I’ve always wanted to get pregnant, have a baby, and be a mom. It’s one of the few things I’ve been certain of for as long as I can remember. I’ve always thought that growing a baby would be the coolest, most trippy, most transformative thing I could possibly do with my body. And I love kids — their absolute zest for life, their curiosity and silliness. That unadulterated fascination they have with the world, how everything is up for grabs. How easily they love. I adore make-believe and singing all the time, jokes and new adventures. I love constantly discovering, and the way kids remind us how much there is to teach and learn. I’ve always filled my life with children.
My family describes me as “capricious,” which I don’t think is exactly fair, though it’s true that I throw myself passionately into new things, and there have been quite a few new things.
When I was a kid, I thought I’d be a mathematician or an actress. Then I thought I’d work in post-conflict zones or be a professor. Then I wanted to be a writer. Or a professional activist, or a lawyer, maybe, just briefly. I wanted to live by the ocean, abroad, on a farm — no! — definitely in a city.
When I landed a full scholarship to college, I took the money I’d saved waiting tables during high school and flew to Cape Town. I spent the next 15 months in 25 countries spanning Africa, Europe, and the Middle East. I thought, then, that I might be a traveler forever.
Turkey!
In college I went to sit-ins, disrupted white supremacists, got arrested and became, for a moment, the poster child for everything wrong about radical left youth. (She’s queer! She’s been to Africa! She’s majoring in performance art!) As a performance artist, I was booed off a stage at Mondohomo in Atlanta. As a gardener, I sorta accidentally grew hundreds of pounds of tomatoes and thus learned to can a lot earlier than I’d initially planned on. I’ve got a lot of passions that turn out to be whims. In 2010, I moved to San Francisco. I had a place to crash, but beyond that, my only plan was to meet some queer people I (or my exes) hadn’t already slept with.
So I understand why my loved ones sense they’ll never know where I’ll end up next, or if my next passionate whim will stick.
But no matter what, I’ve always, always, always known that I would be a parent. I’ve always wanted to have a baby. Actually babies, plural. Lots of them. One miscarriage, four embryos, dozens of pee sticks, 18 months, and approximately 132 injections later, I’m 18 weeks pregnant!
Even though I grew up without queer role models, I’ve been privileged enough to never feel the need to be closeted or worried that my queerness would conflict with my desire to be a Mom, and as a cisfemale femme, I didn’t grow up with the kind of gender policing that less gender-normative queers often experience (although I’ve certainly experienced other forms of gender policing!). I came equipped with the hardest-to-come-by parts of conception (uterus, eggs), as well as the desire to carry a child. So I was surprised when someone close to me responded to me coming out by saying, “but you’ve always wanted to have kids!”
At Slovenia Pride 2009
I know there are so many queers out there who’ve felt this external questioning, or an internal one, emotional or physical, about whether their queerness would prevent them from having children. Will I find a partner to start a family with? Will someone love me in my queer wholeness and brokenness? Do I/we have all the necessary ingredients to make a child? If not, how will we afford them? If not by procreation, will some authority let me take home a child? Will my partner and I be legally protected if we have a child together? Will our child be safe in the world, this child of queers?
I’m so fortunate that for me, the answers to those questions never led me to think a child couldn’t be part of my life story.
On my first date with my now-partner, Simone, I said, “I want to have kids young, and I want to have them on my own. I don’t think I’ll find a life partner until much later, maybe my fifties.” I also told her that I didn’t believe in monogamy and wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Long-term relationships were not for me. I wasn’t necessarily charming first date material, but at least I was honest!
I’d moved to San Francisco only three months prior, and I was getting acquainted with every experience and person I could get my hands on, reveling in what still felt like a queer mecca. I was ready for only one kind of long-term thing: having kids. But I’d just emerged from a decade of variously devastating relationships and couldn’t imagine meeting a potential girlfriend I’d want to commit 18+ years to any time soon.
On that first date, Simone told me she was looking for something serious and wasn’t interested in anything casual. “I find you too attractive to just sleep with you,” she said. I told her I was disappointed when she said we shouldn’t date, but that I understood. I was hoping we could be friends, because I thought she was very cool and very fascinating.
Then, at 1:00pm on a Monday, before going back to work, she drank a chocolate martini and kissed me. Everything changed.
