Hello and welcome to the second recap of the third season of The Real L Word, a half-hour teen sitcom starring a teenage girl who sports eye-scorching brightly-colored multi-layered outfits and speaks directly to the camera regarding a plethora of Serious Topics such as her first training bra, her annoying little brother, school, boys, and pimples.
Stylist: Romi Klinger
Well, now that we’ve sold our first-born child to Contempo Casuals and strapped on our leggings and high-tops, it’s time to get down to business!
First things first: Autostraddle’s Season Two parody video, edited by the incredibly physically attractive Real L Word extra Sarah Croce and starring famous actors like Autostraddle Design Director Alex Vega and pregnant Season One cast member Jill Goldstein-Weiss, is finally here, and if you’ve yet to bear witness to its excellency, you should either kill yourself or go watch it right now.
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that taken care of — one last tangent before I attempt(/fail) to turn 52 comatose minutes of “television” into something mildly entertaining — the time/space continuum on this show is totally fucked! I mean, duh, but also, as I realized last week and consequently shared with you in the comments of last week’s recap, last week’s episode contained footage from five different months, and consequently so does this week’s episode and probably so will all the rest of the episodes.
Last week, Hunter Valentine was prepping for South by Southwest, which happened in March 2012, so the Hunter Valentine scenes are all from March 2012.
Romi & Jay were attending a Halloween Party for the LGBT Center, which happened in October 2011, and the photos Kelsey’s looking at on Romi’s facebook are from December 2011, but also, Romi and Kelsey were back together by January 2012 at the latest (they have since broken up and Romi has a new boyfriend named Dusty at present), so the Romi/Jay scenes are all from October/November 2011 and the Kelsey scene is from January 2012.
Cori got pregnant in August 2011, and they said she was four months in last week, so the Cori/Kacy scenes were from December 2011.
The launch party for Lyon Jewelry happened in February 2012, so Lauren’s scenes were shot in February 2012 — but, although Lauren spends that scene interviewing about eagerly anticipating Amanda’s arrival, Amanda was there already, she was at the launch party, so both the Lauren scenes and the Amanda scenes must be from very late January or February 2012.
In conclusion, THIS SHOW IS A LIE. Sorry!
We open in a sunny sidewalk cafè, where Whitney has summoned her sister Alexis to discuss her upcoming Proposal to Sarahara.
but have you ever gotten married… on weed?!!
Whitney’s been having some weird subliminal Moby Dick shit going on:
Whitney: “I’ve had two dreams/nightmares about it in the past two days. Last night, I had a dream that a big giant whale came and it smushed me and I pushed it away to try to save it and to prevent myself from being scrunched, and as I pushed it, it got slit open and it deflated. What does that mean?”
Pretty sure it means y’all should film an episode at Sea World, like when The Brady Bunch went to King’s Island.
Whitney: “So basically, Sara thinks pretty much that I’m 100% anti-marriage. So I feel like in order to really get that zing in, I have to make that proposal completely over the top. So of course I came up with the hardest most complicated plan that is probably unnecessary.”
Girlfriend, getting the zing in is no small task. I salute you.
is seeing dustyandromi.tumblr.com for the first time
The ever-s0-clever Whitney’s smushed together a plan wherein her true intentions (proposal) will be disguised by a “Spiritual Healing Party” she’s throwing. Apparently Sarahara “is really into new age things,” which’s a side effect of living in Los Angeles and being a girl who likes having sex with other girls. If you stay there long enough, your heart will turn into a geode.
three ways of looking like whitney mixter
Whitney spends most of the episode in awe of her own proposal-planning skills. She could’ve just had her server at The Olive Garden bring out the ring on top of a hunk of birthday cake, filmed a lip-dub with 80 of their closest friends or put the ring in a hot air balloon and then had the hot air balloon land on Sarahara’s head, but that wouldn’t be the cowboy way.
Smear on over to New York Diddy, where Kiyomi and her not-girlfriend Ali, in preparation for Hunter Valentine‘s Incredible Amazing Vadgetastic Spectacular Lifetime Monster World Tour, are poking each other in the face. Metaphorically. They’re poking each other in the face with words.
showtime keeps forgetting the “not”
It seems that while Kiyomi was hidden away in the bathroom practicing sexy facial expressions in the mirror, Ali hit up the BBB and returned with three additional closets. Or else they’ve been there all this time and there’s just nothing else to talk about so we’re gonna talk about it right now:
Kiyomi: “I don’t think you need one – two -three – four closets. Just a thought.”
Ali: “Well, that’s just towels and blankets and stuff.”
Kiyomi: “You’re just one person in here. How many towels and blankets do you need?”
Ali: “I have a lot of guests.”
Kiyomi: “Trying to make me jealous? That’s a good idea before I go on tour.”
Ali: “That’s not funny.”
Kiyomi: “Neither was your joke.”
Well, I’m glad we can all agree on something.
because then i’ll try to make you jealous right back, because i’m 12
Kiyomi interviews that due to the “200 days of the year” she’s away from home playing in her rock ‘n roll band, she can’t commit to Ali.
being batman is hard
But Ali’s conflicted between the part of her that cares about Kiyomi and the part of her that is pretending to care about Kiyomi’s career.
Ali: “I want her to be you know, playing as many different shows as possible and getting all different fans from all different states, but I worry. I can’t imagine what’s going on. Sometimes I don’t want to imagine what’s going on.”
I do! Okay, my first guess is that it’s probably like this:
baby baby baby oh!
But then I thought nooooo, it’s gotta be way more like this:
actually it kinda already was like this
Hold the phone, it’s this:
kiyomi, queen of the desert
But by “this” I mean actually THIS:
duh
JK, it’s this.
We zoom over to another street, where hey, hey, the band’s all here! Laura interviews their itinerary, which’ll first take them to Phase One in D.C., then to The Milestone in Charlotte, “where even Nirvana played.” (RIP)
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool.
While Laura packs the van, Somer and Donna say goodbyes and Somer interviews about the perilous future. See, apparently, Somer is a Unicorn who greets the daily dawn by prepping piping hot coffee for her lady-love, dressing her, getting her out the door, and occasionally even packing lunch! Now that she’s off On Tour, Donna will be forced to subsist on Lunchables and Capri Suns or overpriced salads at Pax!
chapstick lesbians
But seriously, they’re gonna be gone for what? A week? 10 days? And this throws “a huge curveball” into their marriage? We’re only at Episode Two and already this is what we’re being served up as “conflict.” Where’s Claire?
towards a better, more entertaining show
Cut to Rainy Los Angeles, where Lauren the Glamazonian Princess Warrior is driving to the airport to retrieve Amanda, her best friend with benefits/eyeliner.
she’s coming on a jet plane, la la la
Lauren’s not obligated to maintain the fourth wall because of how pretty she is. She just drives & talks to the camera, like a walk & talk for ladies.
