Welcome to the latest installment of the world’s favorite show about teenage girls finding love and also murderers in the dark, dark world of small town, upper-class Pennsylvania. Also, we find out who A might be, like we’ve found out ten times before. Only this time, the answer makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. In the eternal words of Forever Intern Grace, “if after all that Ezra turns out to be right about A, I’m going to scream.”
They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, n-… okay, but only for three days.
We begin with Spencer after her three day rehab stint, which seems pretty short but I don’t know how amphetamine rehab works, I only know how Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab works and also I saw 28 Days once so I feel confident that I know nothing about rehabilitation facilities. Spencer begins having more flashbacks about what happened the night of Ali’s fake-murder, which will definitely get more interesting as the episode progresses.
Hey guys, who’s into watersports?
We also find out that Spencer gets a life and sobriety coach who is a twenty-something male staying in the barn so I give it like one episode until he’s in love with her. Spencer also has to give up all of her electronics, can’t go to school and can’t see the other Liars. Oh, and pee tests.
Oh girl, we’ve all had these nights in Klub Deer.
Meanwhile, in Syracuse under the guise of prospective student week, Aria’s living the sweet life at some frat parties, making out with random men she has no on-screen chemistry with.
Sorry, I have a legit role on this show, see my badge? You don’t get one.
Instead of going on a tour, Riley, the new guy who will only last twenty minutes of this episode, takes her out for a day on the town which will later just turn into them having sex and then sitting on a dock, but we’ll get to that more in a minute.
When Mike said he wanted Mona to get a RodeoH, she greatly misinterpreted his meaning.
Emily and Hanna are at school and they witness Mike and Mona having a fight. Guess who else witnesses this?
Oh shit, forgot my line. Let me just stand here and look pensive. That’ll do.
Ezra, looking so creepy I can’t take it anymore. Emily’s like, “I’m going to go murder Ezra, wanna come?” and Hanna’s like:
THEN, in the most badass move ever, Emily goes into Ezra’s classroom and tells him off in the best possible way, asking him what he got out of tutoring her and being there for her.
It’s like that speech your parents give you about not being angry, but disappointed, and it makes you feel about two inches tall. It’s perfect.
What, no hearts over the i in Attention and Officer?
At the brew, Hanna runs into Officer Holbrook, who asks her if she has seen the envelope Paige gave him about Alison being alive. Dammit, Paige.
Hanna just can’t believe that her one-time love interest is now doing his job and acting like every other bullying adult on the show!
She’s never seen it before, but he doesn’t believe her. Why is he so convinced it was her?
Aria, unsatisfied by Riley’s leather pants and guitar performance, decides to bust out her magic wand and just get the job done herself.
Aria’s in a room with Riley and they talk about actually nothing except how drunk they got last night and how hungover they are, which you think is a cool thing to talk about when you’re underage but actually it’s kind of annoying.
Shooters from the minibar = how 17-year-olds get “like, totally wasted”
Granted, Aria’s really hungover at 4pm, which is just super impressive to me.
Riley sums up with one expression how I feel about his presence in this episode.
I can’t even think of a snarky comment about how upset this much dirt in my bed would make me. Brb washing my sheets just thinking about this.
Spencer climbs into bed at night and finds a pile of dirt at her feet with a note from A.
Kisses: because “Just a middle-aged woman trying to kill you,” just wouldn’t fit.
This is one of my favorite A moves to date and also really fucking scared me to the point where I was entirely convinced there’d be something just like this at the foot of my bed. I was safe, but ugh.
Sorry Buzzcut, I’d actually rather just have a night in with my right hand.
Hanna asks Emily about the letter Holbrook showed them. Emily has no idea who would give it to the police. Dammit, Paige. Oh and Buzzcut asks Hanna out on a date.
Inappropriate questioning and pestering of a minor: check!
Later, Officer Holbrook and Lt. Tanner corner Hanna on the street to harrass her a little more but she doesn’t give in. For once, Hanna’s not lying to the police! I know, it’s surprising, for sure. Lt. Tanner doesn’t believe the glue, but Gabe — I’m sorry, Officer Holbrook — does.
I’m not sure juicing is the answer to EVERYTHING, Dean.
Back at Spencer’s house of sobriety, Dean the life coach is making her drink green juice, which is also a nightmare of mine. Poor Spencer. He gives her a talk about healthy body, healthy mind blah blah blah.
You hurt my feelings and my sweater’s feelings when you doubted my green juice.
She seizes the opportunity to steal the phone and call Toby, but he’s not answering. Also, she gets caught. Nice job.
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Okay, what the fuck with Jessica being A. WHAT THE FUCK. NO. WHY. EZRA MADE SUCH A GOOD CREEPY VILLAIN. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A VILLAIN WHO HAS NO ULTERIOR PLANS OR BACKSIES OR REDEEMING STORIES. FUCK. WHY. JUST. UGH.
I’m incensed that they backtracked Ezra as A.
They can’t reveal who A is to the audience until the very end of the series or it defeats the entire purpose of the show.
Not really. I mean, *we* can know who A is before they do, and that would add another level of tension as we watch the girls try to figure out what we already know.
But for an entire season? That’s a really long time. Audience will get bored. Maybe like halfway through the last season.
You mean the audience will get bored moreso than the constant teasings of who A really is? If I didn’t like the characters so much, I would’ve given up on this frustrating game years ago.
A is clearly Ali. It’s not just me who sees that right? I don’t watch the show a lot (I sorta keep up with it bc my little sister watches it and it gives us something to talk about) but I don’t get why the writers keep trying to lead people on as to who A is. It has to be Ali.
I think it’s Ali, too. She’s kind of awful and pathologically manipulative and thrives on drama. She may have gotten caught up in some scheme of hers where it was in her best interest to fake her own death to escape consequences, but I would still totally believe she’s hanging around fucking with her friends just because she can.
No she’s pretending to be in danger. She’s definitely just doing one really long “fucking with you” to the liars. She got a lot of money out of it. Also any other ending would feel like an ass pull.
i hate it that ezra isn’t A. There are all these older men preying on young girls and i remember from the train episode, the one with adam lambert, when ezra burst in from nowhere and he was supposed to have been out of town for a job interview that he was all kinds of suspect. him being A i thought had been set since then and i thought it made a heck of a lot more sense than this journalist crap. as far as mrs. d,…i mean when emily stayed over at her place the sense of how unstable she was was so clear, her being dangerous is not a big leap. but my problem with the show are all these stupid red herrings, we’ll come to the end of another season and mrs.d will claim to have been spying on the girls to make sure they ate all their vegetables or something.
I’m still wondering if they’re eventually going to go the way of the books, and have the ‘Ali’ who was killed actually be Alison’s identical twin sister Courtney, and A be the real Ali, who blamed Courtney and the liars for ruining her life.
Sometimes the books were weirder than the show.
Wait, that’s really what happened in the books? Holy shit that is amazing. Like, completely bananas. I’m in!
i’m really glad to once again have a male love interest named Riley on TV to be bored by/loathe!
I thought the exact same thing!
I assumed Mama DiLaurentis was a hallucination.
is anyone else really really enjoying the enlightened way they are portraying addiction as something that makes ppl crazy and violent? just because pills. and the spencer is back to normal what a trip! that time i accidentally maybe killed somebody! THANKS PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
“The pic that launched a thousand Jessica DiLaurentis/Spencer Hasting shippers.”
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA ultimate levels of wrong.