Nearly five years later we are expecting our baby. To be precise, I’m the one “expecting,” but the two of us are in it together. I’m every bit as thrilled as I imagined I’d be, even if it hasn’t been exactly the road I was expecting. It’s been so much harder, longer, stranger, more expensive, and more joyous, too, than I ever knew it could be.
So I’m doing this thing, this column and video blog, to share this journey with you, fellow queers! I’m excited to contribute to a growing conversation on queer parenthood — how we get there and what the fuck we do once we’re there.
I’m writing this all from the only perspective I can speak from, that of a white queer cis-female femme, living in San Francisco, partnered with a female-bodied masculine-identifying person who is the love of my life. I’m 28, and she’s 39, and we spend our days making movies and drinking lots of (decaf) coffee.
photo by Miriam Beach
There are so many other things I feel like I should tell you about me, about us, about who we are and how we got here, but instead I’ll let you watch this first video. In addition to getting to know me a little better, you’ll catch a glimpse of my hot butch sweetie and our cute dog.
This column is just beginning, and definitely still evolving, so give a shout in the comments if there are things you want me to address. I’d love to connect with other queer expecting parents as well!
Next column you’ll learn how I got knocked up (hint: not the old fashioned way).
OOh I’m so excited to read this column! You seem like a cool human, and you and your partner are ridiculously adorable :)
Hi Claire,
Glad you enjoyed the video! My partner Haley is a force to be reckoned with! Stay tuned for more drama and joy to come!!
Simone
aw, thank you! I had such a great time writing it, and it’s so rewarding to hear folks are excited to read it!
i am so so so so so so SO excited about this. y’all are adorable. thank you for welcoming us into your story!!!
oh my goodness, thank you for your sweet remarks and for reading my story!! it’s such an honor to be able to share it.
HEY, HALEY! HEY GIRL! congratulations! i sent this video to katherine wilkinson like “we for sure went to college with her? i am not imagining things?”
oh heyyyyyyy!! thank you and hahah. yup, tis me! :)
Awwww! I´ve never wanted children myself, but I guess you guys just gave me a glimpse of what the fuss is all about! Very sweet & moving, can´t wait for the next one!
awww, thank you!! I love that this space exists for all of us to share our queer experiences in all their diversities. can’t wait to share the next one!!
It’s only episode one, but I’ve already decided that this is my favorite feature on Autostraddle! You are adorable, and you seem so sweet, and this column is going to be so special. Mazel tov on the new addition!
*blush!* Thank you!! I am just bursting with all of it, our little addition (kicking as I type – I think s/he knows something exciting is going on), and all y’all generous folks who are tuning in. So much joy!
Congratulations on the journey!
Also, your kid might not end up being a she *or* a he, just sayin’! ;)
yes! we need to come up with an abbreviation for ze/she/he/they/prounouns-to-be-announced. I tried just using they for a while but too many people kept asking if we were having twins :)
Awwwww~! Congrats, y’all, you look like such a sweet family.
Can you tell us a little about the matching light-up outfit situation? Because it’s amazing.
yes a DIY post on making matching light-up outfits is in order, i believe.
ooo, I can totally do a video/column on them! fun.
thank you! And YES! what do you want to know? obsessed with those outfits. :)
they were conceived of by me and Simone in collaboration with my brother (who rigged up and programmed the lights) and a dressmaker (who made the skirt).
I’ll dig up some other video content I have and share! always delighted to geek out about them.
Y’all are sweet! A DIY would be super great–I know folks are into tech-and-fashion combined, so it would be cool to see a vision-construction-completion sort of thing :D
awesome. noted. now to figure out how to shoot some more footage of the dress since it certainly ain’t fitting right now!! :D
in the meantime check out a little teaser we made here:
https://vimeo.com/66100869
and some additional footage of the dress from a tech un-conference at ~1:17 in this video: https://vimeo.com/70818513
Whoooaaaaaaa!!!! This column is exciting#!! Im definitely sharing this with my wife!!
yippee! it just thrills me that other people are as excited as I am about it!! :)
Yay! So cited for all this. Mazel tov on your bubula!
thank you! also, can’t believe I haven’t used the word bubula for the little one yet. adorable.