Lauren: “The last time she visited, we did hook up… but it’s like, it’s not a big deal to us. We’re not starting a relationship, we’re not you know, anything, it’s just casual hooking up, you know, I’m positive nobody’s gonna have any feelings involved. That’s what I’m excited about, having someone around all the time where you can kinda do everything together and not have it be a relationship, it’s just having like your best friend.”
So, basically a relationship, but the kind where if one partner hurts or in some way betrays the other, any constructive communication about said upsetting incident is met with, “it’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything!”, therefore ensuring maximum passive-aggressive behavior between both partners and lots of drunk screaming. Bring it on!
Amanda says she’s got 800 bags. Bitch was lying, she’s got her entire life stored on a computer chip over her left ear:
still dressed for new york
The ladies are ecstatic about their mutual geography:
Lauren: “Lamanda.”
Amanda: “Lamanda’s here. Oh my gosh I’m so excited.”
maybe later lets do this again, but horizontally
Amanda interviews that she left a lady behind in New York City, which was like, one of those things where you’re like, “should I be doing this or should I not be doing this?” but then like, for her, it was that she’s not gonna stay in a city because of a person. You know? Totally.
but will i leave a because of a television show? obvs.
Amanda’s got eight billion outfits in her eight billion bags and will have to use Lauren’s closet. A lot of closet-talk this episode. I’m adding “somebody says ‘closet'” to the drinking game. Tour!
Elsewhere in Los Angeles during some other day, week, year or plague, Whitney’s making shit up about some spiritual healer she knocked boots with at the 2012 Positive Affirmational New Age Convention who can fly, see through walls, and host spiritual healing parties, or something.
and then after we get married, you and i can sit down and really talk about all that spiritual energy you’re hiding in your rectum
Whitney tells Sarahara that the Spiritual Healer does creative visualization and can also cleanse bad energies, like the bad energies whirling about within their gaggle of gal-pals, and therefore Whitney’s planning an event in which they can get this shit taken care of.
Whitney: “Basically, the Academy Award goes to this guy, right here. Sara has zero clue that I’m proposing, and especially not at this random spiritual event.”
watch out gary oldman
Several years earlier in the Los Angeles Metro area, Romi Flinger’s meeting up with Rose Garcia, a Season One cast member who doesn’t like me. No really, she doesn’t. Here’s the thing about Rose: 1. She’s smokin’ hot, 2. She reminds me of dudes I dated in college who I never want to see again. Anyhow, speaking of dudes, Romi Flinger’s got one to talk about:
so, do you suck it like this? or is it more of an up and down motion?
Romi Flinger is telling Rose and anyone else in a 50-foot radius (damn these girls talk loud!) that she’d always considered herself a lesbian until she met Jay, and now she’s dealing with all these new feelings! Except that she first dated Jay in 2009, but maybe everyone got glamoured and I missed it.
and i was like, um, no i can’t put that whole thing in my mouth. sure, if you scrunch it up like this — but then i was like, wait a second, this isn’t mr. bendy
Romi interviews:
Romi: “I would never have said that I was a bisexual honestly. I always considered myself a lesbian but now it’s a weird thing to say because I’m not used to saying it at all and I’m not comfortable with it but I guess I have to say… that I would be… bisexual.”
or else face a public stoning at the palm springs hilton
kerpow
Rose is down:
Rose: “Dude, I don’t care, all I care about is the fact that you’re happy. Whether it’s a penis injecting in you or whether your mouth is on a vagina, whatever’s going on, I mean obviously for me I couldn’t be physical with a guy but I could imagine falling in love with a guy. Love is love, you don’t care —”
I feel pretty much the opposite of that, but anyhow: I wonder if there’s a correlation between how many male friends a lesbian has and how she reacts to a bisexual woman dating a guy. Like maybe lesbros are more likely to “get it” because hanging out with dudes is the way that they live anyhow. You know?
Rose: “You know what I mean, and when it comes to the physical aspects of it –”
Romi: “You are a man.”
Rose: “Me and Jay are on the same team, you’re not on our team. He’s all about the three things that I’m about; WPP. Work Party and Pussy.”
we’re not getting any younger
They actually go on to discuss blow jobs and balls, but let’s just pretend like that never happened.
Somewhere between here and forevermore, Laura’s eating broccoli which’s stinking up the Hunter Valentine van which’s en route to their Big Gig at Phase One.
Laura: “Touring with anybody is intense. And you get to know each other very quickly. It’s an intense situation and personal space is something that you lose.”
but dude i am so close to motherfucking this game of tetris
Vero: “Kiyomi you’re moving around so much, like a little kid! Why don’t you sit in the back?”
Kiyomi: “Shut the fuck up.”
Vero: “You shut the fuck up! Don’t tell me to fucking shut up!”
Somer [to Kiyomi]: “I want you to shut the fuck up too.”
i don’t know about you guys but i’m staying for the open mic
After “driving all day,” the ladies arrive in DC where they play some rock n’roll music for a sea of alternative lifestyle haircuts and subsquently commence drinking copious amounts of alcohol from shot glasses and the bottle. Activities include Laura’s vagina in somebody’s face, Vero dancing like a boss and Kiyomi sucking a girl’s brain out of her body via mouth-hole.
it’s just that everybody keeps saying “tour”
So, here’s the deal: they’ve got hos in different area codes.
Kiyomi: “Laura and have developed a system that we call ‘regional reps,’ and that basically means that you know, when you go to said city, you have a girl that you see in that city every time and that becomes your regional rep for that area. I think we’re doing pretty well with the system, and the band is gonna continue to work hard to find reps in all areas of the country.”
Here’s Washington D.C.’s Regional Rep:
this would be more fun at fangtasia
Kiyomi, mistress of tact, stops her cuddle session short with an “I gotta call my girlfriend,” skulking outside for another adult conversation with her not-girlfriend. Luckily for all of us, a camera crew happens to be at Ali’s pad circa this phone call.
Kiyomi: “What’s been going on with you?”
Ali: “Nothing really.”
Kiyomi: “How are you feeling about me being away?”
Ali: “I just miss you and I wanna see you.”
Kiyomi: “I miss you too. Have you been good?”
Ali: “I’m always good.”
just sitting on my bed being boring, like i do when you’re here
Speaking of balls, Kiyomi interviews that she can’t trust Ali ’cause last time she went On Tour, Ali was “kinda angry” and slept with one of Kiyomi’s friends.
Kiyomi: “And I’m glad, that’s good. I’m trying to trust you.”
Ali: “How do I trust you?”
Kiyomi: [silence] “Hmmm. Well…”
Ali: “I just don’t, right?”
Kiyomi: “Okay, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”
I hope we’re all proud of ourselves for this.
We smear on back to dusty Los Angeles, where Lauren’s throwing a little party for Amanda’s arrival. But this party isn’t just anybody’s party. This is a special party. Who’s at the door?
