Quiz: What Lesbian Kitchen Tool Are You?

As someone who spends a large portion of my freetime in the kitchen and uses cooking to procrastinate, self-soothe, and express love, it’s shocking I haven’t done a quiz like this yet! Haven’t you always wondered what lesbian kitchen appliance you are? No? Well, haven’t you always wondered what makes a kitchen appliance lesbian? Also no? Did you at least wonder what makes a kitchen appliance lesbian when you saw the title of this quiz? Well, I’ll take it! And no, “kitchen scissors” is not actually a result, because I pride myself on being UNPREDICTABLE with my quiz-making. Enjoy the food-themed questions for this one! Cheers, queers!

What Lesbian Kitchen Tool Are You?

What’s your favorite type of stock to cook with?(Required)
You’re about to cook some eggs. What fat are you cooking them in?(Required)
What’s the sexiest fruit?(Required)
What’s a sandwich you’d like to have for lunch today?(Required)
We’re all multilayered individuals, but what layered food would you compare your layers to?(Required)
It’s time for a little cheese snack. What are you choosing?(Required)
If you were going to make an infused olive oil, what flavor would you want to infuse it with?(Required)
Pick a potato style:(Required)
A secret benefactor is going to gift you a completely free kitchen appliance/tool at any price point of your choosing. What are you selecting?(Required)
You’re at a beautiful beachside restaurant. What are you ordering?(Required)
Pick a sweet flavor:(Required)
Pick a pie:(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 995 articles for us.

12 Comments

  1. I am a soup ladle!!! I do love feeding my community… This quiz was ROUGH bc it made me desperately want a grilled tofu sandwich, spicy garlic infused oil, a nice new set of pots and pans, blackened fish, etc. Damn I love food.

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  2. i love a quiz where i feel very confident at the outset that every possible result will delight me! i’m thrilled to be a garlic press. also i literally just ate but this quiz still made me extremely hungry for a sandwich and fries and seafood and dr. pepper and pie and an assortment of sexy fruits!!!

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