Tops! They’re just like toppings! They come in so many varieties and can really guide the vibe of the pizza. I think the pizza in this convoluted metaphor is sex? I’m not sure! I pitched this quiz mostly as a joke and my coworkers were like “no, do that.” So here we are! I expect to be hearing from my wife who is going to be like “why are you, as a bottom, making a quiz for tops?” And I do not have an answer for that. Enjoy!
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Kayla has written 973 articles for us.
olives! my girlfriend’s favorite food
Quiz invalid as mushrooms weren’t available in the list of favorite toppings. :(
Spicy honey? Hmmm, I think being a dom would require more confidence (and experience) than I’ve got in the sexual realm ( 0 and 0).
Not me as a stone butch getting “you’re a bottom” and my femme girlfriend getting “you’re a himbo.” 🤔 Absolutely incredible quiz concept though!!
welllll if i was a top, i agree that i would top like pepperoni
NICE
I got mushroom :D
“Like mycelium, you are all about deep, complex connections, making you an intuitive and empathetic top who tends to know what your partner wants before even they do.” 💅
this was pineapple on pizza erasure