You’re welcome! It’s adorbs and nicely gender-neutral I feel.
ALSO ALSO ALSO – is your white skirt in the video made out of magic or does it actually light up? If so how/why/iwantone?
BOTH! it is made of magic AND it lights up!
on popular request I’m gonna do a DIY post on it at some point, but in the meantime you can check out a little more footage and info about it at ~1:17 in this video: https://vimeo.com/70818513
I am so excited! This is exactly what I need right now. My partner and I are hoping to have children within the next few years and I have so many questions and I love to read or hear about other people`s experiences!!
Oh, I love hearing this! And (obviously) I love talking and thinking about all that goes into creating a queer family. Definitely here for support, resources, etc, so feel free to reach out anytime.
i am so excited for this!
I’m super pumped about this! It’s like a glimpse of my future, which is both terrifying and awesome? Also you and your partner are absurdly adorable.
thank you! and hah! yup, simultaneously terrifying and awesome sounds pretty apt.
Congrats on the pregnancy, and on the article. I’m so excited to learn all about your journey.
thank you. I’m so excited about all the rad people reading it! also, is that your little munchkin in your photo? CUTE!
(ed note: this comment is in response to a different comment that was deleted)
I think some people including the author of this piece have a desire not just to raise a kid, but to experience pregnancy. Fostering or adopting isn’t gonna give them that experience. Also, in some states it’s not even legal for same-sex couples to foster or adopt.
All that aside, why is it selfish for queer people to want to make use of their own reproductive organs? This is coming from someone who has fostered/adopted cousins who I love on both sides of the family. Let people make their own reproductive choices, period.
This was in response to a comment which was appaaaarently deleted.
thank you for saying this though! i’m glad it’s here for other readers to see bc it’s 100% on the money.
been thinking a lot about kids lateley and what that journey is going to look like so this is perfect. thank you for sharing with us, i look forward to watching/reading :)
:) thank you for reading! there’s a surprising dearth of info out there for queers (but some good stuff) so feel free to reach out if you ever need resources or support.
I’m only two weeks ahead of you! But I’ve had a very different experience thus far, I’m sure (we lost our first baby at 24 weeks last year). I’m looking forward to seeing where the rest of your pregnancy (and the first year) take you!
oo! We might be pretty darn close then, actually (wrote this a couple weeks ago).
Also, so sorry for your loss. It’s an awful, sad thing to go through. Different experiences for sure, but I’m definitely going to talk more about being pregnant after a loss, as it has really informed my whole journey and experience of pregnancy. And has/does for so many, more than I could have known. It’s been good for me to find community around that.
Really glad to connect with you. Stay in touch.
Have you read two mind make a right blog? She’s awesome. You can follow her on Facebook. She’s very inspiring.
Even thought I know (now) that I have friends and co-workers who occasionally come on autostraddle and I absolutely use a real picture of my face, I’m not ashamed to say I’m already living vicariously through you. You two are so cute and I am beyond jealous.
That is all.
hahah, this is the best comment ever! you crack me up. also, thanks for tuning in, super excited to share more!
aww, I’m so excited for y’all and for all the queer mommas out there! i’m glad you’re sharing your journey with us. i will take notes for (very far) future reference!
thank you! I’m so thrilled to be here in this rad space with all these queer parents and parents-to-be. stay in touch!
This is the best.
I am so excited for this.
Congratulations on your much-anticipated pregnancy!
I can’t wait to follow your journey and learn about how you got to where you are now.
My partner and I are planning to have a baby in the next few years, and I’m so pumped that I’ll have this resource to add to my own journey.
Also you guys are so cute like omg and your dog is freaking adorable.
<3 thank you!!! I'm delighted to be a resource. It's sort of amazing how little there still is out there for us queer families. please feel free to get in touch if you ever need to be pointed towards info or support. would be glad to share knowledge!!
(also, right, isn't he a little muffin face?! I was not really a dog person before, but he came with Simone and now of course I'm totally in love.)
I’m very excited for this, esp. because the representation of queer pregnancy/queer families with children seems to be shit. Like, the only framework I have for my future potential queer family is the movie, ‘The Kids are Alright’? I’ve mentioned this before elsewhere, but basically that movie (and other forces like shitty people in my life, blah blah) has instilled a fear in me that my children will grow up hating me because I ‘denied them a father figure’ and/or will want to find their ‘father’ (donor), in which case said donor will RUIN ALL OUR LIVES.