It’s SARAH CROCE!
sarah croce
Sarah Croce: fitness enthusiast, vegan, Unicorn Plan-It co-star, producer/video editor, actress, Whitney Mixter body double, Hot 100 Superstar and Miss April.
oddly enough, doesn’t get a lower third
SARAH CROCE WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SHOW
— riese (@autowin) July 20, 2012
@smcroce i’m gonna recap the hell out of that 25 seconds
— riese (@autowin) July 20, 2012
@autowin @smcroce who’s going to play croce in the season 3 parody?
— stef (@silenziosa) July 20, 2012
@silenziosa @smcroce ziggy marley
— riese (@autowin) July 20, 2012
This is actually Croce’s second appearance on this fine program, but this season she got a line!
Amanda: “What is that? That looks like a massive dildo.”
Sarah Croce: “That is wine that’s already in glasses.”
is that a horn in your pocket or are you just ready to rock it?
The roommate-warming party’s guest count is fairly low and includes Croce, somebody else, somebody else, and a girl named Britenelle, which is not even a real name. Britenelle is a Real Lesbian you may recognize from the first terrible lesbian reality TV show set in Los Angeles, Gimme Sugar, and who Amanda recognizes from her vagina last time she was in Los Angeles. Britenelle was dating Gimme Sugar cast member Bathilda (which is also not even a real name) when the show taped back in 2007 (or 2008?). Here’s that couple, then:
britenelle with the spiky hair on television
Amanda interviews:
Amanda: “Is Lauren a good kisser? Uh, yeah, I’d say so. She has some large lips. On her mouth. We’ve maybe slept together sometimes.”
so you’re just gonna keep that stupid hat on? like the entire time?
Amanda informs the group that Lauren’s trying to trick her into a sleepover by leaving Amanda’s mattress outside in the rain all week, but Amanda’s not gonna fall for that shit. In fact, she’s gonna dip outside right now with Britenelle and make babies and get STIs on that mattress. Or um, smoke and whisper:
i hope amanda remembers to take that thing off later or somebody’s gonna be flowing like the red sea
When Lauren heads back for a smoke and a “you haven’t eaten today,” Amanda gets a bit snippy and Britenelle gets a bit Britnelley and I don’t care! Lauren interviews that she doesn’t wanna talk smack about Britenelle but she’s “heard a lot of things about her being too intense with girls.” (Or maybe she saw it on Logo?)
this is just another photo of sarah croce
Smear to the Casa A La Hija Por Vida, where Jay’s eating noodles while Romi tries to fuck him with her eyeballs. Get a load of this:
like the kind I can’t put in the dishwasher
Romi: “I think I’m gonna take all my strap-ons and strap them to the wall so that when I walk by, I can just fuck myself, because you’re not around a lot. What’s a girl to do?”
Apparently Romi’s relocated to Long Beach, home of Queen Latifah’s not-coming-out concert, Tasha from The L Word, and a significant lezzer population. Unfortunately, Jay lives in Hollywood, like Madonna, leaving Romi alone to hump the wall and re-apply her eyebrows.
and this is what i wear on my head when churning butter and setting the table
In case you’re wondering whether or not human beings enjoy heterosexual sex (it’s such a vexing, eternally unanswered question!), good news: they do.
Romi: “We have great sex. We just have really good chemistry and I enjoy having sex with him, I’m not thinking about it, I’m not overanalyzing it. It’s just fun, and I love him, and it feels good. And it’s different. It’s different to be with a man, it’s different to be with a woman. Both are good. They’re just different.”
Nice save.
and then i’m gonna fuck you upside down and then i’m gonna fuck you doing jumping jacks and then i’m gonna fuck you while you dye your hair and then I’m gonna dye my own hair and then i’m gonna turn into a sheep and then you can milk me sideways
Cut to an L-Shaped couch in Shifty Los Angeles, California, occupied by Whitney and our third dredlocked lady of the episode, Ruby. Whitney’s talking about her plan, again, like how she’s not sure if there’ll be room at “the energy thing” for tea lights or candles.
in camouflage so not to tip off sarahara
Whitney interviews that Sarahara’s constantly “checking in” with her, making it difficult for Whitney to plan giant energy parties in peace! Whitney says more things about how complicated and weird her plan is, like how she made this amazing flyer:
i hope she downloaded that font specifically to make this flyer
It’s just that Whitney wants everything to be special:
and those people would be inaccurate
So, that’s neat!
Several months later in Washington D.C., Somer chats with her Brooklynite lady-love while Kiyomi wrestles herself out of a still-drunken stupor into a Productive Human Stumble and Laura tries and fails to get all their shit into the van, which’s foreshadowing. You’ll see!
ok kiyomi next time you’re only allowed to bring two dildos, no sex swing
Somer interviews that touring has thrown a wrench into her relationship with Donna and Laura interviews that everybody partied too hard, and then a little dog interviews that she hates this show, and then I realize that the little dog isn’t real, it’s just in my head, like Whitney with the whale.
so let’s say hypothetically that we’re out of mustard and you’re in washington dc, how could i fix this problem
We slide back on over to Sunny Los Angeles, California, where Amanda’s forcing everybody to dress up like condoms and paint the house! Will it be as much fun to watch people paint a house as it is to actually paint a house? Let’s see!
i dunno, they were on sale at american apparel
These outfits reminded me of a Woody Allen movie that came out like twenty years before my Intern got born called Every Thing You Wanted To Know About Sex* But Were Afraid To Ask. See:
Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Lesbian Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask Will Not Be Answered On This Show
Lauren: “I knew that Amanda was gonna wanna come in and change a bunch of stuff in the house, that’s just her personality, but it’s just the greatest feeling finally having her in town and getting our lives kinda set up together.”
Amanda’s hot for Britenelle’s jock, Lauren has shiny teeth, and I can’t believe Lauren’s allowing her bestie-with-benefits, who just moved in and is already porking the milkmaid, to repaint her walls. I’d be nervous about making space for her on the shoe rack at this point, honestly. Howevs, this is one of many Real L Word scenes where we suspect we’re missing a giant chunk of context, context that’d make everybody seem like less of a sociopath. This is one of those scenes where anybody could be the Asshole, it’s hard to tell, so you can just pick one and then gather and present evidence accordingly.
wake and bake and paint
Amanda: “Lauren hates the fact that this is the first time the two of us have ever, A, lived in a house together, and B been single at the same time, and already I’m getting something, not getting into something, I don’t really know, but she doesn’t like it.”
Amanda interviews regarding brewing “tension” between Britenelle and her BFF-with-benefits who recently kicked her roommates to the curb ’cause Amanda felt like getting a tan. “In a weird way I felt like I’m being fought over,” she says, smiling.
Outside, gripping tension ensues:
Amanda: “What is with this door handle, by the way, like if you’re going to the house and you’re really drunk you just hold on –”
Lauren: “The last people who lived here were old.”
Britenelle: “Wow, way to be a downer –“what’s up with those plants? my grandma gave them to me before she died.”
Amanda: “Okay —”
Lauren: “Just explaining the handle, not being a downer.”
