afternoon to remind me that this would be on. I reminded her that her only child does not have Showtime and even if I did, this terrible show pairs poorly with my red wine.

  32. Because in the first episode of season three alone you could get
    drunk off of that.

  33. If we were drinking everytime Whitney says ‘I am not gonna lie’, we will be dead by now.

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