So…. how did you decide to go the donor route? were there feelings/fears involved? could speak to this at some point? Maybe? I don’t know. There are many feelings over here.
Looking forward to this though, ya’ll are g-damn adorable.
ugh, this! exactly. I searched far and wide for resources/stories/media to guide me, and they are few and far between and often awful. Some gems, but not nearly as many as there should be.
and yes, SO MANY FEELINGS AND FEARS! still got ’em, even after making our decision, even though it’s one I feel is so right. gonna do a whole column on this for sure, but know what you are going through is super normal. it’s a bizarre and tricky thing – this business of having to involve another person (who is not a partner) in the creation of our families.
really looking forward to chatting more about this topic as I think it’s complicated and fascinating and so worth talking about. please stay tuned and stay in touch.
Yesssss. On point. Looking forward to more, Haley!
I hate that godawful, homophobic movie. The story reads like a patriarchal cautionary tale of what will happen if a lesbian couple tries to have a family. Your children will be desperate to meet the donor! Lesbian bed death! Your wife will leave you for the donor!
And that sex scene with Julianne Moore and the donor where she just stares at his dick like “THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN MISSING!”
I could write a book about how much I hate that movie.
THANK YOU. Many of my queer friends like it and I’m just like WHAT THE ACTUAL $%#@*&^!
I guess that goes to show how desperate we are to see some representation of queer families in movies/tv. I was confused by my feelings when I first saw it because all the promotion for it made it sound like it was this progressive film with a lesbian family at the center. Queers were supposed to flock to the movie theaters to see it! But no no no. It was actually a terrible exploitation of the patriarchal lesbian doom and destruction narrative…i.e. “Your ‘un-natural’ family will never succeed.” There wasn’t a single original idea in the movie. I wonder if Heather Hogan wrote anything about it because I’m sure she could explain it far better than me.
So true. I’m prettttty sure I’ve seen the movie more than once, only driven by my desire to simply see *any* representation of a queer family. Of course I just got angry each time.
And I think you’re doing a fine job at explaining it!
TOTALLY! I’ve never seen it. was all excited and then read the plot and was like, um, what the fuck?! and decided not to torment myself.
this is why we need to make our own movies, because we sure as hell can’t count on Hollywood to do it for us.
Hi Rone,
Thanks for watching our series! It’s already been a blast to make, but I imagine it will only get more wild as we go. There is a major vacuum in the media of representations of queer families of all sizes, shapes and forms! I am excited to contribute to our story and share it with folks like you. We are going to reveal our process of how we chose a donor in the coming weeks so stay tuned! I totally understand your fears around your child having some sort of resentment around not having a father figure. My thought on that is that what makes the biggest and most lasting positive impact on a child is loving them and supporting them every step of the way, regardless of whether you are a single parent, queer couple, or average mother/father family. I wholeheartedly believe this. Every child will have issues with their parents at some point in their lives because it’s a natural stage of growing up and differentiating yourself as individual. I hope our series can shed some light on the process and offer some hope in your journey! All my best, Simone (Haley’s partner in life)
So nice to hear from you, Simone! Thx for the thoughts already, I look forward to more!!
First I was excited because YAY TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS so I can plan for 5 years down the road, but then I watched your video and now I’m just excited to watch your adorable family grow more. Seriously, you 3 are already charming as hell, so I can’t wait to see how charming #4 will be :D
*blush* oh stop it, okay don’t stop ;)
and yes, totally will tell you all the secrets. follow me on twitter if you haven’t already for SO MANY MORE. @lezgetpregnant
Pumped to read more of this column / watch more videos!
I’d be interested to know if you and your partner’s age difference is a factor in baby decision making. I’m 30 and dating someone five years younger than me and one of the only times I really think about the age difference is when planning to have kids. How are we going to figure out a time that works for both of us (financially, emotionally, etc) to have kids and for my body to still be able to do it? Thoughts?
thank you! and YES. it totally was. I will talk more about this next column, too, as it was a big factor.
With Simone rapidly staring down 40 we knew we needed to use her eggs now or never if we were going to do it.