Britenelle: “What?”
Lauren: “Not being a downer.”
Britenelle: “I’m sorry, what?”
somebody bang this other chick and let’s get this show on the road
Lauren: “I think your necklace is backwards… or it’s not?”
Britenelle: “No, it’s not.”
Lauren: “For some reason when I saw it earlier, it looked different.”
Britenelle: “You got something to say about it?”
[silence]
Britenelle: “On point.” [makes a “gotcha” face at Lauren] “Look at that.”
Amanda laughs, safe and secure with the knowledge that if SARS tries to infect her head, it won’t be able to, because of her SARS mask.
Back in Virginia, five thousand years in the future, Hunter Valentine’s running late for their show ’cause Kiyomi got too drunk last night, which delights Somer, ’cause now Kiyomi is the pot and Somer’s the kettle.
Kiyomi: “I guess we were like an hour late, which is not normal for us, but um, shit happens.”
and the nice thing about it is that i can always blame it on somebody else
Due to, perhaps, the impending arrival of an Ilenechaikenmobile, or perhaps to a fledgling fanbase in the Charlotte area, Hunter Valentine’s show has about six audience members and I’m pretty sure most of them are somebody’s Mom. Or, you know. “Regional reps.”
house of blues
Kiyomi starts off their set with a bang:
Kiyomi: “I’m gonna be really honest with you, we’re severely hungover. Can we have some shots of um, Jameson on the stage, is that possible? FOUR.”
A few minutes or years into their set, Somer’s keyboard situation breaks, and she starts scrambling around the hut looking for an adaptor or a whooziwhatzit, to no avail, while Laura and Kiyomi interview regarding their disgust with Somer for “making it worse” by um, trying to fix her instrument. Instead of, I think, standing there? And pretending to play? Look, the only instrument I ever mastered was the Keymonica, and the only song I ever played on it was “When the Saints Go Marching In.” I’m not qualified to recap this bullshit.
intern grace has a crush on laura
Kiyomi handles Somer’s situation like a jackass by mugging, “let’s give it up for the band!” with a psychotic grimace, followed by, “I have no FUCKING idea what’s going on.”
um, if i could just get a quick show of hands here, for my hos in this area code?
Somewhere in the Los Angeles metro area during the 21st century, Romi’s glow-bowling with her boyfriend and his friends. It’s mega-fun, ’cause there’s nary a dyke to be seen or shtupped!
Romi: “The nice thing about going out with straight couples is that not every single person dated or fucked your girlfriend, you actually get to meet people and other couples who haven’t been incestual within the community.”
no i think that really only happens if your girlfriend is whitney
Romi loves Jay, wants to marry him and have beautiful kids with him, which’s petrifying.
taking blue balls to a whole new level
Jay: “Romi’s a nester. She definitely wants to like settle down, move in, let’s have some kids, like let’s get this shit cracking, and I’m like hey, slow down. I’m not a lesbian, I’m a boy.”
a fact of which we are painfully aware
Somewhere else in Sultry Los Angeles, Whitney and Sara are participating in Haviland Stillwell‘s favorite hobby – making a vision board.
clearly the kitchen is the best place to kiss, because lighting
Whitney: “The funny thing is that Sara’s like a wild child, but she’s also like obsessed with self-improvement things, if it involves patchouli, Nag Champa, some kind of om sound, she’s down with it.”
That? Right there. Was the actual Academy-Award winning moment. That’s when you see that Whitney loves her. There’s a distinct affection in her voice, the kind your girlfriend gets when she talks about the not-cute things you do as being super-cute, ’cause she loves you.
and i love her
I mean, not to sound like my writing teacher, but DETAILS, Ilene, DETAILS. Details make people exist. Like Sarahara being into new age shit! Not these pointless plots, endless abstractions and ambiguous feelings without anything to really hold on to underneath the veneer.
the power of the clam can’t be the only thing on your vision board, whitney
We’re well into Episode Two and I’ve yet to hear what Amanda does for a living or even as a hobby. I’m still not sure what Cori or Kacy do when they’re not talking about babies. I don’t know anybody’s favorite color. Like the Patron Saintress Marissa once said in reference to Sajdah being so serious so soon with Chanel, but actually describing everybody on this entire show:
Marissa: “Support me? Protect me? I don’t even know your favorite color! I don’t even know if you like night or day!”
Just saying. Show, don’t tell, Ilene.
Back in Charlotte somewhere else along the space/time continuum, Kiyomi and Laura are sitting on some barrels in an alley, lamenting their lackluster performance which they blame mostly on Somer, which’s wacky ’cause you know, it wasn’t Somer who made you too late for her to find out her shit got broken before the show, BRO.
and then i was like, yeah this haircut represents an alternative lifestyle. what’s it to you?
Kiyomi: “I do wanna get her stuff fixed, but I also feel like, in the middle of a set, if shit is not working, you shouldn’t be running, it’s just like — it’s a distraction — I’m disappointed in me and us. I’m disappointed in us.”
Laura: “We really sucked.”
Kiyomi: “Everything was terrible… it was the worst show that I’ve ever played in my life.”
and this is the worst show i’ve ever been on in my life, i think
Somer’s keyboard was in tip-top shape back in the city and yesterday, but now it’s completely fucking broken. Laura says Hunter Valentine can’t afford to replace it, so everybody’s just gonna make mean faces at each other until their heads explode and puppies take over the universe!
it looks like it’s back to the plasma center for me
Laura: “As much as you don’t have money, we really don’t have any. We’re tapped out.”
Somer interviews that they’re supposed to be a family here, and she thought that’d be more of a like, band or team type-family and less of like, the kind of family where everyone is related and mean to each other and doesn’t want to give anyone else their money.
mr. burns is vexed by somer’s keyboard problems
Somer: “I can’t not only not be working, and not be with my wife, and have all the things that I’ve worked my whole life to buy and pay for and build up to musically, be broken, I can’t sacrifice all this for the band and be on tour and come back with nothing.”
there is no compassion underneath this keyboard
Back at Lamanda, Britenelle and Amanda head out back to haul in the wet mattress so they can splosh around on it all night. Britenelle says Lauren’s gotta help ’cause she’s wearing a fur vest, or something.
3 out of 3 dogs like this plan
Britenelle experiences a conflict between this task and her gender identity:
Britenelle: “Grab your end, I’m not gonna carry this like a bulldyke. Lauren, get your fucking ass–“
this reminds me of when we were in wisconsin at my roommate’s grandmother’s house to get her mattress and a dead mouse fell out of the mattress and so we left the mattress in wisconsin and she got a new one when we got to new york, and it didn’t have a dead mouse in it.
They accidentally drag the mattress in dogshit and it smells. So, this is a television show. Then Amanda and Britenelle go have sex and Lauren sits down for a chat with the camera people:
hey ladies! want your hair to be pink just like mine? Well, I know the secret!
