Countdown to Pride

Today is the last day of May, which means tomorrow is the first day of June, which means gay people get to be as messy and chaotic as we want for the next 30 days, bitch! If you’re straight, you better shut tf up for the next 30 days, because we don’t wanna hear it! Zip it, heterosexual! Or at least make a concerted effort to change your mind about your straightness. It’s never too late! Maybe watch some gay movies and see how you’re feeling after. You can come out as any letter in the LGBTQIA alphabet soup any time of year, but there’s no better time than on the precipice of Pride!

Unsure if you’re gay? Take the Am I Gay quiz! Ask your gay friends if they think you could be gay! Look back on your childhood journals to see if there are any little gay breadcrumbs indicating latent homosexuality. My childhood journals, for example, are riddled with musings on the famous singer/actress Olivia Newton-John. Why? Because I was gay!

Coming out literally the day before Pride month would be metal as hell. Celebrities love to come out during Pride month, so beat them to the punch! You’ll unlock a whole new social calendar for the month of June, and you’ll have us legacy gays treating you like the sweet baby gay. Everyone loves the sweet baby gay in the group!

National Coming Out Day is inexplicably in October, and while I appreciate that as a Horror Gay, I do think it should actually be today, May 31, the day before Pride month begins! Or maybe today should be a whole new fake holiday…Say Gay Day, perhaps? In any case, I think if you’re thinking you might be a little bit gay then 1. you are probably indeed gay and 2. you should say it today!

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