I always knew I wanted to have kids young-ish (in fact I was probably more antsy than she!), so that made it somewhat easier, but there was still the getting our lives in shape (especially financially) piece to deal with. And we’d only been together about 3 years when we started trying.
If I’d wanted to wait until 35, say, like lots of people I know, that would have been tough to navigate, as even though she never wanted to get pregnant she didn’t want to wait too long to become a parent.
And queer age/time can be different, with many of us coming into ourselves (esp vis a vis gender and sexuality) later in life, which might delay a procreation timetable.
So much to think about! Definitely stay tuned for next column and chime in with your thoughts. Curious to hear how other folks process this huge decision.
OMG this fills me with joy. You two are an enchanting couple and I’m so excited for you. Being a mommy is by far my favorite thing about my life, and that’s saying a lot because I’ve been so incredibly lucky. Sending lots of hope and good wishes.
awww, I love this comment. thank you so much. and it’s totally rad to hear that. I am so grateful for my wee one already and am just overflowing with love and amazement. <3
also, keep reading so you can give me tips later when I have my new mama freak outs :)
Ahhhh Haley! I can’t WAIT to follow your journey! I love all things pregnancy and baby related and have been reading parenting magazines since I was 12! Although I have no desire to be pregnant right now at 22, I can’t wait for your story. Something that I also LOVED in your story is that you traveled extensively. I’m going to europe for the first time this summer and I know I will be hooked and want to go for a longer period like you did! Can’t wait for the next episode!
Ria, thank you!! And congrats on your trip. I hope it’s absolutely magical.
Traveling for that long, and much of it solo, was one of the best things I ever did. So special and transformative.
My top 3 (ahem, unsolicited) pieces of travel advice – pack very little (I mean it!), get/stay off the grid/offline/out of touch as much as possible, and go with the flow (meaning be open to new experiences and all manners of spontaneity). HAVE SO MUCH FUN!! and stay in touch.
Really? No staying in much touch? Ahhhh so difficult! And I plan to pack only a backpack and hopefully go with the flow and be cool! (That’s the plan anyway!) can’t wait to see the next episode :)
This made me so happy.
:)
Marvellous. Been waiting impatiently for this. Delighted to see mummy stories hitting autostraddle
yes! me, too. so grateful they are making a space for this content. and thanks for tuning in.
I am so happy about this! Getting to watch you guys on your journey dealing with something that I imagine to be a part of my future as well is very encouraging and empowering. Also you are adorable and I’m so happy for you guys so thank you for sharing!
Oh that is so rad to hear! I am tickled pink to be able to be a voice and a resource. Feel free to reach out for info/support at any time! And thank you :)
Congrats! Not sure if you remember me but we travelled in Africa together for a few (amazing) weeks. Really fun to watch your video..and as chance would have it I was watching while pumping for my new little one! One of the biggest challenges I faced while pregnant was figuring out how to have the natural birth I desired but still in the hospital setting. It’s tricky! Good luck and I’ll definitely keep following your blog. :)
Livia, of course! That was an amazing, ridiculous, inspiring trip. African tour reunion with all our babes one day? :p
And CONGRATS on your little one! just checked y’all out on fb and my is she CUTE. And also, love that you watched while pumping! perfect!
Re: natural birth in a hospital setting. Totally. This is something I’ve thought a lot about. And I feel lucky that in SF more places seem to be more receptive to it, but it can still be a challenge. My doula recommended “Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds,” which has been a good resource.
Do stay tuned and stay in touch! xo
This was great. I’ll be looking forward to the updates. But gosh, with all the things you do/ like how do you even have time to read?! Lol good luck with all those hobbies once the bun is fully baked :) You and Simone seem awesome. You’re going to hv an amazing child.
:) :) :) I think it’s because I don’t watch TV :) or maybe because I’m not very good at doing nothing. (meditation and yoga are good for me because of that, haha)
And wait, isn’t the point of having a baby to have a helper for all my hobbies? ;)
Thanks so much for reading/watching, and your sweet note. please stay in touch!
also, this is officially the most smiley faces I’ve ever put in a post.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I am so happy for you and Simone (and also a bit jealous). :)
thank you for reading! and don’t worry, we’re real people too, haha. you may feel a little less jealous when you see the updates of me sobbing hysterically about some fear or another :)
are you fucking kidding me this is the cutest column/video ever oh lord.
so excited for this!!!