Lauren: “Tonight it was just like the two of them hanging out all night, it was just like, what are you doing, you’re turning this into a relationship. That’s what it seems like to me.”
Then Amanda and Britenelle have loud sex. Like extra loud sex. So.
Elsewhere on another level of karma ozone energy healer aura sparklepony wellness is The Healing Energy Party, starring Whitney as a wise wiccan yenta shapeshifter and Sarahahra as a dashing unsuspecting lesbian maiden.
Sara: “I’m really excited about going to this energy healing thing. I feel like we could use this for our own personal growth and it could be really good.”
energy heals better at the hotel wilshire
Whitney interviews that Sarahahara has NO IDEA that Whit’s only moments away from popping the question on National Television, just like in The Bachelor. Whitney is both nervous and confident.
unlike some other words that exist for absolutely no reason at all.
g-chat [during the show]
me: um, whitney is my favorite character on this show now?
she’s like the only person whose head isn’t up her ass
Laneia: 10:39 7/19/12
write that down
me: you have to write it down
are you writing it down
Laneia: done
me: “the words ‘cold feet’ exist for a reason” – whitney
1. to describe temperature
2. to describe the things you walk on
2 reasons
whitney
TWO REASONS
More importantly, Scarlett’s there!
scarlett looking hot like a boss
Somewhere out there in maybe Long Beach, Romi and Jay are eating and Romi’s discussing how Jay works all the time but she sends him naked pictures and also wants to cuddle and also misses him, and he likes her boobs.
he has a thread loose on his collar, and it’s all i can focus on
Romi: “The thing that really keeps me and Jay together is our sense of humor. You know he makes me laugh harder than anybody but… there’s gotta be more.”
Romi’s lonely and wants to have pretty parties and love and sex and cracker jacks and sunbeams all the time, just fuck fuck fuck and love love love etc etc and Jay can’t! He has to WORK, Romi. Jeez. If you want a partner who doesn’t work, get back together with Kelsey. HEY-O!!
Back at The Energy Healing Party, Whitney’s poor friends are forced to stand in front of the group and read extended fortune cookies — I mean, “affirmations,” out loud to each other — and Sahara’s eating it up.
I drink of my sisters, and I take into myself… all the power of Manon.
So Whitney opens her envelope and reads something about big changes or rocket science or something, and then it’s Sahara’s turn, but obvs her envelope is a PLANT.
this scarf can actually warm the necks of an entire army
Sara: [reading] “Turn and face the person you hold most dear and open your heart.”
Whitney steps forward — gets down on one knee —
oh god i think i just kneeled into a sea of tea lights
Whitney: “Baby I love you a lot and I’ve known since the first time I saw you. Will you marry me?”
oh my god i can’t believe you stepped in the tea lights and got wax all over your pants!
Sara: Is this real?
if ilene chaiken says it’s real, it’s real
UM DUH WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE ARE. IT’S THE REAL FUCKING L WORD, WOMAN. IT DOESN’T GET MUCH REALER THAN THIS.
this would’ve been way better if it had happened at LA fashion week
THE END!
I cried! I yawned! I wouldn’t know if it was better than Cats because I’ve not seen Cats. Here’s Cats:
Here’s Whitney and Sara again:
let’s have sex wearing nothing but these hats
Whitney & Sarahara are already married at this point in the real world, so get your bridesmaids dresses ready!
So, thoughts? Better/worse than Cats?
Pages: 1 2 3See entire article on one page
Ok so in the real world right now Romi isn’t dating Jay but Kelsey? Kelsey could do so much better. Also why in every episode have Romi and Jay been getting it on I don’t want to see that and I love Cat :)
no, Romi is dating a guy named Dusty now. Her and Kelsey just got back together for a few months or something, I’m not sure
Ok thanks :)
Actually, Romi is now dating a different man, named Dusty. R
I’m so glad these recaps exist so I feel no necessity to watch this season. How can it seem to be getting worse and worse?
Also is this going to get HV any fans? I’m super curious. Seeing a band that doesn’t seem to care that much about their performances because they’re boozing holds zero appeal to me.
Whitney and Sara nearly made me cry. And I cry almost never. I feel so lame… but whatever.
which is weird, because their storyline generally has the emotion-potential of a vegetable, just usually not an onion.
+1 onionness to those two. bitches got layers.
@tct… I lol’d
It got me too. Emotions!
GUH. I forgot about Britenelle…
This cements it. I’m just going to wait for Dani Campbell, Dani Shay and/or Alex Parks to knock at the door with a 6 pack of PBR. In my world, all reality-show lesbians show up on the Real L Word with a probability of 1.
unfortunately romi dated dani campbell in the off-season (for real) (i hate myself for knowing this)
See… if anything that just reconfirms my opinion. I’m pretty sure a lesbian is 4000x more likely to walk into your life/television sound stage once she’s your ex.
(And I sadly knew the dani thing too)
Is there a website where we can follow all these A-list lesbians love lives? Or is it just a matter of being a super sleuth aka professional web creeper? OR is it because you actually know these people in real life?
“A-list” is beyond generous. Please. These people are only celebrities in their own self-centered minds.
remember the time we made sarah palmface move all the furniture in the hotel room b/c she was resident butch
also i can’t believe dustyandromi.tumblr.com is real
Holy shit, will you just LOOK at those fucking nails in the photo booth post?! I don’t care if you never type, cook or put your fingers in ANYONE else’s orifices, they are too damn much.
i take back everything i said about romi’s integrity in the previous post, i want to scrape out my eyeballs with non-gendered kitchen utensils and kill myself and be dead forever and not watch episode 3.
More like herding cats, thats what this show feels like. Thank god for recaps like this to put some sort of plot (if thats what they are going for) to this mess.
“HE HAS A THREAD LOOSE ON HIS COLLAR, AND IT’S ALL I CAN FOCUS ON”
Angela Chase, I miss you so much
thank you for noticing, you win the private comment award given out by my heart — (also just reminded me that i’d meant to look up the exact quote before publishing but then forgot to)
Private comment award winner
I really wanna put that in my resume
“He has to WORK, Romi. Jeez. If you want a partner who doesn’t work, get back together with Kelsey. HEY-O!!”
Perfection.
thank you for this recap. i needed to laugh, and this sent me into a number of hysterical fits. your sardonic tone could not be any more perfect for reviewing this absurd television program. xx
Y’all, I got a text from Sarah Croce once. I’ll never wash my phone again.
I totally thought when you mentioned BBB that you meant the Better Business Bureau and was baffled that they sold closets, then I highlighted the link and it all made sense
I think Ilene Chaiken has taken a page from the writers of Degrassi. They constantly retcon the show’s timeframe in order to keep characters on for longer. So the actors who started playing characters at age 15 are now all in their 40s.
That being said, I think Lauren is hot, and Amanda has mesmerizing eyes. Also, hey Scarlett!
I had a bad day, and then there was this recap, and all was well.
Yeah it really annoyed me that Britenelle is called Britenelle. THAT IS NOT A REAL NAME.
