REAL L WORD:
Some “behind-the-scenes” interviews with the ladies of The Real L Word have once again “graced” our teevee screens. HEY IF IT’S SO REAL THEN THERE SHOULDN’T BE ANY SCENES TO GET BEHIND amirite? Anyhow, it’s the same set from last time. I wouldn’t forget Nikki’s shirt in a million years, and neither would the coral reef and medieval army that died to make that shit possible.
So Showtime has these “shorts” now I guess, like short films, except not artistic or interesting. So they have their own little “Showtime Shorts” intro that’s unrelated to the following material. It was confusing for me at first, but also titilating:
The first question is, “How would your friends describe you?” Before I give you Nikki’s answer, I’m going to give you foreshadowing, courtesy of The Real L Word Recap Preview #2 Recap (foreshadowing is a literary technique you might remember from that time everyone said they were gonna kill Jenny, and then in the last episode Jenny fell to her “death” because everyone killed her, and then Sounder ate her sweet meats):
Me: “Nikki is one of those people who says “now, the funny story is,” and tells a story that’s not funny.”
Guess how Nikki’s friends would describe her?
Mikey is hard but soft underneath, like a Mallomar, and Rose…
I really don’t understand why Ilene Chaiken didn’t bring Rose out sooner when criticized for creating Papi out of a conglomerate of one-dimensional stereotypes about Latina women. She should’ve just brought Rose around with her and been like no, it’s her! She’s real! And way cooler! But also, in addition to being less offensive, she’s more boring, because she’s probs not going to call anyone “Brown Barbie” or have a Western Showdown with Shane or say “Rose doesn’t do breakfast.” OR IS SHE?
I don’t even know if that makes sense, but I feel like Rose is reading from Papi’s Rules of Poker, except that they are Rose’s rules, because Rose inspired Papi, but also, it comes off as being watered-down Papi, and really this whole thang is best summed up by this graphic I still have from my Season Three recaps from Dana’s funeral:
We also find out that Rose first knew she liked girls when she saw Mariah Carey in “Vision of Love.” Nikki knew by the time she was 25. Nikki gets really serious when she talks about her “first involvement with a woman” so I feel like there was probably a baby or an STD involved, or else a murder mystery.
Whitney’s revelation came at the age of 6 when these ladies parted the red sea of vadge in a style known as “Walking like an Egyptian.” Whitney recalls, “I saw Susanna Hoffs and I was like what is this feeling in my stomach?” THE BANGLES.
We then get into turn-ons (tits, ass, wit, confidence, etc) and “the craziest place you’ve ever had sex.” You know; dance clubs, airplanes, many-mirrored bathroom restaurants, the ushe.
Tracy Ryerson says she’s never had sex, her turn-offs are “women that like men” and in general, her number one feeling seems to be: how the hell did I end up on this show?
I have an answer for her: to save us from it.
ANYONE BUT ME:
Episode Eight, Naming Things, is available right here for your viewing pleasure!
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AMANDA SEYFRIED:
Amanda Seyfried talks to Chelsea Lately about all her lesbian makeout scenes. (@tvsquad)
FAMILY GUY:
Family Guy: Reaching new transmisogynistic lows: But why is this a big deal? Doesn’t Family Guy offend everyone? As Lisa at Questioning Transphobia points out, “That’s bullshit. [MacFarlane’s] humor is crafted for a cis, straight, able-bodied male audience. Everything you see on his shows is meant to affirm that perspective.” (@bitch)
DAVID FOSTER WALLACE:
The Vulture Reading Room does “David Lipsky’s book-length David Foster Wallace interview, Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself.” with my other boyfriend Sam Anderson (“It’s like the Nixon Tapes for DFW-Heads”) along with D. T. Max (“How to be a functional, moral person in a compromised world.”), Jason Kottke (“Protecting his creative self from his celebrity self”) and Laura Miller (“The emergence of ‘St. Dave.”) (@nymag)
MODERN FAMILY:
AfterElton reports that ABC has released a statement in reaction to the Facebook Group started to make the dudes kiss on Modern Family:
“Cameron and Mitchell are a loving, grounded, committed, and demonstrably affectionate couple and have been from the beginning of the series. It happens that we have an episode in the works that addresses Mitchell’s slight discomfort with public displays of affection. It will air in the fall and until then, as Phil Dunphy would say, everyone please chillax.”
Oh dear lord Ilene Chaiken. May you rot in the foreverness of hell.
“but this girl should be” sent me on a trip in my roflcopter. [/geekedout]
(I get very geeky when I’m scared. The Real L Word scares me. In oh so many ways.)
Was it just me or did Nikki’s thing about when she figured out she liked girls sound like she was discussing some grave illness she’d had?
She has somehow made “sexy and sensual” sound like symptoms. I just picture a doctor in an exam room explaining, “Yes, I am afraid you have the gay. This might make you feel sexy and sensual from time to time.”
Let’s remember, Nikki’s supposed to be the funny one. This does not bode well. None of this bodes well.
Has anyone come up with a drinking game yet?
Yes, and it’s simple: for every minute this show is on, you take a shot. In no time, you will be passed out. Or dead. Either one is better than seeing an entire episode to the end.
I like the way you think.
Also Re: Anyone but Me -> I have no idea why Aster still puts up with Vivian.