!!!!! your enthusiasm is awesome and contagious. thanks for reading/watching, and feel free to comment any time :)
Congrats! It is awesome to see more stories about families like ours. My wife and I have a 22 month old. Enjoy the adventure!
thank you! I’m delighted to share this space with other LGBTQ families. please stay tuned and stay in touch. we’d love any/all words of wisdoms from people who are ahead of us on this journey as we go!
I love this so much! Thank you for sharing your story because there is so little information out there to help queer families figure all this stuff out.
I’m hoping that you’ll be open about how much all this cost. My partner and I are going to start trying in a few months, and it is SO HARD to figure out how to financially prepare ourselves.
I agree that talking about the financial side is important. So far my wife and I have spent a little over $2,000. We’re using her gametes that she stored before she started transitioning. So far we’ve used three of the four vials we had- the third one this past Monday. If this one doesn’t work, then we’ll have to see about money for IVF. We were doing a pretty good job of saving until she lost her job because of depression. The issue of money definitely complicates matters.
that’s so hard! (to be down to the wire with vials). I imagine that could add to the stress of trying and waiting each month (which can already be such a rollercoaster.) IVF next because you want to end up with as many embryos as possible from the last vial?
and yeah, we spent over $7,000 on sperm because we wanted to buy enough vials for possibly 3 kids and not be too stressed about how many tries it might take. it’s such a huge cost though, and I know many just can’t afford that. (thanks, credit cards!)
sending you all the positive thoughts during this two week wait!! please come back (if you want) and let me know if you get good news. fingers so so crossed for you that this time works.
so little info! it’s kind of shocking. and what is out there is often super outdated (e.g. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth, which I loved but is out of print and was published in 2006…)
and yes, happy to be. I can also share cost figures from clinics, sperm bank lists, etc, depending on needs (given things like – what reproductive organs do you have between the two of you that you are planning to use. are you thinking at home insemination, known or unknown donor, IUI or IVF, etc?)
lots of info on our particular process coming in my next column so stay tuned and then feel free to follow up with any additional questions.
and thanks!
This is the best. I’m so excited!
ME TOO! so it thrills me to hear others are the same. thank you.
It is so important to have visibility into successful queer parenting. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences honestly; we need more people telling their stories, and I can’t wait to keep hearing yours!
Chloe, agreed! We need so many more of us telling our stories. It is remarkably hard to find good and real accounts of queer parenting and family building out there. I was pretty surprised by the dearth.
And thank you. As both an artist and a person it is such an honor to have people like you bear witness to my work and life. Stay in touch!
I’m so excited for this! What an adorable resource you are. Can’t wait for the next post!
*blush* and thanks. I can barely contain myself wanting to post the next update!!!
Eek this is great!
thank you, Alison! can’t wait to release the next one.
So excited that I am crying. Babies have been on my mind lately and I can’t even wait to watch you two cuties on this adventure! I also have the exact same plaid shirt as your hunny in that sick motorcycle picture… it’s a good shirt.
awwww, that is so moving to hear. thank you, it really is such an adventure! Also, that is a damn good shirt. I love it on her and basically try to get her to wear it all the time.
Congratulations to you and your family! I never comment on here, but this was incredibly meaningful for me and I just couldn’t help myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey with us – I have been needing to see a vision of my future as a queer mama, just to know it’s really possible.
thank you, Lizzy! I treasure your words. And I hear that so hard. It’s one of the challenges of queerness (and many other ways of being that are outside the mainstream) – not getting to see ourselves reflected in stories/media. It can feel lonely and make it harder to imagine a future. I am totally here as a resource and to say “it is possible!” Please feel free to reach out for info/support whenever. xo
Love this! My wife and I are just starting reciprocal IVF, just moved to Oakland after 7 years in SF, and I’m super excited to check out your experiences! I don’t know many other queer parents to be in their late 20s/early 30s (my wife and I are both 29) and I’m super interested in following your journey!