I kept calling her Cottonelle.
My favourite part was when Kiyomi complained about Somer bringing attention to her keyboard issues by running off stage to find a fix. It’s not like she announced the problem ON THE MICROPHONE.
Croce made the recap! You know who else was at that party? Your current calender girl, Brittany.
Is it mean spirited that every time I see an AS connected person on TRLW I am filled with a small amount glee at the potential that IFC is pissed?
I think the best explanation for the recurring intersections is that IFC actually intended TRLW to be a modernized WeHo lesbian interpretation of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead” following that play’s focus on the various doings of the idiot minor characters while Hamlet/Autostraddle goes on around them. And Gary Oldman could totally be Whitney with the dreadlocks.
what if Gary Oldman wins an Academy Award for playing Whitney
Tim Roth as Romi sadly overlooked once again I suppose
This season really makes me miss the kiddie pool full of canned corn.
And pussy juice. Don’t forget the pussy juice.
Where were Kaci and Cory?
Yes, this. Not a single second for the cutest duo on the show. Not even a second to explain why they would have no seconds.
Yes! I made my girlfriend (who has never seen the show before) watch this episode with me and I kept saying: “Just wait… there’s a really cute couple on here that you’ll like. It get’s better.” Nope. -_-
P.S. Jill, where’s my Tyra mail? You’re up next.
Not gonna lie- I am a little puzzled by Romi’s recent discovery that she’s bi. I can see if she dated nothing but women up until the point she tripped upon a man and caught feelings for him…but she was married to a man once and hooking up with guys prior to TRLW…
right?! i feel like everybody has been glamoured! she basically frames it like she was always gay and guys are a new thing, but has discussed in previous seasons that that is not the case. maybe this show really just assumes everyone who watches it is too stupid to remember
This has to be it! Lady lovers seem to fill such a small page in the Romi Flinger scrapbook I’m having a hard time understanding her explanation. It’s like after her marriage she was fed up with men, slept with some (or several) women, and went back to heteronormative business as usual. I wouldn’t normally say this, but I’m having a very hard time calling her a “lesbian!” She’s a mess.
Yes,moreover when Whitney in the first episode discovered that she was dating Jay she said something like “I’m not surprised I’ve always known she was not dating ladies exclusively”. I don’t know. I believe that probably since when she was dating girls she dated girls only she believed that she was only into that.
I am having a really, really hard time with Romi.
Ugh.
BUT, that being said… I understand the labeling thing not being clear. I keep going from using lesbian to bisexual to queer back to lesbian back to bisexual back to… Ugh. Because it is always so. much. drama.
Whether I am in a straight or a gay or a queer environment, nothing ever describes it accurately. And having to explain what it means all the time is… Exhausting.
The not being accepted in the lesbian community when you are bisexual is a thing. Bisexual being a sexy trend in the straight world is a thing too. Queer doesn’t mean a thing to a lot of people. And in all of that, I never seem to respect what is expected of my labeling.
This doesn’t stop the fact that this whole show is handling this wayyyyy badly. And that Romi isn’t the best frontwoman for sexual fluidity AT ALL.
Dammit Riese, I was all set to read your recap, but the Clarissa graphic at the beginning induced nostalgia. If you need me I’ll be watching every episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on youtube.
Oh Sabrina, I had so many babydyke feelings for that show.
I know! every female character was desirable in their way..i mean amber maybe not so much but the aunts were way cool
Oh absolutely! I had a huge crush on Caroline Rhea when that show was on and she was probably like 20 years older than me. Which makes so much sense now that I have a partner 15 years older than me. Also, I still want a talking cat!
First time commenting just to say that I literally lol’ed when I read: THIS WOULD’VE BEEN WAY BETTER IF IT HAD HAPPENED AT LA FASHION WEEK .
Made me remember the season 1 parody (still can’t believe this ridiculous show got 2 more seasons). Forever dying at “We’ll just tent it… Oh! There’s already a tent!”
“I want you to print AAAAAAALL OF THE EMAILS!! ON CARDSTOCK!!!”
I would have loved to see the reactions of Jay’s friends at the bowling alley while Romi manically prattled on about having babies. It’s evident from these past two episodes that Kelsey did in fact have a full time job-paying attention to Romi.
I see Sara and Whitney in a whole new light. While the proposal was the most convoluted scheme I’ve ever witnessed, it brought a tear to my eye.
Oh, Vero. I think the only thing she has said so far is shut the fuck up and that’s why she’s the breakout star in my eyes. Anyone that tells Key oh me to shut the fuck up is solid gold in my book.
“which’s a side effect of living in Los Angeles and being a girl who likes having sex with other girls. If you stay there long enough, your heart will turn into a geode.”
*explodes in laughter*
EXCELLENT recap.
also, hunter valentine is such a mean band jeez.
This! Exactly this!
Why do I watch this shit? Seriously, when it ends I wanna scoop out my eyeballs with a hot spoon. How many times do we need to hear Romi say “fuck”? And then Rose pops up……really Rose? WPP? Stab me. Stab me and mean it. Let’s just have a Whit-me Sarahara spin off. And if those two become sperm obsessed like the tragedy that is Cory and whatever her name is….I’ll stab myself and mean it. Dear Hunter Valentine, ………nevermind. Low hanging fruit. Will I watch Thursday? Yes…..because I’m stupid and I hate myself.
“I wanna scoop out my eyeballs with a hot spoon”
BAHAHA. <3
Nothing is worse than Cats, just saying.
as the self-appointed defender of all things t.s. eliot i demand you take that back
Andrew Lloyd Webber and T.S. Eliot have absolutely NOTHING in common. Nothing. That someone decided to make some money off of one of Eliot’s light-hearted (but masterfully written) works does not connect Eliot to Webber. Eliot was dead and had no say, otherwise we’d have been parsing a probably very offensive but spot-on epistolary criticism by Eliot to Webber.
So rest easy. Eliot’s got his short-comings like anyone, but he was a masterful poet whatever his poliitics. But cotdamn, A.L. Webber, motherfuck taht dumptruck, his shit is radioactive pablum.
Serious question: is this a TV show or my secret nightmare?
i think it’s our collective public nightmare
I watched both episodes and your recaps are seriously painful. Painful in a “I’m really glad someone is pointing out how awful this all is” sort of way. Watching Whitney and Sara do anything is just brutal. I wish you had pointed out the look on Alyssa’s face when Whitney said she was going to propose. She could barely muster the support. Also didn’t Romi leave a dude at the alter, or she had a husband for a while or something? I totally believe that she is Bi. She can’t seem to wrap her mind around it. Either way, I don’t think anyone wants to WATCH her love life play out. Except me because I hate myself.
Guys, where can you go to watch these episodes online? Don’t haves showtime and needless to say this wouldn’t convince my parents to get it… Can’t find the episodes anywhere!