Okay, actually I do. She loves her, that’s why. Still, I wish I could grab the girl, shake her and scream “get out before she crushes your heart!”
I’m not much into reality TV, so when they announced the Real L World, my internal underwhelming could have almost been palpable, except I don’t think vacuumy things like that really can be palpable.
Anyway, these preview vids have got me excited and now I’m looking forward to the series for entirely the wrong reasons. It looks hilarious. Nikki looks like inadvertent comedy gold.
My only worry is that, like with all things you love for ironic reasons, sometimes you end up going too far and wonder if maybe you love it for real…
Oops, I didn’t mean to put the random Real L Word comment in this reply, what I meant to say was I agree re: Viv and Aster! Aster is my favourite character by far in Anyone But Me, and the whole Sophie thing is starting to get a bit forced and annoying.
See, I’m rooting for Viv and Sophie (sorry Nicole, I love you but I’m a little tired of Aster) and Rachael Hip-Flores seems to be backing me on that (no really, she FB liked my status that said that & @replied me on Twitter…), so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Jessy Hodges is too adorable.
The small clip of the real l word is too funny, not because its interesting but seriously who features themselves on such a thing? Its a bizzare concept and IC shouldn’t have done it, you made a hash of the L word why try again?
However saying all of this if this wasn’t on i wouldn’t have discovered Tracey the woman is HAWT!!!!
My goodness, what an overly confident/arrogant bunch of REAL lesbians they are! OMFG! I! HAVE! HAD! SEX! IN! SO! MANY! PLACES! disclaimer: IM! AMAZING! IT’S! TRUE! Yeah well blone woman with tatts, ive had sex in a field at night and there was cows (probably) hanging out in the next field so that makes me way cooler than you, ppffft, airplane bathroom indeed!
re: Modern Family-really? They’re going to avoid kissing and blame it Mitchell not liking PDAs? Stupid. I have to say, though, at least they showed their bedroom once, and didn’t try to hide the fact that they slept together. I guess it could be worse.
You said “sweet meats” and it made my life.
I’m buffering for that show with the lady who looks like…what’s her name, damn it? Phoebe Cates!
I heart Amanda’s vadge tattoo! It’s exciting.
Girl-on-girl crime or not, Nikki is TERRIFYING. Somebody hand her a soft focus lens or a baby wipe or something for fuck’s sake. I don’t even mean that meanly, I just don’t understand the ultimate harshness of her look and attitude and vibe all smashed together.
Round the edges, sugar. Just round the bloody edges.
you know when you’re really stressed out and it’s kind of comforting to just pluck your eyebrows but then you wake up the next day and realize that you’ve gone too far and you look permanently surprised and now the whole world’s gonna know that you’re a high-strung perfectionist because of your crazy eyebrows? i feel like that is nikki. don’t worry girl, i’ve been there. just step away from the tweezers and the supermegaoverachieving and everything will be just fine. [sidenote: it’s okay to say you like boobs, you’re a lesbian, it’s allowed. overachieving is ok, self-loathing is not, miss “straightest gay girl ever” smrghh.]
Amen on those eyebrows.
Nikki killed Jenny. The eyebrows don’t lie.
When this show actually starts, will some one just make me screencaps of Whitney? I don’t even need context, I just want to look at her. And her tattooed arms.
Now now, 99% of lesbian media exists to hate on Ilene Chaiken, so we should thank her for her existence.
The Real L Word looks to be a train wreck already but I may watch just to stare at/listen to Tracy Ryerson. Hot and adorable!
OMG! I’m actually getting excited/disgusted for/by the Real L Word…but will anyone be killing dogs? I didn’t think so. Team Jenny.
Also, xo for the reference to “…glands, sweet breads, a variety of meats.”
think I love Tracy already
ok i’ve got to say it: y’all are bitchy bitches for hating on her eyebrows! just terrible.
i still love you though. NOT THAT YOU CARE YA BUNCHA BITCHES.
xoxo
I don’t hate them. They scare me, Laneia. They stalk me in my dreams and not in a hot, sexy stalkery way.
Is it just me or does it seem like NONE of the Real L-Word ladies can hold an intelligent conversation? But hey, I’m going to be watching to see Tracy Ryerson she’s smokinnnnn!
And for Anyone But Me, poor Aster, Viv is breaking her heart. But her and Sophie will be so cute together! Is it mean to be excited about that? :p
Oh Mikey…
You’re so cool.
/sarcasm
haha, but yeah, she really is too cocky :P I’m looking forward to watching Rose and Tracy :]]
& Especially Tracy! Lol, she’s just so cute and humble :D
Real L Word is looking a lot like Real Housewives of Lesbian. That’s all I have to say.
this recap made me laugh so much, especially the ‘I’VE HAD SEX IN SO MANY PLACES PICTURE’ nice work!
Oh, I think it bears saying that once I had sex in a closet. I WIN
the first time a girl ever kissed me was in a closet. literally inside of the closet. funny right
wtf real l word.
where my bois at?
yes.
maybe someone needs to order a pizza…
hahaha. I see what you did there! <- I don't know how I feel about that phrase but I'm leaving it anyway. [I originally typed that as "but im ordering it anyway!" because I was too busy thinking about the attractive pizza boi].
Um. anyway. I LOL'ed right when Nikki said "funny" because I was remembering what you said about her last post. So classic.