Oo, welcome to the wild ride! And I know, I’m younger than most of my child bearing friends. Lots of people told me I was “too young” actually (I’ll save my thoughts on that for another time haha.) Definitely feel free to hit me up for resources/ideas/support etc. We’ve been through it twice now, with very different experiences each time, and I’m happy to help whatever way I can.
This is such a breath of fresh air! Thank you for posting and letting us come along on this journey with you. My wife and I are about to embark upon a similar path and I am so grateful there are other queer mamas out there to navigate this space with.
Missy, thanks for reading! I wish you so much joy and love as embark on this wild ride. I am definitely here for resources/info/support, etc, so please feel free to reach out. I too am very grateful for this space.
Oh man, I am PUMPED for this. Even though I’m queer I’ve always known I’ve wanted to be a momma, and it seems like this will give me plenty of insight on what the process could be like for me some day!
THIS is the cutest. I can’t wait to see more.
:) and <3
This is so amazing/wonderful/fantastic! Thank you Haley and Simone for sharing your journey and thank you Autostraddle for including queer pregnancy/parenting content!
My wife and I have been on a somewhat similar journey, although we live in Canada and managed to get pregnant with IUI, so somewhat different as well. Still, I had a loss a several months ago too so I’m glad to see you mention that you will also touch on pregnancy after loss as it has definitely coloured how I have felt this pregnancy. I am also 28 and as naive as it was, I just never thought I would have any difficulty getting or staying pregnant. Yet in comparison to others I know that we have still had a relatively easy road.
I am just so excited to follow your story! Congrats!
Esther, thank you! It is awesome to have so many generous readers, and I, too, thank Autostraddle for creating this space for us to talk about our experiences building our queer families.
Really thinking about you on this journey. I am so sorry for your loss. And yes, it has informed every aspect of my pregnancy/TTC journey since. I will do a separate video update on that (subscribe to my channel as it may not be posted here), but will also be integrating it into much of my content as it’s been so central.
I too thought that getting (and staying pregnant) would be all bliss and ease. Yikes. There have been some seriously hard earned lessons on this road, and I’m grateful to be in dialogue with other folks about it. Do stay in touch!
Congratulations to you both!!!
My wife and I also have a somewhat similar story and are now 26 weeks pregnant:
http://queerparents.tumblr.com/
I look forward to reading your updates:-)
Thanks, and to you, too! Will be following your journey as well. Such an exciting time!!
Congratulations to you both!!!
My wife and I also have a somewhat similar story and are now 26 weeks pregnant:
http://queerparents.tumblr.com/
I look forward to reading your updates:-)
Congratulations to you both!!!
My wife and I also have a somewhat similar story and are now 26 weeks pregnant:
http://queerparents.tumblr.com/
I look forward to reading your updates:-)
This is great – I look forward to following your story!
My partner and I are also pregnant (she’s carrying), and are very close in timing. She’s 21 weeks. It’s super exciting :)
This is my blog if you want to read about our journey:
https://threeheartsbeating.wordpress.com
Hi Sarah, thanks for reading and for sharing your blog! Will be cheering you and your partner along during this exciting (if at times also stressful!) time. If you’re on twitter, connect with me there, too, so we can stay in touch: @lezgetpregnant
Because I’m an emotional wreck of a human, I am currently sitting at my desk crying at at the very idea of one day sharing this experience with my partner. Which is selfish and horrible because, I mean, THIS IS YOUR TIME, WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT ME? I’m so happy for you guys, and can’t wait to learn more about your story. IS THIS NOT THE MOST MAGICAL THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO TWO HUMAN BEINGS? :) Congratulations you lovely people, and thank you…For being an inspiration.
Miriam, this is just the sweetest comment ever. Also, you’re hilarious! And also, not selfish and horrible at all, because why do we write except so that others can find and lose themselves in our shared stories?! your tears are the best gift!!! And I, too, think it’s pretty much the most magical fucking thing ever :) Thanks for reading and sharing and stay tuned for more! xo
No, I hear you. I feel the same way, and I haven’t had a partner for two years now. So it’s hard, because it’s like…this is what I want and yet it seems so unattainable and just.
Feelings. Too many feelings.
This made me cry, and I never cry over internet things. One day I want love like the kind you two share, it’s beautiful.
Also, congratulations. *scuttles off to watch the rest of the episodes*