I got your back! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2co8ElhIXQo
thank you guys!
goolge “watch series eu” or “tv links eu” i cant vouch for safety since someone tried to hack into my gmail from jakarta yesterday and i get fraudulent debit card charges every week…but I am caught up on every lame show ever…i even tried getting into “moonlighting” but it didn’t take
why is no one talking about how god awful hunter valentine is! the singer’s voice sounds so affected and their music is just terrible. or at least one comment about how ugly that ali girl is! or the eyebrows! dear god, the terrible, terrible eyebrows! i came here hoping for snark and scathing commentary, but everyone is playing so nice. poo!
i had same thoughts about the band’s sound, but i feel so bad for them cause i sense a band break up or member change… or whatever. i’m not a fan, but i don’t really hate on the music, beause making music takes effort to make, as is anything made by creative people. even this stupid show. people had to film, edit, and market it … and make people watch it no matter how ridiculous it can get. uuuuuugh this show srsly
and i think bashing and calling people ugly because of their physical appearance isn’t called for on this website. might want to take that somewhere else. (for the record i just read this and can barely recall who ali is! hahahaha lulz.. talk about making an impression) so…you can make scathing commentary about how cray cray this show is, and you can even be more witty by doing so ;) i’m gonna shut up now. :X
(ok. i just remembered who ali is. oy….)
Ok this is true that attacking people because they are ugly is mean but I don’ feel bad about it cause this people want to be judged on their look, they are begging us to pay attention to their look and nothing else! That’s why they spend so much time to apply so much layer of make up and wearing stupid hats! So if one of them is ugly, I am sure gonna say it!! :D
even if you don’t feel bad about it, and even if they’re on tv, it’s still kind of insensitive and mean to call someone ugly…well, i’m sure as heck happy they have people on the show with varying stages of attractiveness . you don’t see that a lot on american film/tv and that needs to be changed. when everyone looks so pretty and attractive, it gets boring and you can’t tell people apart. everyone’s individual appearances and personalities adds flavor to the show. this show is so fuckin’ flavorful that it has a ton of monosodium glutamate in it. my god!
personally, i’m used to seeing people who dress or look out of the norm, so i don’t care much about how the cast of the l word looks… it’s very hip to dress like that in LA. (i went to art school, all of my classmates are nerds or hipster-y)
why bother judging their fashion sense and “unattractiveness”? it’s not like its going to make the show any better. bleh.
Thanks for pointing out how ugly Ali is! I am also surprised it was not mentioned. But the real annoying stuff is how boring and full of pity for herself and self-destructive she is!
I said in the last recap that I saw them on tour last year and was so not into it.
I may have been slightly tipsy but I had a lot more fun reading the graffiti in the bathroom than listening to them.
(Sick of Sarah and Vanity Theft were great, though).
“don’t talk shit about a woman’s physical appearance” is actually one of our very few editorial rules. for shows like this; clothes/hair/etc is fair game, but i personally don’t feel comfortable participating in a culture that openly criticizes, judges and rates women according to how they faired in the genetic lottery of attractiveness. we’ve never called a woman ugly anywhere on this website, ever, and we never will.
This show has made appearance a primary focus. They only cast women who are thin, tattooed, pierced, or whatever else is considered to be “hot” and then they make a point of showing these women slathered in makeup to the point where they look like clowns (e.g. Romi) or conversely wearing nothing at all, as is the case with the gratuitous nudity that abounds.
I think that when dealing with a show like this talking about appearance is fair game. Riese, your recaps, which by the way I tremendously enjoy, have included screen caps highlighting body parts, so I fail to see the logic in your argument. You may consider it a “genetic lottery,” but if people are free to swoon over someone and declare how attractive they think some of the cast members are (in essence “judging and rating them” albeit favorably), then I should be free to voice my equally valid opinion stating how unattractive I think someone is.
The whole tone of the recaps and comments on here is to mock and bash the show, so playing the self-righteous “but looks are off limits… unless it’s about facial expressions which I will screen cap and ridicule, clothes which I will mock relentlessly, and makeup which I will also make fun of” card seems hypocritical at best.
You can say whatever you want, I’m just explaining why I won’t call anyone ugly, that’s all.
I would agree with you if we were talking about every show in the world BUT The Real L word and Jersey Shore!
The content of those 2 shows is all about belonging to that ‘beautiful people’ scene and it’s just fair to point out who’s ugly and who’s not, cause if you don’t, then you are not talking about the real plot which is: ‘Am I hot enough to be a tv star?’. Those shows have no other substance and intentions than showing off what the producers and surveys think are hot/beautiful people.
By the way, the Real L Word totally looks more and more like Jersey Shore.
Actually it kinda bugged me how After Ellen (?) kept making comments about Sara’s eyebrows in the recap. I love thick eyebrows and Mediterranean/ethnic/whatever women shouldn’t be forced to hide em. They’re gorgeous and I’m glad these recaps have not stooped to that level. Sure these ladies are looking for attention, but many women share similar features and you attack all women/many women when you attack someone’s looks, imho.
uuuuuhhhh, after not batting an eye at the first two seasons, i think its about time for me to indulge in this crazy shitshow of a show and just watch it. so many crazy things that is this show just piqed my curiosity.
also riese (and grace!) , you are absolutely terrific for making these recaps very, very funny and making the show seem a little bit bearable… last reality series i actually watched all the episodes for was that tila tequila show… uuuugh. (“why didn’t dani win!!!?” / “ugh thank god she didn’t win tila is crazy.” but aaaaanyway thats old news)
um, will i be cringing throughout the whole season? i want to be prepared for that. i want to protect my brain cells from possible death.
as vapid as sararara is, I cried at her reaction to the proposal. i suck.
although the tiny tears promptly stopped during her interview afterwards– which was something like:
“it was just so… and i was like… and, like, happy stuff happened to me!”
About the fucked up chronology, here what I think happened:
They shot it all in November/december with the usual cast but then realized nothing happened at all and it was so dead boring so they decided to get more people involved from january. they even paid Kelsey to date again Romi for sure, since Romi’s storyline is so out, she needed to be re-focused!
There is no material at all, I mean, Whitney is proposing to Sada like episode 2! an Bam! The show lost the only person ok to get naked and fuck 2 girls everyday front of the camera (well Romi would do it with her bf but that would be gross, read ‘potential loss of audience’).
And Cori & Kacy were not even there in episode 2 due to the tragedy that must have taken them out of the show for quite a while (even tho, I am sure lil chicken tried very hard to get shots of them at that time).
So yeah, we need more casts to take out the trash!
whitney’s nervous proposal was super sweet, as was sara’s disbelief that it was really happening.
thinking the lauren/amanda sitch was highly edited and manipulated. don’t trust that scene at the house.
romi….ugh. crazy and fake. rose, too. good thing about not watching in real time is ff’ing through that freak show.
the band, kiyomi honey, you are why the band is not successful. calm down and grow up.
cameos by scarlett always appreciated.
I’m glad that I have season one to show my gf, so she knows that this show used to be good!
Rose actually dislikes you, Riese? Spill. Deats.
To be fair, Somer should have let them finish the song before she ran around the venue looking for an adapter. She should of just sat and chilled or went back stage and the audience would have thought “Oh, there is no keyboard in this song, probs.”
And Kiyomi (is that right?) should have kept her mouth shut on stage, but clearly that’s unlikely.
I’ve never been a huge fan of HV, and as much as I like watching a touring band on the show, it seems like a bad career move. Who talked them into this?
That line from Laura “We’re tapped out” made me really sad for them.
Also, everything is better then Cats.
You feel opposite of that?
“I mean obviously for me I couldn’t be physical with a guy but I could imagine falling in love with a guy. Love is love, you don’t care”
Actually, that’s the only words from Rose I agree with. What is love without sexual attraction? Simply deep friendship. And so many “lesbians who like sleeping with men” who were so certain that they would never fall for a guy ended up in relationship with one, that I’m always suspicious of anyone who makes such claim.
No doubt different people experience love, friendship, and sexuality differently, so if for you ‘love without sexual attraction [is] simply deep friendship’ then I respect that 100%. However, to state it in a declarative, ‘this is how it is for everybody’ way ignores the experiences of many homoromantic, heteroromanic, biromantic and panromantic asexuals, who frequently experience strong romantic feelings that are quantifiably different than feelings of friendship.
More generally, as both Rose’s and Riese’s statements indicate, the romantic and sexual orientations of many people do not overlap one another 100%. Some people might be hetersexual but panromantic, some people might be homosexual but heteroromantic, some folks might be asexual but homoromantic, and some folks might be bisexual but aromantic. There are of course also heterosexual heteroromantic people, just as there asexual aromantic people, and so on.
Also, sometimes this ish is fluid : )
No wonder it not always overlaps, since it is known already that different brain circuits are responsible for love and lust.
But as it looks like, only the latter is shaped by biological (as everything suggests, mostly prenatal hormonal) factors.
In Lisa Diamond’s longitudinal study on sexual minority women, their sexual feelings stayed in pretty much the same position whole 10 years (particularly for women who were always exclusively attracted sexually to women). But as you may know, majority of initially lesbian identified women changed their label. There was one repeatable reason – they fell in love with a man, even though they were completely sure before that it will never happen, and that’s why they identified as lesbians, even while they were attracted sexually to men to some point.
There are other studies suggesting that generally most women tend to base their sexual identity in the first place on romantic feelings, while men – sexual, and that may be the reason why women seem to be more “fluid”.
Ughhh, I was quite successfully NOT watching this shitshow, after many unsuccessful attempts to look away….and then SARAH CROCE!
Thank god for alcohol and fast forward!! Also, these recaps significantly improve my boring work day :)
This is what I thought of when I saw the “Is this real” picture:
hahaha I can’t stop cracking up… at that picture…
I actually saw HV at a new bar in Austin during SXSW after they had some of their stuff get stolen… It was a mess of a show also. They were begging the crowd for shots of whisky and there were only about 15 people there. Others in attendance included the girls from sick of sarah (I think they were the only ones cheering and buying them shots)… HV also had a camera crew following them around who told me they were “filming a documentary on the band.” Now I’m curious to see if they were actually there for TRLW!
Wow I can’t believe this was only episode 2 and my brain is on overload. Thankfully the recap helped me make sense out of this mess lol.
Glad the whole Romi and men thing was mentioned, I remember her stories about her husband and her being with guys, but the constant repeating this is so “new” for her, makes me want to throw something at the t.v.
So far I’m not into Hunter Valentine and their “conflicts”. I have a feeling if Somer would’ve sat at the bar while her keyboard was messing up, Kiyomi would’ve still bitched. At least Somer tried to fix it, but if they got along drama free, they wouldn’t be on the show. Oh how I miss season 1 lol…
idk but now all i can think about is the time the tanners went to disneyland and stephanie got lost and met the beach boys and there was a concert situation. why don’t trlw girls go to disneyland and get lost and then discover their true selves. i would watch that episode
i ate half a jar of pickled ginger while reading this and now feel like i should go to the store and buy some real food. thanks for writing this riese, you make it so i don’t have to watch it myself
lemme know if they go to disneyland though
I demand a spinoff only featuring Sarah Croce, Scarlett, Whitney, and Sara, with occasional Cori and Kacy appearances. I would totally watch that.
I demand a spin-off only featuring Scarlett. Preferably naked.
I second that notion!!!! I wish Scarlett was on the show instead of Hunter Valentine or shit she could’ve even replaced Romi’s confused ass. She just seems so laid back and real. Oh did I forget to mention I think she’s the sexiest lesbian to grace TRLW’s presence? Mmmmmm Scarlett.
I watch this show, just so that I can better appreciate these recaps. One of the highlights of my day. Thank you.
I give two maybe three episodes before Whitney thinks Sara (her name is Sara by the way not some exotic pronunciation) is cheating or Whitney actually cheats on her. The problem with these women is they are either edited badly or they are just truly a bunch of self-involved super douches. It amazes me that any of them wi a few exceptions have any time to do anything else, you would think their day would be too occupied think and talking about themselves.
nah, they’re actually married now IRL. i think they really love each other and have the whole time. you can see that whitney is very different now in a relationship. bet they’re gonna get on the baby train next!
oh, yeah, ^ but that’s not to say IFC didn’t fabricate some douchey fake drama for them as far as the show. with the chronology being soooo manipulated, who knows?
and I agree with the wtf factor with romi’s allegedly new found bisexuality when she was married to a man before and was dating this Jay guy just as she first met Whitney in the first episode of S1. so fake!
I HAVE THE HUGEST CRUSH ON LAURA.
And generally, when my friends and I watch this show we drink every time we see somebody in a beanie..
The fact that someone else realized that Vero was dancing like a straight boss made this post worth reading twice lol these recaps are hilarious!
Im going to watch this episode just to see Vero dancing like a boss
“…Amanda gets a bit snippy and Britenelle gets a bit Britnelley and I don’t care!” lol…
Can I just say, I think HV would probably get more fans in Charlotte if they didn’t play at the Milestone? It’s in a super gross part of town, in the middle of nowhere, and apparently, people have been murdered there. Does that make me want to come out and see you? Nope. There are so many cooler venues where people actually frequent that they can play at. Also, y’know, if they posted about it on FB like they do their other cities, people would probably know to show up. My friend in China knew about their concert, but I didn’t because it wasn’t posted anywhere!
I see you, the Craft reference. :D
Is Riese bisexual?
I am very glad that Whitney and Sara got engaged. They are looking like the couple that they are. I am concerned about Romi. I just don’t think she’s there in her mind. We know that she’s bi polar and everything. I do feel that if someone who has bi polar or a borderline personality disorder that they should not be on any reality tv show. That’s my honest opinion. I don’t care for Hunter Valentine. Their music is not good at all. Peace.